Chapter Ten - The unexpected turn
Evening was slipping into the latter hours as I sat on this hard metal chair... my but was starting to hurt. I looked at my watch and saw that it had been a very long time that I had been sitting here already. I frowned and looked up, I was getting a little more than just miffed at siting here like this waiting for Louise..
I sat with a hot cup of coffee at the small coffee shop area we at St. Tomas called the Angel’s mug. It was a student run coffee shop that was set up in a building where we hard some recreational rooms that were for games and movies. The place also had inside it the swimming pool and the smaller pool for baptisms and the huge St. Tomas Trinity Library was also attached on to. The place was so large, that it had on staff almost twenty librarians and up to one hundred helpers
This building was officially and stuffily, called The St. Tomas Respite and Recreational center.... but the students all called it Freedom hall. This building was so important to the student body, and it was true to be saying... everyone at one time or another, met up at The Angel’s Mug... just because the Sisters who run the place never really ever went there in the first place.
I had waited in a out of the way table for Louise to meet with me for now passing the ninety minute mark, and she still had not shown up. I had already drank down three full coffees in that amount of time, but all that I had to show for it was a real need to pee... which made it a little more difficult to be sitting her waiting so patiently.
" Where is she?" I had asked myself more than a few times throughout the ninety minutes. Stubbornly, I continued to wait for the girl to show because of her nervousness of the situation.
Soon it was closing in on almost two full hours and I was really starting to have to pee more than just badly... it was beginning to feel as if I was going to explode while sitting at the table. I bit the inside of my cheek to try and distract my mind for the feeling of that great pressure that was now inside of my pelvis area... but that did little, if anything, to help.
Even looking down into the mug of coffee in front of me for any sort of an distraction, made me really get the need to go even worse in a fraction of a second.
" Come on!!" I said to myself, regretting in a way that I had agreed to this at the moment.
I found myself wiggling a little bit in my seat as I sat there, but that did not help.... it was getting harder to sit there. I tightened my thighs together a little to see if that would help... but it did not. I was not about to start to ‘hold myself’ like I had when I was a little girl and I really had to go, but even crossing my legs a little harder did nothing to relive the rising tide in my body.
The feeling that I just might have to clutch myself to stop a river of yellow was beginning to cross my mind with each passing second as an option. It was starting to actually hurt pretty badly with the act of trying to stop myself from just peeing myself right there. I bit the inside of my cheek again with a little harder of a nip, and tried not to think on it, but that was not going well either.
I just decided to wait for a few minutes more, then leave and use the bathroom before I made sort of a coffee sea right under my chair. It was getting that damned bad to hold back my tide... the damned coffee seemed to always pass right through me at the best of times... my nerves from the past few days did all the rest today. I took a deep breath and tried to wait for just a few minutes longer.
After a few moments of trying to stop myself from thinking on it, I could not hold it any longer... it was get to the bathroom right now or I would have a yellow river cascading down my legs.
" Screw this!!" I whispered to myself, knowing very well that I was losing the fight to stop this.
I abandoned my still half cup of coffee and made a beeline for the nearest bathroom which was across the openness of the mezzanine area. I knew that was the closest bathroom that there was. I squeezed my inner muscles down there as tightly as I could get them to go as I sped walked across the tile floor of this large place, hoping that I would get to my destination without embarrassment..
I was almost at an all out run by the time I was halfway across the open area, already identifying that I might have only a fifty percent chance of me making it to the toilet in time... and the other fifty percent held the real chance that I would end up pissing myself despite my amazingly speedy feet that I was using to good use. I grit my teeth harder and kept my feet moving as fast as I could get them to... I was not about to let myself fall into that type of humiliating situation without trying.
In the stall, I just barely got down my undies and sat when the dam exploded and literally poured out of me. I was so shocked at how much pee I had stored up inside of me... to the point that it was seeming that it would never end as I sat there. I think Noah’s Ark might have been easily floated by me.
I giggled with a slight bit of embarrassment with the sounds that was like a hose coming up from under my butt, but I had to admit that it was rather impressive for my very small frame to end up holding so much like it had been.. I had only three and one half cups of coffee, yet I knew that I should have not been surprised any... I usually would only have two cups in an entire day, and not in the space of a few hours.
Now that I was feeling much better after going, I just decided to head back to my room. I wanted no more coffee for now until breakfast.... and I was also tired of just waiting for Louise to finally show up. I was pretty much sure of the fact that Louise would not be showing up any time soon, and I was feeling my exhaustion starting to fill me. I needed a good nights sleep and hopefully I would feel a little more centred afterwards.
Soon I was in my dorm building and walking the length of the hallway headed to my room. I was so glad to be heading to my room at the time, I found myself not angry any more at being stood up by Louise any more. I just thought that she would get a hold of me sometime tomorrow... or had decided to help her own self out without any body else helping. Either way, tonight I was too damned tired to care.
I was walking down the main hallway that led to the other hall that my room was on, I surprisingly met up with my best friend Kerri. When I saw her, I thought right off that she seemed to be returning to her own dorm room from the direction where my room was located. She was perhaps looking for me.
She saw me nearing and hurried over to me, as I continued to come down the long hallway.
" Where in the heck were you tonight?" She suddenly asked, always the blunt person that she was.
I blinked and found myself a little shocked, while she looked at me with her eyes that were always seemingly so serious...
" Where was I...?" I asked back, not quite shocked with her bluntness... not after all of these years.
" Yeah... Where were you?" She nodded, as she reached my side. She seemed to be a little annoyed in a way after finding me " I looked for you right after supper to see if you wanted to go and do something in the rec area or something and you were not anywhere that you usually are..."
" I went for a coffee..." I said, not wanting to divulge the reason why to even my best friend here.
The girl looked at me a little funny, but seemed not to be too upset. Her face softened as she fell into step with me
" Why did you go to swill that mud we call coffee all on your own?" Kerri asked. " It seems like a lonely thing to do..."
" Just wanted to... go and sit awhile..." I said, trying to make it a little honest sounding.
" Would have gone with you, you know... I was bored to ruddy tears, and that was why I was looking for you tonight..." She said, with a small chuckle. " I was tryin’ to save myself from the sheer torment of boredom that was picking at my brain... but of course I could not find you until right now..."
" Sorry..." I said meekly, wondering if she was trying to be funny... or was she deadly serious? It never was totally clear when it came to Kerri.
Her burst of laughter answered my second or two of wondering, she was kidding around after all..
" Ha... Can’t wait for the spring break to come finally..." She said, her eyes tearing up as she laughed. " I need to seriously get away from here for a while, or I will end up sucking my thumb while crouched in some far off corner of this wretched school while drawing with a crayon in my toes..."
" I was feeling like that earlier on..." I commented, trying to play with the girl’s attempt at humour.
" That was another reason why I needed a distraction from the boredom tonight..." She giggled. " The walls seem to be caving in on me like mad..."
" We all do need to get out of here..." I said, then stopped my own words.
I was instantly saddened as I inadvertently had reminded myself that I was not going on a spring break thing this year. I fought how I was feeling about that, already feeling bad enough for not being able to explain about the situation I was finding myself in with this whole Louise thing. I took a deep breath and tried to relax my mind, as this all was nobody’s problems but little ol’ me.
Kerri looked at me... almost as if she had somehow known what my thoughts at the moment. I swallowed hard and stayed silent, as I knew that she had her world famous feelings happening.
" But your not going to be leaving for this spring’s break .." She said, as she looked at me rather sadly.
" Forget about that......" I said, feeling the amount of concern toward me through her words. " It is no real prob for me...!"
" I told you that you could come along for the break if you needed to get outta here..." She said, her voice wavering. "... my parents won’t mind very much as long as we explained your situation..."
I shook my head, knowing that Kerri needed to connect with her family... without the excess baggage of Ninety three pounds that would constitute being me. I knew that could not happen anyways. In knowing her younger sister who also goes here at Saint Tomas as well, I had heard through that younger girl how thrilled their parents were to have a chance to have a complete vacation... and to be together as well. That was important to all.. I was not going to horn in on it.
" You know very well just how much your parents are looking to have their family together for the first time in years..." I said, making it clear that I knew this little piece of news. " I will not have that disturbed any."
Kerri looked at me, and she could not hide the sadness that was in her, sadness that was for me.
" I hate seeing you having to be all alone for two weeks straight, and staying here in the lap of school hell..." She blurted out. " Being with the penguins... that is just shy of being purgatory..." She shook her head. " I hate that is what is going to happen to you, Jenny girl..."
I flashed a smile to my best friend, hoping that would calm her enough to know that I understood her situation and was not upset at the decision I had made for myself.
" I will be just fine..." I tried to assure her, but in a way not totally believing that myself either.
" But it just does not feel right to know that you will be basically the only girl left here on campus..." She said, looking at me. " It makes me a little sad, but it also makes me so damned angry with your family as well. You are left alone here all alone once again, that will make it three years running...."
" I am going to be fine..." I said back."
" No your wont...your just too damned nice to..." She said, but I stopped her words
" Just drop it, I will be fine, I promise that I will be..." I said, feeling sad and loved at the same time as the girl was genuinely worried about me.
It was true though....I was not looking forward to having to stay at school for the whole spring break. If I let it, it actually really did hurt me. It was not something that was pleasing to my parents as well, having to leave me at school over vacations really did make them seem so sad. Regardless how badly it seemed to bother them, the reality of it all was that it was what it had to be. Each were needed to speak on behalf of their medical expertise at many conventions over the next three months.
God, love my parents. They are the top ones in their fields of medicine... but that meant that this same sort of thing would happen over and over again throughout my life. It had in the past, and that was the way my whole life sometimes it had unfolded. They loved me very much, I knew that for sure and never doubted it for a single moment... but to be truthful as hell, it was hurtful in some aspects.
Kerri nodded and smiled, the topic was dropped finally... and that was good for me. We went on to speak about some term papers that were going to be due to be handed in a few days from now. She was acting that she was a little playfully upset with me because I already had done two out of the three papers already, but was glad that I offered to help her if she ended up needing it. She was not made about it, but she should have remembered that I always seemed to be the first one to finish things like this.
We parted ways for the night, on a happy note. We made plans to have breakfast together in the morning, and then help one another through another boring day of classes. When you are in St. Tomas, it is the way people got through. I just headed to my room, almost swearing that I could hear my bed calling to me... as well as the extreme exhaustion I was having... it has been a long few days, I had to admit.
My room was quiet when I stepped into it, and I found that fact made me feel the happiest that I had been in a while. After everything that had been going on, along with what had not go on as well... I was wanting to enjoy a little bit of solitude. I wanted to have the chance to consolidate all of my thoughts and feelings to a more manageable level so it would be much more easier to think.
I closed the door and turned around to find the damn light switch so I would not bump into things... that was when I saw a shadow in the darkness. I was startled as I saw the figure in the darkness. I was scared instantly, thinking it was that scary worker coming to get me or something... thinking he knew what I knew and was going to make sure that I kept my mouth shut.
I reached for the door, and wanted to get myself the heck out of there and the danger that now made me so frightened
" Please, don’t be scared, Jenny... it’s me.." Said a female voice, which stopped me from fleeing the room. " It’s me..."
I instantly knew who it was that was standing there in the darkness, set back in the shadow that the light from the window never reached. The sweeter than candy voice came out was none other than Ashley, lovely sweet and confusing Ashley. I swallowed hard, as it was the first time since catching her in bed with Louise that we had been in the same room together alone.
I froze and stood there in the darkness, not quite knowing what to do at that moment. I could still see her silhouette, but not enough to see her face... and that darkness sort of matched the fact that I had no clue to why she was there in the first place.
" What is it that you want?" I asked surprisingly direct even for myself, not really knowing what else to say.
" I... I needed to come ‘n’ see you..." Ashley said, stammered a little. " I wanted and really needed to clear up some things between us."
I reached out and flicked on the light finally, wanting to see what it was that Ashley was wanting from me. I fought back the anger and hurt I guess I still had, and was wanting nothing more than to hear what she had to say... and wondering if I should tell her that I was suppose to help Louise... or not.
Ashley stood there, in a long and very unshapely nightgown that was a scary and totally hideous shade of dark purple. The nightgown did not flatter the amazingly lean body I knew she had under it, to the point that I was thinking that this very article of clothing the girl was wearing might be just the thing my mother would wear. That made me shiver, and I tried to stop thinking about that..
I looked into her face intentionally, and saw that it held this deep sort of remorse, remorse that hung deep in those blue eyes she had. I swallowed and found myself unable to say anything to her, yet every small fibre of my being knew that Ashley was hear for a really important and honestly serious reason.
Ashley seemed look at me while she was in a sort of a hanging pause, her eyes showing me the deep extent of her deep emotional state she was fighting back. With a sigh, she made eye contact with me, making sure that I saw that she was not going to run off or anything else for that matter..
" What I did to you was wrong... and I had to just be truthful about everything." She finally started, being so deliberately straight forward. " The truth of the matter is I don’t know why I was not truthful to your from the very beginning... I only really wanted you, and I was still ending up in bed with Louise..."
I was surprised, as her words came out so strongly and was bolstered with the sheer clarity of truthfulness. I heard it loud and clear from the very first word... she was telling me the unabashed truth. I was now conflicted by the pain of seeing her with Louise, and the pain of struggling still with my own somewhat still quite confused sexuality through all of this.
" I don’t understand that..." I said, being honest right back to her... I had no clue to the reasons behind it all.
" Strange thing is, I don’t know or understand it all even within myself..." She sighed. " As stupid as that really sounds..." She looked right at me. " You ask whatever you need to... you will get the unvarnished truth."
I fell into thinking about the question, shocked that she was that open towards me like this. I weighed the different questions until I had the one that needed to be answered before all other ones.
" Were you always with Louise before me?" I asked, wanting to get the answer, and hope to have something to base the choice of what to do now on.
The girl in the rather ugly nightie nodded, but her eyes said that there was more to just that. I waited to hear what she had to say about that, knowing that I needed just to keep my emotions in check for now and listen..
" I have been with her before... Mostly just casually like... It was not like we were in love, although she had claimed to be a few times..." She came out with, but her eyes locking on to mine with a smile on her face. " I had always had this deep feeling ob being pulled towards you, I always wanted to be with you though... and never just for some sort of sex thing either... it was a little more!"
" And what was Louise to you?"
" Louise was more along those lines of a sex thing..." She sheepishly admitted to me.
" And you never told me because..." I asked, curious with her answer to come.
She took a deep breath again, but it was not in any way to delay what she wanted to clearly say.
" You and I were only together that once in the bathroom, instantly I wanted to have a chance to stop what ever it was I was having with Louise...something I would say was not very good anyways..." She said, her voice never once showing any deception with her explanation. " I was so glad that you and I had that one time... and realized that I wanted a real honest-to-God relationship that was deeper than sex... and that sort of relationship was what I wanted to be with you and you only.."
" Not like you and Louise seemed to have?" I asked with a small sputter, actually surprising myself with my frankness.
" With out a doubt, yes!!!" The girl smiled at me, her eyes now started to twinkle away. " That is exactly what I was meaning."
I had to admit, that it made sense to me, and it all was there.... and my feelings that I had towards her never had left yet. I was now a little upset with myself for the way I had acted through all of this. Talk about having a temper tantrum like a little kid... I had that, and then some... I jumped to some not so clear cut conclusions that were wrong as hell. I looked at the girl standing across from me, and that feeling I always had towards her was coming back. I had screwed up, it seemed... but it seemed like she really had fucked up as well.
Ashley crossed to me and looked into my eyes with a steaminess that could not be mistaken. She took my hands into hers, and then stood there for a moment in the quiet that was my room.
" What about it, My dear Jenny?’ She asked softly, with a mischievous smirk now flashing across her wonderfully shaped face.
" What about what?" I asked back, playing along with her seemingly mischievous tone
The girl blushed a little as she heard me as my question, but never once did she unlock her eyes from mine. I could feel my own face growing hotter by the second, as I awaited her answer.
" What I am trying to say is could we start this all over again... for real..." She said, that smile of her’s making me shiver. " You and I having a real sort of relationship... and I promise that there are no surprises for you."
" Your not ‘doing’ anyone else, are you?" I asked in a blurted voice, half serious with the question and half not.
She shook her head, as her expression told me that was the truth.
" No... that I can tell you I am not..." She giggled, knowing very well that my question had some honesty to it.
" Your not?" I asked again, although it was not a serious.
" No one else is in my life like that... and I can genuinely say that I am through with Louise totally..." She said, taking a very small pause to look at me even deeper that she had been. " I only want you..."
I looked at the girl for a few moments, reading the truthfulness that was still on her face. Even her so expressive eyes told the fact that she was honest and very sincere... she really wanted to have a relationship with me now. The question was I wanting that from this girl, and would be open to throwing the past hurt away.
" Are you going to try and convince me to go out with you, or just stand there like a statue?" I said, hating myself that I was using some really cheap and cheesy line I remembered from some movie I had seen a few years ago.
She stepped forward and lightly pinned me against my room’s door that was directly behind me. She looked at me for a second, before she leaned in and lightly touched her lips to mine. I could not stop myself at that moment from kissing her back, as she felt so good while she leaned her body against mine. We both shivered, as she sunk into the pleasure vortex that our kiss was having on us both. Her kiss was answering me in big bold letters now.
I could feel her hand starting to rubbing the small of my back through my school blazer, my mind started to swoon. Even that little contact, was making my knees grow wobbly and my breathing to increase in deepness and speed. I felt my body shiver and my mind was quickly forgetting that I had promised that I would help the ex-lover of who had seemed to have now became my girlfriend in the last few minutes... and the conflict that might be bringing into my life. The only thing I was surly aware of at this time was the heaving warmth of that body which was pinning me against the door.
I could not even make a solid thought, as I felt her hand now was busy caressing my left ass cheek through the fabric of my skirt now, as her lips softly were at work raining down little pecking kisses on the skin that was just under my ear. I gasped and felt a wave of shivering flow through ever last part of my body. It was clear that my mind was not going to work in any way at this point of time... The girl’s kisses, touches and her flowery scent of shower gel was making sure of that.
When Ashley’s sneaky hand quickly had moved around to my front, and then quickly had dipped into my plain white undies where her fingertips quickly found and started to tickle my secret place’s softness in the matter of a blink of an eye. I shuttered and let out an involuntary moan of pleasure as her fingers had found their way into me, making even my insides start to vibrate. I whimpered and licked my lips as I relished the feeling of her probing finger going deeper inside of me... my mind seemed to be completely shut off at this point
I could not stop myself as my passions seemed to have taken command of me and ousted any of my natural common sense my mother always said I seemed to have. I kissed her and we melted against one another where we both sunk to the floor. The second we were on the area rug that was there, we were already pulling off one another’s clothes as our lust rose.
It was at that point, that I found out that under that hideous nightie Ashley had been wearing, she had been totally naked all along. I was sort of glad in finding that out, and in taking it off... I found it to be so satisfying. She was so beautiful, I thought, as we paused to look at one another now naked bodies. She looked as good to me as the first time I had experienced her amazing form... only that all seemed to be times twenty as I looked at her.
I leaned in and kissed her as we intertwined on the rug, my own fingers had sot out and quickly found the girl’s wet center as we began to kiss so passionately again. I felt her body shutter in pleasure, my hand instantly getting soaked by her pre-orgasmic wave. She never stoped her own fingers, which made it more than official... our own circle of lust was now very much completed.
Making love to Ashley on my room’s floor shot the waves of pleasure through me like electricity... sparks that I greedily wanted to consume me. My thoughts that I had about everything else earlier was now totally gone... my need for the girl that was wrapping around me was all consuming and that blocked any real sense I had.
I had to really admit, this might not have ben the greatest of ideas to let my guard down so fast... considering I had been hurt by the same person who now had two fingers stuck deeply inside of me while sucking the tongue out of my head in the process.
Lets be honest here... Love makes you do real stupid things... lust even more than that. If that was going on right now... I should stop and really ask myself what the hell was I thinking in agreeing to help Louise, then doing this with Ashley?
I just might be regretting all of these things in the not to distant futures.. I just might crash and burn if I am not careful. For now, the softness of Ashley was all I really could focus on.