Story: Coming Home (chapter 1)

I met Sarah when we were sophmores in high school. I was the quiet girl that sat in the back corner trying to blend into the wall, and she was the athletic, able to do anything, outgoing girl. We couldn't have been more different. Maybe that's what drew us together. They do say that opposites attract. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

I was reading by my favorite tree in the courtyard. I was getting to this really good part where the heroine and hero first meet, when I was interrupted by Allison and her rowdy group. They weren't meaning to be rude, but they were the ones that went and did what they pleased, as loudly as they could. You know the types. You can find them in every aspect of life. But I digress. I looked up, annoyed at having been interrupted at such an important moment, and our eyes clicked. Now, I'd been going to school with Sarah for years now, and I can't tell you why it was at this moment we made a connection, but we did. She nodded her head slightly in my direction, and then led her posse away. Confused as to what had happened, I eventually just shrugged my shoulders and went back to my story. The hero and heroine couldn't be kept waiting after all.

Ever since that day, things changed between us slowly. Little nods to each other led to stopping and saying hi. Eventually, we were eating our lunches together, and within a month of that day in the courtyard we were inseperable. People said it wouldn't last. They just assumed I was her project. You know, the nerd into the princess story. But it was never like that with us. We just...completed each other. She brought me out of my shell and into the light, and I grounded her and gave her something solid to hold onto. You see, what people never understood about Sarah was that her perfection drained her. Always being the perfect student/friend/athlete tired her to the point where she didn't even know who she really was. She told me that I was the one solid point in her life, the one place where she could find out who she really was. Me, little miss nerdy girl, being that important to someone so popular. It was mind boggling, and so infinitely refreshing.

I'm not sure when I fell in love with her. I don't even remember when I realized it. Just one random day I looked over at her and accepted that I was in love. Of course I never told her that. She was dating some boy at the time, I forget who. Besides, we lived in an area that wasn't very accepting of gay couples. I tried bringing up the subject with her once, just to see what she thought. She said that it was wrong to feel that way about someone of the same sex, and that she could never be friends with anybody in that type of relationship. So, I pushed the love I felt for her into the deepest corner of my heart, and strived to be the bestest best friend I could. I know I make it sound easy, but at first it was the most difficult thing I had ever undergone. I would just be hanging with her and then she would do something, or smile a certain way, and I would have to turn away or leave for fear of her seeing how I really felt. I grew accustomed to sealing those feelings away, and over time it did get easier, but every once in a while I'd let myself imagine what it would be like to make love with her, to go that extra step. Such thoughts usually left me in tears, 'cause I knew that it would never be.

We survived high school together, and even though she went off to a big university and I stayed at the local community college, we stayed best friends. We stayed in contact constantly, and when she came home for breaks, it was like she was never away. She kept trying to get me to come visit her up at the university, but I wasn't ready yet. In the time we'd been together, I'd come out of my shell a little bit, but was still most comfortable on familiar turf. She understood that, but it never stopped her from trying. God, I loved her for that.

I believe it was in her second year at the university when she met Adam. At first I thought he was just another nameless guy, or at least I hoped he was. But as it turned out, Sarah decided that this was the guy that she wanted for all time, and on their one year anniversary they had a small wedding ceremony for family and close friends. I was the maid of honor. I'm still trying to convince myself that my tears were ones of happiness for her.

Their son John came a year later. We all called him Sam though, because he was a perfect blend of his parents. Sarah's outgoing personality with Adam's boyish good looks. I was named the godmother of course, and even managed to let go of my familiar territory to move closer to be to him. Well, at least that's what I told Sarah. Don't get me wrong, Sam was an angel and joy to be around, and I fell in love with him as soon as I held him in my arms, but I just wanted to be a part of Sarah's life again. I know it sounds selfish of me, and it was, but I felt like I was being pushed out and replaced. I was her grounding force, and I wanted it to stay that way.

The years passed quickly, and before I knew it Sarah and I were 26. Not a great milestone by any means, but it was during our 26th year that tragedy struck. I was on the way to Adam and Sarah's for dinner. I had grown to like Adam, even though there was still some resentment for him stealing Sarah away from me. I think he was able to sense this, and I think he even knew how I really felt, but he never confronted me about it. He always treated me with the greatest respect, and eventually I realized that he was a really great guy. I finally accepted that if I couldn't have Sarah, then Adam was the next best thing. But I digress again. I was on my way to their house when I got a frantic phone call from Sarah. There was an accident, and Adam and Sam were involved. Could I please meet her at the hospital? I don't remember driving so fast in my life, and I'm amazed to this day that I didn't get in an accident myself. When I got to the hospital, I immediately found Sarah in the waiting room. She practically collapsed into my arms and sobbed out the story. I wasn't actually able to understand anything she said, though, she was so hysterical. I finally found out what happened from a police officer that was there. Adam and Sam had gone to the store because they were out of my favorite type of juice (yeah, imagine my guilt on that one.) It was on the way back that they were hit by a semi, causing them to lose control and run head-on into a light pole. The semi driver had fallen asleep after having driven longer than he should have. He was trying to get home in time for his daughter's birthday. Asshole.

We waited for what seemed like hours, but was actually only about 15 minutes. Sarah had stopped crying, but was just sitting comatose by my side. I had never seen her like this, so was kinda lost as to what to do. So I just sat there too. Eventually the doctor came out. Any hope we had felt was dashed when we saw his face. Adam had died on impact, he said, and though Sam had come in alive, he had to many internal injuries for his little body to handle, and died on the operating table. I only barely managed to catch Sarah before she hit her head on the hospital chair. The doctor's gave her a sedative, and I took her home. I held her through the night, though I didn't sleep a wink. Despite the sedative, she cried on and off throughout the night.

Things just went downhill from there. Not like I really expected them to get better, mind you, but I wasn't expecting what eventually happened. I helped with the funeral preparation, will reading, packing of stuff, everything that I could think of to help Sarah. No matter how hard I tried, though, I couldn't get her out of her semi-comatose state. In fact, if anything, the more I did caused her to draw more inside of herself. I didn't understand that until afterwards. By afterwards I mean after she disappeared.

It was about two months after the funeral that I received a very brief message saying that Sarah was leaving for an unknown time and that I shouldn't try to find her. I was crushed. I had just lost a close friend and the sweetest boy to walk the earth, and now I had to deal with the loss of my own loved one. I knew then at that time how Sarah had felt. Everything in me cried out to find her, but I did what I had done ever since I realize I loved her. Buried my feelings for her deep in my heart and let her go.