Story: Inside Box (chapter 1)

Authors: Omok

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Chapter 1

[Author's notes: Chapter 1

"Lets fly together to another world, hand-in-hand."~ Omok




You know, its weird about how I look at girls more than guys. And ever since I have remembered, I always believed that women are better than men, and men are nasty monsters. Though hey, I know for a fact that they aren't. (even if I still do wish they are)


It wasn't until I was around 12 did I realize there was such a thing as homosexuality. Yes, I know, I was...what you would called...shallow? I don't know if that is the exact word for it; for I was always a lot more mature than my actual age, and I knew about things that a young kid my age shouldn't, and felt feelings that a child my age back then shouldn't feel. Though hey, it was cruel, it was life.


But anyhow, life was a complete down hill since then, I have always kept in the dark about things in my life, it felt like I was living inside a box...a transparent box from the inside, but a box that wasn't see-through from the out side...I can see the world, but the world cannot see me...A great way to live life right?


Though, anyhow, after I realized that there was such a thing about homosexuality, I started to wonder why do I think about my best friend so much? Why do my exbestfriend linger on my heart, on my soul, for two years even after we no longer had contact with each other; I doubt she would even remember me too. It was..questions, questions, and even more "questions"...Until I got sick of asking them my self, and I started to guess that I was bisexual; at one point, I even went out with a guy to see if I can "like" them that way; but I get confused from the feelings. I was pretty darn sure I wouldn't want to kiss him, nor hug him. But at the same time I think he's really nice, and he's a fine guy and everything.


I hated life at that point, then my smart ass brain just told me to settle with the idea that I was "bisexual". And oddly, I was perfectly fine with that. Just as my reassurance poped in. Another problem poped out, I realized what my true feeling(s) are for my best friend(s)...


I love(d) her, my very first friend in Canada. I can still recall today, of her face, of her smile...Everything about her, even the time when we were on my bike, going down hill, and she was holding on to me. I remember all of those, and I knew the reason then why, why every time her name was spoken up my heart would skip a beat. Its because I love(d) her. Then I stupidly decided to set up a "long lost meeting" with her again; that time, it helped me get over her, but with a lot of embarrassing memories to add up. Though even after then, after I got over her, I then realized that I have "strong" feelings for my bestfriend back then...Which was completely unexpected....well, I didn't "realize" on the spot, but the feelings grew each day, and I started to notice her more and more...It was odd, it was queer, it was "abnormal", yet, it was... "right". Some how, I felt at eased that I liked girls instead of guys.


So I made the stupid decision to tell my best friend how I felt...


Oh god, Jamie you're a complete idiot, a moron, hell, you should go die. No wait, you shouldn't, no you should. You're stupid and you know it! Ahhhhhhhhhh. I was fighting with my feelings, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. I know I wanted to ask her, I know I wanted to tell her; because if I don't I'll be eaten up inside. Slowly and painfully....I was suffering to the point of arguing to my brain. Man, you're smart. You're the smartest person I have ever met, nice going!!!


"So...Er...what is it that you wanted to ask me" The love of my life, asked me carefully and carelessly on the phone after my wonderful request for her to answer a question of mine; now ain't that a great way to tell her ‘oh, Sam, I happen to have a huge crush on you, for like two years already, I think that was the only reason I ever started to be-friend you. I hope you'll have a nice reaction to this' Yeah, like that is going to the time I asked/told her, I'd be long dead. Just great, great great great, Jamie, you stink...


"well, can I ask you a question?" I tired my best to say something, it was the best that can come out...gosh, I'm such an idiot, it was a stupid thing to say...I wacked my head again...mumbling a low "ouch" as the result.


"Humm, well, not like I can keep you from asking...You're going to ask me anyways even if I say hurry up and ask already, you asked me ‘can I ask you a question' five times already...I know you're slow, but hurry up dumbo!" Sam oh Sam, why did you just have to say ‘dumbo'? it's a very sweet term in my mind...


"ha....ha...well, how would you react if a friend of yours; that's a girl; told you that she liked you? Maybe even to the point of love?" I asked slowly, hoping Sam wouldn't be able to guess that girl was me, maybe she wouldn't, like after all...I didn't use any names or stuff....


No, it was a huge sign saying ‘oh Sam, I like you, I'm that girl I just asked you about' you're so smart Jamie...My wonderful brain just had to tell me the truth right after I asked...and God...there's no reply from her, great, I'm going to lose a friend, a friend or a bestfriend. Nice going Jamie.



[End notes: first time writing a story on my free time. =P Read and review would be nice.]

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