Story: Inside Box (all chapters)

You know, its weird about how I look at girls more than guys. And ever since I have remembered, I always believed that women are better than men, and men are nasty monsters. Though hey, I know for a fact that they aren't. (even if I still do wish they are)

It wasn't until I was around 12 did I realize there was such a thing as homosexuality. Yes, I know, I was...what you would called...shallow? I don't know if that is the exact word for it; for I was always a lot more mature than my actual age, and I knew about things that a young kid my age shouldn't, and felt feelings that a child my age back then shouldn't feel. Though hey, it was cruel, it was life.

But anyhow, life was a complete down hill since then, I have always kept in the dark about things in my life, it felt like I was living inside a box...a transparent box from the inside, but a box that wasn't see-through from the out side...I can see the world, but the world cannot see me...A great way to live life right?

Though, anyhow, after I realized that there was such a thing about homosexuality, I started to wonder why do I think about my best friend so much? Why do my exbestfriend linger on my heart, on my soul, for two years even after we no longer had contact with each other; I doubt she would even remember me too. It was..questions, questions, and even more "questions"...Until I got sick of asking them my self, and I started to guess that I was bisexual; at one point, I even went out with a guy to see if I can "like" them that way; but I get confused from the feelings. I was pretty darn sure I wouldn't want to kiss him, nor hug him. But at the same time I think he's really nice, and he's a fine guy and everything.

I hated life at that point, then my smart ass brain just told me to settle with the idea that I was "bisexual". And oddly, I was perfectly fine with that. Just as my reassurance poped in. Another problem poped out, I realized what my true feeling(s) are for my best friend(s)...

I love(d) her, my very first friend in Canada. I can still recall today, of her face, of her smile...Everything about her, even the time when we were on my bike, going down hill, and she was holding on to me. I remember all of those, and I knew the reason then why, why every time her name was spoken up my heart would skip a beat. Its because I love(d) her. Then I stupidly decided to set up a "long lost meeting" with her again; that time, it helped me get over her, but with a lot of embarrassing memories to add up. Though even after then, after I got over her, I then realized that I have "strong" feelings for my bestfriend back then...Which was completely unexpected....well, I didn't "realize" on the spot, but the feelings grew each day, and I started to notice her more and more...It was odd, it was queer, it was "abnormal", yet, it was... "right". Some how, I felt at eased that I liked girls instead of guys.

So I made the stupid decision to tell my best friend how I felt...

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Oh god, Jamie you're a complete idiot, a moron, hell, you should go die. No wait, you shouldn't, no you should. You're stupid and you know it! Ahhhhhhhhhh. I was fighting with my feelings, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. I know I wanted to ask her, I know I wanted to tell her; because if I don't I'll be eaten up inside. Slowly and painfully....I was suffering to the point of arguing to my brain. Man, you're smart. You're the smartest person I have ever met, nice going!!!

"So...Er...what is it that you wanted to ask me" The love of my life, asked me carefully and carelessly on the phone after my wonderful request for her to answer a question of mine; now ain't that a great way to tell her ‘oh, Sam, I happen to have a huge crush on you, for like two years already, I think that was the only reason I ever started to be-friend you. I hope you'll have a nice reaction to this' Yeah, like that is going to happen...by the time I asked/told her, I'd be long dead. Just great, great great great, Jamie, you stink...

"well, can I ask you a question?" I tired my best to say something, it was the best that can come out...gosh, I'm such an idiot, it was a stupid thing to say...I wacked my head again...mumbling a low "ouch" as the result.

"Humm, well, not like I can keep you from asking...You're going to ask me anyways even if I say no...so hurry up and ask already, you asked me ‘can I ask you a question' five times already...I know you're slow, but hurry up dumbo!" Sam oh Sam, why did you just have to say ‘dumbo'? it's a very sweet term in my mind...

"ha....ha...well, how would you react if a friend of yours; that's a girl; told you that she liked you? Maybe even to the point of love?" I asked slowly, hoping Sam wouldn't be able to guess that girl was me, maybe she wouldn't, like after all...I didn't use any names or stuff....

No, it was a huge sign saying ‘oh Sam, I like you, I'm that girl I just asked you about' you're so smart Jamie...My wonderful brain just had to tell me the truth right after I asked...and God...there's no reply from her, great, I'm going to lose a friend, a friend or a bestfriend. Nice going Jamie.

Chapter 2- The Painful truth, the Painful Reject.

Just as my train of through was blabbing on about random things, Sam decided to get my attention…My long awaited reply was going to be announced! My dreams can become real! Or…her reply can sent me to hell…sighs..

“Humm…I don’t know…It depends on who.” Great, only if she knew…wait, she’s GOING to know. GREAT!

“eh..ha..eh..um…Sammy, I mean Sam…Er…Would you kill me if…lets just say…I’m deeply in love with you..” yay, I said it, three cheers for me! Not. Great, you just lost a bestfriend that you tried so hard to make…

“…Whatever.” Sam said to me, in a voice lower than normal; just a little bit lower.

“Well…I do like you. A lot too…” And Jaime the smartass just have to keep talking and there’s no way back now, you confessed to her…

“So?” Now, isn’t that typical of Sam, giving me the worse answer possible…Kinda…At least she didn’t freak out…

“AHHHH, well, yeah, that’s that, and gosh! You could have given me a better answer!! You’re cruel cruel cruel! Meanie meanie meanie meanie! MEANIEEE!!” Well, as for me, I’m too stupid to think anyways, so simply said the things on my mind without the words going through my brain…almost “you could have given me a better answer!! Don’t you even care about me?! HELLO! I just confessed to you! That makes me gay! Isn’t this a big surprise to you?”

Even though my reaction to her reply isn’t the best to normal people, to some, they may mistaken it that I’m mad or out of my mind. But I know Sam understood that, it was the “thank-you” kind of thing…the words I said don’t really mean anything, it’s my tone of voice that tells Sam how I feel. …It’s my way of thanking her for not changing our friendship…Even if she broke my heart.

Its kind of funny how my best friend can understand me so well to a point where I know they understand me, every little thing I say or even just a glance to her, she would know how I feel, or will do. Though, hey, that’s what best friends are for…

“Nope, no surprise at all. So what if you’re gay? And no, this is the best and the ONLY answer I can and will give you. Haha.” I know it, I bet she’s smirking right now, even if I can’t see her.

“You’re truly cruel, and how come it isn’t a big surprise?” Like, its…not possible that she knew…right? Like, I never told anyone this. Only kept this to my self.

“Jaime, you’re not that hard to see through…And you’re Jaime, nothing is a surprise anymore…The next thing we may know, you’re going to say you’re zoosexual or something!” Oh great, teasing me.

“Sam, you’re so nice, to tease me about my sexuality, you know, its not a choice...and How did we even become friends again? I must have been blind to be come friends with you…we’re completely different! You’re an idiot who puts too much effort in to everything! Ever since grade six! As for me , I’m a B- average student on EVERYTHING, with the acceptations of French which I get a 30 percent average in…And once again for the millionth time tonight, you’re cruel! You, Sam-the-cold-blooded, have once again broke another person’s heart. And it happens to be MINE this time, your bestfriends heart! How can you bear to keep living through life like this?”

“I dunno... I wonder how do I keep living?! Oh right! By eating, sleeping and breathing! Genius. And you’re the one that tried to become my friend in the first place, not me. And whose heart have I ever broke?” right now, I want to run around Sam in circles; just to annoy the heck out of her and then get the “kick-slap-punch-push-pinch-bite” treatment from her.

“You broke Cody’s heart, Samson’s heart, Corry’s heart, Jason’s heart, and MOST importantly MY heart!”

“Your heart don’t matter, and those people NEVER had their hearts broken by me!”

“Yeah they did! They all liked you, and you never returned their feelings!”

“Whatever, you’re wrong and you know it, and by-the-way, I got to go. Mom needs the phone to call someone. See you tomorrow!” Sam replied me, like normal, like I never confessed to her.

“Wait wait! What day is tomorrow? I kind of forgot, and what do we have for first period?” I asked eagerly, for the reasons, One: I really don’t remember and Two: I want to hear her voice for one ore time.God I’m crazy over her, damn it.

“Don’t you ever remember those kind of things? Its been five months since school started…Well, tomorrow is day six, and we have English first period. Darn it, I really got to go, my mom’s starting to nag. If I don’t go soon, she’ll start to scream at me.”

“Fine, bye, cold-blooded-reptile, too busy to even talk to your bestfriend!” Man, I know she have to go, I can’t help it but to make her stay, even if its just a few more seconds…

“You’re not my bestfriend, you just self pro-claimed that! And bye bye.” She hung up before I could say anything else. Oh well.

I peeked at my watch to see it was 11:14Pm, god that was a long talk…Two hours. Well, typical of girls I guess. I decided that I would go to the living room and watch TV on my 52”inch Plasma TV that my dumbass parents bought for no reason; our old TV (27”inch) wasn’t even broken! but no!! They decided to buy this thing at Future Shop for 3,200 along with a useless set of speakers for the TV.

Then I just sat there, and watched the programs, or tried to find a program to watch; apparently that night there was no good shows on, at least none that I liked…And for God Sakes we had over 500 channels! Useless Tv, useless Box set. Stupid Rogers, stupid life, stupid parents, stupid school, stupid me, stupid…Sam…

Even though Sam gave me the best reply possible, in the most comfortable way. So that our friendship wouldn’t change and we can simply pretend nothing have happened between us.

She still rejected me.

That was the painful truth, and its so true that it hurts just to think about it; then again, Jaime be realistic she couldn’t accept you. You’re both girls living in this world and born in to families that will never accept it.

I started to sing, it’s an odd habit of mine and every time I sing, I make the song up.

You don’t understand me…

Why must you see me this way??

Am I so different?

Oh

In this world

in this life

oh what must I do….

For you to… see me?

For you to.. love me?

Oh what must I do?

Why, why why why why…I wonder why

Do you find it amusing! To hurt me so??

You are, truly, cruel…………

After that, I went back to my room and tired to go to sleep…

Lets hope tomorrow will be a better day.

I walked in the class room as slowly, and quietly as I can.

I was late…again.

A few people; including the teacher turned around and noticed me. Sam happened to be one of those who turned and looked.

Great…

As I gazed around the room while walking to my seat, I noticed her eyes looking at me, the pair of big dark brown gazzy eyes. Those eyes are one of the reasons why I’m so in love with her. And the reason why the stupid boys are all over her.

‘Cuz I was busying looking at those dreamy eyes, my mind was NOT focused on what ever I was doing. I almost tripped; thus creating a “big ban” and got everyone’s attention in the class.

“Jamie, late again?” Mr. Mark asked me with an annoyed face.

Dang it, no duh, what else could I be doing? Walking over the moon?

“Err, yeah…” I just had to do my first reaction; put on a groofy smile.

As I slowly walked to my seat with my mind focused(almost) this time. I was told by stupid Andy who sits right next to me that I was late again, for the forth time, this week. Though I kicked him in the leg in return for that little comment he made, ‘coz it wasn’t any of his business. Though after that little fight with Andy, I noticed Sam was watching the whole thing in her amusement.

What a wonderful way to start the day, embarrass your self in front of you crush.

The class passed by slowly, but I was eager to speak to Sam; but…She rarely speaks to me in our classes.

Though before I know it, (thank the gods), it was already third period (we have eight in a day, and we have straight 4th period lunch) And it was near the end.

I turned around and looked at the clock again, I think it’s the 5th time during the last ten minutes.

Dang it, can’t the stupid time pass any faster? Just three more minutes.

I glanced around the room, completely ignoring everything my science teacher is blabbing on about Cells, I noticed that everyone has packed up. Even Sam.

God I’m so gay, I notice her every single minute now…

At this moment the bell ringed, its now lunch time. I caught up to Sam right before she walked out the science room and decided to walk her to our lockers. (mine was two lockers away from her locker)

“Hey umm, we need to talk…” I asked her slowly while avoiding eye contact.

“So we’re not talking right now?” She’s pretending to have no idea what the heck I’m talking about.

“God, just hang out with me after we finished our lunch. Okay?”

“No.” She told me without even a second though. I often wonder how can and DOES she do that?

“Why not? Is talking to your best friend that horrible?” I’m starting to feel…bad…I didn’t know what exactly I was feeling; it just wasn’t a good feeling.

“Because you’re always eating lunch with the boys and I got better things to do. Even more so, you’re not my best friend.” Even if we both know, by better things to do, she means ‘hanging out with our common friends’ and she’s SO lying, I’m her best friend I tell you! I AM!

“Whatever, we’ll talk; coz I’ll stalk you. And that’s final!”

“No.”

“Stop being so stubborn damn it! Not like you’ll die if you talk to me.” Okay now I know what I’m feeling, I’m annoyed. Doesn’t she know, and can’t she guess how important this talk will be and IS to me?

“Too bad isn’t it? What can you do about it?”

“Darn you.”

“You suck.”

“You Stink.”

“Oh really?”

“No, not really…” Okay I’ll admit it, her hair smells really nice, and I like that smell…a lot. No I’m not creepy, it just smells nice…

After that, we stopped talking, because we arrived at our lockers. After everything was done, lunch arrived and all…I DID try to talk to her. It merely failed. Bad. That’s all…

I tired everything afterwards to make her talk to me without drifting off to another conversion, or ignoring me, or just pretending something else was up, or being completely unserious when ever I try to talk to her. Everything I have ever tired to make her talk to me seriously, it fails.

Months past by since that day, things changed, for example I got use to calling her mom sometimes, and when we’re in private I sometimes tell her “I love you”.

Though the most important change of all…

She got a boy friend now.

And I hate that guy. I hated him the most in the whole school.

Why do I hate him? No, its not because he was my loves’ boyfriend, okay I lied, but its not ONLY because of that. Its mainly because his a huge jerk. The first time I ever saw him/talked to him, he came up to me screaming and spitted on my jacket. (What a great first impression he gave me ne?)

Though no…Stupid Sam had to have a crush on him. And he just had to return that crush. And now they’re boyfriends and girlfriends.

Worse of all, every single time they go on a date, or hang out.

I’m there.

I’m not with them because I felt like stalking my best friend/crush, I’m with them because Sam drags me with them every single time. So therefore, every single time I have to watch them hold hangs, hug, and…Kiss. And most of the time when they do that, its because I push them together. (according to Sam: “I’m too shy, so help me, please?”)

I don’t know why does she do this to me. She knows that I like her (or am I not clear enough by saying “I love you” to her at least once a day?)

Is it to make me jealous? Get me heart broken? Or just to get my attention? Well, what ever it is that she tired to make me feel, it worked. I was mad, I was sad, I was annoyed, and at one point; I even wished I was a guy so I could be the one in the Jerks’ place.

I can never understand Sam. Though now I do understand why do guys say “Girls are confusing, and hard to understand”…Its funny, how I’m a girl, and I still find girls a huge “mystery”.

Life’s no fair.

They’re going on a date today. I’m invited.

How come Sam is so stupid? For god sakes, it’s a DATE for TWO people. Why add the 3rd wheel?

I was thinking that the whole way to the mall to meet up with them, I was complaining to her about it 24/7 when I saw her. Of course I never said straight away “Don’t ask me to go on your stupid dates”, I can’t say that, because I actually want to go and watch them so they don’t get out of hand…though it was still painful.

We decided to go to the movies and watch a movie. There was also an arcade inside the movie place thingy.

Did I forget to mention I had a boyfriend too? I didn’t? Oh, my bad. He’s this big Jewish guy, I don’t have a problem with him being Jewish. Just…Had a little problem with him being a guy. That’s all. He is a really sweet guy, I liked him, but just not in the way a girlfriend should like a guy. That wasn’t a big problem right? After all, I could pretend and he gave me pretty things…-walks slowly away-

Well, with my boyfriend there, and with Sam’s boy friend, I guess she had a reason after all to ask me to go on the Date even if she KNEW I DIDN’T want to go at all.

It was a double date.

Before the movie, we played around the arcade and I spent over 20 dollars that day. I lied, my boyfriend paid for everything. He asked, it wasn’t my fault…Free money, who would pass on that? And since I’m so cheap in nature, I guess I just accepted.

I end up playing Air Hockey with Sam's boyfriend. Considering Sam doesn’t want to play, and my boyfriend…bleh, I already played three games with him and I won 2/3.

During the games with Kyle(AKA: The Jerk) I decided to watch Sam closely seeing who she was cheering for…

“Go Kyle go!” Sam screamed right when I wanted to tell her to cheer for me.

“Boo! Cheer for me! I’m your best friend!” I whined, what else was I suppose to do?

“No.” She replied, without a second though. Gosh, don’t this woman think anything through at least two times before replying? Wait, she does, just not to me. Cruel.

“You’re a cold blooded reptile.”

“Whatever...Go Kyle go!”

“Jamie you’re going down!” Kyle added in, just like adding oil in fire. How nice of him?

“Shut up!” At this moment I caught the Plate with my hands and ran over the Kyle, sneaking up on him and threw the Plate in the Goal and it went in.

“I won!!” I can’t wait to see his reaction

“No you didn’t. The game isn’t over.” Before I could turn around…That jerk picked up the plate and threw it inside the goal. He now won.

“Darn it…”Why does that guy have to win at nearly everything? He won Sam, he won the games. Hes' even taller than me now!

“The movie is about to start in ten minutes, want to go in now?” My boyfriend, told us right after the game ended so we could go and watch the movie.

“What movie is it again?” I asked slowly. Though I had a feeling they picked a horror movie, I'm praying that they didn't, because I'm scared of them. Badly too.

“The Reaping.” Kyle answered me as if it wasn't a big deal.

“That doesn’t sound so good…” Okay I’m 90 positive that it’s a horror movie.

“It’s a Comedy.” And Sam decided to lie to me like normal in tricking me in to watching the movie. Even if she didn't need to. Because horror movies or not I don’t have a choice on what to watch. Sam does, and Sam lets Kyle choose, and Kyle likes torturing me.

Yup it was a horror movie. Yup my boyfriend loved it. Why? Because I was glued to him during the whole movie, it was really scary. And his the biggest and strongest guy there. To tip it off he happen to be my boyfriend. Though the most important reason of all is Sam is wouldn’t let me hold on to her.

It was horrible during the movie, Sam was glued to Kyle. I could only them. I was watching them kissing, hugging, cuddling each other right next to me. As for me, I was stuck doing the same. Other than I’m gay and I actually don’t like my boyfriend that way. I just followed along. I had not much of a choice. Though we didn't kiss.

As for the movie, it was scary. It had a great plot though, but I couldn’t walk properly after finishing that movie. I’m still scared of it.

After the movies, we just walked around the mall and ate fast food. But because I hated Kyle, I don’t even know how. But we ended up arguing and fighting. In the end I was throwing spitballs at his face…And he got pissed, and decided to do the same back. It was a pretty funny show for Sam which I end up running to the girls washroom before he try to throw the tissue that he was licking at me.

It was a pretty fun day. We ran up and down the mall, ate most of the junk food that can filled our tummy. Though only if the boys aren't there; that would have been great. But it was cruel too, I had to endure and watch Sam and Kyle do all of those couple crap right in front of me.

Later that night Sam and I were talking on the phone. Its kind of like our habit where we call each other once every two night just to talk about random things.

“What would you do when you grow up?” I asked, I'm a very random person, I can talk about food right now and the next thing you know I’d be talking about school.

“Humm…I don’t know..” As far as I know it, she'll probably have a bright future. She an A student. Unlike me whose always a B- average student.

“Why don’t you know?” I often wonder, if there’s a reason for everything? And if you're trying hard enough can you find the answer to everything? To both questions I answered yes. I have yet to think of something that doesn't have an answer. (philosophy wise.)

“I just don’t.” The dark haired dummy replied me with a low tone as if this conversation is getting boring.

“And Why is that? Also, why am I always the one doing the most talking? Why can't you talk more?” I paused to see if she would give me a reply, instead I can hear her typing in the back ground. “SAM KWOK! ANSWER ME!! STOP AND GET OFF THE STUPID COMPUTER!”

“Eh what? What did you say?”

“I said…DON’T IGNORE ME AND TALK!”

“Sorry. What did you say? I wasn’t paying attention.” Her tone, it sounded like she tried to make it sound completely innocent. Which she isn't.

“Sigh…I said, DON’T IGNORE ME.” I’m annoyed, she’s always like this, getting me annoyed at one point or another knowing fully I can’t do anything about it.

“Oh I’m not ignoring you. Just busy.”

“Busy? Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Kyle, duh.” She replied like it was no big deal.

“Stop talking to that jerk damn it! You know I hate him. And you know I like you.” I’m a little pissed off, I wonder what magic did that moron used on Sam. Correction, I’m not a “Little Pissed” I’m “very” pissed. That guy gets on my nerves, even if its merely talking about him.

“Yeah I know. but I don’t like you.”

“What ever, I love you.”

“I don’t.”

“Too bad too sad isn’t it? You’re stuck with me for life, I know where you live and I know your whole family. I can stalk you.” I replied pretending to be evil.

“And I know your whole family, and I know where YOU live too.” Woops, I forgot she knew the same thing about me.

“Well, I even know your PHONE number! And E-mail!”

“I know yours TOO, even better than YOU, since you don’t know your own phone number.”

“Shush, its hard, I mean like, what are the odds of me ever calling my self at home? None. So its not hard that I don’t know it. Plus I have you around so I can always ask you.”

“Psh.” And here it goes again, the typing sounds.

“Get off the stupid computer damn it, I got off the computer for you, so why can’t you do the same to me?”

“Umhum.” Her reply was so enthusiastic, I couldn’t even sense it!

“Marry me?” I just said that out of random. I’m hoping that she wouldn’t notice and reply an “umhum” again. It happened before, I wonder if this trick would work again.

“No.” Dang it, she noticed. How come she knows when I’m saying something that she doesn’t like, and when ever I say something she wants to ignore or can be ignored she just ignores it?

“What ever. I’m going to go, since you don’t pay attention to me anyways. Have fun with your ‘Kyle’ the biggest jerk in the whole school.”

“Fine, bye.” Can’t she even try and make me talk a little longer? I guess not, Sam have too much pride to do that. She’ll never let me have things my way, or she doesn't care at all like normally.

_______________________________________________________

Why is woman so stubborn? I was wondering that before I go to sleep. With one of my many thoughts. Would I make such a horrible Lover? I’m caring, I’m nice, I’m a great friend. The mysteries of Woman shall never be understood by a mere human like my self. Such a mystery.

Sam kept me a woke for two hours that night because I coudln't stop thinking about every little thing, I remember asking her once that if I were a guy would I have had a chance of being her boy friend? And she answered yes. Is there more meaning behind that? Or was I thinking too much?

I don’t like this one bit. At least on the up side is that the school year is about to be over. High school here I come! In two months.

Such a great day. Great weather, great friends, great everything! Not.

Yes I’m complaining again, yes I’m whining again, and yes I’m forced on a date again. I hate you Sam, I hope you’re happy. Okay, I lied. I hope you die. Okay, I lied again, but I DO hope you would stop torturing me.

Stop what? Oh, stop making me go on stupid double dates after school. It’s the middle of April and it’s freakin’ RAINING today. I mean, really, open your eyes Sam! I can’t see the fun standing out side for two hours with two stupid guys instead of going home, the warm safe home that we both have.

I end up in this state because Sam started to whine and I can’t even remember what the heck she whined about. Well, if I recall correctly...

First we were at our lockers, packing things up ready to “walk home” yes, “Home”. Then the next thing I knew, we were out side, Sam was holding on to my selves and pointing to Kyle and my boyfriend. And Wahla, in a snap of a finger we were all the way in the park 15 minutes walk away from our school.

and it's cold, the temperature is like what? – 2C? Or was it around 1C? I don’t know. Though I do know I’m wearing a T-shirt. So it was freakin’ cold for me .

And because I hate Kyle (even if he claims “I don’t hate you” I know he doesn’t “like” me either) we ended up arguing. Then we got from arguing to “Cat (Me) chase Mouse (him)”. Then we got from that to throwing pine corns at each other.

In the end, the Pine Corn (throwing) fight ended with Sam coming over and telling us to stop. Or more of telling me to stop by kicking me. I swear, I have scars all over my legs from her. I have a bite mark on my hands from her too. (I consider it a “mark of friend ship” though she tells me it was a “mark of pain” because she only bite me that time because I was annoying; she bite me two months ago)

This day just can’t get any better can it? And my stupid best friend just decided to watch, while my boyfriend is making a poor (I mean, a VERY poor) attempt at solving the problem between me and Kyle.

Even if I really don’t remember the problem? I think Kyle probably started to make fun of me on the game that we both played.

Did I mention I hate Kyle? Why? He has everything (some) that I want.

1.Sam

2.Looks (his actually one of the “good” or “better than average” looking guys at our school)

3.Stuff (He have a crap load of money, I think its for college, but still…He got a crap load of money; so thanks to money, he have stuff...)

And the most important reason is...I mean like, really, he got me to hate him in less than ten minutes when we first met, how hard is it to make a good first impression? I don’t find it hard. Even if my impressions on people aren’t so great, they aren’t to the point of hate. And yet he got a good amount of people hating him. For instance me. His probably the guy I hate the most in the country.

We stayed at the park for two hours (school ends at three), it sucked, I was a “wet chicken”. Though thank god the rain wasn’t big, but it was still cold. And once again, I only had a T-shirt on. While stupid Sam had long selves a jacket, and an umbrella too. (She wouldn’t share the umbrella with me; saying I was a pervert. Okay, I was, but still…I stayed till five for her in this stupid weather, and I can’t even share an umbrella as a reward?)

We said our byes and had our share of hugs from each of our boyfriend. With Sam getting a few kisses too...(I turned my back to face them when they kissed. My wonderful "male" boyfriend wanted to kiss me too, but i just kissed him on the cheeks before he made any attempt to my lips; sad to say, hugging him feels very indifferent from hugging a tree, and kissing him feels very indifferent from kissing the wall...I'm so gay...)

We(me and Sam a pair, my boyfriend and Kyle a pair. Note: Sam's boyfriend and mine are best friends) left the park in peace, even if I really wanted to kick Kyle (I never had the chance, when ever I catch him during our “mouse chases” Sam would always stop it before HE gets hurt.)

Oh well, I got to walk home with Sam.

During the middle of our 45 minute walk home, she decided to swing at me with her umbrella.

It's coated with rain; it was the best idea to get me even more soaked without pushing me to the grass/floor,she's evil isn't she? Though it was kind of fun.

Every time she did that, I ran for my life, and when she pauses to swing at me; I would go up to her and invade her personal space. Well, its more of me sneaking up on her and try to hug her or make some kind of body contact (pokes most often)

I guess in the end I deserve the swings/kicks/slaps/punches I get from her; I always (mostly; she does hit me for no reason sometimes) do something stupid to earn it. I’m happy though, I don’t know, but yeah, I am. I think it’s probably the same thing as to why guys annoy the girls they like to get attention from them.

I annoy Sam to get attention from her. It's fun, at least that’s the reason I think I’m annoying her for. I really don’t understand my self at times, correction, most of the times I don’t understand my self. This minute I can be all hyper and jumpy and the next thing you know I’m down and depressed due to some stupid philosophical thought about life popping up in my mind.

During our walk home I tried and made my lovely Sam speak Mandarin. It was FUNNY, it’s a thing that I’ll never forget for my whole life. If I ever get a wife (or hubby; I think I’m bisexual? Doubt it though) I’d make her to try and speak Chinese, if she IS Chinese I’ll make her speak one of the dialects that I know but she doesn’t. (I know three Chinese dialects: Mandarin, Cantonese, and a 3rd one that I don’t know the English name for) It’d be so funny.

I started off by saying “I love you.” In Mandarin, I decided randomly that I wouldn’t stop saying it until Sam stops ignoring me about it.

Then out of the blue, in mandarin she replied “I don’t love you” she’s Cantonese so she spoke that with a Heavy Cantonese ascent. It was the first time I ever heard her speak Mandarin it was CUTE, and FUNNY at the same time.

After she said that I lost self-control and I couldn’t stop laughing and giggling. No matter how much I begged her afterwards to “Say it again” or “say something in Mandarin; anything” I even tried to bribe her(5). All of the tricks that I could think of didn’t work. Even if when she tries to speak Mandarin its Really Cute.

It was the first and last time I ever heard her speak Mandarin in front of me.

I shouldn’t have laughed. Its one of the many things that I regret ever doing.

She got mad at me for that. Even if I could think of millions of reasons that I should be mad at her, she’s the one that always gets mad. Out of stupid things too.

I mean, how bad can it be? I just laughed at her speaking Mandarin; it was reasonable? You should have heard it, it was REALLY funny, at least for me. (I’m a native born Mandarin/Cantonese Mix; so I know both languages really well, they’re my first languages) Plus I said sorry afterwards, actually, I said sorry two minutes after I realized that I was laughing.

So it wasn’t reasonable for her to get mad at me right? Right.

But she did. And for a whole week too.

She wouldn’t answer the phone, she wouldn’t talk to me in class, she wouldn’t talk to me during lunch, and she wouldn’t walk home with me. She cut off all ties she had with me for that whole week.

It was HELL.

When ever I called her, she sisters picks it up and tells me she doesn’t want to talk to me. When ever I try to talk to her in school she pretends I’m not there. When ever I try to talk to her (stalk) her during lunch she’d talk to another friend even if I’m RIGHT there and tell that friend “do you hear that noise?” and that friend (most often its another one of my best friend; they all do this type of things to me) would say “no.” or she would say something like "Isn't that noise behind me annoying" and my other friends would say " Yeah, its annoy."

I think they do that just to get me annoyed and mad and sad. And every horrible emotion I can feel.

It worked, for the whole week all my best friends/good friends would get on her side and play along. Just for fun.

at least it wasn’t to the point of bullying, it was funny that’s all. Even if I knew that they doing this to see my reaction if i don't give them any they would stop,but I cared about it, a lot. I can’t help it but to dig a hole for my self and jump in it. That’s type of person I am, I would often choose to listen to my heart (soul) instead of my brain, even if my brain is the smart one with the EQ/IQ more than 50. and my soul/heart is the stupid one with the EQ/IQ less than 1.

I can’t help it, and my friends take advantage of that. They’re cruel aren’t they? I often imagine that there’s some kind of special service that “people” or “something” can provide and I can buy and SELL my friends for NEW IMPROVED friends who don’t like to see me suffer because of cruel love.

Sad, that kind of program doesn’t exist.

Though after a week she stopped, everything went back to normal. But now she knows I have a phobia of her getting mad at me for stupid things, so she always threatens me with it. "Jamie, if you don't stop poking me I'll get mad at you" When ever she say those type of lines I can't help it but to stop.

She's mean, isn't she? I wonder how will she treat her husband...Oh the mysteries of Females, I shall never understand.