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I jerked off the bed with a strangled gasp, my hands pulling on an invisible rope as though it was a lifeline. It was raining outside, and the first thing I became aware of was the sharp smell in the air- the smell of rain. Lightening streaked along the window, illuminating the near darkness and I gasped again, realizing that I was in an unfamiliar bed...and an unfamiliar room. My eyes swung around the room and set on the dark shrouded figure sitting in the corner. I followed the red pin prick moving up and down with fascination for a moment before registering it as a lit cigarette, and the moment the knowledge hit me the dot went out and the figure rose. A sound rose and died upon my lips when the figure walked closer to the single burning candle and lit another, sending the darkness scurrying to the corners and walls.
"You are awake, good for I was becoming worried."
I heard before I saw, that husky voice rubbing against me like silk before its owner stepped into the limelight...it was a woman. I stared at her with mouth agape for she was easily the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes upon; I come from noble stock but not even my own mother could stand next to this vision. Her hair was black, black as midnight, and fell unbidden past her shoulders like a silken cloak. She wore a long white tunic over dark pantalones, revealing skin so fair I swore I could see the line of veins running through her body and even from the height of the bed I could tell that she was tall- taller than even my papa.
Yet none of these compared to her eyes. They were bluer than the sea, bluer than the sky itself, like sapphires lit within by an otherworldly flame, and as I stared into them I was instantly mesmerized, no enchanted. It was the way she looked at me; as though the universe was keeling over itself and the whole world was in shambles and there was only one person left in existence- me. Her eyes took me in, all of me, mind body and soul and concentrated on me with such intensity that I began to feel everything else fade into the background. I saw myself reflected in those eyes, and I was beautiful. And then she smiled, revealing perfect white teeth, and the spell lifted. I realized how rude I was being and instantly cast my gaze away, face turning hot with mortification as she sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand. "You must be wondering where you are but do not be afraid; you are in my home and as safe as though you were in yours."
Her smile was all at once welcoming and concerned as she paused, expecting me to say something, but I was still too enthralled with her presence to register the rest of the world. "You fainted before I could ask your name and then I began asking people but the rain started..." Her words trailed off and she glanced down at our intertwine hands, making me do the same. Her fingers were unnaturally long and tapered, ending in short neatly trimmed nails so unlike mine; I bit them to the nub and wore my hands raw. Yet she held them so gently and with such care, as though she cradled the most delicate of objects...
"Do not worry first thing tomorrow we shall locate your parents, they must be so worried about you now! But for now you must sleep- shall I have the servants fetch you some soup?" The question passed over my head for two heartbeats before I understood and shook my head. Food was the last thing on my mind. She nodded and started for the door, hesitating at the threshold, "Pardonne moi, bell dame, comment t'appelle tu? I forgot once more to ask." My name! I finally began gathering my wits and found my speech. "My name is Bernadette, the daughter of Hortense Garannier."
She nodded and smiled, about to leave when I arrested her with a question of my own. "And you, sil vous plait? In what manner shall I address my savior?" There! I had finally found my spirit and was beginning to assert myself as usual. Her smile widened and she took a step back into the shadows, "I am Eleanore, daughter of Rene and la comtesse de chateau bleu." Her voice seemed to float from the darkness as the door shut, the slight draft snuffing the second candle she'd lit.
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When I awoke the next morning it was to a sun filled sky and crisp cool air, the whole earth washed clean by the heavy rains of the night before. There was a large wash basin by the wall, filled with water, and a brand new dress lay draped against the chair in which the Lady of the house had once sat. I looked around me, taking the room in better light, and found that though simple, it was elegantly decorated with colors of green and gold- both of which happened to be my favorite. I pulled out of the bed and stepped unto the cool floor, realizing instantly that someone had undressed me and the chemise I wore was not mine. I wondered who, and felt my face warm at the thought of the Comtesse peeling my clothes off layer by layer...to distract myself from these thoughts I turned to the new dress, running the practiced eye acquired from countless sessions with my mother. At first glance it looked a simple affair of cream and blue but my touch revealed that the dress was made of silk and the laces of the bodice, filaments of real leather. I ran my hand through the linings and felt velvet- how could something so simple and light be at the same time so gorgeous?
Still I could not spend so much time thinking about this; la Comtesse was doubtlessly waiting for me and it simply would not do to make her displeased. I washed in the cool water and dressed quickly, making my way out of the room and into the corridor outside. It was narrow and seemed to stretch on for ever but soon it led to a pair of sweeping stairs. I was right; the comtesse was indeed waiting for me below and I hesitated a moment, taking in her appearance from behind.
Her back was ramrod straight but there was an easy gracefulness to her stand that reminded me of a reed. It would bend and yield to the wind but it would not break. And then, as if she felt my gaze, the comtesse turned around and I was once more held captive by her eyes. I watched mutedly as a faint smile appeared on her face and she beckoned, "Ah just the person I was thinking of. Bonjour Mademoiselle Garennier, comment ca va, and I hope you had a pleasant night." I nodded and started down the stairs, ending with a respectful curtsey, "Bonjour Comtesse, je vais bien merci, and yes I had a good night's rest." She nodded and enclosed my hand in hers, tugging gently as she started to the left, "Breakfast first and then we return to the fair and locate your family.
Breakfast was over and we were waiting for what the countess called ‘suitable transportation' by the castle grounds. I had begun to notice a few things about the place and the first was the silence. There were obviously guards and servants milling the chateau, some had served us breakfast only moments before, but even then they'd seemed to melt out of nowhere and disappeared just as quickly afterwards, leaving the place with an air of hushed expectation. I felt it wrap around me for a moment as I glanced this way and that about the empty courtyard, expecting at least the twittering of birds in the trees surrounding us but there was no such thing. It was as though everything and everyone existed on a basis of necessity and ceased to be once that need was fulfilled.
A sudden chill radiated down my spine at that thought and I hazarded a glance up to my hostess; she was fiddling with her leather gloves but looked up instantly to smile at me. "Absolom likes to take his time with the horses I'm afraid, and experience has taught me not to question my groomsman." Just then the pounding of hooves could be heard just ahead and a carriage rolled into sight. The comtesse clapped with satisfaction and turned to me, "Aha! Let us be off," but I wasn't listening; my eyes and mind were fixated on the carriage and struggled to reconcile its sheer magnificence. It stood higher than any I'd ever seen before, gleaming from spoke to spoke silvery blue gilded with burnished gold, but that was not all- no even the horses that pulled it seemed larger than life, all four of them blacker than coal and filled with fire. The countess touched me gently by the elbow and I blinked back to life, accepting her aid as she boosted me into the seat and settled down opposite. A moment later the carriage was off with a shout and a bump.
My natural curiosity taking a hold of me, I half turned around to look at the castle we were rapidly leaving and let out a soft gasp. It was massive! Somehow I had not realized just how big an edifice it was from within or even outside but now as the distance between us lengthened, I could see it's full structure and the only thing I could liken it to was a word I'd learned in one of Papa's books- behemoth. Now I knew why it was called Chateau bleu; the roof and turrets were made of the same color, a delicate sliver taken from the sky above that seemed to reach up and draw the very essence of the heavens...I sighed and drew away for though the sight was beautiful, I couldn't compare to the flash in its mistress's eyes.
The carriage rolled on and on and I realized with a start, that Chateau bleu was a lot farther than I imagined; it was just as well, for how else would I not have heard about it or it's mistress until now? I was impressed once more by the countess's efforts in ferrying me to safety through the driving storm. My eyes flicked over to her direction only to find that she too was watching me. The countess had a contemplative expression in her eyes as she regarded me but I swore her smile turned shy. Could it- was it possible that I left as much an impression on her as she affected me? I banished the prospects immediately, not wanting to give myself any false hope.
If I was my sister Adele or even Corinna, I would presume so but I was plain fiery Bernadette. Even my name had nothing attractive about it- the bravery of a bear, who wanted to be likened with such a gruesome beast? But then the fortune teller's words came back to me and a card flashed before my eyes, the wheel of fortune. Perhaps...just perhaps. We must have travelled for over half a day when the familiar gates of our town and I felt a twinge of satisfaction at the many heads that turned our way as the carriage rolled down to my home. Papa was standing by the gates, head bowed while he conferred with a young hand, and he looked up with surprise when we came to a stop.
The comtesse raised an eyebrow and I nodded with a smile, "That is my father." The door swung open and the driver helped me out just as my mother and sisters came running out of the house, charging straight for me. "Ma babe, mon enfant!" Never had I seen my mother so emotional; she grabbed my face and hugged me hard, pressing kisses all over my head and hair while tears welled up in her eyes. "I was so worried! We searched and searched, we ask everyone but no one had seen you leave the cirque, save for a gypsy woman who said something about a rider on a black stallion..."
She looked behind me and the words trailed off, her eyes taking an unfocused glaze and I knew why. The comtesse was standing behind me and my mother had fallen victim to her glamor. Eloise Garrenier was a strong and proud woman but she blushed and stuttered like a school girl when the countess approached, "Forgive me madam, I'm afraid I was the rider on the black stallion. I thought it prudent to remove us both from the rains else dear Bernadette here fall victim to the maladie." My mother was nodding to her every word and my sisters were similarly transfixed. The spell broke only with my father's approach as he gruffly cleared his throat. "Pardon me, madame..."
He left the sentence open, glancing uncertainly at her attire and the grand coach behind. The comtesse was dressed peculiarly indeed; her tunic was dark red velvet, richly embroidered, with long sleeves of sheer white, and matching pantalones. Her sur-coat fell all the way down to her ankles, billowing about her hips to give the illusion of a skirt, while a wide leather belt with twin holsters. "Comtesse," His eyes widened and I felt a secret twinge of satisfaction as I stepped back to take my sister's expressions when I intoned, "My apologies, allow me to introduce La Comtesse de Chateau bleu." My mother stiffened and a strange expression crossed her eyes for a heart beat- back then I even thought I imagined it.
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And that was how it began; first there were little gifts now and then, and then she ‘happened to be in the neighborhood' and the visits increased until even I couldn't deny that her interest was on one of us. Still I refused to believe it was me- it could be any one of my beautiful sisters-but I couldn't repress the wish and hope that I was me. I wanted to be the one catching her eye. And then spring came in earnest and the flowers began to bloom, it was three weeks since the cirque but I still hadn't forgotten about the fortune teller but it was all becoming to seem like an implausible dream. Maman decided to have one of her little parties in the garden and of course the Comtesse was invited. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, not for one moment, and every time she looked up I felt a little thrill up my spine.
Adele convinced the others to a little egg hunt but I declined. I found my way to my favorite spot in the garden- underneath the old willow tree- and opened my book. It was a new one and papa promised it would engage me but I couldn't concentrate; I couldn't keep the comtesse out of my mind. I set the book down with a sigh and closed my eyes, instantly seeing hers in the darkness. I wanted to laugh, cry, anything other than this fruitless expectation I felt. Her name formed on my lips and I whispered it with anguish, "Eleanore."
"Yes, Bernadette?" I gasped and jerked up, falling unto her lap, my face burning with mortification at her loud laugh. I felt all eyes draw to us and began squirming away when she held me back with one arm, her hand cupping my face as she looked deep into my eyes. "Ah Bernadette, you are such a delight, my enchantress." My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as her face lowered and her lips met mine. Instantly the whole world ceased to matter and all I could feel, see, taste was her. Instantly I knew I was tied to her, mind body and soul and I knew what I wanted. I parted my lips and drew her in wholeheartedly, hardly caring if we were in full view of my parents and siblings. When we finally parted, I knew something had changed forever and one look into her eyes told me we were destined to be together.
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"Bernadette are you sure about this?"
I looked up to meet my mother's steady gaze and nodded once before turning back to the mass of clothes on my bed. I was packing and she was supposed to be helping me, but so far all she'd done was sigh and stare worriedly at the wall. She sighed once more and I dropped the clothes in my hands, walking closer to her. "Maman what's wrong? You're making me feel uneasy."
She shrugged and took my hand in a gentle squeeze before replying, "I just can't stop thinking about the suddenness of it all. You barely know her and now you want to spend your life with her. Don't you think it's all too soon?" So there was the problem! I knew it would come to this. She must have felt my sudden chill because she hastily looked up and took my hands, "I am a mother, you cannot fault me for worrying, and it's just that you're so much younger than she is."
"No different from you and papa, you were even younger," I countered and she looked away. "Maman I cannot explain how I feel about Eleanore but it consumes me from head to toe and I can know no relief until I'm with her, around her, looking into those eyes of her." I finished abruptly with a blush, realizing I was sharing this with my mother. She pursed her lips and began twisting the bedspreads in her hands. "I feared this; you are infatuated with her and I fear she may not feel just the way you do." I shook my head indignantly at that, "Now you know mother that is not true. There has never been a more ardent professor of affection than my Eleanore."
Why was she suddenly resistant to me leaving with the comtesse? There had to be something more to this and I pressed her harder. Surprisingly she capitulated easily. "Oh it's just that your father and I have been asking around about Le Chateau Bleu and, well there's been very little word on the castle or it's owners. Few people know about them-" I shrugged obstinately at that, "Well few people would if they spent most of their time at court like most highborn nobles do. Besides, what is the point of all that?"
She threw her hands up into the air and got to her feet. "The point is that what we hear is not good! There are stories of strange deaths, disappearances that were never explained- do you know she has been married more than once? Yet no one can say for sure what happened to her spouses- think Bernadette, do you not feel even in the least wary?"
I got to my feet as well and met her eyes, "No I don't pay heed to empty gossip. Mother she has been nothing but good to me- to us and this is how you repay her, with suspicion? It matters not whatever the people say because my feelings for her won't change. Mother how can I make you see that this is not a whim or a passing fancy? I love her." There, the words were out; they'd been creeping up my tongue but I kept pushing them back down but the moment they were out, I knew they rang true. My eyes welled up with tears as I read the stricken expression on maman's face and I felt as though I'd just betrayed her.
Yet I could not deny how I felt...I realized that I had just made my choice, for better or for worse. She must have thought that too because she suddenly took me in her arms and pressed my head against her bosom- the very same that held me as a child- and pressed a kiss to my temples. "Alright then Bernadette, you've made your path and I cannot hold you back. Remember this my Cherie, this is your home and you're always welcome here. Whatever happens, we'll always leave a light by the window."
First the wheel and now justice...I was losing something to gain something. It was fair trade...right?