Story: Am I Blue? (all chapters)

Am I Blue?

My name is Bernadette Garennier; ah well it once was, for now I am la comtesse de chateu bleu. This is my story.

I was born the youngest of four daughters from a very beautiful mother. However it seemed that my mother was stingy with her favors for her beauty trickled down to us less and less and her youngest recieved the least. Not that I ever let that bother me; what I lacked in looks I more than made up for with my fiery spirit, generously given down by my father. More than once I got in trouble with my maman and my soeurs for being forward in the presence of guests or unruly or just being unladylike but I couldn't help my curiousity.

I had a burning thirst for knowledge like no other and whenever our papa went on his trips abroad- for he was a merchant and aa wealthy one at that- he would always bring back books and literatures about different worlds out there- nations that flourished in the middle of the desert, cities floating over the great waters, fantastical tales that no one but me seemed ever willing to believe. He never chided my questions and tried his best to answer them...but of course in life there are many paths one must take on their own.

My mother called me a stubborn child, l'enfant de boheme, and that I got this unseemly streak from her mother who was gypsy born. I never knew my grand mother and all I knew about her came from what maman told me. It seemed that she was a wild woman in her day, as beautiful as she was stubborn and set in her ways. Maman complained that whenever her mother made her mind about a thing, not even the moving heavens could set her away. I was glad for that one thing, and secretly it warmed me to hear those words- of course she meant it as a byword and a warning. I would only come to realize later.

It was my seventeenth birthday and the cirque had come to the town. I begged and begged my mother to let me go with my sisters and at first she refused but eventually relented. My older sister Adele was charged with keeping me in place but she abandoned me the moment we were a stone's throw from home. I did not mind; I rather prefered wandering about and learning new things on my own and what other opportunity than the cirque? They were always teeming with strange people and qruesome sights, quelle horrors! I had no fear of being manhandled for ours was a small town and my parents were very well known. Besides I could defend myself as well as any man.

The cirque was a wondrous sight to my eyes; there were men who swallowed swords, men who swallowed fire, a woman with scales for skin, another with a beard like a man. I saw monkeys in a wire cage and it took my breath away for I had only read of them in my papa's books. There were other wild animals too, even one they called an elephunt and it towered over everything else in the cirque, birds of different colors and sizes. I ate to my fill of exotic foods, giving little thought that I might be sick later. I might and I might not but that was a risk I was willing to take. The sun was setting and I had seen nothing of my sisters, nevertheless maman's strict warning rang in my ear and I turned around for home. I was almost to the gates when a small sign caught my eyes. It was a palm with an eye in the middle-fortune teller! According to maman my grandmother was one while she lived and had an uncanny gift. It was not passed on to her children or grandchildren- not that I know of- and I was consumed with curiusity. I walked toward the tent and walked in, bending low over the draped curtains as I whispered, "Bonsoir madame."

I heard a low chuckle in the darkness and a candle flickered to life, revealing a face not much older than my own. She was rather pretty, with eyes the color of water, her brightly patterned dress cut shockingly low in the front and shoulders. I had no notions of what a fortune teller looked like but nothing I could have imagined looked like this. She smiled and beckoned closer, "Do you want to have your fortune read?" I swallowed an nodded, feeling strangely apprehensive when her eyes met mine and looked away. Her eyes read too much, knew too much, and that made me uncomfortable. Nevertheless I had made the decision to walk in here and running away now would seem cowardly. I walked in and sat on a low stool opposite her, her smile unnerving me more and more. She took my right hand for a moment and then giggled,

"Art thou afraid? You need not be, ye who are fiery of heart and bold in spirit." Her words didn't quite relax me but I felt a little better. She picked up a deck of cards and began shuffling, humming softly to a song as she did. Her voice tickled around my ears and seemed to wrap around my head for a moment, and then she extened the deck to me, "Pick the first card." I gave the deck a closer look and realize it is no ordinary playing deck; the inscriptions seem arcane and figures look very unfamiliar. I hand her the first card and she flips it over. 'The Wheel of fortune, well thou art about to see good things come to ye. They may seem wonderful and unexpected...perhaps all too good to be true..."

Her eyes turned speculative as she extends her hand for the next card. "Justice...fair balance in the universe." Her eyebrows quirked up with the next card and I saw why; even I knew the visage of the grim one. "Death, transformation...passage. Life as thou know it is about to change." I handed her yet another card and her smile widened, "Temperance...the right vessel to mix contenders...thou art an interesting person indeed. All four Major arcana, and in that order..." She leaned forward and cast a dark cloth aside, revealing a crystal orb in the middle of the table. Her palms spread over the ball and her eyes suddenly glowed just as she shut them.

I tensed, waiting with bated breath for her next actions and then she opened them, her voice seeming harsher than before, "The choices ye make, the paths ye seek, take heed that your heart and soul they not break." I felt my throat clench as I stared into the smoky orb and it suddenly cleared. I was no longer looking into a ball but a pair of eyes...startling blue eyes so clear and intense, they pierced right into my soul...And then they were gone and I was sitting back on the stool, staring into the fortune teller's eyes. Her smile had turned a little sad and I swore I read pity in her eyes.

She leaned over and took my hand, "Thou art strong of heart and tis just as well, for ye walk a lonely road. Oh how far shall it lead you from home." She hesitated and reached around her neck, removing a chain from the many adorning her chest. It was small but fine, with a pendant that looked like a lamp. "For when the road seems dark and you need a light to see your path." I looked up and swallowed, licking my dry lips to murmur my thanks. "H-how much shall I render for the reading?" She chuckled and shrugged, "For another a silver coin but thou art like kin, what ever ye spare shall suffice."

I gave her all I had and made my way out, my head filled with dark apparitions and flashing blue eyes. What did all that mean, me leaving so far from home? It was almost laughable now, even though back then I believed her every word, for I know my fawning father would never let me out of his sight and my mother would fain keep me close for much longer to 'teach me the ways of a proper lady' It didn't make sense, none at all-

"Garde!"

A voice rang out close to me, followed by the sharp neighing of a horse. I gasped and turned around as the stallion reared up, narrowly missing me thanks to the rider's skill. Death....the card the fortune teller told me...it's all coming true. I felt my knees give out from under me and began crashing to the floor, only to be caught my strong arms. The scent of jasmine filled my nose and a husky voice murmured in my ear, "A thousand apologies, ma belle dame, I hope you are not hurt."

I began shaking my head and looked up, freezing instantly as my eyes met with my savior's. Startling blue eyes, so clear and intense...I felt myself go slack and fall into a swoon, hearing that voice calling so urgently....

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I jerked off the bed with a strangled gasp, my hands pulling on an invisible rope as though it was a lifeline. It was raining outside, and the first thing I became aware of was the sharp smell in the air- the smell of rain. Lightening streaked along the window, illuminating the near darkness and I gasped again, realizing that I was in an unfamiliar bed...and an unfamiliar room. My eyes swung around the room and set on the dark shrouded figure sitting in the corner. I followed the red pin prick moving up and down with fascination for a moment before registering it as a lit cigarette, and the moment the knowledge hit me the dot went out and the figure rose. A sound rose and died upon my lips when the figure walked closer to the single burning candle and lit another, sending the darkness scurrying to the corners and walls.

"You are awake, good for I was becoming worried."

I heard before I saw, that husky voice rubbing against me like silk before its owner stepped into the limelight...it was a woman. I stared at her with mouth agape for she was easily the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes upon; I come from noble stock but not even my own mother could stand next to this vision. Her hair was black, black as midnight, and fell unbidden past her shoulders like a silken cloak. She wore a long white tunic over dark pantalones, revealing skin so fair I swore I could see the line of veins running through her body and even from the height of the bed I could tell that she was tall- taller than even my papa.

Yet none of these compared to her eyes. They were bluer than the sea, bluer than the sky itself, like sapphires lit within by an otherworldly flame, and as I stared into them I was instantly mesmerized, no enchanted. It was the way she looked at me; as though the universe was keeling over itself and the whole world was in shambles and there was only one person left in existence- me. Her eyes took me in, all of me, mind body and soul and concentrated on me with such intensity that I began to feel everything else fade into the background. I saw myself reflected in those eyes, and I was beautiful. And then she smiled, revealing perfect white teeth, and the spell lifted. I realized how rude I was being and instantly cast my gaze away, face turning hot with mortification as she sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand. "You must be wondering where you are but do not be afraid; you are in my home and as safe as though you were in yours."

Her smile was all at once welcoming and concerned as she paused, expecting me to say something, but I was still too enthralled with her presence to register the rest of the world. "You fainted before I could ask your name and then I began asking people but the rain started..." Her words trailed off and she glanced down at our intertwine hands, making me do the same. Her fingers were unnaturally long and tapered, ending in short neatly trimmed nails so unlike mine; I bit them to the nub and wore my hands raw. Yet she held them so gently and with such care, as though she cradled the most delicate of objects...

"Do not worry first thing tomorrow we shall locate your parents, they must be so worried about you now! But for now you must sleep- shall I have the servants fetch you some soup?" The question passed over my head for two heartbeats before I understood and shook my head. Food was the last thing on my mind. She nodded and started for the door, hesitating at the threshold, "Pardonne moi, bell dame, comment t'appelle tu? I forgot once more to ask." My name! I finally began gathering my wits and found my speech. "My name is Bernadette, the daughter of Hortense Garannier."

She nodded and smiled, about to leave when I arrested her with a question of my own. "And you, sil vous plait? In what manner shall I address my savior?" There! I had finally found my spirit and was beginning to assert myself as usual. Her smile widened and she took a step back into the shadows, "I am Eleanore, daughter of Rene and la comtesse de chateau bleu." Her voice seemed to float from the darkness as the door shut, the slight draft snuffing the second candle she'd lit.

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When I awoke the next morning it was to a sun filled sky and crisp cool air, the whole earth washed clean by the heavy rains of the night before. There was a large wash basin by the wall, filled with water, and a brand new dress lay draped against the chair in which the Lady of the house had once sat. I looked around me, taking the room in better light, and found that though simple, it was elegantly decorated with colors of green and gold- both of which happened to be my favorite. I pulled out of the bed and stepped unto the cool floor, realizing instantly that someone had undressed me and the chemise I wore was not mine. I wondered who, and felt my face warm at the thought of the Comtesse peeling my clothes off layer by layer...to distract myself from these thoughts I turned to the new dress, running the practiced eye acquired from countless sessions with my mother. At first glance it looked a simple affair of cream and blue but my touch revealed that the dress was made of silk and the laces of the bodice, filaments of real leather. I ran my hand through the linings and felt velvet- how could something so simple and light be at the same time so gorgeous?

Still I could not spend so much time thinking about this; la Comtesse was doubtlessly waiting for me and it simply would not do to make her displeased. I washed in the cool water and dressed quickly, making my way out of the room and into the corridor outside. It was narrow and seemed to stretch on for ever but soon it led to a pair of sweeping stairs. I was right; the comtesse was indeed waiting for me below and I hesitated a moment, taking in her appearance from behind.

Her back was ramrod straight but there was an easy gracefulness to her stand that reminded me of a reed. It would bend and yield to the wind but it would not break. And then, as if she felt my gaze, the comtesse turned around and I was once more held captive by her eyes. I watched mutedly as a faint smile appeared on her face and she beckoned, "Ah just the person I was thinking of. Bonjour Mademoiselle Garennier, comment ca va, and I hope you had a pleasant night." I nodded and started down the stairs, ending with a respectful curtsey, "Bonjour Comtesse, je vais bien merci, and yes I had a good night's rest." She nodded and enclosed my hand in hers, tugging gently as she started to the left, "Breakfast first and then we return to the fair and locate your family.

Breakfast was over and we were waiting for what the countess called ‘suitable transportation' by the castle grounds. I had begun to notice a few things about the place and the first was the silence. There were obviously guards and servants milling the chateau, some had served us breakfast only moments before, but even then they'd seemed to melt out of nowhere and disappeared just as quickly afterwards, leaving the place with an air of hushed expectation. I felt it wrap around me for a moment as I glanced this way and that about the empty courtyard, expecting at least the twittering of birds in the trees surrounding us but there was no such thing. It was as though everything and everyone existed on a basis of necessity and ceased to be once that need was fulfilled.

A sudden chill radiated down my spine at that thought and I hazarded a glance up to my hostess; she was fiddling with her leather gloves but looked up instantly to smile at me. "Absolom likes to take his time with the horses I'm afraid, and experience has taught me not to question my groomsman." Just then the pounding of hooves could be heard just ahead and a carriage rolled into sight. The comtesse clapped with satisfaction and turned to me, "Aha! Let us be off," but I wasn't listening; my eyes and mind were fixated on the carriage and struggled to reconcile its sheer magnificence. It stood higher than any I'd ever seen before, gleaming from spoke to spoke silvery blue gilded with burnished gold, but that was not all- no even the horses that pulled it seemed larger than life, all four of them blacker than coal and filled with fire. The countess touched me gently by the elbow and I blinked back to life, accepting her aid as she boosted me into the seat and settled down opposite. A moment later the carriage was off with a shout and a bump.

My natural curiosity taking a hold of me, I half turned around to look at the castle we were rapidly leaving and let out a soft gasp. It was massive! Somehow I had not realized just how big an edifice it was from within or even outside but now as the distance between us lengthened, I could see it's full structure and the only thing I could liken it to was a word I'd learned in one of Papa's books- behemoth. Now I knew why it was called Chateau bleu; the roof and turrets were made of the same color, a delicate sliver taken from the sky above that seemed to reach up and draw the very essence of the heavens...I sighed and drew away for though the sight was beautiful, I couldn't compare to the flash in its mistress's eyes.

The carriage rolled on and on and I realized with a start, that Chateau bleu was a lot farther than I imagined; it was just as well, for how else would I not have heard about it or it's mistress until now? I was impressed once more by the countess's efforts in ferrying me to safety through the driving storm. My eyes flicked over to her direction only to find that she too was watching me. The countess had a contemplative expression in her eyes as she regarded me but I swore her smile turned shy. Could it- was it possible that I left as much an impression on her as she affected me? I banished the prospects immediately, not wanting to give myself any false hope.

If I was my sister Adele or even Corinna, I would presume so but I was plain fiery Bernadette. Even my name had nothing attractive about it- the bravery of a bear, who wanted to be likened with such a gruesome beast? But then the fortune teller's words came back to me and a card flashed before my eyes, the wheel of fortune. Perhaps...just perhaps. We must have travelled for over half a day when the familiar gates of our town and I felt a twinge of satisfaction at the many heads that turned our way as the carriage rolled down to my home. Papa was standing by the gates, head bowed while he conferred with a young hand, and he looked up with surprise when we came to a stop.

The comtesse raised an eyebrow and I nodded with a smile, "That is my father." The door swung open and the driver helped me out just as my mother and sisters came running out of the house, charging straight for me. "Ma babe, mon enfant!" Never had I seen my mother so emotional; she grabbed my face and hugged me hard, pressing kisses all over my head and hair while tears welled up in her eyes. "I was so worried! We searched and searched, we ask everyone but no one had seen you leave the cirque, save for a gypsy woman who said something about a rider on a black stallion..."

She looked behind me and the words trailed off, her eyes taking an unfocused glaze and I knew why. The comtesse was standing behind me and my mother had fallen victim to her glamor. Eloise Garrenier was a strong and proud woman but she blushed and stuttered like a school girl when the countess approached, "Forgive me madam, I'm afraid I was the rider on the black stallion. I thought it prudent to remove us both from the rains else dear Bernadette here fall victim to the maladie." My mother was nodding to her every word and my sisters were similarly transfixed. The spell broke only with my father's approach as he gruffly cleared his throat. "Pardon me, madame..."

He left the sentence open, glancing uncertainly at her attire and the grand coach behind. The comtesse was dressed peculiarly indeed; her tunic was dark red velvet, richly embroidered, with long sleeves of sheer white, and matching pantalones. Her sur-coat fell all the way down to her ankles, billowing about her hips to give the illusion of a skirt, while a wide leather belt with twin holsters. "Comtesse," His eyes widened and I felt a secret twinge of satisfaction as I stepped back to take my sister's expressions when I intoned, "My apologies, allow me to introduce La Comtesse de Chateau bleu." My mother stiffened and a strange expression crossed her eyes for a heart beat- back then I even thought I imagined it.

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And that was how it began; first there were little gifts now and then, and then she ‘happened to be in the neighborhood' and the visits increased until even I couldn't deny that her interest was on one of us. Still I refused to believe it was me- it could be any one of my beautiful sisters-but I couldn't repress the wish and hope that I was me. I wanted to be the one catching her eye. And then spring came in earnest and the flowers began to bloom, it was three weeks since the cirque but I still hadn't forgotten about the fortune teller but it was all becoming to seem like an implausible dream. Maman decided to have one of her little parties in the garden and of course the Comtesse was invited. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, not for one moment, and every time she looked up I felt a little thrill up my spine.

Adele convinced the others to a little egg hunt but I declined. I found my way to my favorite spot in the garden- underneath the old willow tree- and opened my book. It was a new one and papa promised it would engage me but I couldn't concentrate; I couldn't keep the comtesse out of my mind. I set the book down with a sigh and closed my eyes, instantly seeing hers in the darkness. I wanted to laugh, cry, anything other than this fruitless expectation I felt. Her name formed on my lips and I whispered it with anguish, "Eleanore."

"Yes, Bernadette?" I gasped and jerked up, falling unto her lap, my face burning with mortification at her loud laugh. I felt all eyes draw to us and began squirming away when she held me back with one arm, her hand cupping my face as she looked deep into my eyes. "Ah Bernadette, you are such a delight, my enchantress." My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as her face lowered and her lips met mine. Instantly the whole world ceased to matter and all I could feel, see, taste was her. Instantly I knew I was tied to her, mind body and soul and I knew what I wanted. I parted my lips and drew her in wholeheartedly, hardly caring if we were in full view of my parents and siblings. When we finally parted, I knew something had changed forever and one look into her eyes told me we were destined to be together.

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"Bernadette are you sure about this?"

I looked up to meet my mother's steady gaze and nodded once before turning back to the mass of clothes on my bed. I was packing and she was supposed to be helping me, but so far all she'd done was sigh and stare worriedly at the wall. She sighed once more and I dropped the clothes in my hands, walking closer to her. "Maman what's wrong? You're making me feel uneasy."

She shrugged and took my hand in a gentle squeeze before replying, "I just can't stop thinking about the suddenness of it all. You barely know her and now you want to spend your life with her. Don't you think it's all too soon?" So there was the problem! I knew it would come to this. She must have felt my sudden chill because she hastily looked up and took my hands, "I am a mother, you cannot fault me for worrying, and it's just that you're so much younger than she is."

"No different from you and papa, you were even younger," I countered and she looked away. "Maman I cannot explain how I feel about Eleanore but it consumes me from head to toe and I can know no relief until I'm with her, around her, looking into those eyes of her." I finished abruptly with a blush, realizing I was sharing this with my mother. She pursed her lips and began twisting the bedspreads in her hands. "I feared this; you are infatuated with her and I fear she may not feel just the way you do." I shook my head indignantly at that, "Now you know mother that is not true. There has never been a more ardent professor of affection than my Eleanore."

Why was she suddenly resistant to me leaving with the comtesse? There had to be something more to this and I pressed her harder. Surprisingly she capitulated easily. "Oh it's just that your father and I have been asking around about Le Chateau Bleu and, well there's been very little word on the castle or it's owners. Few people know about them-" I shrugged obstinately at that, "Well few people would if they spent most of their time at court like most highborn nobles do. Besides, what is the point of all that?"

She threw her hands up into the air and got to her feet. "The point is that what we hear is not good! There are stories of strange deaths, disappearances that were never explained- do you know she has been married more than once? Yet no one can say for sure what happened to her spouses- think Bernadette, do you not feel even in the least wary?"

I got to my feet as well and met her eyes, "No I don't pay heed to empty gossip. Mother she has been nothing but good to me- to us and this is how you repay her, with suspicion? It matters not whatever the people say because my feelings for her won't change. Mother how can I make you see that this is not a whim or a passing fancy? I love her." There, the words were out; they'd been creeping up my tongue but I kept pushing them back down but the moment they were out, I knew they rang true. My eyes welled up with tears as I read the stricken expression on maman's face and I felt as though I'd just betrayed her.

Yet I could not deny how I felt...I realized that I had just made my choice, for better or for worse. She must have thought that too because she suddenly took me in her arms and pressed my head against her bosom- the very same that held me as a child- and pressed a kiss to my temples. "Alright then Bernadette, you've made your path and I cannot hold you back. Remember this my Cherie, this is your home and you're always welcome here. Whatever happens, we'll always leave a light by the window."

First the wheel and now justice...I was losing something to gain something. It was fair trade...right?

We were back at the chateau, in her-our room, on our bed. I opened my eyes to meet the swirling sapphire orbs above and felt a familiar surge of electricity through and up my midriff. I thrilled to her light laugh and couldn't help the tiny squeal when her lips descended to my temples. She pulled aside to whisper in my ear, "Mine," chuckling as they moved to my lips, "And mine," she tickled my ribs and I squirmed under her, giggling as her lips trailed over my throat and pressed against my thumping heart, " And mine." She moved back up and grinned with mischievous delight, capturing my lips once more in a gentle kiss, murmuring when we separated to take a breath, "All mine."

I made no sound of dissent; how could I when every fiber of my being resonated in agreement that I belonged wholeheartedly to her? I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply of her scent as her arms tightened around me. I felt her chest rise and the breath fall in a soft sigh and her voice rang clear in the near silence of the room, "Ah Bernadette, ma seductrice," She nuzzled me and I laughed; the idea that I could hold anyone sway under my spell struck me as funny. Besides she was the one who had so much glamour, she was the one who had me under her spell.

"Since that stormy night when you nearly jumped out of my bed and held me captive with your charm, I knew no peace and had only one thought in my head; somehow I had to make you mine and now, you cannot imagine how happy I am right now." Her words were honey sweet to my ears and I turned to meet her eyes, certain she was jesting but found only sincerity in them. Still a part of me couldn't believe that I affected her as much as she affected me- that these feelings I had were actually being reciprocated. She slowly untangled herself from my arms and reared up on one elbow to briefly smile at me as her lips claimed mine. "I cannot have enough of you," she whispered, lips trailing the edge of my mouth.

She licked my lower lip and sucked gently, teasing it out with her teeth as she proceeded to bestow the entirety of her attention into kissing and pleasuring it. I shut my eyes and succumbed to this swirling ball of warmth and heat rising up from inside me as her lips moved to my top lip and gave it the same amount of focus before deepening our kiss and probing within with her tongue. Never before had I partaken in such an intimate action; I never imagined that a simple kiss could be so pleasurable...I felt my toes curl up, a whimper escaping my lips when our tongue finally met and danced together, my senses nearly exploding from the infusion of exotic flavors that was my Eleanor.

The pressure that had been slowly rising inside me became unbearable; I gripped her arm and shut my eyes tight as it suddenly discharged with a force that threatened to rip me apart. I couldn't hear or feel- all I could see what this blast of pure white behind my eyes as my body seemed to lift off the bed...when I came to my senses, I realized that my eyes were wet. I looked up to meet her eyes, mine widening with wonder and not a little awe. She had brought me to such a state of rapture with just one kiss and already I could feel myself aching for more. She hugged me tight and whispered huskily into my ear, "Don't worry my love, the best is yet to come."

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Later that night as we lay in each other's arms, breaths moving in and out in tandem, I felt myself stir back awake but didn't know why. I leaned up on my elbow, careful not to disturb my sleeping lover, and looked around the bed. The candles were almost burned out and gave sparse light but from what I could see there was nothing amiss. I sighed and settled back on the covers, enjoying the feel of silk against my bare skin as I cuddled closer to Eleanore. I couldn't sleep- I was a light sleeper normally and sudden interruptions in my sleep effectively ended the routine for me- but now I was more entranced with staring at her face. She looked so innocent, with the way her hair kept bending over the crown of her face to shade her eyes...I brushed the strands away and lightly trailed my finger over her face. Mine, all mine. What bliss! To think that I would spend my whole life loving and being loved by her- what greater pleasure could there be in life? Why would anyone be afraid of that, why would my mother have sought to deny me this most wondrous gift?

I drew away and looked up to the curtains draping our bed as the images of my departure from home flashed in my head. I would miss my sisters each of them in their own ways of course, and I would miss my mother but most of all I would sorely miss my papa. I remembered the way his eyes misted over despite his hardest attempts not to cry as he grasped me in his arms and squeezed me in a bear hug. It was just like all those times in my childhood when he'd return from a long trip to find me waiting at the town's gate, ready to leap into his arms at the slightest invitation. I remember the gruffness in his voice when he faced Eleanore and warned her to take very good care of me...or else. A smile touched my lips and I glanced at her sleeping form- even she had seemed a little concerned right then.

I remembered the envious glances my sisters threw my way and still felt a twinge of satisfaction because I, the youngest and least beautiful was leaving home first. My smile widened and then dipped when I thought back to maman and the expression on her face when she hugged me goodbye. It was as though she believed I was being led to the slaughter and even now it still confused me. Her stance had been stiff and her eyes wet with unshed tears when she looked at me but they turned uncharacteristically meek when she looked to Eleanore and reiterated my father's charge. I felt a flush of warmth as I remembered the smile she gave me back then and the promise she made to my parents. "I know how much she means to you and I promise I'll always do my best to keep her happy."

And how happy I was! Now if only I could lay my mother's unfounded fears to rest...I glanced up to her face once more and was startled when I looked right into her eyes. She brushed my lip with a finger and then smiled at me, eyes full of concern. "You can't sleep? I understand; it's your first night here and no doubt you miss the familiarity of your old bed." Her smile turned mischievous as she leaned closer for a kiss and then added, "Soon you'll be very familiar with my bed." I felt my face heat in a blush but kissed her back all the same, reveling in her taste for several long moments before we drew apart. She gathered me close and laid my head over her belly, fingers slowly stroking my hair. "And of course you miss your papa and mama and your sisters. I wish I could help but I was an only child and I had no siblings or relatives that I know of." Her words trailed off and then she continued pensively, "You must hate me now Bernadette, because I've taken you away from everything and everyone you hold dear-" I looked up hastily and shook my head. "No! No, I could never hate you."

Her eyes sharpened for an instant and then she shook her head. "Of course you wouldn't, forgive me." I lay back over her belly and stared once more into the curtains. I couldn't help thinking about my last argument with my mother and the things she told me. I didn't believe them but a part of me needed to have a reason not to. Still I couldn't ask her; there was no way I could-

"Is something bothering you, Cherie?" Her voice was light but I could hear the certainty in them. I began shaking my head when she pulled away and slid lower to meet my gaze. "Listen to me Bernadette you are my love and my lover, my lady and my consort. If there's anything you need to ask me or let me know, anything at all, no matter how terrible or absurd it may seem, you must never feel unable to do so. There is no difference in rank or age between us- we are equals, especially within this room and on this bed." She traced a pale finger over my cheek and then gave me a light peck before inquiring, "So what is it that has you so troubled?" I shut my eyes and opened my mouth. "B-before I left home my mother let me know a few things. They are all rumors...about you."

Her fingers moved back inside my hair and continued stroking. "I see, well what kind of rumors?" I sighed and bit my lip, wondering why I ever opened my mouth in the first place. "Rumors of things la Comtesse de la chateau bleu did...they say that the Comtesse is a mysterious figure and no one really knows the origin of the title but no one really dared to question it. They spoke of strange disappearances within the castles, deaths that never went explained...they said the Comtesse is a harbinger of doom and carries death about her." I took a breath and let the worst- my own true fears come out. "They said the Comtesse has been married more than once but no one knows what became of them and strongly suspect that she kills them off." I finished softly and shut my eyes, about to mutter an apology when she spoke. "And what is your own question Bernadette, for surely you must have something to ask if you put all this so close to mind."

I couldn't tell from her voice whether or not she was angry but I couldn't muster the courage to look into her eyes for confirmation. But she was right; I had a question and at this point I just had to ask it. "D-did you do all those things?" A long silence followed my words and I nearly quailed from my folly. Why couldn't I just have let things be, why did I have to listen to my mother and stir up a hornets' nest? She blew against my face and I blinked my eyes open to meet her serious face. Our eyes met for a long moment and she whispered unexpectedly, "Bernadette, do you know what I first fell in love with about you? It's your eyes, the way they take in everything, swallowing me whole in their depths. I swear one of these days I'll lose myself in them and then you'll have to find me." I never thought there was anything special about my eyes- they were a plain brown, just like my hair.

And then she smiled and shrugged, "Maybe so, maybe no. Perhaps the Comtesse did indeed do all they accused her of but my question to you is should it matter?" I was confused by her words and it showed on my face. Eleanore closed her eyes and sat upright, crossing her legs as she looked down at me. "I am la Comtesse de chateau bleu and I am Eleanore. We both look alike but we are two very different people. The Comtesse holds the power and the title and very few people know Eleanore because they are not in the position to know me. It sounds very confusing doesn't it? But what I need you to understand is that you are looking at Eleanore; you will always be looking at Eleanore and it doesn't matter whatever the Comtesse does or people say she does as long as you keep it in mind that when it comes to you, I am not the Comtesse but Eleanore. Can you understand Bernadette, that I have laid all of my cards on the table and you must decide which just what game we are going to play?"

Her eyes were boring earnestly into mine, with a strange desperation I never witnessed from her. I could almost taste her need to make me understand and it was like standing on earth while attempting to encompass the whole existence of a star. The longer I stared into her eyes, the more it became clear to me; the only way to even begin to understand her was to start from what I already had. I knew I loved her with the whole of my being and I knew she loved me just as much- there was no way to explain that knowledge but looking into her eyes gave me an epiphany. It was indescribable but it filled me up with- with something. I loved her and she loved me. Somehow that would begin to explain everything else.

I leaned up and kissed her, smiling as I replied, "I love you." It was all I said but she understood and kissed me back, harder, deeper, igniting our already smoldering passion for each other. She lay me back against the pillows and gently parted my legs and as I looked into her eyes with absolute trust, I read the very same emotion in hers as well as boundless relief.

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Bliss...for the first time in my life I knew what it meant. I had the kindest and most attentive woman in the world as my wife and she was always at my disposal. We were rarely ever apart and when she did have to leave, on trips outside the castle, it was always with the most ardent promise to return as soon as possible. I had guessed that the chateau came with some amount of money but didn't realize just how wealthy my Eleanore actually was until the accountant visited the castle for the annual book keeping review. My wife had decided to name me as her heir and successor but distressing as that thought was, I couldn't help marveling at the holdings under the chateau; there were acres and acres of land, the homesteads attached to the castle that generated money as well as titular allowance from the court itself. My eyes must have been as wide as saucer plates because she chuckled softly when I turned to whisper, "All these are yours?" She squeezed my hand and leaned closer to kiss me before replying just as softly, "Ours Bernadette, yours and mine."

All that was hers was mine and all that was mine...well I had little of my own to give, save a heart filled with love. There and then I vowed to give as much of my love as I could, always and only for her. The chateau had a great many number of rooms and for weeks I'd engage myself searching through each room in each floor. Sometimes Eleanore would join me in my quests but more often than not she begged off to work in her study. Still I was not perturbed about wandering alone because I never truly was; a castle as big as the chateau naturally teemed with servants and attendants, from my own maids to the foot men and gardeners who tended the grounds. I never saw much of them but knew they were around; they seemed to stay just beyond the corner of the eye, popping out when needed but blending back once the duty was fulfilled. At first I tried to draw them out by being especially courteous with them but gave up when I realized they were as shy as they were reticent. Besides whenever I actually managed to catch their eyes there was always some indefinable look in them, as though there was something they wanted to say but couldn't.

Before my leaving with Eleanore my mother had raised many doubts and objections about our union, doubts that I shared with my wife and once and for all put to rest. My trust in Eleanore was unquestionable and besides even though there may have been others before me, there was no disputing that my wife's fidelity. The stories of the others were nothing more than that; nebulous, distant and there was no evidence to back them up. Until one fateful day...It would remain burned into my memory for eternity, perhaps for three things that happened during it. The first was that I remembered waking up in the morning with a vision just fading from memory. It was a familiar symbol but I couldn't remember where I had seen it. I would continue to ponder upon it while my maids fussed about me, through our breakfast and all up until my usual daily walk through the gardens.

I was staring at the small water pot fountain when it all came back to me. It was the card Temperance, the very same one the gypsy fortune teller had me pick what now seemed like eons ago. Truth be told I had all but forgotten about her predictions, distracted as I was by my happiness with Eleanore, but I couldn't help thinking about it and why it had suddenly come back to memory. I wouldn't have long to contemplate before a servant appeared from nowhere with the message that my beloved sought audience with me. That pushed the card temporarily from mind as I hastened to Eleanore. She was in the study and from her garbs I quickly surmised that she was preparing for yet another trip.

That thought brought a pang to my midsection as I wondered how long we would be separated this time. She watched me walk closer and reached out a cool hand, squeezing and pressing a kiss to mine once it was in hers. Her eyes and smile were both mischievous and apologetic. "My darling, have I told you how beautiful you are?" I flushed as I leaned up, lips already seeking hers, and sighed with pleasure when she immediately acquiesced. Our kisses were slow and leisurely, heedless of the maid waiting by the door. Eleanore murmured something in my ear and sat back on the desk, drawing me closer to settle over her thigh as her lips trailed to my neck and she began nibbling on the hollow of my throat. "Don't go," I whispered, closing my eyes with the familiar tightening and curling of heat between my legs as her lips grew more urgent. She sighed over my skin and pressed her face over my breasts, breathing deeply of my scent before huskily replying, "Would I that I could turn the coach back to the stable. Forgive me Bernie, but it cannot be helped."

She drew away with a look of regret and then mustered a smile. "Don't worry, for I shall do my best to make this as short as possible." I nodded but leaned closer all the same, taking her sleek tresses between my fingers. "I'll miss you nevertheless, and shall be counting the moments until your return." My beloved gave me a brilliant smile and then pulled away, walking around the desk to her bureau. She kept only the most important documents in there and that I knew already from experience. I watched her pull the drawers one by one until she finally found what she wanted and came back around. It was a velvet jewelry box and she slowly opened it to reveal a fine chain. It was made of gold and suspended on it hung a small silver key. I frowned slightly as she held it up and around my throat, touching it lightly as I asked, "What is this?" Eleanore smiled and turned me around. "It is a key." I knew it was too small to open any of the doors in the castle and that only made me curious about its purpose. "I can tell that but a key to what?" My beloved gave me an intense stare and I could have sworn that her eyes darkened as she replied, pressing my hand over her chest, "The key to the door of my heart. I would like you to keep it safe for me, can you?"

Dumbfounded, I nodded quickly and she smiled, leaning closer to give me a kiss. "Thank you, now I can leave without worries." I followed her to the very gates and watched as the carriage thundered out of the castle. I must have stood there for a long time because by the time I blinked back to consciousness, I was all alone in the area. I made my way back within the castle and ignoring the servants, continued on my daily forays through the room. My quest was slowly coming to an end and that saddened me a little because the rooms in the castle were filled with so many beautiful and wondrous things.

I must have stumbled into an old library without realizing it because I was nearly in the middle of the room before it dawned on me. The room was small and cozy and I had an indescribable sense of intimacy as I pivoted around a point, taking in the whole room. It was intended not to be used for a long time because the stacks and shelves were draped with white cloth, as well as the furniture and paintings. Still it was a beautiful room; perhaps I could convince Eleanore that I would find some use for it. That was the thought running in my head as I absently reached for the drape closest to me and dragged it down, revealing the painting beneath. I looked up and a gasp escaped my lips. The two of them were sitting on a long couch or rather, Eleanore was sitting and she was lying half draped on her.

I couldn't take my eyes off her; she had spun gold hair that spread over one shoulder. Her face was half turned toward the other woman, the beginnings of a smile playing around her rose red lips. There was no denying the skill of the artist but I knew that the straightness of her back, the lift of her shoulder and the regal look in her eyes could not have been created by even the most gifted of artist. I knew it as surely as I knew the emotion in them even as she gazed at my wife. There was something stuck in my throat; my head felt light and my knees didn't seem to hold my legs together any more. I had indeed fallen to the ground but didn't realize it yet. My eyes were fastened on the ring on her right hand and they involuntarily flickered to my left hand.

It was a different stone- diamond to her sapphire, gold to her silver. For some reason knowing that seemed to be very important. I stared at that beautiful, imperious figure draped around my beloved and felt a pang. There was no way I could ever compare to her and yet I knew without doubt that she'd once claimed Eleanore. Suddenly the stories I'd heard began to press around my head, my mother's voice ringing in my ears...here was the proof I'd refused to consider.