Chapter Seven - The pond of boldness
After running for what seemed to be hours to her, a now very winded Susan found that her legs not wanting to work any longer, and she had finally slowed because of it. Fatigue had started to set in from her long run, as she needed the chance to rest a little before trying to find her way back to the mansion.
Stopping finally, the girl now let herself take a look around, as the unfamiliarity of the grounds warranted it. Susan now found that she had stumbled across the large lake type pond surrounded by tall trees and rocks. She had been told about this place that was on the Smyth land, but never quite knew where it was wholly before.
Looking around, she gasped hard, fighting to catch her breath, while her feet were screaming for her to stop right where she was. Calming her mind down, she started to feel the place. The silence that held over the large pond seemed a perfect place to sit, and be away from the crazy woman back in her new home. After what had just transpired, she was finding this place a little piece of heaven.
Spotting a rock resting near the water’s edge...she thought it might be a good place to stop and try and soothe things in her head. To her quite sore feet and now very tired body, it was a godsend. She took a seat on the rock, and felt every part of her body fall into relaxing all at once.
Smelling the clean water wafting on the light breeze to her, made her feel even better, right down to her sore cheek. Closing her eyes, she let the sense of calmness seep into her to wash the days events out of her mind. In it quiet of the pond, time seemed to be standing still for a moment, the sweetness of the air was also relaxing. The girl just let that be her guide into her mind letting go a little, but she still could physically feel the blows that had been rained down on her by a very infuriated Mrs. Smyth.
In her mind, the smells whisked her back to the memories of the trees that surrounded her family’s farm. Each of the smells made her feel like she was that five year old girl again who would sit for hours on end in the peaceful solitude of those woods on warm summer days They were so pleasant of thoughts, and she reveled in the simpleness and loved reliving it... but they made feel the heaviness of sadness flood her. Those great memories seemed to be so very long ago, and after what had all came about in her short life, she wished that she could go back to that point in her mind... yet the sadness came from knowing it was not possible.
Wanting nothing more than to try and calm herself down, she took in another long and satisfying intake of the sweet smells all over again. Willing herself to get out of these reminders of past things, making herself know that she could never go back to that so nicely simple time in her life.
She was determined to at least enjoy this little reprieve from her life of today and to honestly feel something better than what she had been. The fact was, she did not quite know how to accomplish that feat, or to fit in to this new family. She wondered if it was her, that might be the cause.
The girl sat listening to the quiet, as it massaged her with it lilting non-music. It was then broken, as a out of place noise came to her. The odd noise seemed to be accompanied by a rustle of movement near where she sat. With a start, she turned to see just what the noise might be, and quickly identified a figure just to her right.
It was Alice who was sitting about twenty yards away from her, under the low sweeping branches of a large tree that was growing next to the pond’s shore. She looked at the girl and swallowed hard, while her heart jumped in her chest. She found that she was happy to see the girl like she had never felt ever before, but felt the tightness of nervousness at the same time. The memory of the kiss she had gotten from the girl flashed through her mind, sending shivers through out her body. She just sat there, not really knowing what to do, or what it was that made her react like this towards the red head.
Before Susan could do anything, Alice spotted her sitting on her little rock. . The girl nodded to acknowledge that she was there, but initially stayed right where she was. All of a sudden, the maid bounded to her feet and was making a beeline straight to Susan’s side. The brown haired girl was unsure of why Alice was coming over.
" Miss Susan..." The servant girl said, her words seemed to be louder that normal.
Susan was a little surprised with how distressed the girl was sounding as she neared. With in only a few split seconds, the girl had made it to her side.
" Miss Susan...Your face..." Said the maid. " It’s red an’ swollen..."
The girl touched her face in reaction to the Alice’s noticing, what had happened flooding her memory again.
" It’s nothing, Alice..." She said with no inflection in her words, while trying to hid the glaring redness that was on her cheek.
" That is not nothing..." Gasped the girl.
" I bumped it on a tree... Maybe..." Tried to explain Susan, finding herself half heartedly trying to lie about it.
" That is not a bump there..." Said the girl, looking at Susan with concern. " That looks to me like a handprint on your face."
Susan was shocked that the girl could tell that her redness was in the shape of a hand still, and was flustered about telling the girl who had hit her like this. She lowered her head and turned a little, hoping that it would hid the marks and she would stop questioning her about it.
" Just let it be, Alice..." She muttered.
Boldly, Alice reached out and turned Susan’s face to her... and had a look at the big red mark that was already showing signs of becoming one heck of a bruise. The girl eyed the injury for a moment, almost as if assessing it right there.
" Who hit you?" She said with a gasp.
Susan did not answer, her hesitance seemingly saying volumes. Alice looked deeply into the girl’s eyes, almost if reading whatever thoughts were behind them. The servant girl’s face was filled with distress, but there was this odd hinting flash of anger that showed in the red head’s eyes.
" It was Mrs. Smyth who beat on you... wasn’t it?" She said, seemingly not shocked with her reasoning into the cause of the handprint
" No..." Susan said weakly, her second try at a lie was as non-convincing as the first one was
" C’mon... tell me the truth here... did Mrs. Smyth do this to you!" The servant insisted, obviously not believing Susan
Susan nodded to admit that it was her mother that had hit her, not wanting to try and lie again to the girl.
" So it was Mrs. Smyth who hit you..." The girl slowly asked.
" Yes." Susan finally verbalized.
To the brown haired girl’s surprise, the maid wrapped her in her arms around her and gave her such a tight hug. The chestnut brown haired girl found that she was hugging back as many tears began to flow over her sore face. In the girl’s arms, she found that she was feeling safer that she never knew could have been.
" Sometimes I could scream because of that woman... even though I do work for her, and treats me pretty well..." Muttered Alice, as she held the girl very tightly. " What was it all about? What did she think that you needed to get a beating like this."
Susan looked at the girl, and felt a little odd about even contemplating explaining what had happened to her... yet she felt the need very strongly to tell the truth to Alice.
" It’s... complicated..." She warned.
" Just tell me." Was all the girl said back, her concern showing no bounds.
Susan looked into the girl’s face, and saw that Alice was very serious about hearing what had happened to her. With a sigh, she found herself quick to explain just what had happened with Mrs. Smyth, trying to speed through it like a waterfall down a steep cliff. To her surprise, the servant girl seemed to just simply listen to her, never once even interrupting her as she let the words tumble out.
After every last detail had spilled out of herself, Susan watched the girl for some reaction of what she had told her. To her amazement, there was not a reaction to speak of for long moments of time from the girl. Susan felt nervous, wondering just what the girl in the black and white outfit was thinking about... and what, if anything, she was thinking about her.
Alice seemed almost blank in her manner, but never once did she turn her face from Susan. It seemed like Alice was thinking over everything that she had said to her.
" I know which boy this Victor is...." Alice finally said. " He is a snobbish type of lad. I remember him from many parties thrown by Mr. And Mrs. Smyth in the past." The girl paused for a second.
" He is such a braggart, a blowhard and just plain creepy!" Spat Susan, hearing that the girl not only understood, but agreed with her.
"That’s why I don’t like him also..." Smirked Alice. "...but why is it that don’t you wanna see him?"
Susan took a breath, as just the simple act of even thinking of being around the boasting loudmouth Victor, made her disdain for him grow without him even being there. She give a snuffing noise as she looked at Alice.
" I find him hard to be around, he seems to be just a big blowhard with all of his boasting he does..." She said, adding in to her reply with a second statement. " I guess that I just all around don’t like him in any way."
" I can understand why you don’t like him..." Agreed Alice with a impish smirk. " Perhaps there is there another boy you have met and sort of liked..."
The question was a clear one, but the chestnut brown haired girl had no quick answer. It was one that never had been posed to her before.
" No... not that I can think of any boy that I like..." Susan said, then asked. " Why did you ask?"
" I’m just saying that maybe, if you show an interest in some other boy your mother might approve of, she might not press you to see Victor."
She thought for only a second.
" I don’t really like any of the ones that my Mother had at that party for me..." Said Susan. " I just never liked any of them... a few of the girls I liked being around though..."
" Why not?" Asked Alice, giving a odd look at Susan. " It may be the answer to all of this."
The brown haired girl found that she had to think about Alice’s question for a moment or two, once again her answer seemed not to be there. Susan thought it was very strange that she had no answer back for the girl.
" I guess it’s that I don’t like the boys yet..." She said after she had considered an answer for a small while. She smiled and ended up looking right into Alice’s amazing eyes. " Not yet I guess... but..."
For some odd reason, Susan found that she had stopped talking all of a sudden. She was not quite sure why she had stopped at that point, but it was clear that she had stopped dead in the middle actually speaking. The red headed girl had not failed to notice that the girl had stopped dead with what she had been saying.
" But... What?" Alice asked, then who prodded.
" Hu?" She stammered.
" Why did you stop with ‘but’?" Alice said clearer.
Susan was going to say that she did not know why she had stopped speaking, but even those words seemed to be not wanting to come out either. She looked at the girl kneeling next to her, struggling to get any word she could out of herself.. but to her surprise her word paralysis just continued. She could see the girl was waiting for some sort of an answer, and she could give nothing..
Without warning the girl leaned into Susan. She found Alice’s lips on her’s again, a kiss that sparked things inside of her all over again. Her body trembling under the waves of sensations that the kiss was bringing throughout her entire body. Susan found that she had immediately began to kiss the girl back, just like the night before. She wanted to fight it off, knowing that it was not right to kiss a girl like this... but found that she did not want to as she wrapped her arms around the girl and kissed Alice back with such intensity.
The girls just hung there, locked in the kiss, the beauty and silence of the pond being the only one that was bearing witness to it all. It seemed to only watch, never once seeming to be judgmental in any way.
The fiery haired girl stopped the kiss after a time, and looked right into Susan’s eyes. To Susan, there was this feel of maturity in the eyes of the girl, a maturity that always seemed to be exuded by the girl..
" I know why you don’t like boys... you like girls.. and ‘in that way’...." Alice said flatly. " That is why you don’t like Victor."
The words hit her like a huge blow, the insinuation was so preposterous for her to even think... It was blasphemous to even hear, but she could not get the words out of her mouth to dispute it. She looked right into Alice’s eyes, and found that they were locked onto her.
" That is so wrong..." Said Susan, not wanting to even think of what the girl was saying to her as she scrambled out of the girl’s hugging and stood there with eyes widened. " You know that it is wrong..."
" I very much know how you are feeling, Miss Susan..." She said so flatly, not flinching once. " You see...I like girls as well..."
" No...!" She said, voice trembling.
" I know it is hard to understand..." Alice said calmly.
The brown haired girl shook her head hard, taking a step back from the girl. This was so wicked to even hear, her mind screamed at her.
" That is wrong to even be thinking like this..." She said, her body shaking a little as she spoke. " Girls don’t like girls in ‘that way’...that is silly... an’ wrong... it says ion the bible that it is a sin.."
" I know that you do though, I otta know. I like girls that way too..." Said Alice, seemingly just a little hesitant to say her words as well at that moment. " I found myself liking girls like that when I was just little... The reason I am telling you what I know is that I am feeling something so much, for you."
Fear welled up in her breast, and she broke the long stare she had. She took two more steps away, as the girl’s insinuation kept replaying in her mind.
" No.. you can’t feel like that..." She said, gasping. " It’s not right... its not Godly...It’s ..."
" I do feel the same way, I can’t lie ... and I can see that you really do feel the same way..." Was all the girl said, looking up at the girl who was now standing.
" NO!! I don’t!!" Susan said, her own loudness echoing across the calmness of the pond.
For the seconds time today, Susan found herself on the run again headlong, not sure of where she was even going at this point, but knowing that she was wanting to get away. The words of the very pretty servant girl was being replayed in her head over and over again, her insides were fighting all of the feelings that were coming out of her. She knew that it was wrong, but she was feeling exactly what the girl was telling her.
Through the thickest parts of the woods, she raced like mad, crashing through the brush like a enraged bear on the hunt. Her mind could not stop the words from playing in her head, it was louder than anything, and echoed like if it was in some great chasm
" You like girls...I know..." She could hear the voice of Alice saying over and over again.
" No!" She kept saying to the woods as she ran, her legs feeling like they had a mind of their own at this point.
Susan let a exasperated scream out as she continued her wild run, Alice’s voice kept on repeating itself deep in her mind. She wanted it to stop, but it was refusing to loosen its grip on her. She shook her head and continued bashing through the shrubs and trees.
She stopped finally at the side of the mansion, unknowing how she had found her way back like she had. She felt her heart pounding away in her chest harder than she ever knew it could have before. She leaned up against the wall, her mind, so jam packed with things and the frustration of being unable to stop it, might end up stopping itself.
Susan took a few breaths and looked around herself, for a second she had thought that the girl had followed her all the way from the pond tucked away in the corner of the estate. All she could see right now was a dark colored carriage with a two-horse team going in the direction of away from her new home. From the large lettering written so boldly on the back of the carriage itself, she instantly had knew that was Victor’s family’s carriage that was on it’s way off of the property.
Realizing that she could see the back of Victor’s head through the window of the carriage, she hurriedly stepped behind a thick clumping of bushes near her and the house. She did not want to take the chance of being seen, the carriage would stop and Victor would come out for his ‘visit’... and she would be forced into greeting him with faked open arms. She did not none of that.
To her relief, the extravagant looking carriage kept on rolling down the watery dirt path, and quickly left through the gate at the very front of the estate. It did not even hesitate as it rapidly had disappeared from sight.
The girl held herself very still for a few moments more, until she was absolutely sure that the carriage was gone. She watched the gate as she held her breath, and saw nothing but the dirt road that went past and headed towards the nearby city limits. She continued to hold still behind the bushes, not chancing even to flinch an inch.
Time had passed finally, the carriage had not returned. Exhaling deeply, Susan was finally assured that the lad was not going to come back because they had spotted her. She felt herself relax just a little.. knowing how close she had been to having to relent to her mother’s will on the matter..
She felt a little better, knowing that the pompous lad had left, but that did not help any of the other things that ran around in her mind. She felt so confused, finding that she was now constantly replying the feelings she had when Alice and her had been kissing. That, along with the girl’s blunt words to her, just made her even more confused with herself as she had been. She shook her head a little as if to dislodge everything, but nothing it seemed would stop it all from cluttering her mind.
Freezing to the spot where she was, Susan realized something through her thoughts. She had to admit to herself that this was not the time for her to go inside just yet, remembering how angered the woman was with her when she had ran off. She backed away from the corner of the house and turned, making sure that no one from inside had seen her yet. It was very clear that for right now, it would not be a good thing at all to return inside. She needed to stay away for awhile longer
She skirted around the outside of the massive building, hoping to end up finding some secluded little spot to hid herself away for awhile, unsure of how long she would have to hide when she found such a little place. With everything she was thinking, she did not want to deal with her mother’s anger right now.... not even wanting to venture what kind of mood Mrs. Smyth could be in now. With her running off like that, not to mention that she missed the arranged meeting up with the annoying Victor, there was no telling what type of a beating she might get because of it.
The girl touched her fast bruising cheek, as she hurried herself away from the front area of the house. She did not really hate living at the Smyth home as such, it was just all of this stuff that was expected of her by her new family that made it hard to handle.
From the moment she stepped foot in the Smyth’s life... she felt so very out of place and never could get a handle of understanding of what it was that is expected of her. Because of that and the odd feelings she felt towards Alice... she had no idea who she was or why she was there in the first place.
She sighed, and longed for the quiet days she had with her Mom and Dad. She knew that she was daydreaming, but was comforted a little bit with it all. She smiled with it, and hurried to find that little spot to hide away in.