Story: Memories (chapter 4)

Susan watched all the commotion from the big window in the house, with awe. To her shock, she was realizing that all of these people were coming to the mansion meet her and only her. They had no idea who she was, but because of the Smyth’s status, it was a all out alert to these people.

Something deep inside of her made her feel queasy and truly not good with all of this. This all was so extremely overwhelming, since she knew not a single person that was coming to this party.... that was actually being thrown for her. She just sighed, as the tilde wave of people just kept on coming, her anxiety growing with every person that showed up.

Susan turned and sat down, looking vacantly around the small area that was called the sitting room. Her ‘mother’ had told her to wait right there until she was to be summoned for greeting the guests. Her nerves were now feeling very raw, her hands were sweating so much at the very thought of all of those strangers that were arriving. She had happily agreed to wait in the small room off of the main foyer, having a few moments alone to calm herself was very much a good thing.

The butler, Patrick came in to the room, and stood stonily still.

" Miss Susan." He called out, his tone was his usual perfect way..

" Yes??"She asked, the fact that the man was there, boosted her anxiety all over again... so much for calming herself down..

" Your mother has told me to escort you to the main hall." He said, his low timbered voice resonating through the small space.. " Do follow me, please."

Susan nodded silently and stood up to follow the man as asked to, her mind wondering how someone could even walk, while standing so tall and straight as the butler did. She eyed the man who walked in front of her, and thought how he walked like was so unnatural... she was actually expecting him to trip or fall.

When the brown haired girl entered the large hall, she could not help but gasp loudly. Even though she had watched all the people arrive from the window in the sitting room, she was just boggled at all of the people that had just came out to meet her, and for her new mother to just be the prime hostess. She nervously moved to her mother’s side, as the woman was talking with a man dressed in a black outfit, with a white collar. This person was obviously a priest or something.

The woman, noticed the girl’s approach and gave a smile that made Susan wonder about her. The woman waved for the girl to come over.

" Reverend Handlin... " Said the woman sweetly, but it seemed to be a little put on. " This is the newest member of the Smyth family, Susan."

The man, a squat overly chubby person seemed a little imposing to Susan, but she noted that is bright eyes seemed to radiate with a gentleness that only could have been matched by her new father’s eyes. She was still very nervous, but those eyes seemed to help her feel not as nervous.

" This is indeed a pleasure to meet you, Susan." He said in a very smooth sounding voice, holding out one of his large hands to shake the girl’s hand. " I am pleased to make your acquaintance."

The girl took the thick hand of the clergyman, and shook it somewhat awkwardly. The reverend chuckled and looked deeply into the young lass’s eyes. Mrs. Smyth o the other hand just snuffed and leaned over to whisper into the girl ear, as the woman’s hand slapped her stiffly on the shoulder.

" When you shake hands, do it more properly -slower- like a lady, and remember to curtsy when you are doing it also..." The lady scolded very crossly, with a growl tinting the words.

" Yes, Ma’am." Gulped the girl, who then curtsied to the clergyman in response to the prodding of her ‘mother’. She had never done so to her priest back home.

The clergyman looked over at Mrs. Smyth disapprovingly, his eyes showing how he had not liked how the woman had scolded the girl so... but there was no reaction from Mrs. Smyth to his look. Shrugging, Reverend Handlin just looked down at the long haired girl and put his hands behind his back... beaming out his friendly smile again..

" I am really looking forward to see you and your family in church every Sunday, Susan. " He said, with a soft voice. " I hope you will be giving out church a try..."

" Yes, Reverend, you will." Nervously spoke the girl, not knowing really what else to say to the man.

" This Sunday I am hoping you would come...eh?" He said, obviously poking fun at the girl.

" Yes, Reverend." She said, noting the man was funning with her.

The man seemed to be sensing the amount of Susan’s growing nervousness. He leaned a little closer, as Mrs. Smyth had been suddenly distracted by one of the kitchen servants needing instructions.

" Don’t let your new mother here... get to you..." He whispered, the words half chuckling. " She is one of those over intense types."

She smiled broadly up at the man, for that came so naturally with him only after the few moments she had knew him. His teasing ways had made her feel more comfortable in a few moments, than she had been since arriving yesterday. Rev. Handlin nodded and flashed her a quick wink, as if to say that he would be friends with her. She giggled a little at the man... as he did make her feel better... at least for a moment.

Susan noticed Ambrose sitting nearby, with a couple of his friends. He was looking at her, laughing so hard that he seemed to lose his breath. Frowning, Susan already guessed that the youth had seen the scolding she got from their mother, and really seemed to think it was so funny in his hateful way.

She glared at the lad with a steely stare, and then turned away to ignore him. Over the noise of the room, she could still hear his high pitched cackling piercing into her head, dripping with his unabashed hate. Susan felt so alone, as the laughter was mocking her.

Grabbing Susan by the arm tightly, Mrs. Smyth whisked the girl off towards a group of people that stood nearby. Susan, startled by the suddenness of the action, just allowed herself to be led off, not understanding why in any way, feeling as if she was some sort of thing to be shown off.

After a while of her mother making her greet many people, Susan found herself off in a corner of the large hall. She had been left in the company of three young girls, all of whom were decked out in some of the most resplendent dresses that Susan had ever seen.

The first of the three she was with was a curly blonde haired girl dressed in a dusty rose colored dress, who looked around thirteen or so. The girl was Cynthia Callahan, the oldest daughter of the city’s mayor. She was a very pretty girl, but once listening to her, these observations were deceiving.

With in a few minutes of being with Cynthia, to Susan it became way too clear that this girl was a very pompous person, that came out in the way the girl acted and spoke. The girl’s behavior towards everybody was one of total indifference, snide comments flowed out of her mouth with ease and venomous points. It was especially being directed towards the new Smyth girl, as she jabbed subtle but noticeable shots at the girl..

The second was a tall and thin black haired girl by the name of Mary Baxter, daughter of the one of the local lawyers in the city. The girl was near Susan’s age, if not just a bit older, and seemed to be a little more receptive towards Susan in some ways, yet she did exhibit a bit of a standoffish approach to Susan, but without coming across as rude. She did speak to Susan off and on, but was not in a all too friendly fashion.

The third girl of the group was a very petite darkish blonde haired girl by the name of Anne Simmons. This girl seemed very different than the other girls that Susan found. She was a very talkative sort of person, almost to the point of being a bit irritating at times, but her freeness and willingness to talk to Susan so openly, was a very welcome change for the Smyth girl.... even though it cause the other girl’s to give Anne a dirty stare or two.

Susan just sat and talked with Anne for a long time, as she wanted to hide from all the hubbub that this party was generating. Anne seemed to just motor on about everything and anything that seemed to be come to her mind, which made Susan wonder if this girl got tired of all the talking she did, then laughed to herself about it.

The girl, Anne seemed to really want to be around Susan, her eyes were sparkling by this point

" I hope you really like it here, Susan." She said, in a very rapid fashion, as he words seemed to flow out of here like a rushing creek in the spring. " the others will surly come around to accept you, but me, I’m a free soul... that is what my pa says about me."

" I am sure I will like it here..." Began Susan, actually thankful for the words from Anne.

" You’ll be better company than your ‘brother’ ever was..." Blurted out Anne, then suddenly stumbling, as if backtracking on her own words. " I am not trying to insult your new brother, but he..."

" Don’t worry, Anne..." Susan assured the quick spoken girl, giggling with her soon to be admission. "I already have gotten a very good clue of how Ambrose is really like."

" You do??"

" Let us just say, I know the type..." Susan smirked.

Anne nodded, understanding what the girl was saying. She seemed to hold the thought only for a second or two, before she speedily started to talk about the various places around the town to have fun, among other things that Susan had not a clue to what she was talking about. The topic of Ambrose was long gone, as the girl talked on.... that was good.

Smiling on the inside for the first time since getting here, Susan just let the girl go on, relishing the fact that someone seemed to want to be friendly to her, even if this one could speak a mile a minute. This was a sacrifice she seemed to bare.

The day continued to wear on. Mrs. Smyth began to drag Susan around once again, seemingly to be every single person that had came to the party. Not wanting to rock the bot, so to speak, Susan endured this from her ‘mother’ for long hours... feeling as if there was no end in sight for all of this. The woman seemed to relish all of this ‘small talk’ as she called it, but for the young girl... it was far from enjoyable..

Sometime in the late afternoon, Susan was introduced to Mr and Mrs. Banks and their fourteen year old son, Victor. The well dressed couple seemed to be very nice as they seemed to be honestly welcoming her with open arms. The couple were on the stuffy side, as were most of the adults she had met this day, but their son, Victor, turned out to be another story all together.

The lad seemed to be talkative, but only about himself. He stood next to Susan, and looked down his long nose at her as he spoke.

" I have many prize horses, and I already own many parcels of land with my father." Bragged the boy, putting his very long nose in the air as he talked to the girl, as he sipped on a small glass of fruit punch. " My father said that I may take over his position in the family shipping company by the time I reach my seventeenth birthday." He continued, contentedly quite full of himself. " And I will do just that!"

Susan was starting to want to run away this very irritating boy, and go back to the corner of the room with Anne. She felt so uncomfortable with this boaster, but her mother seemed to be keeping her right there, making sure that Susan was talking with the lad. It was as if the woman wanted her new daughter to act really nice to this stuffy young lad.

She just knew that if she complained, the woman would flair with anger again.... an anger that she felt scared of. She decided to simply let the lad prattle on about himself, and she could fake listening to it all. That would solve her problem for the time being.

After awhile, Mrs. Smyth excused them both, and took Susan off to the side. The girl was thankful for the respite from the overly conceited Victor, but was scared of why the woman had pulled her away from the party like that.

Mrs Smyth looked down at the girl, her eyes glowing with a strange sense of happiness at her.

" There is one boy to really watch." She said, as she smirked. " A young lady would be crazy not to snatch that boy up when he is old enough to marry." She paused, and smiled with some thought that ran through her mind " I think he really might have been sweet on you, that will be an asset if he does so."

The brown haired girl frowned at her mother, as the words she spoke were out of frustration

" He is just so full of himself..." Commented Susan, with a huff, expressing her thoughts on the Banks boy.

" Young lady!!" Snapped the woman sharply, jerking the girl around so as to glare into Susan’s face. " He is the best that you can do around here. They are almost the influential family around here." She said, glaring at her daughter.

" I don’t really like him..." Susan said truthfully, as she felt herself recoil as the woman’s face was only inches away from her’s.

" Enough of your sassy talk to me..." Mrs. Smyth said, her face holding a scary scowl as she hissed her words " It looks like I will have to groom you into becoming a proper gentlewoman after all. " She snuffed and glared at the girl. " I really do have my work cut out for me, I see."

Mrs. Smyth’s words slashed like a knife into Susan, reminding her of her place in her new world... which now was even more clear through her new parents words. The girl suddenly felt the hurt of truly being of place among the elegant people that were there. She had doubts about her future here with the Smyth’s, now it was very clear.

Mrs Smyth just stood glared at the girl, obviously very agitated with Susan’s honest opinion on the boy.

" Let me tell you that I am doing all of this for you, and not letting too much time pass by! " Spat Mrs Smyth venomously. " What with us adopting you, I have gave you a chance for a life you could have only dreamed of a few days ago..." She paused. " Just behave right now, you will learn to be a proper young lady if I have to pound it into you... the first lesson is not to talk back like that to me..."

" Yes, Mother!" Was Susan’s weak reply.

" Just try to act more like a little lady, and not like some rabble!" Snuffed the woman.

Susan just fell silent, and followed her mother around passively. At that very moment, she never had felt so alone, even though this was now going to be her home. She just felt like a object, one that was owned by the woman for her bidding. It was a all to humbling feeling.

Ambrose was cackling again at Susan, now even harder than the first time she had saw the lad. She felt her mood deepen, as the lad seemed to be taking such great pleasure at the girl’s situation. He was watching for her to fail, and she was in the eyes of the woman.

The day wore on, people simply mulled around, after all the people had moved to various rooms. They had been moved from the main hall to let all of the servants have time to set up all of the tables and chairs. A huge dinner was being readied for the occasion.

Ten large courses were served at that meal, each more extravagant in its opulence than one before. From fresh duck and stewed vegetables, to succulent flamed beef and expensive wines and other culinary dishes- some of which were totally foreign to Susan. This was a feast that the girl thought should be saved for some king or queen, or a person of greater importance and not her. This was larger than any meal she had ever seen.

Susan did not eat much at this feast, so fearful that she might be embarrassed or end up doing something wrong in her new mothers opinion again. The woman was watching her, like a hawk eyeing his next pray, her gaze calculating her every move.

To add to the constant scrutiny that Susan felt being lowered on her, she had been seated between Victor and Ambrose at the table, while her new friend Anne had been seated farther down the length of the dinning table. It seemed to have been planned that way, her mind thought.

Victor was still being the snobbish one, constantly talking mainly about himself for time on end, totally ignoring Susan’s presence all together. It was irritating, but that single act by the lad, suited the young girl just fine. Victor continued regaling everyone on how successful his family was. He seemed to relish on stating the fact of his family’s huge wealth and power, and how that had a direct reflection on himself.

Ambrose, on the other hand, thankfully had said not one word to her, but continually stared at Susan the whole time, laughing at her though from time to time with a spiteful grimace in his stare. Hatred and utter disdain reflected clearly in his deep set eyes, as his darkened orbs seemed to literally burn a hole into her.

She felt like she was at a breaking point by this time, as she felt so uneasy with everything going on. All she wanted was to run away and hide, but she knew that if she tried to get away for a little break, it would be looked down upon as an act of being unladylike by her mother. She just let herself sink into her own thoughts for the next little while, as the conversation never seemed to be with her

Late that night under the bright full moon over the Smyth’s house, most of the guests finally were heading out home, after thanking the Smyth’s for a such a great time. Susan had to stand beside her new parents, thanking the people for coming out to the party... and all under the scrutiny of her new mother..

The young girl could feel an air of insincerity from the people who were welcoming her to the Smyth home, as they seemed to disapprove of her now being apart of this class of society. Susan already had realized why they had acted to her that way, she was not born in to this class of people... something that these people held in high importance. The realization was that she would not ever be readily accepted by any of these people..

Mrs. Smyth finally got Patrick to close the front door, Finally the last guests were gone. The party was officially over.

Susan looked at her mother, her body and mind feeling very drained after all of the festivities. Mrs. Smyth just looked at her daughter, and snuffed. She seemed a little bit annoyed with the girl, as her brow furrowed with a ominous pose .

" You did well I guess, for your first party..." The woman admitted, although it seemed a little hard for her to do, almost as if she was making something out of what she saw as a failure with Susan. " You have a very great many things to be learned, young lady." She turned, and began to walk off, pausing for a moment to speak over her shoulder. " You just might as well go off to bed."

Susan just nodded slowly, even though the lady had already disappeared into the expanse of the house. She wanted no chastising or arguing at this point.... all she was wanting was some sleep.

Alice appeared from the now partially dark house, motioning for Susan to follow her up the stairs as she held a oil lamp in one hand. Feeling depressed and tired, The girl gave a weak nod of the head and just followed the servant girl up the long winding staircase to head to her room.

*****

Soon, Susan was dressed in her night clothes and nightcap, while Alice put away the fancy dress that she had been wearing for most of the day.

The long brown haired girl soon was standing, quietly looking out of the balcony doors windows into the inky blackness of the night outside. Her mind was filled with so many thoughts of the orphanage and about all the people that she had left there when she had been adopted. Those thoughts quickly changed to the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she felt, as the loneliness invaded her soul again. She felt a single tear drip down her cheek, as her very raw emotions that she had suppressed all day long, finally could not be covered up any longer.

Alice came out of the large closet, and was surprised to see the soft weeping of her employer’s daughter. The young servant stood, transfixed for long moments, unsure of what to do or what to say, or if she should do anything at all. She shuffled on her feet for a second, trying to think.

Alice then stopped her involuntary movements and went up behind the girl on the balcony.

" Miss. Susan? " She hesitantly started in a soft, almost overly meek voice.

" Yes!" Said the brown haired girl, already trying to bring her emotions under control.

Alice moved to the girl’s side, a look of concern seemed to flood her expressions. She looked at the young Smyth girl’s tear streaked face.

" Why so sad, Miss. Susan?" She asked.

" Nothing..." Answered the girl.

Susan looked at the girl’s face, and found that she was instantly lost in those eyes. For just a moment, it seemed like her emotions were stopped... and all she could think about was the girl’s amazing beauty.

" Miss Susan, I don’t mean to pry..." Said the servant girl, as she tried to find out what was wrong. " For someone who just had a party thrown for them, you are not in the happiest way here."

" It’s not that..." Started the brown haired girl, Her words got stuck in speaking. " I...It’s..."

The words suddenly tumbled out of the young Smyth girl, as she could not hold the feelings back any longer. She told the servant of the loneliness, of the way Mrs. Smyth treated her and the feeling of just feeling totally out of place in her new home. They all came out in a torrent, with tears now literally running down her face. The young maid just stood there and listened, only nodding every so often as the girl poured out everything. She even had extended her arm around the girl as she listened.

When Susan stopped, the maid just sat and thought for a moment.

" I don’t really know how to help you, Miss Susan." Alice finally said after a few moments of quietness. " I can understand how all of this makes you feel. I would feel just the exact same way as you."

" You do understand??" Susan asked, surprised at the girls understanding.

" I do." Smiled the red headed girl, her eyes sparkling at her charge.

" Then what shall I do?" Asked the brown tressed girl. " I will try to become what is needed of me... but it feels not like me either."

The servants face showed clearly that she understood what Susan was trying to say.

" I really don’t know." Started Alice, then adding. " I guess you just have to find a way to feel like you’re a part of your new life.." The girl shrugged her shoulders and then released her arm from around Susan’s shoulder.. " I don’t know how to do that, nor do I have any way to even suggest anything, I just feel that you will find that way to belong... it just might end up bein’ your own way. Just don’t change who you are for anything."

Susan stopped and thought about the girls words for a while, as the maid started to turn down her bed. The girl had a point, a big one. She smiled at the girl’s back, watching the servant work quickly. It was up to her, to be who she is.

She turned to the young maid, still seeing how beautiful the fiery haired girl was, and her kindness had made that even more so than ever..

" Thank you! " She said.

" For listening? " Said the surprised Alice.

" Yes... for listening to me..." Susan cleared up, her eyes locked on to the twinkling of the girl.

" You don’t have to thank me." Alice replied, adding. " I was just shocked that one of the Smyth’s would even tell me these things... we are not allowed really to befriend anyone in this family." She grinned. " But, I guess your not really a Smyth."

" I am right now." Said Susan, standing straighter and feeling lighter than she had all day. " I think I needed to do that... because I was born with the last name Collins!"

" True.." Giggled the girl, turning to her charge. " You are a Smyth now, but you ain’t like them."

Susan climbed in to bed, when the girl had motioned to her to do. With her heart a little lighter that what it had been only minutes before, Susan knew that she would end up having a better sleep than she would have. Something about this girl was touching her deeply, but she now did not care to understand it.

The maid blew out the light, and began to walk out of the room. As she did, Susan called out before she closed the door.

" You know... you will become a friend." She said with conviction, adding with a titter to accent her statement. " It’s not like my ‘mother’ has to know."

" I know what Mrs. Smyth’s rules are, I’ve been here awhile already..." Said the girl back at Susan. " But it’s like... strange, I guess... it feels just like we already are friends in a way."

" I feel that too...’ Agreed Susan, who already felt that way.

The two stood there, lit by now just one candle beside Susan’s bed. The two girl seemed to lock their eyes for a moment... as if exchanging something that was never even said. The Servant girl smiled shyly, and continued out of the room... closing the door behind herself.

Blowing out the candle and laying back in her bed, Susan just laid there in the dark and thought. It had been such a long day.

She knew that her new life would be full of wonders, and changes that she would have to try to even belong in this family that seemed so overwhelming to her right now... but the fact that she had met Alice, somehow had injected her with a sense of hope she needed... even though she had no clue why.

She rolled over and decided that she would not figure it out now. She cuddled into the bed and was soon fast asleep.