Chapter Twelve - The Alice never known
The dark of the night was feeling so amazingly calm, as the attic room atop of the Vanstrom household was still and very silent. The room seemed like it was suspended in an ethereal hold, as the unlit area just sat there int the quietness.
The bed that took up half of the space in the attic had two unmoving forms tucked in, draped in the same cloak of darkness that held the house. It was very quiet, except for the very low and almost unheard cadences of breathing that would come out of the dimness. It seemed like the two were asleep, except for the fact that there was no snoring that came along with the breathing.
Susan layed in the bed, on the side that faced the small window that made it possible to look out over the city . It was clear as she layed there, she was still awake, seemingly not even close to falling int any sort of slumber. She seemed to be occupied with taking a very long look at the form right next to her in the bed.
The girl looked at the girl who held her tightly as they layed in bed. In the dimness, she studied the pretty face that was on the pillow with eyes closed. Alice’s face was so pretty in the low light, yet it still showed the beauty of strength even as she layed there. Susan sighed and just enjoyed the peace she felt being held by this girl, the simple enjoyment she was feeling in Alice’s nakedness tight up against hers very pleasingly while breathing in the wonderful musky odors they had made after going to bed.
The red head opened her eyes and seemed to jump just a little. Alice saw that Susan was awake still, and was looking at her. The young servant gave a little murmur of enjoyment, as she liked looking deep into those eyes that held her tight.
“ Your not asleep?” The red head asked in a whisper.
“ No...” She said back.
Alice scooted down a little more, so she was more face to face with the brown haired girl than she had been. She took a moment to look really deep into the hazel eyes of her employer’s daughter, seemingly already trying to read whatever it was that was preventing the girl from sleeping.
“ You should be asleep by now...” She whispered, giggling a little as she looked deep into those eyes.
“ I’m thinking about some things...” Plainly explained Susan, with a sigh that was full of confusion.
“ Thinking?” Asked Alice, looking deep into the girl’s face with a little bit of a shocked stare. “ About what are you thinking on?”
Susan gave a low snuffing sound and wriggled herself a little closer into the girl’s body. She sighed and peered into the girl’s face.
“ About you... about me....about my new family and just about just everything I guess...” She admitted. “ It’s all there.”
“ That is a whole lot of stuff to be thinking about so late at night.” Giggled Alice, stroking the girl’s face tenderly. “ No wonder I’m not sleepin’.”
“ I know...” Agreed the brown haired girl with a bashful smirk. “ That is why I am awake at this hour.”
“ Why stuff are you thinkin’ about?”
The girl was quiet for a moment, contemplating Alice’s question. She then just shrugged her shoulder, showing that she was unsure of why things were going around in her head like it was. Alice waited, always being so patient.
“ One thing is being happy.”
“ Being... happy?” Quizzed the red head. “ That should not make you awake...”
Susan nodded, already thinking that much.
“ I find myself feelin’ happier for the first time in a long while...” Susan started, after the pause. “ Meeting you was the start of that... but the other things I’m thinkin’ are also not so happy I guess.”
“ And this is the reason why your layin’ here and awake ... Because you are happy... and sad?” Alice asked.
“ Hey...Your wide awake also....” Pointed out the girl right back, with a smirk into the girl’s face.
Alice chuckled and quickly gave the girl a peck on the lips.
“ You have me there... ” She commented with a shake of her own head, enjoying the girl’s piece of humor. “ What I meant is why does this all mean for your lyin’ here bein’ awake?”
“ It’s sort of complicated up in my head...” Susan said.
“ Then just start it...” Coaxed Alice.
The girl seemed to pause again to get whatever it all was straight in her head. She made solid eye contact with the girl lying next to her, and seemed to just hang there for a few moments more.
“ I look at you, how pretty you are, that smile that makes me smile... then I think of the way you act and are, is not like all of the other servants either... that is just what caught my eye when I met you with my Mother that first day...” Susan finally came out with, with a bashful tone.” I never had a servant before, bein’ from a farm, and I did not really know what to expect ... but you seemed so different right off...”
“ Guess I am a little different...” Alice giggled.
“ It’s more than just that though...” Susan replied.
“ What do you mean?”
Susan took a moment to think, as the pretty red head looked at her through the dimness of the room. Alice was waiting quietly, knowing that the girl needed a moment to collect what she was wanting to say.
“ I realize that I don’t even really know you very much, yet her I am in love you so deeply for how you seem to understand me, all the while I don’t know you at all...” The girl said, with an air if emotionality. “ I really want to know you more... to know you fully... That is what I was thinking about...”
Alice looked at the girl and gave a long pause, almost as if she was surprised by the girl’s wanting to know her.
“ You... want to know... about me?” She stammered, as that was the only thing that would come out at that moment.
“ Yeah... I wanna know stuff like where you are from, how you ended up working for my mother and everything else under the sun as well...” She giggled a little nervously. “ I don’t even know your last name, that is why I want to know things...” She explained, her face showing both love and this need rolled up into one.
“ You want to know stuff like that?” Alice said, looking even deeper into the girl’s face
“ Yeah...” Said the girl right back, without a moments pause. “ I want to know you...I want to know you in every way I can... I want to know you, the girl that I love like she knows me.”
Alice fell very silent for many moments, it was almost like she was astonished with what the girl was asking of her. She could see Susan’s face turn a little to something that was like being afraid with her pause, yet she found herself to be wholly voiceless for a time. She knew that Susan was a little uneasy with her not being able to answer right off the bat... and she wanted to say something to quell that look that was now very disturbing to her.
Susan had waited for some time, her face turning more blank with each passing second that passed.
“ You... don’t want to tell me about yourself?” Asked the girl, her voice turning a little tight with the question.
“ It’s not that at all...” Tried to explain Alice, seeing the worried look that had replaced the blankness on Susan’s face. “ It’s not that I don’t want to tell you these things... I would be happy to do that.. but it’s sort of... kinda weird to be asked something like that...”
“ Weird?” “ Queried the girl, looking a little hurt by this time “ Why does it make you look like you don’t wanna to tell me?”
Alice sighed, looking into those eyes that had never once left hers. She broke a little smile and moved closer into the girl.
“ Guess I have never been asked to tell stuff ‘bout myself like this before... I don’t think about it much anyways...” She explained with every ounce of truthfulness she had.
“ And that is weird?” Asked Susan, staring deeper into the girl’s wonderful eyes as she red the girl’s expressions
“ Yeah, it is to me, but in a good way...” Said Alice, her smile showing that she was not hiding anything. “ It sort of like... just surprised me that you are askin’ all of this, ya know.”
A twinkle came into Susan’s eyes, as she looked deeper into Alice’s face. That really told the red head that the girl’ shock was changing into understanding what she was trying to convey. Susan then moved her head a little and give her a light brush of a kiss much, like Alice had given her a few moments back.
“ Take your time then... I ain’t going anywhere.” Susan said. “ When you are ready to tell me things... just go...”
“ Where do I start?” Smiled the girl, her whole demeanor relaxing a little. “ I don’t even know where to...”
“ Start off with your full name..” Giggled Susan, lending a hand to the girl.
Alice smiled, understanding everything now. She leaned in, and looked right into the face of the brown haired angel that she also loved so much. She took a breath, flashing a smile that was warm and loving.
“ My full name is Alice Mary McFee.” She said. “ An’ I am named after my Momma.”
For about an hour, Alice told about her parents coming over from Scotland many years ago, and how they ended up working for Mr and Mrs. Smyth after drifting from city to city while they tried to find work and a place to settle down. The met them one day, at a place that sold horses, and fate mad them talk to one another
Her father, and expert horseman and saddle maker ended up in charge of the stables and all the animals for Mr. Smyth, right down to being the one who bought all of then horses for the family uses. Her mother became the main cook in the household after a few years, as she was a great cook in her own right. She ended up cooking for everyone from the family, down to everyone that worked for the Smyth’s.
She was born after nearly seven years of her parents working for the Smyth family. Her mother had given up by then, thinking that she could bear no children for them... then she was there. When she was born on a blustery late summer’s day, they said they could not have been more happy
“ The called me their gift from God... and so was Mr. And Mrs Smyth.” She said, with a large smile on her face. “ I remember bein’ a little older... My Papa always being so proud of me, and the fact that he worked for Mr. Smyth. He said the god had really blesses them many times over”
She went on to say that the Smyth’s seemed to embrace the family that had sprung up in their midst, offering up a small house to her Momma and Papa that was just past the pond on the Estate, nestled in the wood yet not too far away from the mansion. They took the house with great gratitude towards their employer’s... and that was where she would be raised, going to school at a farm school that was north of the estate.
Those were memories of years that seemed to pop out such a smile onto Alice’s face. But her smile then seemed to simply fad, as she went on with her life story.
“ The Smyth’s were wonderful to us...” She said, as the smile slowly vanished
“What’s wrong?” Asked Susan, seeing the sudden change in the girl.
“ This part is sort of hard...” She choked out.
Pulling the red head closer to her still, Susan could see that the memories of what was she was going to tell her, were very painful ones.
“ Take your time...” She whispered, seeing the girl’s tough outer exterior wavering greatly.
“ I have... not told this part to many people since...” She said, looking deeper into Susan’s eyes.
“ You don’t have to now if you don’t wanna...” She said softly. “ we can... work up to it...”
Alice shook her head, fighting her emotions off as she looked deep into Susan’s eyes.
“ I want you to know all...” She said. “ I started to tell you, now my heart want you to know...”
“ Then... I will just listen.. and hold you.” She whispered. “ You can stop wen you want... and go on when you want.”
“ I know that you will...” Said a very meek Alice, as she seemed ready to continue on with her story.
About four years past, she continued on, her Father had a heart attack suddenly while working in the stables one day. He was found in the stables in one of the stalls face down in the straw beside one of the horses, dead, when he had not come in for lunch. Alice shuttered as she spoke, explaining that it was like her whole world had crumbled down when her mother told her of what had happened. That was the start of a period she did not want to really reveal, she said, but continued..
Her mother was distraught over the loss of her husband and the father of Alice, and seemed to be like just walking through a thick fog as she continued to do her work for the house. It seemed her normally happy mom, was now somber and silent, never speaking to anyone like she always did...even to her.
Many evenings her mother just sat in her rocker beside the fire, crying uncontrollably and not even being aware of the pain Alice was feeling through this all. Days melted into weeks, and her mother seemed to sink deeper into despair... her only daughter wondering why if felt like she was alone in the world. Alone with her own grief, Alice would always pitch in doing kitchen chores with the Smyth house, while failing miserably at her school work.
She admitted that keeping her feelings shoved so deep inside of herself while hoping her mother would someday snap out of it was hard enough... things in the Smyth family seemed to be also changing into a darker tone as well. To a young girl, this was destroying her perception of her world.
All of this continued until Alice’s mother simply disappeared one cold winter’s night about six months after her father’s sudden death. The woman had stepped out that evening to get some firewood that was stacked beside the little house next to the pond, and ended up simply keeping on walking into the harsh had of a frigid night with her daughter still sitting and reading at the kitchen table.
Hours passed, and the young girl suddenly got the feeling that something was not right because her mother had not returned into the house. Heading outside to see where her lone parent was, all she found in the moon lit cold that shrouded the trees, were footprints that were still visible in the thick snow... and they lead away from the house. The young girl was stunned, as it seemed as if her mother had simply walked away from her and the life on the Smyth’s estate.
Frantic, the now nearly eleven year old Alice stayed up the rest of the night, wandering in the bitter cold looking for her mother. Things looked even darker as she did, as a nighttime wind started to pick up, it’s cold hands were starting to fill in the trail quicker than she could walk. Alice told of how she plodded on through the cold, but after awhile she found the tracks were completely gone and she was left standing about two miles away from the estate without a clue where to go next.
Cold to the bone and crying, Alice told of finally having to give up the search and hurry herself back to tell the Smyth’s about what happened. She vividly remembered that long walk back to the main house, and how her world matched the weather... cold, dark without any signs of getting any better.
The Family was shocked and worried all at once. Mr. Smyth too charge right off the bat, and with some of the other servants to his household, went out into the cold of that night and searched for many hours dispite the now hard blowing wind than made such a cold night turn into one that was almost to much for man or beast to be out in.
The search party finally returned just before daybreak, without ever finding a single trace of the woman. Alice remembers the many servants trying to comfort her the best they could have, as well as Mr. Smyth who was always kind to her. Nothing seemed to help her sol, as she felt like nothing could make her feel right ever again.
Alice remembers being given a room for that day in the basement of the house, but not sleeping for a day or so. Alone in the complete darkness of that tiny room, she felt gripped by this turn in her life, frozen by feeling that were foreign to her. All of this gripped her soul in a embrace of isolation and sadness.
The three long days later, Alice’s mother was finally found dead next to a river about six miles form the Smyth estate. She was in a large snowbank by the frozen waters by a farmer that did business with the Smyth family. She was buried that day, just behind the little house in the woods.
Nobody seemed to agree why her mother had died, other than she was not clothed for such a long walk in the bitter cold of the wintertime. She had gone out in the cold with a small shawl and what she was wearing that night, as she was only stepping a few feet outside to retrieve some wood for the fire.
Most of the many people all thought that the woman had simply gone crazy or something, yet the small red headed girl somehow knew a truth that was making her heart sink. Alice deep down just knew that her mother had died from a broken heart over her father’s death, and had wandered off to stop her pain. She could understand that, but could not fathom her mother leaving her with the darkness of now losing both of her parents in a span of half a year.
Even with that understanding, Alice’s young mind grappled with the reality of her life. Now finding herself without her family, knowing also that she had no living relatives in the old country or even in this one. She was now one of many orphans, in a world that she was way too young to even try to understand.
She was going to go to be sent to an orphanage in the city, but the Smyth’s quickly had decided that it was better if she stayed on with them and work for them instead. Only knowing the Smyth’s as almost being like her second family, it came to a sort of a relief for her to hear those words spoken to her, giving her a little feeling of belonging somewhere.
Alice explained that she did happily stay in memory of her parents, as a way to repay the kindness of the Smyth family for everything they had done over the years.. that was when things go bad in the Smyth’s house.
Alice seemed to shutter, as the emotions litter overwhelmed her. These memories coming were also having a feeling of dread to them.
“ Soon after, Mrs. Smyth who was always a little hard to handle, became way meaner and now was down right nasty and demanding even to her own family...” She explained.
“ Your saying that My Mother was not like this way before?” Asked a shocked Susan.
Alice shook her head, the emotions that were battering her seemed to be growing in strength as she told of things.
“ She always was mean to a point, she just changed to being very mean over a few short months” She explained “ She ended up driving away some long time servants as the time went along, including one in particular... her name was Emily.”
Susan stiffened with the girl’s words, her eyes widened as she quickly grasped what the girl had just divulged to her.
“ You mean another that you loved...” She asked, voice getting tighter as she spoke.
“ Yes... just like that...” Alice said slowly.
“ Was she one who you loved? Loved like me?” Hesitantly she asked, her heart not wanting to really hear the answer.
“ Yes... Someone who I dearly loved so much...” She said, then giving a shaky breath as she continued on. “ I loved her so, but things were never like what I wanted them to be...”
Susan was stunned by this revelation. She stared at the girl laying next to her, somewhere inside of her hoping that she had heard wrong... feeling the sting of jealousy grip her.
“ You were with another...” She stammered, knowing this was hard for Alice to say, and for her to hear.
“ Let me... explain...” Alice said.
The girl paused for a second, as Susan waited. By the look that was on the mahogany tressed girl’s face, Alice knew that she needed to continue on... and with honesty.
“ I was in love with this woman, loving her so much because of how she treated me... then it turned out that she wanted just me only in her bed.” She shuttered, as the emotions of the subject affected her. “ She was much older than me, almost twenty six...”
“ She loved you?”
“ I found out it was not like that for her...” Alice started, a tear rolling out of her eye. “ She soon told me that it would not work out because of my age, but I think it was much more than that...”
“ She was not in love with you then...” Said Susan, her heart feeling the aching that Alice’s was feeling as she made herself relive it all.
“ No!” She choked out, looking at Susan. “ I loved her so much, it ended up that she did not love me”
Brushing back the many tears that were now streaming down her face, she looked at the brown haired girl that was holding her. She saw that Susan was waiting on whatever her heart needed to tell, and that made her feel as if she was being made complete by this smaller framed girl.
“ She told me that I was no more than a clingy child, and she wanted more that what I had offered her...” She said, pain and anger now mixed in Alice’s words. “ Emily left the night that she told me... leaving much like my mother did, with another woman that worked with her in the back of the house.”
“ This woman... left with someone else?” Said Susan, getting the gist of what Alice was saying.
“ This woman she left with, was the one she had been sharing a bed with all along... and people knew about it... all except me.” I never knew, it was like it was taboo to tell me...”
“ I have thought that way also between us... But I only can tell you that my heart does not feel that way... I love you, and I don’t feel like it is wrong....”
“ Already know...” Smiled Alice, Susan’s words seemed to make her more happy. “ Makes Emily’s memory go away when I look at you.”
Susan looked at the girl, and saw just how much her life paralleled hers in some ways. She realized just why they had gravitated to one another. She looked at her, and felt the love well inside of herself to this girl, wondering how anyone could hurt Alice like this.
“ I can se why you don’t talk about it.... I have chose not to tell what has happened to me as well... and know that I also need to...” She said softly. “ That is just so sad what has happened to you...”
“Sort of already knew you would end up understandin’ me...” Said Alice. “ Guess I never let that into my head...”
“ I do...” Susan smiled. “ I lost my parents as well when I was younger...”
“ I have heard about it, I was in the kitchen when you were talking one day to Mrs. Smyth in the dining room Admitted Alice. “ I just knew that we were going to be right together... what we both have been through shows that.”
“ I too... think that...” Plainly said the chestnut tressed girl, smiling broadly.
Susan then kissed the girl again, this time so passionately, making the red head shiver with it. She paused to make solid eye contact, her heart racing as she could almost feel the same love she had for Alice, coming right back at her.
“ Some people end up hurtin’ others, I reckon... some more than others... and some things just happen also...” She said, her words now sounding wise beyond her years. “ Lemme just say that I just will simply love you... and would not hurt you.”
“ From the start... I knew that I could and would love you...” Said a teary Alice, those drops on her face now showing happiness instead of sadness. “ From the start... I had that feelin’ about you as well.”
“ I knew that as well... but it seemed like I did not also....” Susan thought aloud, her smile coming back. “ You... seemed to know that already... when you confronted and comforted me at the pond that day... that was clear...”
Alice leaned in, her hand snaking down to the secret place of Susan’s, her eyes flashing with a new glow of longing and love.
“ I would never hurt you... I find my love I have for you is even stronger than it ever was with Emily. “ She smiled, as her eyes welled up happily. “ You are the one I now can say, that I truly love.”
“ I already can feel that...” Cooed Susan, eyes sparkling in the low light. “ I feel that for you as well...”
The red head pulled the wonderfully soft form against her with one hand, her other already lovingly touching soft folds that were moist and inviting. The girl did not shy away, opening her legs for the girl, eyes sparkling with the feelings of want..
“ Come to me... and I will show you how much I love you... and how much I will love you” Alice whispered, her words were punctuated with heavy breathing as her hand slowly slipped between the open legs of Susan’s.
The young gal smiled and kissed Alice back, her own hands now were exploring the wonderful form that was her lover’s. She looked deeply into those amazingly sparkling eyes, and could feel the extent of the girl’s love radiate out to her. Susan’s heart soared as her lips met up with Alice’s, wanting nothing more than to feel the closeness she now had with the young servant. It was a consuming hunger that was there, and that it seemed only the girl could have satisfied for her.
The two girls began to kiss with great passion, hands now stopping the words and replacing it with the power of connecting their minds and souls to one another. Hands roving over one another, they slowly melted into one another, letting passions flow out of them like a brook thawed by a warm sun..
As the two collapsed into one another and the love between them exploded, there was a noise unheard by either girl. A noise that they both should have noticed, but n their abandon, did not.
A figure was at the attic door, which had been opened a crack. The figure peered in on the lovers in the low light that came into the window, and seemed to just hang there in the dead silence. The dark form watched the two making love for a long few seconds, then who ever it was shut the door silently.
In a twinkling of a moment, the person that had been there, left. In it’s wake, it never left any clue to who it had been. It was very clear that it had made a effort for the two never to know that it had even been there watching everything between the lovers. Who ever it had been, seemed to be in a hurry to get out of there.