Story: The Baptism in the Blood (all chapters)

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

Fifty thousand tears I've cried

Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you

And you still won't hear me...

From the song Going Under (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

My name is Shizuru Fujino, and I belong to the ranks of the undead.

It was my fiancé, Solomon Goldsmith, who brought me back to life over half a year ago - or at least to a semblance of it. Solomon: my equal, my mirror, my compatriot, my friend, my savior in so many ways.

When I'd woken up, he'd looked at me with heartbreaking sadness, and said:

"I'm sorry, Shizuru. It was the only way."

It was only then that I'd noticed the crimson slash on his wrist and the metallic tang in my mouth - and knew instantly what he had done. A great weariness overtook me. Somehow, it seemed oddly fitting, perhaps even preordained. From my blood-red eyes to my blood-stained hands - in death, just like in life, blood had claimed me.

But I merely looked at him, and the only thing I asked was:

"Is she safe?"

He nodded. Then he added gently: "Shizuru...I think she loves you."

I closed my eyes. "I know she loves me. She's told me twice before."

He shook his head. "I think this time, she means it differently..."

I cut him off. "If you're not sure, Solomon, then don't even say it. You know as well as I do how cruel hope can be. Besides," I looked away, "I'm even less fit now to be with her. She's alive...and I'm..."

He let me grieve in silence for a few moments, then gently touched my arm.

"You need to feed, Shizuru. Otherwise the bloodlust will take you."

I looked at him. "You need to find a way for me. I will take no life in this state. I have enough sins to atone for as it is."

He looked at me kindly and nodded. "Don't worry, it can be done. It's not terribly convenient, but it can be done."

As he turned away, I called out to him one more time.

"Solomon...If by some chance the bloodlust takes over..."

He didn't look back, but I heard his response.

"I know, Shizuru. I promise. Now let's go before one of us ends up having to kill the other."

And that was how my life as a former Hime and as a human ended - and how my life as a vampiric Hime began.

Don't want your hand

This time I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

(Wake up for once)

Not tormented, daily defeated by you...

From the song Going Under (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

It had all begun five years ago. I had sauntered into a garden - and had walked in on a darkly brooding and utterly captivating child.

How can I explain why I fell in love with her?  How can I explain the strange magic of her midnight blue hair, her stormy green eyes and her milky white skin? How can I explain how thoroughly she bewitched me?

I can try by invoking the qualities that make her desirable: her beauty, her passion, her fierceness, her determination - the simple, undemanding straightforwardness of her soul. But these traits exist in others, perhaps in even better degrees.

I can try invoking by invoking the quirks that make her endearing: her easy tendency towards embarrassment, her impatience with superficial civilities - the sheer mercurial nature of her moods. But these foibles can be found in others too, perhaps in even more enchanting ways. 

In the end, I don't really know why I fell in love with her. In a way, I've never really cared. I fell in love with her the day I met her, and the rest of it, as they say, is merely details. Comic details at times to be sure. But mostly, and especially towards the end, tragic.

~~~~~

That things turned out the way they did should perhaps not be so terribly surprising. It's true that it would have shocked the vast majority of those who knew me to discover that heartbreak had led to my brief yet devastating spell of insanity. They would have questioned the insanity, yes. But they would have questioned the heartbreak even more. After all, who could possibly resist Shizuru Fujino?

The only one who had ever perceived my fragility had been my father. For years he had watched me glide blissfully and effortlessly through life. He told me that I combined what was best in both himself and my deceased mother: his intelligence, authority and efficiency; her beauty, poise and grace. He also told me that because of these traits, the world wouldn't hesitate to give me most everything I desired. He had placed special emphasis on the word "most".

"Someday, Shizuru," he had told me gravely, "you will know for the first time what it feels like to have your desires thwarted. And I fear for you then, not because you are weak, but because not having the universe conform to your will is simply and utterly outside the realm of your experience."

That day came when I looked at the face of my beloved, and found only disgust and shame.

How could I tell her then what it had cost me to not have attempted more? How could I tell her then that the feel of bare flesh and the brush of parted lips were infinitely more chaste than the sweet violence I had so badly wanted to inflict with teeth and fingers and tongue? How could I tell her any of these, when even I knew that I had transgressed, and that my greatest error lay in not merely wishing to be forgiven, but in hoping that she would actually revel in my sin?

In the end, my father made one subtle mistake. He shouldn't have feared for me when the universe finally decided to laugh in my face. He should have feared for the universe instead. He should have feared for its fate in the face of my retaliation.

~~~~~

And after all that destruction, without even hearing a single explanation, Natsuki forgave me. But forgiving is easy. It's the forgetting that's the devil.

And Natsuki...she couldn't forget, and I couldn't blame her. In the aftermath of the Carnival, I truly had nothing left to give her. She no longer had a crusade I could support. Worse than being useless, the sins I'd committed meant that I didn't even deserve to be her friend. All I could be to her was a reminder of the burden and pain that was her past. That was how things had been between us after all: our relationship had been born from pain, molded by it, ended with it.

So I left. All I had told my father was: "You were right to warn me, Otousama." He had looked at me, had seen right through my calm exterior to the anguish inside, and nodded with understanding. "What do you intend to do?"

"I would like to go to the Eihei-ji Temple in Fukui and stay for as long as you will permit me to."

He looked at me for a long time. "I will allow you to go, on one condition: The day I call for you, you will have to come instantly and without question."

I nodded. It had always been the way between us: a favor given was a favor owed.

The day I left, he had come to see me off. His parting words to me were: "Repent because you must, but do not atone for more than is necessary. To do too little or too much is an indulgence not worthy of a Fujino."

I would have followed his advice if I could. But how was I to know when the need for atonement had passed, when I had no previous experience of either sinning or repenting?

Am I too lost to be saved ?

Am I too lost ?

My God! My tourniquet,

Return to me salvation...

From the song Tourniquet (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

I fled to the monastery not to seek the oblivion of peace, but to endure the anguish of penance. I was surrounded by tranquility, but I refused its solace. Still, enough of it had seeped into me by the time of my twelfth month, that I was able to receive my father's summons with only the barest flicker of turmoil.

He had, he told me, found me a fiancé.

When I finally met him, I had been surprised. He was handsome, wealthy, intelligent and charming - like all of the other young men my father had asked me to meet previously. But what made him different were his eyes. They were filled with a compassion and understanding that seemed to belong to someone of a much older age.

We understood each other implicitly from the moment we met. The rest, as they say, was merely details.

His first words to me in private were not attempts to charm, flatter or disarm. He simply asked: "Did you find what you sought in Fukui?"

I gazed at him levelly. "I'll answer that only if you tell me if you found what you sought by asking for my hand."

He laughed quietly in genuine delight. "You are turning out to be far, far more than I hoped I'd be able to find."

"And what exactly were you looking for, Goldsmith-san?"

He looked at me earnestly. "A comrade, Fujino-san. And please, just call me Solomon."

"Then you must call me Shizuru as well."

He smiled, and that was how we began.

~~~~~

He told me that he was a vampire, and that he was 115 years old. He was one of the very few remaining of his kind - the rest having been annihilated in a war they had fought amongst themselves. He had nearly died himself during one of the battles, but had woken up days later, mysteriously rescued and revived.

He had spent the next few years living quietly amongst humans, only to be disturbed by the discovery that a mysterious organization was trying to revive his kind. His investigations revealed that the organization had only recently failed in its attempt to harness the powers of another class of beings - beings that he found were called Himes. Frustrated by its failure, the organization had poured its efforts into finding alternatives, and had stumbled upon the existence of his breed. Its goal, he realized, was to create a new generation of vampires that it could exploit for its own purposes.

"The name of this organization?" I asked him, though I already knew the answer.

"The Searrs Foundation," he replied.

"Why would you want to oppose them, when they're trying to regenerate your kind?"

He paused. "It's a long story, and one I I'll tell you eventually, but for now, let me just say that I choose to oppose them to honor the wishes of someone who's dear to me."

The look on his face as he'd spoken had betrayed the reason for the uncanny understanding between us. It was the tortured look of an unrequited lover - a look I could recognize in an instant from the countless times I'd seen it in the mirror.

"Why would you want the help of a former Hime? As you should know by now from your investigations, none of us have any powers left."

"None perhaps, except for the power that comes from simply wanting to survive. It pains me to tell you this, but the Searrs are planning to transform you and your friends into their first batch of vampires. It seems they're determined to have all of you in one way or another, Carnival or no Carnival."

"But why choose me out of the twelve?"

"Because you're the only who combines all the resources I need for this fight: strength, intelligence, detachment, cunning and connections."

"Was it necessary to ask to marry me?"

"No, but being your fiancé would be the best plausible reason I could have for moving about freely in your world. Besides," he paused, "it's the only way I have of thanking you for your help."

"Offering to marry someone is an unusual way of showing gratitude."

"Not if the person to whom one is proposing is unusual in her own right. I know it sounds presumptuous, but I understand your situation far better than most people do. Your lineage will require you to marry someone, eventually. If you marry me, I would grant you complete freedom - including freedom from any and all marital obligations."

I reflected on his proposal. Even in the midst of my love for Natsuki, part of me had always been aware of the intractable difficulty posed by my inheritance. I knew I would have chosen her if the choice had presented or forced itself, but it would have pained me immensely to displease my father. Solomon wasn't only offering me a solution to that problem - he was giving me an opportunity to redeem myself as well.

I looked at him and nodded. "I accept your proposal. What would you have me do?"

My wounds cry for the grave.

My soul cries for deliverance.

Will I be denied ?

From the song Tourniquet (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

The first few months Solomon and I spent together, we spent on my training and education. He began by telling me about his kind.

"My kind are called the Chiroptera. The majority of us start life as humans, only to be transformed into vampires by either taking in or being infected by the blood of a Chiropteran Queen. The Chiropteran Queens are the true vampires - the originals. As a race, they're believed to have evolved parallel to human beings as a separate species under the genus Homo."

"As Chiropterans, we feed off human blood. We possess extraordinary speed, strength and healing abilities, as well as extremely long life-spans. We are also shapeshifters, capable of assuming Chiropteran or human form, and are able to transform our various body parts into wings or shields or weapons."

"Throughout history, humans have attempted to exploit the Chiroptera, either to find a source of immortality or a weapon for wars. It was to end the scourge of the Chiroptera that the human-raised Chiropteran Queen, Saya, decided to destroy her kind. In this she was opposed by her twin sister, Diva, and the war they fought lasted well over a century, ending only a few years ago with Diva's - and almost all of the Chiroptera's - destruction."

"Following the war's conclusion, Saya entered into the thirty-year hibernation cycle that is characteristic of the Queens. The human factions that supported Diva during the war disbanded. Or at least that's what I had assumed. I believe now that some of Diva's human followers have been contacted by the Searrs, and that they're working together now to recreate the substance called Delta 67. It's the same substance that Diva's followers used to transform humans into Chiroptera, and most of the research that enabled its creation was destroyed in the war between the sisters. It's with this substance that I believe the Searrs intend to transform the former Himes, and perhaps eventually other humans, into Chiroptera."  

When he paused in his explanation, I asked him the only question that remained unanswered in my mind.

"You told me once that you would explain more fully to me your desire to oppose the Searrs, when letting things develop as they are poses no risk to you."

He considered his response carefully, then continued. "To be honest, there was a time when the Searrs' current goals coincided with mine. I was a member of Diva's faction. I was one of her five Chevaliers - a class of Chiroptera more powerful than the rest because of having directly been granted a Chiropteran Queen's blood. Chevaliers are compelled by instinct to serve and protect their mistresses at all costs."

"But then one day, I met my mistress's twin and enemy, Saya...and I fell in love. I eventually abandoned Diva, ignoring the compulsion of my blood, to join Saya in her cause. She was in love with another, with her own Chevalier, but I chose her side nonetheless. It was while protecting her that I nearly died. I still don't know to this day who saved me and how. But I made a promise to myself then that I would devote the rest of my existence to protecting Saya's happiness. Though she sleeps now, what the Searrs are attempting to do contradicts her desires. It's for that reason alone that I wish to oppose them."

"But how do you intend to fight the Searrs, with all their power and resources?"

"When I fought by Diva's side, I ran the corporation that provided a legitimate human front for our faction's activities. It was called the Cinq Flèches Group, and though it has fallen largely inactive, most of its infrastructure and resources are still in place. All that I really need is someone else of a like intelligence to help me fight this battle, and that's where you come in."

"Do the Searrs know about your existence or Saya's and her Chevalier's? Because it seems to me that it would be far easier for them to complete their research if they had any of the three of you."

"The survivors of the war all believe me to be dead, and Saya and her Chevalier are guarded by their human protectors, the Red Shield. As far as the Searrs are concerned, the only option that remains open to them is recreating Delta 67 from whatever material Diva's old followers managed to preserve."

"How long do you think we have before the Searrs finally manage to produce the substance?"

He shook his head. "It's difficult to estimate, as it ultimately depends on how much of the original material has survived. But based on some rough assumptions I've made, it can be anywhere from six to eighteen months."

"That's very little time with which to mount a defense or launch a counter-attack."

He nodded. "That's why we have to work fast. Actually, if you don't have any more questions, I'd like to proceed immediately with the next phase of your training."

"Which is?"

"Learning to fight with all kinds of bladed weapons, particularly the katana. I hate to tell you this, but bullets are entirely ineffectual against the Chiroptera in their vampiric form. Dismemberment via the blade is still the most effective way of dispatching them."

"I have some skill with the naginata. Perhaps that will help."

He smiled at me grimly. "Even with the fighting ability you've retained from your Hime days, Shizuru, the training will be difficult."

I gazed back at him calmly. "Don't worry, Solomon. You're not the only one who has a strong reason to fight."

If it's to protect Natsuki, I added silently to myself, I'll do anything and I'll fight anyone - Hime powers or no Hime powers.

~~~~~

Solomon hadn't lied when he warned me that the training would be difficult. For the next several months, not a day passed that I didn't suffer a cut, a bruise, a sprain, a dislocation or a fracture.

"I expected you to be resilient and uncomplaining, Shizuru, but your stoic indifference to your pain is almost incomprehensible to me. For one thing, you can't possibly be used to being beaten up on a regular basis like this. For another, you only have a human's capacity for endurance and recovery."

I sipped my tea before regarding Solomon's figure at the doorway, his gaze fixed on my bandaged arm. I smiled at him reassuringly.

"Would you care to join me for tea?"

He nodded, but his expression remained troubled. "I'm truly sorry for forcing you to endure all this, Shizuru. Maybe we should lighten your regimen somewhat. In any case, based on what your instructors tell me, you've made absolutely amazing progress. You seem to be a prodigy when it comes to fighting, apparently. So perhaps there's no need for us to be so strict with your training."

I shook my head. "On the contrary, Solomon, the fact that I do get injured tells me more than anything of my need for further training. When the day comes that none of my trainers can touch me, then that will be the day I will allow my pace to be relaxed."

He regarded me for a long moment, then shook his head and smiled. "Whatever other reasons you have for fighting, I am truly truly glad that you're on my side."

"That's enough formality for today," I told him calmly. "Now drink your tea before it gets cold."

~~~~~

After Solomon left, I looked at my bandaged arm and examined the rest of the cuts and bruises still healing on various parts of my body. What Solomon didn't know was that by empowering me to protect Natsuki and her friends, he was giving me not just the chance to be part of Natsuki's life again, but the opportunity to actually deserve being a part of her life again. My battered body hurt, yes, but it was a pain I welcomed, because it was a pain that contained penance, absolution, deliverance and redemption. The only way I could cleanse the blood on my hands was by washing it away with mine.

If by doing this, I can clean my hands enough so that they can someday touch Natsuki's face, then it'll all be worth it... With that thought, I calmly drank the rest of my tea.

Hello, I'm still here

All that's left of yesterday...

From the song Hello (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

It was nearly a year after we'd first met that Solomon finally told me the sobering news.

"The Searrs have managed to create their own Chiroptera. I don't know how - yet - but we can expect an attack from them very soon."

I looked at him with calm resolution. "If their attack is going to be inevitable, then the least we can do is ensure that it happens on our terms."

"You want to provoke them?"

I paused thoughtfully. "No...I merely want to tempt them."

"How do you intend to do that?"

"By having all the former Himes concentrated in a single area and apparently vulnerable."

He raised an eyebrow at me, intrigued. "What do you have in mind?"

I smiled. "I think it's about time we told the world of our engagement."

~~~~~

"Shizuru-san, it's been a very long time."

Fumi-san smiled at me with genuine pleasure. "We've often wondered where you'd gone these last two years."

"My sincerest apologies, Fumi-sama," I told the pink-haired Fuka Academy Director with genuine regret. "There were matters I had to attend to all this time."

Fumi-san laughed. "There's nothing to apologize for or explain, Shizuru-san. As the heir to Japan's largest corporation, I can only imagine the kind of responsibilities you've had to assume since your graduation."

I shook my head ruefully. "If only those were the only matters I had to attend to Fumi-sama. In fact, it's not merely my absence or my silence these past two years that I have to apologize for. I'm afraid that my business with you today can only disrupt your well-being." I paused. "It has to do with the former Himes."

Fumi-san frowned. "That business got settled two years ago with the defeat of the Obsidian Lord, Shizuru-san. And it will remain settled until the next Carnival which is another 298 years from now."

I shook my head again. "Unfortunately Fumi-sama, the Searrs aren't willing to wait another three centuries for the next Carnival. Especially after how the last one turned out. So they're plotting something else entirely, but still with the Himes in mind."

She looked at me silently, waiting for me to go on.

"Himes aren't the only...unusual beings to inhabit this earth, Fumi-sama. There are other creatures as well. Specifically vampiric ones, called Chiroptera. The Searrs intend to transform the former Himes into these vampiric creatures, and then exploit them for their purposes."

To her credit, Fumi-san took the news remarkably well. "Is there something that we can do?"

"By ourselves, not much." I told her ruefully. "We've lost whatever powers we could have used to fight them on our own. However, we have a Chiropteran on our side. It was because of him, actually, that I even know any of this."

"So what do you intend to do?"

"We want to provoke the Searrs into launching an attack. According to our intelligence, they're planning an attack anyway. The only way we can gain an advantage is to set the battle on our terms. It will also allow us to sap and assess whatever strength they've gained so far, before it grows to a level we can't manage."

Fumi-san shook her head. "I agree with your plan in principle, Shizuru-san, but I'm extremely uncomfortable about the risks it entails."

"We don't have much of a choice, Fumi-sama. Whatever we do, the Searrs will attack. This is the only way we can shift the element of surprise from their hands into ours."

She looked troubled for a long time, and her eyes, when they looked at me, were sad. "I had hoped that those girls would finally be able to lead normal lives, Shizuru-san. But it seems their enemies are determined to deny them that happiness. Tell me what you need and how I can help."

For the first time in our conversation, I smiled.

~~~~~

After concluding my meeting with Fumi-san, I decided to visit the garden I hadn't seen for nearly two years. Solomon had taken it for granted that common decency was what had prompted me to join his fight. I didn't know if I possessed any such decency; I didn't need it as a reason to fight.

The only reason I'd needed - that I'd never needed - I'd met in a garden five long years ago. And I was hoping that I would find her there again, somehow.  

And I did.

The shock of seeing that familiar profile was nearly enough to bring me to my knees. I clutched a tree for support, staring at the silky blue hair waving gently in the breeze.  

When she turned around and saw me, she...ran. Ran towards me and held me tightly, burying her face in my neck. I wanted to cover her face with kisses, but settled for just stroking her head. Then the green eyes had looked at me, and I had been surprised by the violence of the emotions in their emerald depths: relief, happiness, dismay, and the ever so familiar anger.

"You left without a word, Shizuru."

I stared at her helplessly. Why was it that I always ended up paying a price for giving her what she wanted?

"I'm sorry, Natsuki. I was selfish in not saying anything. But I was only fulfilling your wish by leaving."

She'd looked so genuinely regretful then, so contrite. Her voice had trembled when she replied. "I wish you wouldn't fulfill my wishes if they meant your being far away."

And then Solomon had arrived, and I had witnessed her shock and her dismay at our announcement of our engagement, and in the middle of my bewilderment, had felt the faintest flutter of hope.

I watched in silence as she walked away, and Solomon had watched me in turn, a new understanding dawning in his gaze. After a few moments, he spoke.

"Shizuru, if you ever change your mind about our engagement, you know I would release you in an instant."

I smiled at him fondly and shook my head. "There's no need for talk like that yet, Solomon. But thank you anyway for the offer."

He smiled back. Like I said, we understood each other implicitly from the start.

Catch me as I fall

Say you're here and it's all over now

Speaking to the atmosphere

No one's here and I fall into myself

This truth drives me into madness

I know I can stop the pain

If I will it all away...

From the song Whisper (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

The next few days passed in a flurry of preparation. With Fumi-san's help, Solomon and I managed to arrange for all kinds of bladed weapons to be on hand throughout the Residence's premises. Solomon surveyed the school's grounds, taking note of areas in which he could secretly station his men. Our intent was to prevent as many Chiroptera as possible from actually entering the Residence. Solomon himself would be the only real defense if the Chiroptera managed to break through, but if any real emergency arose, at least Fumi-san's weapons would be at hand.

It was during a brief break from our furtive preparations that I went wandering about the school's halls. My memories of Natsuki in those corridors were faint, for the simple reason that she had avoided class so often in those days. There was only one room in that entire building that she had ever willingly frequented, and I found myself heading toward it instinctively.

And, as if the sheer power of my nostalgia had conjured her, there she was, sitting at my old desk with her chin propped on her hand and a faraway look in her eyes.

"Ara, the scene seems somehow incomplete without my laptop on the desk and Natsuki's dirty fingers all over it."

The lazy grin that suddenly curved on her lips caused a painful spasm in my chest. She had teased me back, and the banter between us had almost seemed like those we'd had in days long past. Until she brought up Solomon's name, and the way she had said it had seemed an accusation.

"I'm sorry, Shizuru." Again, a flash of contriteness, so unfamiliar on that lovely face.

I waved her apology away and made my way towards the window. "And how has my Natsuki been?"

Her voice was low when she replied. "I've been better."

I looked at her then and was startled to see the roiling intensity in her emerald eyes, among the emotions playing in them a silent plea to me for understanding. I couldn't stop myself from walking towards her, couldn't stop myself from drawing near, couldn't stop the hand that gently tipped her lovely face so that I could stare directly into her troubled gaze. "If there is anything at all in the world that Natsuki desires that I can give, I would give it to Natsuki."

I saw it then, or a glimmer of it, the love she felt for me. But it was oh so tentative, and so fraught with terror, that after a moment, I wasn't sure if wishful thinking had led me to imagine it. She remained silent, her eyes continuing their mute appeal. What it cost me then to not lower my lips onto hers...to drop the hand that was caressing her face.

"Take as much time as you need to think about it, Natsuki. When you come up with an answer, I'll be there to hear it...whatever your answers are and however they change."

And what it had cost me then to walk away, what it had cost me then to not look back, when all the while I felt her burning gaze. Take your time, Natsuki, but please, for my sake, don't take too much time.

~~~~~

When the night of the ball arrived, Solomon, Fumi-san and I had gone over the grounds one last time. We all felt the burden of the risk we had imposed on the guests who would be arriving that night, but we had little choice. Solomon had worked doubly hard the last several days to ensure that we put as many precautions as possible into place.  Fumi-san smiled at us tentatively.

"I truly truly hope all goes well tonight."

We nodded at her. We had done the best we could.

The ball started smoothly enough, but eventually the press of all the bodies prompted me to seek temporary respite in an abandoned balcony. I had been raised to preside over functions like these, but the long months I had spent in the monastery and away from society had lowered my endurance for it somewhat. It was on my way back to the main ballroom that I finally ran into her.

Dear God, I had never seen her in a gown before, and the vision she made standing there was enough to shred my recovered composure.

She looked absolutely stunning.

I couldn't help staring at her: at the dewy moistness of her lips, at the delicate curve of her collarbone, at the gentle flare of her hips. And what was even more shattering was the way she was devouring me with her eyes. She had never looked at me that way before...as if she wanted me. As if she desired me.

It was possible, just very nearly possible, that she wanted me too.

And just at the moment when I thought I would find out...Reito had stepped out from under the shadows and accosted us.

It had...annoyed me, to say the least. And I was almost never annoyed. The only thing that had consoled me was the look of disappointment on Natsuki's face at the interruption.

As soon as Reito had escorted us back to the ballroom, Solomon had stepped forward to take my arm, and we had smiled at each other reassuringly. So far, neither of us had glimpsed any signs of trouble.

But it was hard for me to stay alert. Hard to keep my eyes and my thoughts away from her, the blue and silver of her presence hovering at the edges of my sight and mind. My ice princess with the newly fiery eyes. And at that moment, I saw Reito lead her to the dance floor, and she was a marvel to behold, for all that Reito held her close, still she looked as if she danced alone. It was the way she had always been, aloof and apart. Perhaps it was wrong of me to want to change that about her; wrong to want to be the one to unlock the fire underneath all that ice.

And after the dance had ended, she had blushed so charmingly, and that was so like her too. I had followed her with my gaze, willing her to look my way, until finally she did, and again, the way she looked at me was like the balcony all over again.

Only this time, it was Solomon who interrupted, and I had to play my part in the charade we had engineered. As we danced, as he held me close, as he acted his part with consummate skill, I vaguely wondered what it was that Natsuki was thinking, wondered with eyes closed what it would be like if she held me the way Solomon was holding me, wondered if she would ever dip me low to the ground and bring her face close to mine...

Only the reverie ended with the crack of breaking glass, and Solomon brought me up sharply just in time for me to see Natsuki staring bewilderedly at her bleeding hand. 

I was standing before her before I even realized it, and holding out my hand. "Let me see that."

She held her hand to me mutely, green eyes glazed by some faraway pain. And after I had dismissed the guests and escorted her into a nearby room, she had sat down obediently while I bandaged her hand. And much as I tried to quell my rising hope, there was in me, the growing conviction that it was seeing me dance with Solomon that had caused her accident. 

"And how did Natsuki happen to break that glass?"

She had laughed hollowly before answering. "You know me. I tend to underestimate the fragility of things."

She was driving me mad, the way she always did, the way only she ever could, only this time it was worse. Because the green eyes that had always used to be so coolly platonic now suddenly burned with newly-awakened desire. And while I could have exploited that opening, the opportunity she presented, I held back.

Because I wanted her to be sure; needed her to be sure; and needed her to say it, because to leave room for uncertainty, where hope could grow would only lead me again to despair and madness. She needed to choose, not just for her sake or mine, but for the sake of a world I was capable of annihilating, Hime powers or no Hime powers.

It was written on her face, in the cuts on her palm: her jealousy, her possessiveness. But still she wouldn't say it, or couldn't say it. And it was almost too much for me to bear, so that despite all my restraint, I couldn't help but kiss her hand, couldn't suppress the anguished moan that escaped me. "Natsuki..."

And it was then, in the middle of my battle for self-control, that the Chiroptera had invaded.

Hold on to me love

You know I can't stay long

All I wanted to say was

I love you and I'm not afraid

Can you hear me?

Can you feel me in your arms

Holding my last breath?

Safe inside myself

Are all my thoughts of you

Sweet rapture and life,

It ends here tonight...

From the song My Last Breath (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

There had been dozens of them that night, far, far more than our intelligence had led us to anticipate. Solomon's men had managed to intercept a majority, and he himself had taken on nearly the rest, so that in the end, only three of the monsters had managed to actually enter the Residence that night.

When the creature had exploded through the windows of the room, my sole thought and concern had been for Natsuki's safety. I'd grabbed the only bladed weapon available in the room - a katana - and had ordered her to run.

In typical fashion, she had refused to leave. "I'm not leaving you alone with that thing!"

"This isn't the time for heroic displays!" I snapped back at her. It was unlike me to be short-tempered with her (or to be short-tempered at all, for that matter), but without my Hime powers, I was no longer secure about my ability to protect her, and I was desperate to make her leave.

At length, she did leave, but with considerable reluctance. Relieved, I turned my full attentions toward the monster stalking towards me, and felt grateful for the natural fighting ability I had retained from my time as a Hime and the extensive training I had undergone the last several months. For all my skill and training, however, the monster's brute strength and stamina were simply overwhelming, and I found myself being backed slowly into a corner.

Until the sound of an exploding bullet distracted my enemy and the sight of Natsuki in the doorway attracted its attention. The sight of her with her signature weapon should have been reassuring, for I knew of few people in the world who could rival her skill with projectile weapons - only I knew projectiles were ultimately useless against the Chiroptera.

It was sheer desperation that gave me the speed to save her that night, when the monster made its rush towards her. Afterward, when it had toppled over, she had run to me, trembling with fear, and it was only when I saw the look on her face that I realized that her fear had been entirely for my sake.

"Shizuru, you idiot. You bloody, bloody idiot. Don't ever, ever do anything like that again!" I held her close then, grateful for the anger she had shown towards me, because it was the ultimate proof that she was perfectly safe and alright.

And then Mai Tokiha had intercepted us in the hallway, and it was from her that we found out that two other monsters had attacked, and that Solomon's and my ploy to plant weapons throughout the premises had proven to be a sound strategy in the end.

Only in the end, the monsters' sheer stamina had undermined whatever foresight we had had.

What I'm forever grateful for is that Mai had stood where she had, for it was the sudden alarm in her eyes that had alerted me. And what happened next happened very slowly, and very quickly, all at the same time.

I remember pushing Natsuki away, her body hitting the ground hard.

I remember swinging the katana, the blade slicing effortlessly through the monster's throat.

I remember the tremendous pressure that assaulted my midsection, the demon's claw exiting the wound at the same time that it toppled to the floor.

Most of all, I remember the tremendous relief I felt at seeing Natsuki safe, her pale face staring at me from across a suddenly vast distance.

What I don't remember, can't remember at all, is the pain, though it must have been there, and must have been great enough to have brought me to my knees.

I remember hearing an inhuman scream, and wondering vaguely that it sounded like Natsuki.

I remember crumpling to the ground finally, only to be caught by milky white arms.

I remember looking into anguished green eyes framed by midnight blue hair - eyes and hair I'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

I remember the sorrow I felt, knowing that I would no longer be able to see those eyes, touch that skin, stroke that hair. But I also remember the joy I felt, knowing that the owner of those eyes, that skin and that hair would go on long after I had left. "It's not so bad if a weed dies so that a flower can bloom..."

After that, I remember the darkness.

Fallen angels at my feet

Whispered voices at my ear

Death before my eyes lying next to me

I fear she beckons me

Shall I give in?

Upon my end shall I begin?

Forsaking all I've fallen for

I rise to meet the end...

From the song Whisper (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

It was after I had woken up, and only after he had arranged for me to have a transfusion (which from that point on became a regular part of my "life"), that Solomon told me what had happened.

He told me that I had very nearly completely died, that I had almost been beyond his power to reanimate.

"She refused to let go of you, and I was afraid of being too rough."

When she had finally allowed him to take me, he had fled with blinding speed through the school grounds to an isolated garden where he had ripped his wrist and put it to my mouth.

He had apologized to me again and again over what had happened. "If only I'd gotten back in time..."

I shook my head at him gently. "Don't blame yourself, Solomon. Things would have been a lot worse if it hadn't been for you." He had told me himself just how many of the demons he had fought alone outside the Residence. "We both knew the risks involved, and this was my idea to begin with."

But I could see how genuinely pained he still was, how upset he was at thinking that he had caused my death.

"Perhaps it's even better this way, Solomon. If I assume any of the Chiropteran powers you told me about from before, I'll be a much better asset in this war."

It was his turn to shake his head. "It's too soon to tell how exactly the blood has changed you. Its effects tend to differ from person to person."

To distract him from his anguish, I asked him how the Academy was coping.

"The entire school is in shock, though not as much as I would have expected given the circumstances. Perhaps it has something to do with the Academy's history - I take it "mysterious" incidents like this used to happen quite frequently when you were still a Hime. In any case, there's very little evidence people can use to reconstruct what happened. I don't know how they did it, but the Searrs have engineered their Chiroptera so that they crystallize and disintegrate completely when destroyed. It's likely a precaution they took to prevent anyone from understanding their methods."

I nodded slowly. "Was anyone else seriously...hurt?"

He shook his head. "Fortunately, no. But Shizuru," he paused, then looked at me, "we need to decide what to do about you. Right now, no one knows for certain what happened to you. Kuga-san and Tokiha-san saw you hurt, perhaps fatally. But then I took you away, and at this point, any story still remains plausible."

I reflected quietly for several moments. "I understand what you're saying Solomon, but at this point, I think it's best to allow the world to believe that I'm dead. The Searrs now know that you exist - which means you've lost the element of surprise. I'm the only thing you have that will allow you to regain that advantage. Besides, if the Searrs found out about me, they would go to extraordinary lengths to retrieve me."

He stared at me levelly. "Those are sound arguments from the standpoint of a war, but what about her?"

"I am doing this for her."

"You know what I mean, Shizuru."

"And what would you have me do? If she discovered the truth, she would insist on getting involved because it's simply the way she is.  I want to keep her out of this as much as I can, Solomon. My hands are stained. I'll keep them that way so hers can stay pure."

"And if, and when this is all over...?"

"That's something I'll deal with if and when the time comes. As it is, having seen what we're dealing with, the possibility of that time coming seems fairly remote."

He nodded slowly. "If that's your final decision, then we'll need to fake your wake and your funeral."

"Can you do that?" I asked him. "My family's corporation has resources for accomplishing a great many things, but I'm afraid that faking demises doesn't fall within our range of competence."

He gave me a strained smile. "Fortunately - or unfortunately - it falls within the range of competence of mine.  Don't worry about it." Then he paused. "Speaking of corporations, what do you intend to do about your father?"

I shook my head. "My father's a practical man. The Fujino Corporation is designed to last for eternity. I may be the only direct heir, but I'm not the only heir. In any case, my father tends to have an uncanny sense when it comes to me. There's no need to tell him anything apart from what you intend to tell the world."

He nodded. "Alright. I'll take care of everything then." 

At the doorway, he hesitated, then turned back. "As someone who's fighting and leading a war, I appreciate the choice you've made, Shizuru, and I would have made the same choice as well. But never forget that I'm also someone who knows what it is to love. If one day, you wish to be able to choose differently..."

I cut him off with a smile and a gentle shake of my head. "I know Solomon. But for me, as well as for you, the choice to fight goes hand in hand with the choice to love. It always has and it always will."

He smiled at me then, a sad, wistful smile that combined affection with understanding. And a few hours after he left to effect the decision I had made, I, Shizuru Fujino, officially left the world of the living.

I'm frightened by what I see

But somehow I know

That there's much more to come...

From the song Whisper (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

It was a few weeks after my funeral that my newly-acquired abilities first began to manifest themselves. Even before my death, my skills had long since surpassed those of my human trainers, so for months my only training companion had been Solomon. But for Solomon, sparring with me hardly even qualified as child's play. As a Chevalier, he was infinitely more powerful than an average Chiropteran, and it was impossible to follow his movements with human eyes.

And then one day while training, almost without my realizing it, I discovered that I could actually see his movement - and more disquietingly, follow it. It startled Solomon enough that he nearly failed to evade one of my blows. Within minutes, I had him fighting at full level. Perhaps it was the vampiric blood in me, awakened by the battle, but I found myself growing increasingly more ferocious. Solomon must have sensed it, because he immediately shifted his attack to urgently start restraining me. The last thing I remember before the battle haze took over was my katana finally shattering under the force of my blows and Solomon raising his sword against me...

When I came to myself, I found Solomon a few yards away, looking slightly battered and with his arm transformed to its vampiric state. It was the first time I had ever seen him assume a form other than human. It was only then that I noticed the naginata in my hands, and stared at it in confusion. In my bewilderment, it shimmered briefly then vanished.

Solomon approached me quietly and shook his head. When he spoke, he sounded disturbed.

"Your powers are...unlike any I've seen before. They appear to be a hybrid between those of a Chiropteran and those of a Hime. You seem to possess the speed and strength of a Chiropteran, but the Chiropteran's shapeshifting ability has been replaced in your case with the Hime's ability to materialize matter. As far as abilities go, it's an extremely deadly combination."

I nodded my head in mute agreement, then began to sway from a sudden spell of dizziness.

Solomon caught me before I could fall to the floor. "Careful. I should have warned you. Using your Chiropteran powers uses up a tremendous amount of energy that you need to replace by drinking even more blood."

As I tried to steady myself against his arm, I suddenly noticed that he was staring at me with a faintly disturbed expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

He turned his head away quietly. "Your eyes...they glow red in battle, just like Saya's. And you seem to lose yourself in battle too, just like Saya." Then he looked at me again and smiled reassuringly.

"But let's worry about all that later. For now, we need to get you a transfusion."

Frozen inside

Without your touch

Without your love

Darling, only you are the life among the dead...

From the song Bring Me To Life (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

It was only a month later that Solomon and I began receiving disturbing reports about deaths among the homeless and criminal elements in Fuka. To the rest of the world, there was nothing unusual about the incidents - high mortality rates were a normal feature of life on the margins of society and it was pointless to investigate their causes further. But these were incidents that Solomon had anticipated from the beginning, and not a single suspicious corpse was buried in that city without him examining the body firsthand.

"It was definitely a Chiropteran," he told me grimly, after one of his teams had autopsied the body of a prostitute. "The Searrs are testing their creations on the city's unwanted elements. I'm not sure what they're trying to find out, but we have to stop them."

I took a sip of my tea before replying. "You know as well as I do that only a Chiropteran can quickly and efficiently dispatch another Chiropteran."

He sighed heavily. "I know. What consoles me is the fact that the team will be in your hands while I'm out."

I shook my head. "You misinterpreted me, Solomon. You're the only one who has the knowledge necessary to win this war, and we can't risk losing you. What I meant was I'll go and deal with the Chiropterans."

He looked at me for a long moment, his handsome face betraying his uncertainty.

I chided him gently. "You know that I'm perfectly capable of dealing with them, Solomon."

He shook his head. "It's not your survival I'm worried about, Shizuru..." He hesitated, then gave me a strained smile. "But don't let me bother you with needless anxieties. If you're sure that this is what you want to do, you have my full support."

I nodded my thanks. "In that case, let's start by determining how to best conceal my identity. The more confused we leave the Searrs, the better."

~~~~~

And so it was that what began as a quest for redemption led me further down the path of damnation. Night after night I prowled the streets of Fuka, a cloaked figure of death and destruction. I dispatched the Chiroptera I encountered with brutal and ruthless efficiency. And the more I killed, the more the Searrs sent, so that on certain nights I would battle as many as a dozen all at the same time. And the part of me that had reveled in the devastation of the First District all those years ago - that part of me that the Obsidian Lord had found and exploited so easily - rose to the surface and gloried in the blood and gore.

Sometimes, the bloodlust was such that I would literally lose myself, and wake up only moments later to the disintegrating remains of several Chiropterans. It was on one such night, stumbling back home, dizzy from the lack of blood, that Solomon finally confronted me.

"You're pushing yourself too much, Shizuru."

He regarded me with concern and disapproval.

"Don't worry about me, Solomon. I'll be fine after a transfusion."

He shook his head. "It's not your survival I'm worried about, Shizuru. It never has been. But the more frequently you fight, and the longer each battle lasts, the more the blood chips away at your humanity. Even Saya nearly succumbed to it. Don't give in to the blood, Shizuru."

I looked away. I didn't need to explain to him, of all people, that the blood was the only refuge I had left; that abandoning my humanity was the easiest shelter from the pain: the pain of missing her every single day, which had not abated at all in the long long months.

Still, I knew he was right. As a vampire, I did live a cursed existence. With the blood, the pain receded just a bit. But with the blood also came the darkness - a darkness which I naturally possessed, which had been unleashed during the Carnival, and which I suspected would be infinitely more destructive in my current state if I let it go uncontrolled.

"Don't worry, Solomon." I told him yet again. "You know I would never let things go that far. Not ever again."

As I walked away from him, he called after me. "How can you be so sure, Shizuru? Always, always, you push your limits. Whether it's a limit to the pain you can endure, or a limit to the control you can exercise. We don't always know our limits, Shizuru. So don't go pushing yours all the time."

I closed my eyes. That was the problem with Solomon. He was always right.

Wake me up inside

Wake me up inside

Call my name and save me from the dark

Bid my blood to run

Before I come undone

Save me from the nothing I've become...

From the song Bring Me To Life (the Fallen album), by Evanescence

I don't know how long I would have gone on that way, if it hadn't been for her.

For weeks, the Searrs had become increasingly reckless, possibly out of desperation. Chiropteran attacks began to spring simultaneously in various parts of the city, so that Solomon was forced to dispatch human teams to cover grounds that I couldn't. As highly trained as his men were though, they were hardly a match for the vampiric monsters - which meant that battles were longer and the probability of victims and witnesses higher.

"You'll need to be more careful, Shizuru." Solomon warned me quietly. "My men are doing their best to conceal any evidence, but enough deaths have happened and enough bodies have surfaced that the Fuka Police Department has begun to investigate. I know you've never left a trace, but the city's under alert now."

I nodded. I knew Solomon was frantically trying to find a way to control the situation. For all that I was the one in physical danger every night, I never forgot that the burden of the war rested almost entirely on his shoulders. I reached for his hand as he turned away.

"We'll find a way, Solomon."

He smiled at me, and brought my hand to his lips. My involuntary gesture had surprised us both. Since I had begun fighting the Chiroptera I had become increasingly remote and aloof. I knew it relieved Solomon's distress somewhat to catch on occasional glimmer of my vanishing humanity. But even as he held my hand, the spontaneous feeling of warmth that had led to my sudden outburst of affection had already begun to dissipate. The blood in me was already beginning to crave the carnage of the coming evening.

~~~~~

Detachment, indifference, perhaps even a strange sort of bliss, envelop me when I fight.

There is a structured chaos in the killing, a ritualistic beauty to the violence. It is not so very different from arranging flowers, writing calligraphy, or preparing tea. There are forms to be observed, economies to be upheld. Each motion must accomplish its sole purpose, nothing more and nothing less. The world disintegrates around me in a vortex of dismembered limbs and gushing blood, but all tumble where I want them to tumble, like the poetry of falling leaves.

It doesn't upset me when they hurt me, when very occasionally they get past my defenses. But it disturbs the rhythmic flow of the dance, the tense fragility of my peace. It threatens to rip the oh-so-tenuous barrier that circles the ever-expanding darkness inside.

And when the dance ends -

The wail of police sirens cut sharply across the remnants of my battle haze. I quickly surveyed the alley where I had ambushed the Chiropterans: apart from the tumbled trash bins and cracked concrete walls, little evidence remained of the slaughter that had taken place. I blended into the shadows; it would be useful for Solomon to know the extent of what the Fuka Police had uncovered.

The police arrived already expecting to be disappointed. It was clear that they had encountered too many similarly enigmatic scenes the past several weeks, the frustration evident on their faces. Two crime scene investigators began to go over the grounds, one taking careful photographs of the inexplicable imprints and indentations on brick and metal.

The photographer stepped into the harsh glare of an alley light, and when she lifted her face, I gasped at the sudden pain that lanced through my chest.

It was Natsuki.  She looked as beautiful as ever, but thinner and more delicate, the look of grim implacability on her face so familiar that it hurt. The glint of light against her neck revealed the locket Solomon had given her at my funeral.

And although my gasp had been inaudible to human ears, she looked up sharply, her gaze directed at the shadows in which I hid. Then one of her colleagues called out to her, and whatever sixth sense it was that had alerted her to my presence vanished at the interruption. After several more minutes, they finished their investigation and cordoned the area off with police tape. Natsuki gave the alley one more searching glance, her gaze lingering at the shadows that concealed me, before finally driving off with her partner.

I was up on the rooftops in moments, trailing them.

~~~~~

I knew of course, from the cursory surveillance that Solomon had kept on the Himes, that Natsuki had gone on to university - that she had taken up Forensics Science and was working part-time at the city's crime lab. But ever since my "death", I had deliberately stayed away for fear that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself - wouldn't be able to resist telling her that I was alive after all, which would only put her at risk.

But it was just so like her to plant herself squarely in the middle of danger anyway. Being an undergraduate, she should not have been at the crime scene. But then, Natsuki always managed to find a way to get what she wanted, regardless of protocols or procedures.

Her colleague finally dropped her off at her apartment, and despite my resolve to stay away, I gave in to the temptation to see her that night, if only for a few moments. I waited until the lights of her flat dimmed, then made my way silently to her window.

She was already asleep, the expression on her face so haunted and vulnerable it was more than I could bear. I slipped easily into her room and sat at her bedside, watching the rise and fall of her breath. I reached down to touch her fragile cheek, but froze when I heard her sleepy whisper, "Shizuru..." It was the desolation in the way she uttered those three syllables and the glimmer of tears on her lashes that made me flee back into the night, torn between hope, desire, duty and regret.

Why, I asked in anguish, why, if she truly loves me now, did she have to love me only now? When my being with her would only put her in danger, when my being with her could never bring her happiness? Why love me now and only now, Natsuki, when I have nothing left to give you, not even my life?

But for all the pain, it was seeing her again that saved me, that reminded me of the reason I fought, and the darkness in me receded just a bit.

~~~~~

When I returned home that night, Solomon looked at me for a long, thoughtful moment.

"Welcome home, Shizuru."

From the way he said it, I knew he meant it in more ways than one.

I smiled at him, marveling as always at how well he knew me.

"It's been a while, but would you care to join me for tea?"

His grin was all the answer I needed.