"Blah" talking
*Blah* thinking
--- flashback
~ scene change
We're in his room now. On his bed. I don't do anything, it just hurts to much to do anything. I had to do it. I just hope she can forgive me in time. I love her so much that I couldn't let her get anymore hurt if she's with me than if she's alone. He's taking off our clothes now. I feel nothing but distaste for the feel of his hands on my body. Only Jessy can touch my skin and heart. Oh how I wish I can just go to her.
"I want you to look at me throughout it all." He said as he took hold my head and turn me to look at him. I do as I'm told and I look but I say nothing. I feel nothing and I don't stop him. If I do stop him, he'll hit me again and ram it in hard and makes sure that it'll hurt for a long time. Just like last time I tried to stop him. I just stopped caring or feeling ever since I told her... ever since I saw that empty shell that she became with those words I said to her earlier...
-----
"It's over between us. I've found someone better than you." I said as I cling onto His arm and smile up at him. He just smiles smugly at her. That broken look in her eyes are all I can take to not just run to her and wrap her in my arms and tell her everything is all right. But I can't.
"B- but I love you..." she whispered. Tears coming out of her eyes. She sound so broken and lost. It just breaks my heart. With every broken word she said is like a nail through my heart.
"How can I love something like you when I have a man like Derreck." I driving the last nail into myself as I say those words. Me and Him are walking away now leaving you alone. I look back and nearly broke down with just that look in her eyes so I turned around and kept walking.
"But you promised..." she barely whispered out. But I heard her. I can feel my heart breaking then I just start to go numb. I hold onto his arm to stop us and I turn around. I'm about to doom my own soul.
"Do you want to know something? After we leave we are going to his place and into his bed." I laughed at her look on her face but all I wanted to do was cry. That look that shows that her heart just broke into a million pieces and all I wanted to do was pick up those pieces and hold on tightly and mend it back together with my love. I smile and turn around and walk away with him once again but this time I don't look back.
---
It's only been an hour since I saw her face but to me it felt like an eternity. All I want is to have her in my arms and tell her just how much I love her. Tell her that we can have forever together. Looks like He is done. *Fanilly. Now I can leave... but I can never leave I'm trapped with him.* Never have I ever been filled with so much hate for one person. How much I despise him. I just get up and dressed. I want to leave as his room. I can't even look at him anymore. I know he's just smiling smuggly as always after what he does to me. Like as if he won something and is proving that to all the world. I'm up now and heading to the door.
"I'll call you later sweety." He said. I hate it when he calls me that. I just want to glare at him, but I just keep walking. He knows that I heard him. He knows what I think of him but still he does whatever he wants to me cause he knows that I can't do anything. He knows my weaknesses and he uses those against me. Like Jessy is my biggest weakness but this was the only way to protect her. I just want to be with her. I want her in my arms again. But I doomed my heart and soul for her. I know that I will go to hell but I don't want her there with me. If I have to suffer forever then so be it, just as long as she can be in peace. Maybe we'll be together in the next life. I can only hope.
Next week is our three year anniversery. I got her that ring that she was hinting at. She thought that I didn't have a clue about anything or that I forgot. How can I ever forget that day three years ago? We were to go to our secret place at the cliffs to give each other our gifts. The cliffs was were we first made love. There under the stars with the waves crashing against the rocks below we showed our love for one another. It was beautiful and it was heaven. Maybe I can still go and give her the ring. We promised that no matter what that we'll go there. I just hope that she'll be there.
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