"Damn it!"
Samus punched her ship's control panel for the third time, turning her knuckles red. She cradled the injured appendage in her other hand, rubbing it gingerly. It had been several hours since she left the arena... and Zelda.
"God, I'm so stupid."
Samus wondered what happened after she left. What did Zelda do and say, where did she go, how was she feeling? The endless possibilities plagued her thoughts. Was she sad, did she cry, or was she angry, or did she just forget and move on? Would she run home, or stay at the arena? Maybe she went to the training room to blow of some steam, or maybe she'd distract herself with more matches... No... She's probably curled up in her bed there... curled up in a ball and crying... tears streaming from her soft beautiful eyes.
'She sounded like she was about to start crying even before I left.'
"I'm such an asshole."
She sighed in annoyance then flicked a switch on the console, cutting all power to the ship. It dropped from warp, the lights went out, and the artificial gravity disengaged. Samus drifted off of her chair, arms folded, and eyes closed.
"I just want to be with you." She recalled Zelda's words to her earlier. "I love you."
"I have to go," was her response. Their conversation replayed in her head over and over.
'I have to go?'
"Stupid," she spat contemptuously.
'What the hell kind of reply was that?' She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. 'What was the point? I could have just let her come along. I was about to, but then she said... why the hell did I react that way?'
"So fucking stupid."
"...Don't go...don't leave me all alone." Zelda's plea rung in her ears.
It stung her now when she thought about it after the fact. 'I practically ignored her. And after all that, all she'd been through... all we'd shared... and I just walked away!'
"Arrr!" She yelled and punched the bulkhead hard enough to make her knuckles bleed. She held her hand up in front of her, small drops of blood broke free from her hand and floated lazily through the air. She didn't bother trying to comfort it this time; she just folded her arms again and took a deep breath, trying to clear her head.
"I love you."
Samus winced at the memory.
'Why? Why did you have to say that to me...? Why did I have to be such an idiot about it?'
She floated back down to her chair and stared blankly at the console for almost ten minutes. Sitting there with her arms at her side her fingers dug into the armrest, getting tighter and tighter until she became aware of that fact and released them suddenly. She huffed in annoyance before starting the ship again and turning it around.
------
The rock face that Zelda had previously come through, now distorted again as another figure passed through the dimensional gap. Samus stepped out of the rock and into the unfamiliar setting. Where to go now? She looked around but saw nothing in the dark of night so she activated her armor and used its image enhancing capabilities to see. In the distance, over a line of trees, she could see the spires of a castle.
'Must be the place,' she thought.
She set off in the direction of the structure. What she would do once she got there she didn't know. What would she say? What can she say? She wasn't even sure to what end she was coming here for. She just knew she couldn't leave things the way they were.
What if Zelda was upset, what if she wanted Samus to just leave... What if she wanted her to stay... She had no idea... Neither possibility sat well with Samus. Zelda was the one and only thing in her life that wasn't cruel, unforgiving, or hostile; the only thing that wasn't completely miserable. She didn't want that to end, didn't want what she had with the girl to disappear. Yet the alternative was fraught with questions she had no idea how to answer. She wasn't even sure what that alternative was, what it entailed, or what it meant for her and how it fit into her life.
As she walked she thought over her conundrum, not coming to any answers, though she did come across a small cliff. She scaled it, nimbly leaping from outcropping to outcropping until she stood atop the rock, the castle looming before her. Bounding silently over the terrain, she easily eluded the castle sentries in the dark of night, invisible to them; though with her suits' enhanced vision she could in turn see them easily. The exterior wall was cleared in a single leap and the side of the castle scaled with the aid of her grappling beam. She now stood on the roof, looking, searching. She jumped from one parapet to the next examining the castle top to bottom. One feature stood out amongst the rest, a balcony with an elaborately decorated carved stone railing; lush lavender drapes lined the opening to the room.
'That must be it.'
She jumped over to the roof just above the balcony and then down on to the railing. Her armor dissolved away as she hopped off the railing and down to the floor. She approached the opening carefully, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dark.
It was then that she saw her, sitting on the bed. A nervous chill came over Samus and she ducked to the side quickly, hiding herself from view, but not really knowing why she needed to hide; she supposed it was shame she was feeling. Timidly, she stepped out again, but kept close to the wall. She leaned against the side of the opening, peering inside.
Crying? She was crying...
'Damn it...' Samus winced knowing she was the cause of it. She attempted speech but failed miserably, as the only thing to escape her lips was a barely audible squeak.
Suddenly Zelda stopped crying and sat there.
'Is she looking at me? ...What do I say? ...What do I do? ...What does she expect from me?' Samus thought frantically.
Then Zelda stood from the bed and approached her halfway.
"Who's there?" Zelda said sternly.
Samus felt like a deer in headlights. 'It's dark. She doesn't know it's me? I have to say something now... say something, damn it.'
"I'm sorry..." was the only thing she could manage to think of.
"S- Samus? Is that you?" Zelda said shocked.
"Yeah..." she said weakly and hung her head.
Zelda rushed up in front of her. "What... What are you doing here?"
Samus didn't answer, she couldn’t, she had no idea what to say.
"Sam--"
"I'm sorry," she repeated.
In the confusion Zelda momentarily had forgotten about the past events, but Samus' apology jogged her memory. Anger flashed, and without thinking... smack! The sharp sound pierced the quiet night. She held her trembling hand away from Samus' face, with a horrified expression on her own. She regretted it the moment it happened.
"Samus! I didn't mean to! I--"
"It's fine... You can hit me again... I deserve it."
"No! I don't want to... I... Samus, I..." She suddenly threw herself at Samus, hugging her tightly.
A bit surprised, Samus timidly took Zelda in her arms.
"You came back... you really came back."
"I couldn't... leave things the way they were."
Zelda hugged her tighter. "You came back..." she repeated.
"You're not... not upset with me?"
"Nnh..." She shook her head. "I'm not... well, a little, maybe... I mean, I was, but... I don't know."
"Then are we... ok? I mean how do... how do you..."
"How do I feel?" Zelda released her and took a step back looking up at her. "I... I don't know... confused... relieved... scared..."
Samus just looked at her not understanding.
"I... when you left..." she sighed and looked away, "...especially right after Link... you left me all alone... It really hurt! You hurt me, Samus." Zelda said, with tears in her eyes.
Samus winced again and stared at her feet. "I know, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I was a complete idiot... sorry..."
"Hmm, I guess I am a little angry... But... I'm glad to see you now, even if... it's just for this moment... though... uh... I... I'm scared too. Because I ...I don't know what happens next," she started crying again. "I don't know where we go from here, if you're leaving again... are we...are you and I... can we be together? I just... I don't know..." she whimpered very emotionally.
Samus put her hands on Zelda's shoulders. "What ever you want to happen. Just... tell me what you want. Tell me... Tell me what I'm supposed to do, 'cause I don't know... I don't know anything about... this."
Zelda looked up at her with teary eyes. "Stay. Just stay with me... that's all I want."
Samus slowly began nodding. "Ok. I'll stay."
Zelda took a deep relaxing breath and hugged her tightly again.
"I really am sorry."
"Mmm, I know... It's... It's ok now." She paused for a bit, just holding Samus. "Just...Can you tell me...why? Why did you leave? Did I do something wrong?"
"No! ...No you... you didn't do anything wrong."
"Then--"
"Because... because I'm a coward, a stupid coward... When you said... what you said to me, I got scared." Samus huffed and rolled her eyes. "Here I am, the most dangerous and feared woman in the galaxy, and I was frightened by three simple words... I'm so pathetic."
"But why? What's there to be scared of, Samus?"
"I know, it was stupid, but... it was kind of overwhelming, what you said. No one's ever said that to me before. I didn't know how to accept it... what you expected of me... I don't know how to respond to something like that...I couldn't handle it so I ran away. I... I told you when we met; I'm not good at dealing with people."
"You didn't have to give me a response. I just wanted you to know how I felt... How I still feel..."
Samus wrung her hands together feeling lousy.
'Stupid,' she cursed herself.
"But..." Zelda continued, "...A usual response would be to tell me how you feel. You... you could say you love me too," Zelda said hopefully, but Samus just averted her eyes. "You do have feelings for me, don't you...Samus? Don't you?"
Samus sighed and glanced around the room not making eye contact with Zelda. "I don't know."
"You don't then," she despaired.
"I didn't say that! I... I said I don't know. I don't know how I feel, I don't know if I love you... I don't know anything. I don't even know if... if feelings like that are something I'm capable of anymore."
"I don't believe that..."
"Believe it... I don't know what... love feels like, it's just an empty word to me. Zelda, my life is... well you caught a glimpse of what my life is like." She sighed deeply. "Despair, loneliness, hopelessness... anger, aggression, hatred... these are the emotions I know all to well. Love... or kindness and compassion... you use these words, you attribute them to me... and maybe it's true that I've been behaving that way with you...but those were just things it seemed like I should be doing at the time, so I did them; I don't feel any of it." She held her hand to her chest. "It's just not in there."
"I don't believe that," Zelda repeated more quietly and more to herself, shaking her head.
Samus stared at her standing there like that; it looked like she would start crying again, she hated seeing that. She came here to make amends, she just wanted Zelda to feel better, but it was obvious to her that she wasn't doing enough to that end. Samus sighed again.
"I don't know what love is... but..." she said and took Zelda's hands in hers, "...but I do know... I know I want to find out. I want to find out... together... with you."
With that Zelda's eyes lit up, genuinely surprised. Relieved and overjoyed at the same time Zelda hugged her suddenly and she sighed thankfully. "I knew it... I knew you feel something for me..."
'That's not what I said...' Samus thought, but kept it to herself.
"When we talked, that night we were together, we talked about what happened to our mothers, and after... you kissed me... there was definitely something there, Samus. I just know you felt something then... so...so can't you just kiss me now!?"
Samus smiled softly and nodded, then obliged her; taking her by the chin, tilting her head back, and kissing her softly. As they kissed Samus could feel Zelda's lips quiver, and her body shudder uncontrollably. Zelda tipped her head down away from the kiss, Samus' lips wound up on her forehead, she was crying. Though it was an emotional release and not sorrow; all the built up pain, doubt, and uncertainty just melted away when Samus kissed her, and she couldn't help but release them as a torrent of tears. She buried her face in Samus' chest as she cried.
Confused, Samus uneasily wrapped her arms around Zelda and stroked her hair. "Zelda?"
Zelda shook her head. "I'm ok... I'm ok. As long as you stay with me, I'll be fine."
"I already said I would."
"Say it again," Zelda said tearfully.
"I'll stay here with you, I promise."
Zelda sighed and hugged her tight. "That's great," she spoke softly with both hope and uncertainty in her voice. "You can stay here and... I know I complain about it, but this place is really quite nice, and it's peaceful most of the time, so you can just stay here and just get away from all those harsh things you deal with all the time, experience the softer side of life. And...and we can get to know each other even better... Ok?"
"Mm-hmm." Samus nodded. "I can do that."
They stood just holding each other in the balcony's doorway, the cool night air blowing across them gently. Zelda rested her head on Samus' chest with her eyes closed, feeling the warmth her body emanated. The night was so quiet and they were so very still, they could feel each others hearts beating, and the only sound was that of their breath.
"You know, I just realized... " Zelda spoke, breaking the silence, "...there's a summer festival in a few days. We hold one each year in fields just outside the castle. We should go; it would be good for us. And, until then, we can spend each day together."
"Yeah, ok."
"Although... mm... tomorrow morning... I have to take care of something important. But when I get back we can be together the rest of the day."
"What do you have to do?"
"Um... there's this girl... she and Link... uh... they were close, I have to tell her."
"Oh..."
"Poor girl, she'll be devastated... I... uh..."
"Should I come?"
"You don't have to do that. She doesn't even know you."
"I meant... for you... because... it doesn't sound like it'd be easy for you-- But! ...you don't really need anyone's help; I know you can do it by yourself. I didn't mean to suggest you couldn't handle it on your own. I just thought--"
"Samus! Its ok," Zelda interrupted her, placing her hands on Samus' cheeks. "Thank you. I do want you there." She said, then kissed Samus briefly before wrapping her arms around her. She sighed deeply. "I'm really glad you came back."
"Mmh..." Samus nodded.
They stood there holding each other for a while longer, after which Zelda led Samus over to her bed and laid down, pulling Samus with her. She nuzzled against Samus, burying her face in Samus' neck.
"I'm glad you're back," she repeated.
Samus wrapped her arms around Zelda and kissed her on top of her head.
"Are you ok with this? ...What I mean is: you can just leave all those important things you said you had to do?" Zelda asked softly.
"Mmm... I can't, no..."
"Oh... So you're going to--"
"No. I said I'd stay, and I will."
"Then--"
"I don't know... It doesn't make any sense to me... I shouldn't even be here, but... I don't know... uh..."
"It's ok... You don't have to understand it; feelings are like that sometimes... Just give it some time.
"Uh, Zelda, listen... I can't promise anything. I'll stay with you, but other than that I can't make any promises."
"What are you saying?"
"I'll stay, and I'll try to work at this. Just... don't hold out any expectations for me... I don't know if I can give you what you're looking for... I don't want you to get disappointed."
"Mmm..." Zelda shook her head "...you underestimate yourself."
"Zelda, I--"
"Samus."
"What?"
"I love you."
"Uh--" the same words caught her off guard once again, but then she remembered Zelda's explanation. "I just want you to know how I feel."
Samus sighed then smiled, "I know," she whispered and kissed Zelda on the side of her cheek. "I know you do."
Zelda smiled; she clasped Samus' hand in hers, held it to her face, and kissed it. "Just give it some time... Ok?"
"Yeah... yeah, ok."
End Part Eleven