Story: Choices to Make (all chapters)

AJ Moore was 17, about to turn 18. She should be happy, why?? she is in a grunge band that her and her ex boyfriend put together in early years of high school. By the time 16 years of age they were playing at friend’s parties’ a father recognised their potential, offered to be a manager and got them signed. They called themselves Jaded and now their future was looking bright. AJ should be happy since didn’t need to finish school, life is one party but it was all becoming tiresome.

The band manager Errol looked out for the youngsters, see to their every need. The group had girls, guys, all the party needs to keep them happy as they continue the upward rise of the band.

AJ looked at her watch 8.28pm and sighed. Errol will be sending for her and its then she decided to tell him she was leaving the band.

She looked in the mirror yet to put her make up on, her face was sunken, she was sick and tired of the scene. Tired of partying, of the many drug binges. She had no idea what she wanted to do, but guessed she would have enough money to do what ever she wanted

Tap at her door “its open Errol. " She finished with her makeup and headed out to main room tying up her hair

Errol wraps arms around her “hey gorgeous, hows my little angel doing. Wow I like this new look.”

Gives her a hug and holds her a little longer. This was another reason she was getting out. His unwanted touching and affection was repulsing her.

“right 20 minutes and into the car. The boys are already waiting on you, but I told them it was a girl thing” touches her face.

AJ walks away. “Errol I have something to tell you, no easy way but I’m not signing another contract and I’m leaving Jaded”

Errol went quiet at first “better deal” he half asked

“no” AJ looked out the window feeling nervous

“one of the band members, oh your ex Mika giving you, look I’ll handle it”

AJ smacked side of her leg and faced Errol in frustration “no no no, I’m not happy, I don’t want to be in this band anymore. I’m tired, I want to do something else with my life. It was fun for a while, to rebel yada yada but now it’s a fucking circus and I’m sick of everything and everybody.”

Errol mulled it over and walked to her “I see so therefore all the people that helped you get to where you are, all the time put in to keeping you happy and you say go to hell” his voice rising

AJ wouldn’t look at him “No…. I’m saying I’ve run my course in this band….. I’m out, I can be replaced, you won’t have a problem finding someone Errol”

“There is no one like AJ, slick, raw, untameable” he boasts

AJ had enough “I’M OVER IT, tonight after this gig I’m telling the boys that I’m done and dusted.

AJ headed to the door when Errol grabbed her arm hard and yanked “you listen to me and you listen good you little bitch. This ride is not over until I say it is”

“fuck off, let me go” struggles, and breaks free

Errol backhanded AJ sending her to the ground. AJ back away but Errol grabbed her and dragged her into the bedroom and pinned her to the bed

“you fucking little bitch you don’t get it. You don’t run this band I do which means I own you. You don’t tell me when its time to leave.”

He licks up side of her neck. AJ tries to scream but he muffled her with one hand and started undoing his pants.

“ you’re such a little prick tease and its about time I taught you a lesson.”

He pulls down her cargo pants and pushes in hard.

Tears stream down AJ’s face and she tried to fight in vain

“its time you learn who is boss” he finishes and gets off.

He fixes himself up and looks down at the crying girl “I own you AJ, nothing is going to change that. Now tidy your scraggy ass up and get down stairs.”

Back stage the feeling was building from the audience chanting, AJ was shaking and walks back to the dressing room. She rummages through Mika’s bag until she finds a small clear bag. She takes out some pills. Mika had always warned her 1 was enough to get the party started. 2 was to forget time and 3 was the end of the world. AJ shaking she knew the only way to get away was…. She swallows 5 pills.

The band was on stage for 20 mins when Mika noticed AJ acting strange. Not completing lyrics, stagging and uncontrollable laughing. Song finished and Mika went to AJ

“what has gotten into you, how many did you take”

AJ didn’t say anything, her eyes glazed over and she stumbled forward. Mika grabbed her and she collapsed and convulsed on stage.

The auditorium hushed as paramedics worked on AJ’s lifeless body. She had no pulse for last 3 minutes.

Mika was yelling at AJ “don’t you die” over and over again.

They worked on her in the ambulance and into emergency where the doctors finally got a pulse.

A Week had passed and AJ was sitting up in bed. Mika appeared in door.

“fuck you scared us, you were dead on stage, you were a legend for about 7 minutes.” He half laughed

“yeh”

“why, what’s wrong”

She told him about leaving the band and he accepted the news sadly and wished her well.

Few days later Errol appeared in her room. “go away, I’m going to call the nurse.” Growled AJ

“I’m sorry, I should not have pressured you and I never wanted you to”

“you raped me you fucking bastard. I wanted to die because of you so fuck off because I’m not going back to the band.”

“is that your final decision”

AJ holds up a finger giving her final response.

Late that afternoon AJ was moving around when some people in white walked into her room and looked at her chart, doctor looked her over visually.

“you were a real lucky girl AJ, and you need to get help for you addiction problem. But for now I’m discharging you.”

“what, I don’t feel strong enough.”

She found out because she had quit the band, the recording company had pulled the pin on her medical treatment. To make things worse she was broke as the recording company refused to release funds claiming she had forfeited after leaving the band prematurely.

For over a week she was in and out of homeless shelters, AJ had no family, no home, no where to go.

After another cold night on the street she found a pamphlet to read. It promised to help build her self esteem, and give her a family and all she had to give was 5 years of her life. This was her last hope or else the needle she had saved to end her days would be used.

She opened the door to the warm room and sat down. She looked around all the posters showing military persons in uniform, performing tasks and all wanting her. She felt this was her salvation.

“I’m sorry but you need to move out, we don’t make house to vagabonds” came a booming voice.

AJ stood up and focused as well as she could. “I’ve come to join up, I want to be part…I want to fight for my country and stuff.”

He looked at her “love I doubt you could even fight to stay upright.” He grabs her but she shrugs him off

“no…. I’m not”

He grabs her harder and dragging her to the door as she struggles “don’t, please” she whines.

“Let her go corporal” came gruff voice.

“yes major”

The tall figure moves into AJ’s view. AJ looks up at the tall soldier, surprised the voice came from a female

“your name” came short request

“It’s…… its A.....Ashlee Moore”

The corporal whispered something in the major’s ear and she nodded

“my office” she ordered

The major shut the door as Ashlee went to sit.

“I don’t remember saying you can sit” she gruffed

Ashlee shakily got to her feet “sorry, umm major”

“I am impressed you put up quite a fight. Most addicts just let you throw them out. Look Moore the army is not a rehab clinic, tax payers would not be impressed if we just let any one in with addiction problems.

“I need this Major, I’m not afraid to fight for country”

“hmmm” she let Ashlee continued

Ashlee stagged forward but caught her footing. “your pamphlet said we could all be family, we take care of each other and our country.”

“how long you been clean” still not moved

“2 weeks, 3 days. I’m seeing someone in free clinic. Umm can I have a drink”

“No. If I was to drug test you now, would you pass”

“I don’t know” tears starting to swell

“answer no, it takes at least 3 weeks. I can’t accept you this week.”

It was too much for Ashlee her life was gone now and she sat down and cried. “if you don’t give me a chance what hope have I got of anyone.”

Major pour water and gave it to Ashlee “how old are you, 23, 24”

“umm, thanks….17”

“bloody hell” Major growled “I can’t except you even if I wanted to. You must be 18.”

Ashlee staggers to her feet. “I’m 18 in two days, if it makes any difference.”

Major looked at her clock. She had been chatting to her for nearly an hour. “look, stick at this another week and if you are serious then come back and we will drug test you. If all is ok, I might.”

Ashlee started to smile

“I might consider you” stresses the Major

“a week”

“a week” repeated Major

Ashlee smiled “thank you Major”

Major reached into her pocket and pulled out some money. “get yourself something to eat. You don’t even look like you could hold up your skeleton.”

“thanks, I’ll manage” and leaves knocking back the majors offer

A week to the day Ashlee walked back in to the recruitment office. She gave her urine sample and waited. She waited for 2 hours when finally the door to major’s office opened

“in here Moore”

Ashlee scuttled inside and stood in front

“your results came back negative, and confirming your date of birth congratulation you are indeed now 18.”

“I just want you to know I’m not afraid to die” she blurted out

Major stood up “do not interrupt me, you do not speak until I give you permission. Is that understood”

“um yeh”

“IS THAT UNDERSTOOD” yelled Major

“Yes”

“Not being afraid to die makes me believe you are someone who has nothing to live for, this is not what we want from a soldier. In fact someone with this attitude is a danger to themselves and the team they serve with”

Ashlee went to say something and stopped

“well”

“no, I mean is I’m not afraid to do what is required of me. I just want a chance is all”

“Well this is your lucky day Moore, sign and wait for the bus.”

Ashlee sits in bus seat hunched down. She couldn’t help notice people looking at her and whispering. Another stop and they picked up more recruits. Girl sits next to Ashlee.

“I’m Kelly Travis.” Holds out her hand and they shake

“I’m”

“yes AJ, I knew I recognised”

“No… its Ashlee…..my name is Ashlee. AJ died on stage” she speaks that louder to hush all the whispers “I’m Ashlee Moore”

“well friend, here starts our adventure”

At training camp they all received uniforms and Ashlee still couldn’t get away from the whispers of her past.

“Ignore them Ashlee” said Kelly “after 4 weeks you will only be known as Recruit as will be the rest of us”

Ashlee half smiled and waited in line for a hair cut. She was starting life again so she got most of her hair shaved off. Kelly rubbed Ashlee’s almost bald head “well someone’s making a statement”

Over 8 weeks Ashlee and Kelly got to know each other. Kelly was 23 of mix American and Italian descent, broken up with her girl friend and decided to change her life.

“you got anyone” asked Kelly while lying in bed

“No….”

“you are so hard to get conversation out of”

“really” smirked Ashlee, she then was smacked in head with Kelly’s pillow

“I broke up with my boy friend, I don’t have anyone or want anyone. I have a lot of shit to sort out”

“is this relating to what happened on stage”

“Kelly I really don’t feel comfortable talking about it”

6 months in and Ashlee struggled. Her packs were heavy, she had no energy. Running every day, rain, cold. She was last and was warned if she didn’t pick up her work rate she was out.

The next trial started and Kelly kept with Ashlee encouraging her but eventually Ashlee fell behind.

End of the trial Ashlee didn’t finish, in fact didn’t complete and was found collapsed

Ashlee opened eyes to see hazy room of white. Her eyes focused and she could see drip in her arm. Looking around she could see other people in beds

“oh no… no way” she started to take drips off

“No, hey recruit leave that in” someone pushed a tired Ashlee down “rest, you need to rest.”

“no..no I" drifts off to sleep

Week later Kelly was visiting to let her know how their unit was, the fun of weapons drills, night drills and that they miss her, except Jed.

Jed was a hick who was made team leader. He hated everyone especially Ashlee for slowing down his team.

“I’m ready, just wish they would release me” she confided in Kelly

“they will” Kelly soon left

Ashlee’s eyes drift to gruff sound and her eyes widen with fear.. She gets to her feet as the doctor and soldier headed in her direction.

“oh” came Ashlee’s response recognising the Major who recruited her. She interpreted as an end to her short career

“I’m not on drugs, this is the truth. I just fell I”

“Silence recruit” bellowed the Major

The doctor looked at the exchange “Major Patterson is your immediate superior officer and is looking in on you” started the doctor in charge

Ashlee nods

“now her toxicology screen as you requested Major was negative. The reason for the collapse is combination of exhaustion, her body weight is below recommended levels and border line malnutrition

“I eat…” whines Ashlee but shuts from the glare of Major Patterson

“So what is your recommendation doctor”

“well lets work on getting her weight back up with change in diet, light exercise and weights and she should be right to return to active training in say 8 weeks.”

“what no way”

Major stepped into Ashlee “did I say you can speak recruit”

Ashlee shakes head.

“back into bed” said major

The doctor left and the major turns to leave

“Major Patterson” came small voice

“Yes Moore”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I let you down. I tried….”

“tried….so you are giving up”

“no… I just know you probably regret accepting me.”

“hmmm, well you do realise that you will be dropped from my unit”

“for how long” Ashlee not hiding disappointment

“Indefinitely. You will join in with another unit and catch up.”

12 months had now passed.

Ashlee would lie in bed with Kelly and listen to Kelly’s dreams of ridding the world of evil with one bullet at a time. Ashlee dreams about going over seas and leaving her old life behind.

19th birthday was sad affair for Ashlee. It was the day Kelly, Jed and her old unit were being shipped off to Iraq. Kelly and Ashlee hugged

“I can’t believe I’m not going with you”

“We will catch up” said Kelly confidently

Ashlee tears fell “be careful.”

Kelly with little warning grabbed Ashlee’s shoulders and pulled her in for kiss

Ashlee blushed “that wasn’t the farewell I was going with….”

Kelly winked “well you don’t communicate much, so I just read between the lines”

“if you get caught… doing this you can get into trouble”

“if I want to give you a kiss good bye it’s worth the wrath.” Kelly moves forward again

Ashlee backs away “Please stay safe Kelly”

Ashlee was sad and confused about her feelings for Kelly.

Kelly had been gone 5 months with only few letters, short emails about what was happening. Kelly always wrote she was thinking of her heaps and couldn't wait for her to get over in on the action. She signed off always with ‘the world I change one bullet at a time.’

In a surprise turn about a few months on Ashlee got her orders to join the fight in Iraq and she finally felt at peace now she was leaving behind the misery of her life as AJ.

The days were hot, sand blowing around, teeth gritty. Paradise in the sand was not on the brochure. The central base was one large tent city that stretched on. Soldiers bustling about, helicopters, tanks, transport vehicles, and constant beat of music. It was different, a culture of its own.

First two weeks Ashlee was packing and unpacking equipment, supplies and the worse duty that was the carrying of the wooden boxes that was their fallen soldiers.

Day was almost over, Ashlee finished loading up supply truck and sent if off when she was tackled to the ground. She rolled over and about the give a mouthful and laughed

“Kelly, well fuck me dead”

Kelly helped her up “you be careful of invitations like that out here”

Ashlee gave her a hug “I never thought I’d see” her voice disappearing

“hey now, don’t go getting all that on me. Wow you have filled your self out, like the new body. Lean, strong.” Kelly rubbed Ashlee’s arms and side of her body followed by low whistle

“still weak as piss Moore” came Jed’s voice behind. He kicked his leg out behind Ashlee’s knee causing Ashlee to go down.

“fuck off dick head” said Ashlee

Jed grabbed Ashlee “excuse me private” growled Jed

“Jed let it go” growled Kelly

“I mean team leader Jed….. fuck off dickhead”

A scuffled broke out between Jed and Ashlee which was quickly broken up and alternative duties was given to Ashlee as a reprimand for fighting.

Kelly and Ashlee could only grab small moments of time together for the two weeks they caught up. On a small cot Ashlee rested her head on Kelly’s shoulder. Kelly entwined fingers with Ashlee. “they ship us out few days, we have to clean up a few towns.”

“I know, I’m going to be alone again” whines Ashlee

Kelly pulled Ashlee up and kissed her “your never alone”

Ashlee each more gave in to Kelly “I keep telling you, I’m not that way.”

“I know, so you want me to stop. No more affection” replied Kelly sadly

Ashlee looked into Kelly’s eyes “I don’t want that, I don’t know what I want to be honest.”

“well I tell you what I want. I want us to go to Major Patterson and ask her to transfer you to my unit.”

“Major Patterson is here, now….oh I don’t think she thinks very much of me” groans Ashlee

“nonsense, come on lets go”

Kelly drags Ashlee to the Major's tent

Major calls in the knock and locked eyes with Ashlee.

“Private Moore.” Surprised tone “When did you get to our sand castle paradise”

“ummm 2 weeks ago maam”

“really, I was under the impression we were expecting new recruits for another year.”

“I dunno, I was told to come and I’m here.”

Major listens to Kelly requests and folds her arms

“You’ve seen any action”

“No, haven’t left the base maam”

“you are already 6 months behind, not battle wary, reflexes”

“I can help her with that, keep an eye on her” but stopped when Major looked at her

“Out Travis want to talk to Private Moore alone”

Major paces around Ashlee “you miss your friend”

“I miss the team I started out with maam”

“you and Kelly are close”

“umm kinda”

“intimately close”

“umm I don’t”

“are you having sex with her”

Ashlee looked at major in disbelief “absolutely not. I’m not having sex with anyone. I’m not into”

Major put hand up to hush the private and hid a small smirk “it was a simple yes/no answer private. It’s hard enough to watch your friends die around you, but when it’s someone you’ve become a little more closer to. Well it’s just dangerous to have soldiers that are intimate on the same team.”

“I understand”

“I’ll talk to your commanding officer and see what I can do, dismiss Private”

Ashlee was transferred to Major Patterson and it was first day on patrol. The girls sat in back of transport. Ashlee kept adjusting and readjusting her helmet. Checking her gun and rechecking it.

Kelly kicks Ashlee’s foot “hey you be alright, stay close to me”

There wasn’t much left of the town sustaining heavy damage. No one seemed to be around. They walked up and down each road, in and out each building. There was a call over their radios followed by sporadic gun fire. Ashlee froze, could not make out where the gun fire was coming. Kelly grabbed her and threw her behind a wall.

“when you are told to take cover, take it Ashlee”

“I… didn’t”

“shhhhh”

The gun fire got louder and closer. Kelly looked around wall and pulled head back.

“Ashlee look around corner, top wall”

Ashlee looks and falls back from gun fire and rocks, dirt ricocheting, let out a yelp. Kelly pulls her aside and eventually behind her.  Kelly leans around firing off shots. She was yelling to Jed and more volley of shots.

After 1 hr it was over. Kelly looked Ashlee over and wiped blood from her cut chin. “you’ll live”

They ran to voices yelling and stood around a wounded militant

“should we call for medic” asked Ashlee

Jed scoffed “you want to give aid to this piece of shit. You fix him up, send him back and wham.” Slammed the butt of his gun into the wounded mans leg “he be another suicide bomber. He probably killed dozen of our soldiers and you want to fix him up. Don't be so fucking stupid.”

He looks at Kelly and she nods “Private Moore, put this piece of shit out of his misery” ordered Jed

“what are you saying…. We are not allowed to do that. There are regulations.”

“Ashlee” pleads Kelly “rules of engagement apply”

“but we not engaging,….. its over”

“Ashlee, get it out the way. The first one is the hardest. You get him or he will get you.” encourages Kelly

Ashlee looks at her gun and at the wounded man chanting, pleading for all she knew. “I can’t”

“fucking green toad, finish it Kelly” barks Jed

Ashlee looks away as Kelly ended the militant’s life.

On the way back to their camp Ashlee didn’t say anything. She couldn’t even look at Kelly let alone come to terms with the happiness of her fellow soldiers.

Back at their base camp Ashlee and Kelly were still arguing over the situation

“Ashlee….will you listen, it’s the way it is honey”

“No its not and I’m not your fucking honey, you shot him in cold blood”

Kelly muffled Ashlee’s mouth “shut up, I can be charged. You think about this, if he had a gun on me would you let him go.”

“no of course not”

Kelly grabs Ashlee’s face “this is not training any more this is the real thing. You shoot or you will be shot, you shoot or I could get shot it's as simple as that.”

After a few weeks Ashlee was fitting into the routine, most times they were grounded due to shortages. Another night of boredom, Ashlee crept into Kelly’s bed and they talked about what they missed of home. Before long Ashlee let Kelly slip on top and kiss her. Their passion rising before Ashlee pushed Kelly up

“stop please , I’m sorry…getting too carried away.”

Kelly sighed “I don’t understand. Sometimes I think you want me, then you stop just when.”

“I know, I want to…with you I just. It don’t feel ready, Kelly please don’t be angry.”

Kelly lies next to Ashlee and strokes her face “I’m not angry” whispers into Ashlee’s ear “I’m just so god damn horny and you are so incredibly sexy. You drive me crazy.”

“I don’t mean to”

“yes you do…you love teasing me.”

Ashlee leans in and initiates the next kiss “I know what I feel for you Kelly, I’m just not ready give it up.”

Kelly kisses Ashlee’s cheek “promise me one thing”

“sure”

“you know how I feel about you, so please….please when you are ready, be me the one you choose, because I’m holding myself back for you Ashlee. My feelings.”

Ashlee kisses Kelly with more feeling before climbing out “I promise"

Another town, more action, soldiers firing, running for cover not knowing where the attack was coming from. Ashlee ran to a corner when she hit something hard knocking her to the ground. Her eyes fixed on the dirty, darken appearance then the gun he was pointing at her.

“FUCK…..OFF you militant pig.” The guy’s chest exploded and Kelly dragged Ashlee to her feet and spun her around patting her body.

“are you hurt, did her get you….fucking answer me Ashlee” Kelly yelled in a panic

Ashlee pushed Kelly away and laughed “I’m fine”

Gun fire was most of the day and cheers held back at camp as Jed finally welcomes Ashlee’s coming of age.

“now tell everyone how many you killed”

“I don’t know” she blushed

“bullshit” said Kelly “everyone keeps count”

“4”

They cheered

Another morning and another town. Sitting opposite Ashlee, Kelly was resting her head against the truck. Ashlee was checking her out and felt a little pang inside her stomach and further down. She grinned and Kelly noticed

“what's up”

Ashlee shrugged then told her to come closer. Kelly smirk turned into a smile

“what…really tonight.’ She whispered

“yeh…. I think its time, hmm in fact I think it passed time.”

Kelly winks which isn’t missed by Jed.

The truck halts and they start to disembark. Ashlee and Kelly last to get off and before Ashlee could jumped down she felt Kelly pull her back and around. She takes off Ashlee’s helmet and hers and kisses her deeply.

“tonight is going to be so perfect, you are going to be in bliss my girl”

Ashlee laughs “Settle down or I’m going to get performance anxiety”

Kelly touches her face “you’re special, know that always Ashlee. I’ll always look out for you I promise.”

They get out and make their way slowly through the town. Kelly bumped next to Ashlee

“god I can’t wait for this day to end” coos Kelly

Jed listens in “oh really, want to let the whole fucking town know” smack her in the head “concentrate on the task and nothing more”

Ashlee laughs and Kelly shrugs. An explosion hit the building next to them

“TAKE COVER” came Jed’s cry.

The small group were pinned down with explosions. Neither could break away to get up to take a shot. Ashlee and Kelly creep along a wall working behind where the explosion was detonated. They make a run to a clearing when Ashlee stumbles and falls over. Kelly stops and goes back

“KELLY GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE” yelled Jed

Kelly drags Ashlee to her feet and pushes her to the wall. A volley of gun shots hit Kelly in the chest and she fell back. More shots hit the ground. Ashlee screamed and ran back to Kelly. She held down Kelly’s chest as blood was pouring out. She was dragged by her jacket and Kelly was dragged also .

“pick up your weapon” yelled Jed but he knew he had lost Ashlee and called in for reinforcements as they were still pinned down

Ashlee applied pressure to Kelly chest, trying not to cry. “hey hey come on…. don’t go ruining tonight” croaks Ashlee

Kelly smiled “one bullet at a time”

Ashlee was screaming for help when the dust flew around. She was pulled out the way by medical team, they worked on Kelly briefly. One looked at Ashlee and nodded “we got her, she’ll be right.”

The helicopter took off with Kelly, this leaving Ashlee momentarily numb. Ashlee felt sick, followed by pure anger and hatred. She picked up her gun and ran. Jed tackled her “take a fucking breath Ashlee, suck it in.”

“I want to kill those cunts, I’m not afraid”

“good, good use that but I need you alive to do that. Now lets clean up this town.”

Jed continued to look down the truck to see Ashlee staring off. He could see the blood spats on her uniform and noticed something else. He sat opposite Ashlee

“I didn’t know you where shot” grabs at her arm

Ashlee snaps back and pulls away “I’m fine, its only a graze.”

Jed lightened his tone “we need to report what happen, I need you to explain the events and”

“Jed with all due respect I don’t fucking well care at this point, just leave me alone”

They disembark at there camp and Ashlee ran off and jumped into a vehicle heading off to the base camp where the main medic unit was located.

Major Patterson was drinking her coffee while looking over the pile of papers mounting, yet to look at the current two day's skirmishes

A corporal entered her tent

“here is the latest casualties and fatalities list. Also there is a problem at base camp hospital. Apparently a soldier is being aggressive to the staff.”

“hmm yeh well I'm sure the military police can handle it.”

The corporal saluted then left.

The major took a breath and read her own casualties and fatalities. She scanned down the page and bit her lip. She grabbed her helmet and ran from the tent

“corporal changed my mind, get me transport now”

Ashlee gets off her ride and walks into a large tent with red cross on it. She looks at the injured unable to spot Kelly.

“can I help you” came voice

“Umm yeh I’m looking for Kelly Travis, umm she came in early today. Kinda hit in the chest.”

The guy looked over notes “oh hey no guns in here and there is no Kelly Travis. He didn’t”

“she….and I’m telling you the medical  team took her and and” Ashlee started to realize how heavy her arm was and the pain where the bullet grazed was increasing.”

“Hey you have lost of lot of blood let me help”  offered the doctor

Ashlee backed away “nooooo I want to see Kelly, take me to Kelly. Why isn’t she here.”

In rushed two large MPs, making the situation worse. Ashlee shakily held her gun up. “fuck off outta my face. I want to see Kelly.”

“I will take you to her if you lower that weapon now Private Moore.”

Ashlee looked over her shoulder to see her commanding officer and obeyed “yes maam”

The MPs moved in

“that won’t be necessary boys, I’ll take it from here.”

Ashlee walked after the major, her body felt worn out. She just wanted to lie down but she needed to know Kelly was alright like the medic said she would be.

Ashlee looked at the big dome tent that was sealed. The sound of large generators working in the back ground, the only engines that worked 24 hours.

Major opens the seal and they both walk in. Ashlee felt light headed and extremely cool. She looked up to see the major walking along side row of benches with black bags on them.

“with me Moore”

Ashlee’s feet where cement and shook her head

Major walked back and grabbed Ashlee dragging her to the bench

“nooo noo, this isn’t right” Ashlee looked away, body trembling

Major took a breath and unzipped the bag opening it up.

“Look”

Ashlee refused

“I said look private”

Her eyes burnt at the sight of Kelly’s cooling body. The blood heavily stained her uniform.

“noo they said she was going to be ok, they, noooo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Ashlee's screams echoed the large morgue. "I didn’t want to see this, fuck you” she took a swing at the Major but collapsed into her arms. Major noticed the wound and sent for assistance.

Ashlee was heading to her commanding officer quarters when Jed caught her up.

“Nice to see you’re up. Only a week impressive” scoffed Jed

“Jed you’re a wanker, you know it and so do I”

“I’m sorry about Kelly, she was”

Ashlee stopped and nodded “yeh, well that’s the way life plays out, you’re here, then you’re gone.” refusing to acknowlege his sentiments

She waited in Major Patterson presence while the major reads Ashlee's doctor's report.

She looks up and turns head to the side “so you good to go”

“yes major”

Major stands and moves next to Ashlee “I’m sorry about Kelly I know you two”

“friends Major, nothing more. If there isn’t anything more I like to return to active duty.”

“that keen”

“not afraid to die for the cause”

Major faced her “that’s the second time you have told me that and again I’m alarmed.”

“I mean I’m not hiding behind any wall. You want someone to go over it, I’ll go, you want some thing cleaned out, blow up, torn down then I’ll do it. Don’t stop me from doing what I was trained to do, maam.

It was a long gruelling 4 weeks, the nights were the hardest because every time Ashlee would close her eyes she could see Kelly’s chest explode. So rather than sleep she would work out and catch naps during the day on transports.

This particular day Major Patterson was shifting part of her unit to another sector. The convoy consisting of 4 vehicles was moving on the semi isolated track. Ashlee resting her eyes when her transport stopped suddenly followed by biggest explosion she had ever head. That then was followed on by screams.

The team in the truck jumped out and took cover behind their truck

“fucking hell what is that smell” asked Ashlee

Jed walked out behind and “fucking catasophies, that smell is burning flesh.”

When Ashlee got her senses she walked out and saw to the front 2 vehicles wrecked, the front vehicle unrecognisable.

“suicide bomb, fucking how did that make it through check point” breathed out Jed

Ashlee mind snapped to alert “major” she whispered “the major was in the second vehicle”

They ran to the vehicle and looked inside. The driver hardly distinguishable and no sign of Major Patterson

Ashlee looked about “Jed this is a disaster, we need to get those fires out….before they realize we’re stranded. And the wounded, we need to see to them.”

Jed grabbed her “identify the major in this and I’ll take care of the fires.”

Ashlee ran around the other side and saw someone tried to get up and fall over. Ashlee grabbed her

“major, lets sit you down”

“the fires, put the fires” Major collapsed

Ashlee looked her over and saw a wound in her leg bleeding out quickly. She immediately clamped her hand over it

“fucking hell” major grabbed Ashlee’s shoulder

“I’m sorry maam need to control the bleeding.” Ashlee notice chunk of metal embedded in her forearm. A private ran passed and Ashlee called him back

“find me a medical kit now, back transport truck under seat.”

Major looked Ashlee “the sergeant needs to take over, find Sergeant Bell first private.”

The private looked in the vehicle and nodded sadly to Ashlee

Ashlee applied the pressure bandage and tied it tightly causing major to scream again.

“need to radio base, tell of situation. Its getting dark Moore, need need.”

Ashlee rubbed major’s uninjured arm. “Its under control major.”

Ashlee leaves another private in charge of her and went to find Jed

“man this is such a fucking disaster, I’ve never, people dying around and that smell”

Ashlee grabbed Jed “man I need you to hold it together for me ok. Its getting dark where are the copters.”

Jed stamped foot “no ETA as yet. They know we are here and we are on our own for a while. We only have 20 or so able soldiers.”

Ashlee thinks and instructs Jed on the next set of tasks. Ashlee returns to the Major with a blanket and wraps it over her, kneels down in front.

“here have a sip” holds water canteen “how you doing”

Major teeth chattering from shock and pain “you need to get visual perimeter behind and in front, night vision goggles”

“its ok, its organised. The flares ready to go as soon as the copters are in range. You need save your energy”

Pain ripped through the major again and she grabbed Ashlee for support

“ok ok, stay with me, we need our commanding officer focussed”

“you’re doing a fine job Private, you really have come along way from that skinny, messed up kid.”

“yeh, can I ask a personal question”

“not like I can go anywhere private”

“how old are you” then shifted uncomfortably

Major rest her head back “how much money is riding on you knowing this Moore”

Ashlee surprised umm

“I’m 35.”

“really….” Ashlee’s tone surprised then closed her mouth

“yeh…. That old… and just wait you will be there one day” she laughed through the pain

“I doubt that”

Major grabbed Ashlee by the collar and pulled her closer “if you think you are going to die, then you will. It’s your choice. You didn’t choose that path that night on stage, what has changed since then.”

Ashlee growled “I don’t want to talk about it”

The copters landed and collected the wounded. Ashlee walked with the medics carrying the major. Ashlee hand drifts across Major Patterson’s hand accidentally and Patterson grabbed it for a brief moment. Ashlee didn’t react just helped load her in

“take good care of this one boys, she’s our CO” Ashlee sees her off.

Major Patterson was back on the job after 6 weeks rest and commended her troops. She made extra praise of Ashlee’s taking charge of the situation and keeping a cool head during that day of carnage and a medal will be issued for that act of valour.

Major Patterson was back on board and her squad provided visible military presence in a small town trying to rebuild itself. Jed and Ashlee walked about in full view when multiple shots were fired. Both hid behind building while shots were passing them

Major on outskirts gets fed back her troops were under fire and mobilizes the remaining unit.

Ashlee and Jed stay behind a building laughing.

“this sucks I’m suppose to be on leave as of tomorrow and now this.” Groans Jed

“don’t sweat it, we’ll clean it and you still will make your leave.”

“hope so, got some hotties waiting for me”

Ashlee groans “do you always think with your dick”

“Yeh don’t you” laughs Jed

Ashlee frustrated at being held back by the gun fire “your dick want to meet my knee Jed. Where the fuck is the major. Screw this.”

“Ashlee no”

But Ashlee was out in the open eyeing where the shots were coming from. Civilians had scattered or lying dead. Ashlee returns rapid fire in direction of the opposing shots.”

“fuck I’m going to be so pissed if you get me killed Ashlee” hissed Jed who then jumps out and covers Ashlee.

The skirmish lasted totally of two hours, 30 minutes was Patterson blasting both Ashlee and Jed for not falling back and for taking unnecessary risks.

Screaming could be heard as two soldiers drag a dark dressed man bleeding.

“we got a live one.” Soldier kicked him and the man screamed louder.

“fuck sake shut him up permanently” major yelled at the private

“but”

Major returns to Moore and points to her “I am sick to death of your fucking macho bullshit do you hear me.”

Jed scoffed and major diverted attention “maybe if you kept better hold on your team rather than let them do what they want I could trust you more”

The man was still yelling. Major more pissed walk back towards the yelling man “I said shut him up permanently.”

“but he’s still alive” stammered the private, “I’m not permitted”

Ashlee whispered to Jed “fucking green toads”

The man on the ground pulled a knife from his leg and stuck it deep to the inside of the private’s leg. He let out a scream and the militant disarmed and grabbed the gun aiming it at the gathered group.

“he’s armed he’s armed.” Chorused various voices

The man let off a few shots before his body exploded from multiply shots from different direction.

The events seem to played out slowly to Ashlee. She saw the man raise his gun, she too let off her gun. Ashlee was shocked when she felt something hit her neck and her hands felt wet. She saw blood flowing onto her uniform and dropped her gun. She stagged holding her neck and fell backwards.

The militant was bought down and Jed out the corner of his eye saw Ashlee falter

“Ashlee…….Ashlee…she’s down, she’s been hit” Jed fell next to her and saw the blood pouring. She was kicking and a cry left her lips. Jed grabbed her bleeding neck.

The sound of Jed’s cry sent shiver through Patterson and she turned around. She ran to Jed and looked down at Ashlee seeing the amount of blood knew this wasn’t good. Dust kicks up from her Ashlee’s scrambling legs

“she’s bleeding out.”

“where’s the kit, now” order the major

A Private rummages through his pack, but impatient the major grabs it and empties entire contents and takes what she needs.

She puts thick pad over side of Ashlee’s neck. She notices pale look and Ashlee’s eyes rolling.

“eyes on me private now.” She orders.

Ashlee thrashes and grabs the major tears streaming down her face

“oh fuck she’s going to die, she’s dying” came call from a new recruit. Jed got up and smacked him

“you shut the fuck up”

“I don’t wanna die” spluttered Ashlee, blood filling her mouth.

“fuck….” Growled major “sit her up…. sit her up” panic creeping to Major Patterson’s tone

She keeps pressure on and Jed sits Ashlee up. The blood spewed from her mouth along with another cry

“Ashlee….hey” the major’s voice trying to sooth her.

Ashlee focused “ I don’t want to die”

Major smiled “ok….then don’t die…its your choice remember”

Ashlee started shaking and eyes fluttering

“I'll put it another way” growled the major “you are not to die and that’s an order Private Moore"

The copter landed and medics grabbed Ashlee from Patterson “ stop the bleeding, she needs fluids” orders she gave to them

The medic pushed Patterson away “we got her major, she’ll be right.”

Major watched her leave, she had heard them tell that many times and now her body felt cold, her mind numb. She looked at the ground, at the large stain of blood. She stumbled off behind a building and threw up.

Major Patterson stood in cool tent with only the sounds of machines beeping. A sheet covered someone and Patterson’s eyes fixed on Ashlee’s limp body. The doctor came over.

“she’s still here, why haven’t you moved her to the main medical facility.” Faced the doctor.

“we…waiting.”

“for her to die” growled the major

“no… we need to get her stabilized, she is still very touch and go. She lost a lot of blood Major. We just praying.”

She stared at the lifeless body

“I would like to sit with her a bit”

Doctor acknowledged

She sat next to Ashlee’s pale, limp body. She took in all the tubes and machines keeping Ashlee alive. Nervously picked up Ashlee’s hand and alarmed at how cool her body was.

“Not today Ashlee Moore. I gave you a chance so don’t you dare let me down by dying. You tried that remember and it didn’t work for you back then and it’s not going to happen now.” she sighed “I can’t….I” her hand shaking and felt eyes stinging returned Ashlee’s hand to the bed and promptly left the clinic.

She slammed door to her tent and paced the floor. She leaned against her small desk, grabbing sides. Her body started to shake and she let out a scream and flipped her small desk over. She fell to the floor rested against the tent wall. Dropped her head and let the silent tears fall.

After two weeks Ashlee stabilized and they moved her to better medical facilities.

Major sighed at her desk full of papers. She had been on and off patrol for 6 weeks and had no time for signing reports, after all she was a soldier not a bureaucrat. Her thoughts disturbed by knock.

“come” Patterson went back to her notes waiting then lifted her eyes. She staggered to her feet.

“Ashlee”

Ashlee frowned

Major coughed uncomfortably “Private Moore, I wasn’t expecting you back. Not after 3 months anyway.”

“Well you’re stuck with me apparently. Here is the doctor’s report. Apparently I’m too well to stay in bed, but too injured to do friggin well anything.”

Major half smiled “well it’s good to see you up and better. So how you feeling”

“Alive”

“Right…hmmm you can’t lift anything, carry, driving vehicles. No sudden neck movements.” Reading doctors notes

“Well I might as well sit on a fucking rock and sunbake”

“Private” she was warned “I understand your frustration”

“Do you….not being able to do anything. I’m as helpless now as I was that day I was shot.”

“And yet you made the right choice again. Ok well it’s just your lucky day. My corporal is on leave and I need a replacement to take care of my paper work and other jobs. You can also spend time in communications…on the radios.”

“what exactly does your corporal do”

“hmm collects latest reports, sit in on briefings if I am unable to attend. In contact with other members of unit, cleans my boots, makes my bed and importantly brings me coffee.” Major laughed at Ashlee’s reaction.

“I’m joking about the boots and bed, but coffee yes. Private Moore your weapon is now a pen.”

Ashlee was spending more and more time in the major’s tent in her absence, filing reports and running around after everything that was required on behalf of her CO.

Major returned to her tent early evening to still find Ashlee collating the reports. She put down yellow envelop and Ashlee grabbed it.

“It’s ok, I can take there of this” interject Patterson

“well I thought, this is the 3 this week why aren’t you giving them too me.”

Major sat in here chair opposite Ashlee “because they are the casualty and fatality lists.”

“and”

“and I need to go over each name and match any names against my own list.”

“oh…. Well I know most of our unit I can handle it.”

“Moore….its the total list, of everyone. Asking you to find our troops means you have to go through each name. I don’t want you distracted looking at names and catching yourself on people you knew. It requires….its best if I do it.”

“no….I can do it, you must find it just as hard. You know more people than me.”

Weeks passed and Ashlee and major were almost inseparable during working hours, occasionally eating meals in major’s tent. One evening Ashlee frustratedly bangs the desk.

Major was on her cot reading looks up “just rest and finish it in the morning”

“You will be gone in the morning, it needs to be done tonight, now….” She looks over at major.

She gets up and learns across Ashlee and signs the report. “Finish it tomorrow.”

Ashlee for some reason felt uneasy in close presence of Patterson. “about tomorrow”

“what about it Moore”

“Its been weeks take me with you please…..I’m ok really”

Patterson smiled “I can’t the doctor hasn’t cleared you.”

“I’ll just be passenger, ride lookout. I’m sick of here”

“I know….but I can’t. I’m not losing my stripes over disobeying medical advice.” She rested her hand on Ashlee’s shoulder rubbing it reassuringly.

“I should go, you need to rest.” Ashlee excused herself quickly and left

Morning came quickly, Patterson was dressed and grabbed her weapon and backpack smiling to herself. Ashlee had made sure her gun cleaned and checked ready for loading, pack stocked and secured. She found herself thinking more and more about Ashlee, enjoying her company more than the corporal’s. Her thoughts disturbed by knock

“Yeh”

Ashlee enters with coffee and day’s papers “coffee before you leave”

Paterson just looked at her.

“Is everything alright, major”

“ah yeh…umm thanks for getting my pack ready.” Drinks her coffee.

She gets her maps out and heads to the door. “See you tonight if I’m lucky”

“what that hell does that mean, if I’m lucky” snaps Ashlee

“whoa I mean if we complete our orders we will be back tonight. Settle down why you so anxious.”

Ashlee would look at her CO

“You worried…. Why don’t you trust me”

“I’m not going to be there, you only have Jed and few, the rest are green toads.”

Patterson laughs

“why aren’t you taking this seriously, fuck sake major.”

Patterson realised that Ashlee’s worry was genuine. “Look you’re on communication. You will get our updates and we’ll signal when where on the way home.”

Ashlee looked at Patterson her stomach all knotted up.

Patterson walks to Ashlee and lifts her chin “Ashlee know that feeling in your gut”

Ashlee nods

“I get that every time I send you guys out, every damn time you decide to take on the whole militant army yourself.”

Ashlee rolls her eyes “yeh what ever”

Patterson laughs “see you for dinner then”

“be careful” Ashlee quietly spoke

“is that an order” plays Patterson

“Direct” smiles Ashlee

Ashlee had finished her shift and only received one radio contact from her unit confirming they had reached outside the suspected militant training camp. Nothing more was heard from them.

Evening arrived and Ashlee was pacing inside Patterson’s tent. She was tired of waiting in her own so collapsed onto the major’s cot and picked up the book she was reading, her eyes drifted closed.

Jeep pulled up and Patterson jumped out. She opened her door and shifted her head to the side in seeing Ashlee asleep on her cot. Her stomach skipped. She sat in her seat and turned lamp on quietly and started filling out the day’s field report.

Ashlee woke with a start seeing her there “Oh umm sorry I… hey where have you been” she demand, climbing from the cot

Any other time Patterson would have resented her private’s tone but smiles “I’m sorry I was caught in traffic.”

“you didn’t check in, you missed two radio checks…… we couldn’t track you.”

Patterson gets up “hey will you calm down before you blow something. We sustained damage and our radios went out. It was a satellite thing. We are ok, it’s all good.

“well that’s just fine”

“why are you so uptight….”

Ashlee breathing erratic “I….. its just.” She looked up with no words

Patterson moved closer to Ashlee and caressed her face “shhhhh its ok, everyone is safe if that’s what you’re concerned about”

Ashlee didn’t move she closed her eyes to the touch of the major’s roughen hands. Patterson bent down and let her lips press to Ashlee’s. Ashlee didn’t resist, she absorbed the moment. The major snatched her lips harder encouraging Ashlee to return her kiss. Ashlee grasped the major’s arms entering into the exchange of friendly fire kissing back. Patterson moved down to Ashlee’s neck causing her to flinch

“shit, your neck” Patterson pulled back

“No, its doesn’t hurt just sensitive.”

Patterson returned to her lips and unbutton Ashlee’s shirt throwing it to the side. Her hands roamed up and down Ashlee curvy body.

“Ashlee I’ve thought about you all day, I really did.” Tongue invaded Ashlee mouth getting an instant response by Ashlee pushing herself to Patterson

“yeh”

Ashlee removed her clothes and returned to the cot. Patterson also undressed and lay on top of her young recruit. Her lips returned to Ashlee’s as their hands explored each other’s body, breasts rubbing against each other.

Ashlee broke for air “major….I don’t want to get into trouble for this.” But not wanting to stop.

Patterson had no intention of stopping “then don’t tell anyone”

Ashlee grinned “I don’t want to lose my stripes”

Patterson looked at her “you don’t have any” and flicked over her nipple playfully

Ashlee closed her eyes “oh god…. Major”

Patterson moved back to Ashlee “Amanda….please while we are together call me Amanda”

Ashlee watched as Amanda moved down the cot until she was on the floor. Ashlee’s legs over her shoulders and her tongue feasting in her pussy

Ashlee never felt such intensity started moaning loudly.

“you have to hold it…. Everyone will know Ashlee” Amanda went back to work

Ashlee started to buck, hand held the cot the other in her mouth as her orgasm surfaced and poured over Amanda’s face. Amanda crawled back and wiped the soak fringe of her young lover

“shhhhh, I know its hard, but the tent walls are not sound proof”

Ashlee nods as another ripple passes through her body.

Amanda slipped onto the bottom and rolled Ashlee’s sleeping body to her. She stroked her face and kissed her head. She closed her eyes knowing this was the first time she had ever broken her own rule about intimacy within the ranks.

The sound of squeaking brakes woke Ashlee, her eyes greeted with bright light of the tent. Every bit of last night hit and she looked under the blanket and groaned at her nakedness. Amanda wasn’t in the tent and Ashlee knew it was all a mistake and that she was going to regret it.

Just flies out of bed and throws her pants on and top, she reaches for her jacket when the door to the tent opens. Ashlee let out a little squeal from the sudden intrusion

Amanda closed the door and put the tray of food on the table laughing. “who else did you think it would be. It’s my ten after all.”

“umm yeh well. I should go and get something to eat.”

“I bought you something, have some coffee.”

Ashlee tucking herself in “I probably should go….” Heads to the door

Amanda smirked “well its only 5.45am and I guess if people see you coming from my tent this time in the morning……it may look.”

Ashlee sits down and eats the food. Her eyes not meeting the glare of Amanda’s

Amanda folds up the paper “ok….what’s wrong.”

Ashlee looked at her astonished “we had sex, last night, in your tent”

Amanda laughed “yeh I was there remember”

“so…so… … oh this is awkward"

“why, it was just sex…..”

“right…..” Ashlee who now on her feet. “look not that it wasn’t great…it was. Its just…. I think we shouldn’t again. It’s inappropriate with a superior officer and all.”

Amanda laughs “If you say so”

“ok..i do bye Amanda….”

Amanda looks at her “I mean major…maam” Ashlee exits the tent at high speed.

Ashlee avoided Amanda the whole day remaining in communications. The next night she lay awake in bed listening to the other girls snoring. She was playing over her mind last nights events. Part of it disturbed her on some level, she promised herself to Kelly and then the thought of Kelly made her sick and rolled over. Unable to sleep she dressed and left the shared quarters.

Ashlee stood at the door to knock but stopped. She walked off indecisive then walked back knocking on the door a little harder than intended.

“easy up on the door.” Growled the major and door opened. Surprised to see Ashlee she ushered her in. “what’s wrong, you don’t look so good. Is it your neck Ashlee”

Just listening to Amanda say her name aroused her. “no… I”

“Ashlee you need to communicate I’m can’t read your mind”

Ashlee stepped forward “damn you.”

“excuse me” Amanda surprised

Ashlee didn’t repeat instead launching an assault on Amanda’s lips. The sudden action caused Amanda to back into her desk. She instantly responded grabbing at Ashlee’s face and licking her face, tongue disappearing into her mouth. They removed their clothing again and wrestled lightly on Amanda’s small cot. Ashlee’s hand worked down into Amanda’s wetness, penetrating her.

Amanda nuzzled down and panted “ohhh yeh” she whispered “don’t stop” she encouraged

Ashlee increased the pace and Amanda wrapped her arms around and climaxed, burying her grunts into Ashlee’s neck.

Over the course of 2 week every chance the two were alone in Amanda’s tent they were intimate. Ashlee would only return to her cot when the major was away and those nights were the longest. Her head kept telling her to back out of the situation, but her body, her desires were too strong.

Ashlee frustrate threw down her pen and groan. Her head rested in her hands.

Amanda looked up from her book “what’s up”

“nothing. No….. I’ve had enough. Why won’t the doctors clear me. I want to return to duty.”

“I know” Amanda returned to her book

“do you even care, I’m caged in here and you just read your book. Just talk to them”

Amanda eyes shot up “are you telling me what to do.”

Ashlee shut her mouth and picked up her pen. Amanda got out of her cot and pushed Ashlee’s chair back and stood in front.

Ashlee couldn’t meet her gaze, feeling uncomfortable and yet aroused by Amanda’s nakedness.

Amanda lifted her chin “I do care, and I show you often.”

Ashlee frowned at the statement

Amanda took opportunity to kiss Ashlee “I will talk to the doctors”

“when” Ashlee tone excited

“end of week, when I get time”

Ashlee put more effort into the kiss now that she was getting somewhere and they returned Amanda’s cot.

That night Ashlee remained awake. The admittance that Amanda cared alarmed her. Ashlee rationalized that it was only sex. Everyone does it but that coming from Amanda was deep.

Ashlee was thrashing around in the morning, Amanda had Ashlee’s clit between her teeth sucking it. They were disturbed by knock at the door, and the door trying to be opened. Ashlee sat up horrified and Amanda put hand over her mouth

“I’m busy what you want”

“Um its Corporal Jennings maam. I’m back from leave”

Ashlee tried to move but Amanda trapped her “ok….we’ll talk later”

“umm maam I thought you want to catch up now, your schedule”

“I will come and find you in 15” Amanda looked at Ashlee, her body glistening from the sweat of their early morning workout. “make it 30 minutes, dismissed corporal”

Amanda went back to her job and freed Ashlee of her orgasm.

They dressed and Ashlee faced Amanda “well guess its over”

“why….no its not”

“your go-to man has returned. It’s going to look odd me spending time with nothing to do.”

“I’ll sort it. I’m not giving up on us Ashlee”

“Amanda what we do, you understand it just alleviates the tensions and frustrations of war.”

Amanda frowns

“Its just sex, you know that.”

“is it….. because when we are together I don’t get the feeling its just sex”

Ashlee feared this “that’s all it can be between us. You have responsibility, lives”

“you don’t think I know that, you don’t think I can do my job and be with you honey….”

Amanda went to touch Ashlee’s face but she moved out of reach

“Don’t call me that”

“I’m sorry but I stopped having sex with you over a week ago. We’ve been making love almost twice a day. You can’t touch someone tenderly and say ok its just sex.”

Ashlee fidgeted “this is too dangerous, what you feel.”

“so you feel nothing for me, tell me then. Look at me and say you don’t feel anything for me.”

Ashlee couldn’t talk and Amanda moved in and held her. “I’ve gone from wanting you, to needing you. And the way its going I’m falling

“ENOUGH” barked Ashlee and she ran from the tent.

Ashlee leaned against a jeep and watched her unit getting ready to leave. She saw Amanda talking it up and felt worse since they hadn’t spoken for two days. Amanda looked over her shoulder seeing Ashlee alone and headed over.

“you ok” asked Amanda

“I don’t know…. I watch you go and it get so much harder.”

Amanda nodded “look the other day, I’m sorry. I should not”

Ashlee grabbed Amanda by her jacket and pulled her out of sight and launched an assault on her lips. Amanda didn’t resist and returned the kiss.

“just come back to me please” breathed out Ashlee then she left.

Ashlee finished lunch and was heading back to communications when her name was called. She turned around to see it was her doctor.

“hey Doctor James how you been.”

“I’m good Ashlee, but are you ok. Are you still having problems with the neck”

“no…. I'm good why.”

Ashlee tore apart Amanda tent looking for something. She upended her cot and pulled out folder and opened it. She collapsed onto the cot and cried.

Amanda got from the vehicle with a spring in her step. She sees a dull light in her tent and smiled making her way. She gets inside to find Ashlee sitting in her chair with a folder open and freezes

“Ashlee, before you get up set.”

Ashlee exploded “I'm beyond upset, I’m fucking ready to kill you, you fucking bitch. You kept this from me” throwing it down

Amanda shifted uncomfortably “yeh but”

“for two weeks I’d been cleared for duty, two fucking weeks and you sat on it. You had no right” voice creeping higher

“Now wait a minute physically yes, but mentally, emotionally I don’t think you’re ready and you are my responsibility”

“That’s bullshit, why would you do this to me…… I want to return to active duty”

“No” military voice of Amanda

“No….why not”

“because….. I don’t think you are ready”

“bullshit…that’s just bullshit what’s the real reason”

“I don’t particular like your tone private” bellowed Amanda trying to restore command

Ashlee walked up to her “ohhh no don’t you dare pull this commanding officer crap on me, ….this is personal so tell me”

Amanda backed away “because I can’t go through what happened to you again. It was the worse day of my life, I can’t always be there to protect you”

Ashlee groaned as her worse fears came true

“I can’t do my job if I’m worrying about you out there, if you are going to return.” Amanda’s tone became hoarse “I couldn’t stand having to identify your body in the morgue”

Ashlee shook her head “then we have a problem and only one solution” she walked to Amanda’s filing box and pulled out blue paper and puts it in front of Amanda

Amanda looks at it “I’m not signing you a transfer”

“yes you are, you have to. This…us is going to get someone killed and you think I could live with myself if it was you, I’ve already been through that once before. You were right, two people in the same unit should never be intimate.”

“Ashlee just listen to me”

“sign the form Amanda”

“no I will not”

“then you leave me no alternative but to go over your head to Colonel Higgins and request it.”

Amanda laughs “and what grounds are you going to give to over rule my command”

“I’ll tell him the truth that I’m sleeping with my superior officer.”

Amanda shoved Ashlee back “don’t you dare threaten me”

“Its not a threat, they may charge me but I don’t have stripes, a reputation and career on the line. Are you willing to risk all that”

Amanda defeated

“sign the form, let me go please.”

Tears welled as Amanda signed the form and turned her back. “thank you major” Ashlee saluted but Amanda ignored and listen for the door closing.

A young woman was reaching up to get an item off a supermarket shelf. It was out of reach until someone reached above her. “here you go”

“thanks….not blessed with height” their eyes locked

“Ashlee” breathed out the woman

“Oh my god Amanda….”

Amanda checked over her former lover. Her body had returned with feminine curves, her hair long. “you look fantastic.”

“thanks” Ashlee bemused at Amanda’s shock

“so you on leave…. where you posted”

“I’m not I left last year, I finally got a grasp on my life. I’m writing music and just released my new album”

Amanda smiled still looking her over “that’s great”

“you”

“I’m still serving, on leave currently.”

They were disturbed by a loud voice and a small person running around the corner and clutched Amanda’s waist.

“mum can I have this, please please….” Whined the small child

Ashlee looked at Amanda and kneels in front of the little man “hello..what’s your name”

“Samuel.”

Ashlee stands up and smiles “he’s adorable”

Amanda nods “he’s a good kid”

“well I never would have”

“I wish you wouldn’t run away from me Sam” came gruff voice. A man walked up next to Amanda and eyes off the woman

“hey...I know you, oh my god you’re Ashlee Moore.. wow I really love your new album”

Ashlee frowns “right….and you are”

Man holds out his hand “I’m David”

Amanda shuffled eyes looked away

“Amanda’s husband. You served in Iraq too didn’t you”

Ashlee was distracted with the first part of information “umm yeh”

Amanda still wouldn’t look at Ashlee

“look I need to go, bye” Ashlee escaped quickly

Out in the car park Ashlee started putting her items in her sports car finally throwing the last bag in angrily

“Ashlee wait” came voice behind

Ashlee faced Amanda

“I can explain”

“explain, a husband and a child. Wow I never took you for the marrying kind, guess we all have secrets.” Ashlee opened the door but Amanda closed it

“Its not what it seems, we are married but its a sham, a fake. David is gay, it’s a marriage of convenience

“Amanda I don’t want to know. I’ve done away with weirdness in my life I can’t go back.”

“please”

“alright then what about Samuel”

Amanda grimaced “well that was a mistake, a good one. We were out partying with friends and we got drunk, very very stupid and well one thing let to another and”

“ahhh see too weird. My life is back on track….this shit will derail me.”

“just listen to me… I never told you because it didn’t matter. You mattered to me more than anyone ever has. The hardest thing was watching you walk from my tent, I never looked at another casualty and fatality list. I was too scared and I promised myself that if our paths ever crossed.”

“Amanda I can’t”

“Ashlee I admire you for doing something I was too weak to do, but now…. I’m strong and I don’t want to lose the opportunity of being with you again. Please won’t you give me a chance”

Amanda left Ashlee with a piece of paper containing phone number and address.

Amanda settled down to lunch when her door bell rang.

“I actually didn’t think you’d come”

Ashlee walks in “well I wasn’t…you gave me a chance… so explain this life of yours.”

They sat down with coffees and Amanda explained both David and her parents were strict catholic and didn’t tolerate anything unnatural. She met David during college realized they both had the same problem and resolved it through fake marriage. This had been going on for 10 years.

“we don’t sleep together, we have our own rooms. We don’t bring anyone home while Sam is home. David usually lives away when he's with someone.”

“and you… what about you.” asked Ashlee

“I don’t have anyone beating down my door if that’s what you mean.”

She moved closer to Ashlee and touched her hand. “I don’t want to complicate your life Ashlee but I can’t help my feelings. Even after two years they are still as strong as ever.”

Ashlee shakes her head

“what”

“if this was your tent you would be kissing me by now” she smiles

Amanda grabbed her and wrapped her in a longing kiss.

Amanda licked Ashlee’s nipple, drawing it in, her hand drifted between Ashlee’s legs feeling the wetness as she entered her. Ashlee hardly made a sound, quietly bucking into her.

Amanda broke from the nipple “we are not in my tent, and you no longer have to be quiet.”

She pushed her finger deeper while pressing against her clit. Ashlee grabbed her while her moans got louder until she climaxed, lightly biting Amanda’s shoulder.

Ashlee in-between her schedules of recording made time for her and Amanda. They separated their time between the bedroom or just lying on the couch happy to be in each others company.

“I got my first concert next week.” Ashlee was lying on the couch resting over Amanda while Amanda was caressing her.

“you worried”

“I feel sick every time I think about it. I really feel physically ill.”

“you need to do it …. You need to face this demon of yours or it will always rule your life

“thank you Doctor Phil”

“I’m serious, anyway what I know of you, you don’t run away from battles. You just go over the wall and meet it head on.”

“and now the Major makes an appearance too” and they laughed

“you be there” she asked

“if you want me to .”

“to save me” sighs Ashlee

“no….. to support you. You no longer need saving.” Amanda kisses her.

Ashlee was woken with wonderful feeling, she pulls sheet away to see her lover working her tongue into her pussy.

“hmmm I love this wake up call” and opens her legs wider, massaging Amanda’s head.

Amanda groans and licks her out.

Thumping sound could be heard from outside followed by voice

“hey Amanda…. Hey you seen my keys. I’m going to be late.

The door to Amanda’s room opens “hey I said…whoa”

Ashlee squeal and turns away wrapping sheet up around her

“get the fuck out my room David…now” Amanda ordered

“ok ok I didn’t know you had…..Ashlee….. you and her”

Amanda gets off the bed “get out”

“Do you know where my keys are, did you find them when you did my washing”

“OUT OUT, I don’t care about your fucking keys.” Slams the door.

She turns around and finds Ashlee dressed and heading to the door

“hey its ok, he’s gone I should have locked the door, hey don’t go”

Ashlee pulls away “no…this can’t work. You say you’re not married yet he barges wanting you to find his keys. I can’t do this….. I’m sorry.”

Ashlee open door to the bedroom and leaves. She gets to the front door with Amanda semi dressed

“wait..wait. I’m sorry lets just talk it out, I don’t want.” pleads Amanda

“no Amanda, I can’t…..this is not going to work for me. Its over.”

Ashlee’s manager reported about the concert sell out and tried to talk to her about a tour but noticed she wasn’t as focused as she had been a few days ago.

“Ashlee what’s the matter, you’ve gone from being giddy as a child with a new puppy to sore gut of misery. Talk to me”

Ashlee glared “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“look if you are a little up tight about the concert don’t be, you are going to be a hit. Your song is number 3 in the charts, your album in top 10. Your come back is a success, are you having second thoughts.”

“no…look its complicated and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“talking helps”

“not for me”

“that cos you don’t know how to communicate. Whether that’s because of your time in the army or your experiences with Jaded…. but you and I always communicated.

“Mika I appreciate your support, your encouragement but I just.”

Mika grabs Ashlee's hands “speak to me…you can tell me anything.”

Ashlee felt trapped “I’ve been seeing someone.”

“fantastic…is it serious…..what’s his name.” her pained look shut him up.

“I met this person when I was in the army and accidentally met up again and and…..”

“and” urges Mika excitedly

“and it, its all too complicated”

Mika sighed “that’s always been your cry….. about time you stopped using that excuse and start facing complicated situations.”

“fuck off, I spend 5 years in complicated situations” she yelled

“yeh but its always the emotional complications you run from”

“I don’t need a lecture”

“then face the complication, just tell me so we can work it out and get you on track.”

Ashlee faced Mika “I got into a relationship with my commanding officer while in Iraq. I broke it off, just like I have again. She’s married with a kid, but it’s a sham seeeee COMPLICATED.”

“back up…. You are having a relationship with a woman, who is married.”

Ashlee spilled the whole situation to Mika along with tears and tantrums.

Mika sat back in his seat “do you love her”

Ashlee shrugs

“Ashlee if you are really serious about this woman and you believe she is too then give her an ultimatum, it’s you or the husband. She’s nearly 40 years old for crying out loud, if she can’t stand up to her religious freak parents then it probably isn’t worth pursuing. You tell her….if she wants to be in your life then get rid of the token husband. It’s as simple as that.”

Ashlee took some deep breaths and walked into the office. The girl behind the recruitment desk stood up.

“can I help you, would you like to ohhhh your”

“hmmm yes I know, can I see Amanda, I mean Major Patterson .”

“yes I’ll just let her know you’re here Ms Moore.” She turned to the other door “umm I just want to say that it was an honour to serve in the same unit you were in during Iraq.”

“thanks, can I see the major now please private.”

The door opens and major stands in awe. The private closes the door on the pair and they continue to look at each other.

“Ashlee…..”

“just listen” she paused and Amanda waited “I don’t want to fight what I feel for you anymore. You are the only person that gets me, so if you want to be in my life, apart of my life then I need you to do something for me.”

Amanda smiled “anything”

“leave him…..leave your husband, break off your so called marriage. I adore Sam and I want you both in my life."

“ohh”

“it’s the only way I can do this….it him or me.”

“an ultimatum, I never expected that from you.”

Ashlee walks up to Amanda and kisses her “I’m serious, I have a concert tonight 8pm. I’d like an answer before then.”

She then leaves.

Ashlee paces the corridor under the stadium. The roars of the crowd was deafening. She looks at her watch, 15 minutes. She groans

“hey “ came a voice behind her.

Ashlee watches as Amanda walks down the corridor towards her. Ashlee grabs Amanda’s arms panicky.

“I can’t do this….I can’t breath. I can’t go out there. I don’t remember the lines to my songs.”

“shhhhh calm down. You are going to be fine, just take some breaths, I’m here for you

Ashlee broke free “in what capacity” the music starts warming up and the crowd cheers

Ashlee’s body shakes uncontrollably. Amanda hold her and rest against her forehead “as of 1700 hours I told David that it was over, I wanted a divorce and I’m taking Sam. I would do anything for you.”

Amanda seals her speech with a kiss. Ashlee throws arms around Amanda and kisses her back hard wanting more. Amanda presses her to the wall kissing down her neck.

The door opens “ummm 5 minutes umm” called Mika

The girls look at him and nod

“I have to go” said Ashlee sadly

“I know….. and I’ll be waiting back stage.”

Ashlee kisses her again “I love you.”

Amanda smiled “now you’re singing my song.”

The end.