Sometimes she did see things as she thought of her past. But Igam knew those things weren't real, and she hadn't really seen them. She wasn't really crazy, which is what made all she'd done so much worse. But one day when an image appeared and wouldn't disappear, Igam began to believe she then that she really might be crazy.
It was the mermaid. Rerai had been her name. They'd been engaged. It had given Igam a chance to be kind for the first time in so long. And as twisted as everyone would find it, she'd thought it was fun, courting the girl. Being able to sit with her alone, flirt with her and listen to her beautiful song. The others in the Tube Empire had encouraged it, even feigning happiness for the two of them, and she'd made Rerai very happy.
Of course, it had just been another lie in a nest of lies. Rerai was just a tool for the tube empire's plan. And love? Igam herself was incapable of it. Not to mention once Rerai had finished talking to Takeru, she'd probably have realized the futileness of the "love" she had felt and turned to hate towards Igam.
Thinking of these memories, Igam stared with no expression at the image of Rerai, now in her human form. Igam became alarmed as the image began to move closer. It wasn't going away, as if it were an active hallucination instead of a passing thought.
"Prince Igam," the image spoke to her.
Igam walked quickly away, realizing now that Rerai was completely real, not at all a vision of her mind. She had nothing to say to Rerai, she had nothing to say to anyone. She began running through the woods, away from her convent. Rerai shouldn't follow there. She'd have to return to the sea, eventually. And if she came back, if she kept trying to confront her, Igam would just find another place to be in nonexistence. As far as anyone else should know, she'd died in the war with Fumin and the rest of Maskman's enemies.
After not encountering anyone, Igam eventually just wandered around, now wandering back towards the convent. Rerai suddenly appeared in front of her again, this time directly in front of her. Igam froze, slowly considering the possibilities of how to get away. She didn't want to hurt Rerai, not any more than she had already, but she didn't want to talk to her either. What was preventing her from just walking away? Right now she just stood frozen, with Rerai staring into her eyes. Of course, she was staring back. And, Igam just realized, Rerai had gently grabbed her arm.
"So it is you, Prince Igam. But I've heard you're not a Prince anymore."
Igam fought back her blush. Why did she have to be humiliated over and over on this issue? She felt the urge to push Rerai away, and then-
"I met your sister... She looks so much like you. She told me you'd given up your royal title after the war ended. That's how I knew where to find you," Rerai explained.
Oh. There was that. Yes, woman or man, she was no longer a prince or princess of any kind. Igam relaxed slightly, but still too much. Rerai used her other hand to slowly push down Igam's habit, revealing her long black hair.
"So it is true. I should have know already Iga-- Igam-sama. There was always something so gentle and feminine about you."
This time Igam did pull away from Rerai crossly, turning away, and spoke her first words to the mermaid. "Why are you here, Rerai?"
"I wanted to see you."
"Why?" Igam demanded, the voice of the long gone "Prince Igam" coming across.
"I just-"
"You know what I am already. That bastard Takeru must have told you everything about me back then. I'm sure my sister told you. You've seen it. Why would you want to see me all?"
"You broke my heart. But I never fell out of love with you, Igam-sama. I suppose you never forget true love, or your first love..."
Igam shook her head. "You're just a fool," she said, starting to pull up her habit, and beginning to walk away.
"I know your story, Igam-sama. Your sister told me all about you. She told me about your kind heart, and how you were misled-"
"Can't you see it doesn't matter?" Igam said, facing Rerai again.
"I know," Rerai said softly. "I just love you, Igam-sama. I'd still love you even if there were no excuses to do so. Yes, I'm a fool. Igam-sama..." Rerai cried, holding onto Igam.
Igam looked at the other woman, feeling some sort of wanting. A wanting for companionship? Things had been rather lonely since Fumin had died and then she'd self-secluded herself. No... What Igam felt herself wanting was for those times in that cave, Rerai singing her heart out to her. Only she didn't want it the way it had been. Igam wanted to experience it the way Rerai had thought it had been. Instead of planning an attack as Igam had been, Rerai was living in a classic romance. It was really a nice fantasy, wasn't it? Nothing like the reality of the woman who was now begging her to be in love.
Igam hugged Rerai anyway. She felt awkward but happy at the same time as the mermaid embraced her. As Rerai closed her eyes, Igam kissed her, almost by instinct, as they had many times before. Remembering what her thoughts had been during those times, Igam pulled away from her again.
"It's not the way you think it is," Igam said.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm... Not who you thought I was," Igam said. It was difficult to explain. Of course with all she knew to start with, why wasn't she running in the opposite direction already?
"No," Rerai agreed. "It's not how I thought at all. I thought you were cruel and heartless, a good actor. But I couldn't forget about you. And now I've found out that you really do have a heart, Igam-sama. Since you're still alive, and now reformed... I had to come see you."
"Reformed?" Igam repeated. These were all nice things that Rerai wanted to believe about her, but she couldn't see any of them as being true. "I'm not reformed, I'm just where I can do the least amount of damage."
"You came here to repent, didn't you?" Rerai asked. Igam didn't answer. "You can repent in other ways, and you can still enjoy your life."
"How can I bother trying to enjoy anything knowing everything I've done that caused others to suffer? And it was for nothing, Rerai. Nothing but a lie. Even all the pain I caused you, I did it for nothing," Igam said bitterly.
Rerai said nothing, contemplating the words for a moment. "Igam-sama, then will you do something to repent for me?" she finally asked. Igam looked her way, interested in what she might suggest. "Just give me the truth. Did you ever have feelings for me? Do you now?"
Igam looked away, frowning as she thought. How could she tell Rerai the truth when she wasn't even sure of it herself? Well, there was some sort of feeling for the mermaid, even if it wasn't the elusive "love." But what it was... She wasn't sure. Perhaps, her feeling was a little close to the standard definition of love? Maybe it wasn't even deviant enough for her to be outright lying... Igam turned back to Rerai to answer. "Yes," she said. "I do," she said.
"Igam-sama!" Rerai cried with joy and then buried herself in Igam's arms. Igam pulled Rerai even closer to her and kissed her again.
They might not be able to have the classic happy ending that Rerai certainly came to seek. Igam would have to tell Rerai that she did have responsibilities here. But for now, she forgot her repentance, and just enjoyed being in the company of the woman who, despite everything, truly loved her.
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