Epilogue
When I was four years old I wanted to be a figure skater. When I was eight years old I wanted to be an astronaut. When I was fourteen I wanted to be an actress/model and be on 90210 and date Jason Priestly. When I was fifteen I wanted to live to see my eighteenth birthday. Now that I'm eighteen I'm praying to make it to twenty-one. It's funny how things can change so dramatically in such a short period of time. You find out you're destined to fight demons from hell and routinely save the world from unspeakable horrors, and your whole life goes to hell.
These were the things I was thinking about when I felt a hand come to rest on my face. Before opening my eyes I knew it was Willow. Not only because Willow was the only one who could get into my room, or because she was the only one, besides my mother, who would dare touch me when I was asleep, I knew it was her because she touched me in a way that was distinctly Will-like. I smiled and opened my eyes.
"Are you feeling better now?" she asked once my eyes were completely open. "I hope you're feeling better, although I doubt that you could be feeling worse, what with the being inside a demon that blew up thing, so you'd have to be feeling better or at least same…better or same," she finished.
"I'm happy as can be...like Robert Downey, Jr. in a crack house," I responded. "Now that I've got my Wiccan wic me that is."
"You're tried," Willow said brushing a stray strand of hair out of my face. "You never would have made a pun like that at full strength."
"Hmmm, maybe your right," I agreed thoughtfully. "Some bed rest should make it all better though," I continued pulling her down onto the bed so that she was lying down beside me.
"Somehow I don't think that what you have in mind is going to be particularly restful," Willow responded smiling. "And you know what? I'm okay with that," she continued before bringing our lips together.
"You know where this would look really good?" I asked her a moment later fingering the material of her shirt. "On the floor," I said answering my own question. She raised her head up above me and looked down at me for a moment. Then she bit her bottom lip and I knew that I had won. She released her lip and smiled then leaned down and brought our lips back together.
* * * * * *
"You are a bad, bad influence Buffy Summers. Bad," Willow said adding the extra bad just in case I had missed the other two.
"What I ask, what did I do?" I said in a voice like that Rooster from Loony Tunes.
"I had come here on a mission of the utmost importance, and then with your cute little smile, and your bar-style pick up lines you seduced me. Mission completely forgotten. Bad, bad, Slayer," she responded.
"I'm sorry, sometimes not even I fully understand the power of my feminine wiles," I said. "Why don't you tell me about the mission now."
"I would if I could but I can't," she responded refusing to make eye contact.
"Why not?" I asked confused.
"I forget what it was."
"You forget?" I asked. She nodded. "You mean you don't remember?…At all?" Another nod. "Can you remember if it was important? Because if it was that means that someone is probably looking for…"
I didn't get a chance to finish that sentence seeing as how the door to my room flung open. It was Lia and her gaze went straight to the bed. Willow pulled the sheet up.
"A little late for modesty don't you think?" Lia asked rhetorically. "We've been looking for you two. Giles has had us searching the entire compound." She paused for a moment then before continuing. "I knew we shouldn't have sent her to get you," she directed that comment to Willow.
"It's not her fault," I said bringing Lia's attention back over to me.
"No, I would imagine not. Takes two to tango and all that," she responded smiling. "Listen, if you two are finished, I assume you're finished since you both have the freshly fucked look…"
"Lia!" I said interrupting her about two syllables too late.
"What?" she asked. "Do I lie?" I didn't responded. "Alright, alright, sorry," she said. "We're meeting back at HQ in like ten minutes, so come on over cause Giles has some news for you," she continued. "By the way, you two really need to find a new a hobby," she said before heading for the door.
"You're just jealous," Willow said speaking for the first time since Lia entered the room.
"You know what, I probably am," Lia responded before continuing towards the door. "Oh, two last things. First, you might want to consider locking the door unless you want people like me to walk in or perhaps watch secretly. Second, clothes are your friends, please put some on. Okay, bye bye now."
With that she went the rest of the way out of the door and closed in behind her.
"Definitely got to remember to lock the door. Definitely," I said once we were alone again.
"Definitely," Willow agreed. "Uh huh."
* * * * * *
Willow and I were the only ones left on the beach. We had all come out there after our meeting for a game of moonlight volley-ball. The news Giles had wanted to give me was that both Johnny and Elizabeth had regained their memories. The doctors were confounded as to how it happened but they were able to tell Giles the approximate time they got their memories back, and he realized that they coincided with the destruction of Swamp Thing. Giles believed that when we destroyed it the ring of light that we saw was the synaptic energy the beast had stolen being released and returned to it's rightful owners.
Now that we were alone I was lying with my head in Willow's lap. We were just watching the waves lap at the shore, taking in our peaceful surroundings. Moments like that were rare in our lives.
Most people when they looked at us, as friends or as lovers it really didn't matter, always assumed that I was strong one. I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer after all, scourge to beasts and nasties everywhere, so assuming that I am the strong one would be logical. It would be logical, but wrong. Willow was really the strongest out of the two of us. She was the one that kept me whole, kept me sane and together through all of the madman stuff that my life consisted. She was my Slayer, the person who kept the doubts and the demons within me from taking over.
"A pair of Prada boots for your thoughts," Willow said breaking the silence.
"New York or Milan?" I asked.
"New York of course," she responded smiling.
"I was just thinking about us," I told her.
"Good thoughts?"
"If they're about you they're always good," I answered. "Do you ever wonder?" I asked her a moment later. "I mean, I guess there's really been no time to think about, let alone talk about it, but how'd it happen?"
"It?" she asked. I realized that I was being vague again.
"My memory," I clarified. "How'd I get my memory back?"
"I don't know," Willow answered. "Like you said there really hasn't bee much time to think about it, but in the little time there has been to think about it I've thought about it, and still don't really know."
"We could always asked Giles," I suggested. "He usually knows stuff and when he doesn't he's nice enough to make things up and buy us ice-cream. Double scoop."
"No!" Willow answered emphatically. "Cause then we'd have to tell him stuff, stuff about what we were doing. Sex stuff," she said her voice dropping to whisper as she said the last part. "That means that he'd know about…stuff, and we'd know that he knew about…stuff…and…yuck!"
"I'm pretty sure he knows how we spend certain hours of our leisure time," I responded. "In fact he's the one who the found the evidence of your vampire impersonation on my neck," I continued watching the myriad of expressions that crossed her face. I was being bad, I wasn't actually going to ask Giles anything. It would have caused him serious mental distress. He was about as interesting in hearing about our sex life as we were in hearing about his. As in, not at all.
"But details Buffy, he doesn't know the details. And they're the most important part. Without the details it's all academic, it's all abstract. But with the details…it's…it's…pay-per-view resolution. We don't want pay-per-view resolution Buffy, we really really don't," she responded finally.
"Alright, no Giles," I agreed.
"Is it really that important to you?" she asked reaching down so that our fingers were intertwined.
I didn't answer right away, instead I titled my head up so that we were looking directly at each other and said, "Come down here."
"You want snuggles from your snuggle bunny?" she asked with that sexy, mischievous grin I loved so much.
"There are two things in life I can never get enough of," I said as she settle down beside me. "Snuggles form my snuggle bunny, and chocolate. Even better, my snuggle bunny covered in chocolate."
"Buffy," she said burying her head in my shoulder. I shouldn't tease her like that, I know it's mean, but she's so cute what she blushes.
"I love you," I told her placing a kiss on the top of her head.
"I love you too," she said lifting her head up to place a soft kiss on my lips.
"I love you more," I responded with a smile.
"No I love you more," she said grinning.
"I love you more than Mr. Pointy and Mr. Gordo rolled up into one," I said touching her check.
"I love you more than Mr. Laptop and Mr. Modem…they're alright one," she responded.
"Really?" I asked. Coming from a hacker that was probably the biggest compliment one could be given.
"Absolutely," she responded placing her head back down on my shoulder.
I tightened the hold I had on her and we lay there together in silence for a few moments.
"You never answered my question you know," Willow said softly.
"And what, I say what would that be?" I asked.
"If it was really important to you to know how you to your memory back?" she explained.
"Well, the question isn't going to plague me until I need to be checked to place with padded walls and high fiber diets, but I'd like to know," I responded. "In this line of work unanswered question have a way of coming back to try and kill you…or maybe torture and taunt you first just for kicks."
"What if maybe I had an idea how it could possibly have happened…hypothetically," she said playing with her fingers nervously.
"Will?" I asked shifting so that I could see her face. "Did you do a Wicca thing?"
"No!" she responded immediately. "Nothing like that, I would never do something like that without asking you first. I promise," she said with absolute conviction. I felt like a big stupid jerk for even asking.
"I didn't mean," I started to explain but she interrupted me.
"It's okay," she said. "It's a Wicca like result and I'm the only one that you know…at least that you know of…and that I know of, except for Amy, but she's still a rat and doesn't count."
"I'm still sorry," I told her.
"It's okay," she said again. She was drawing in the sand with her left hand.
"What is it Will?" I asked. I was starting to get concerned. Willow wasn't usually a vault when it came to sharing information unless she was concerned about something.
"When you and Lia were out playing cops and robbers I did some researching on the net," she said returning her attention to me fully. "I found some information on this thing called a Tarcon that fit the description of our baddie perfectly. I mean if they weren't the same thing, they had to be like first cousins or something. So, the information didn't say how to kill it, but…"
"But?" I prompted.
"It said that the beast didn't really steal memories, it just kind of made a Xerox copies of the enzymes then took that and blocked the pathway which makes it seem like the memories are gone."
"Self-defense, like a porcupine's needles." I said. "If you can't remember what happened to you, you can't tell anyone, and then you can't be hunted. Why are the ugly ones always the smartest?"
"It said that the barrier wasn't concrete, that it could be broken. The reason that it usually wasn't was because with their memories gone the victims were separated from the person who could save them," Willow continued when I had finished.
"Divide and conquer," I muttered.
"Exactly," Willow said. "Only we found you," she said moving closer to me. "It said that the barrier could only be broken by someone who had a bond deep enough with the victim that they were in a sense a part of the victim. Then that in a moment of closeness the two souls would join and the barrier would be broken," she finished softly.
"They'd have to be…"
"Soul-mates," she supplied.
"That means…" I said staring at her in a daze.
"Yeah," she said lowering her gaze. I watched the movement confused.
"Don't you…? I mean, why are you so…? Isn't this a good thing?" I finally managed to ask. "Big source for the happies?"
"I thought that maybe you'd…I thought that maybe you'd feel cornered, like you couldn't get away from me," she responded in a small voice.
"Will, I don't want to get away from you," I told her. "I love you, more than anything, more than life. I could only wish to be cornered with you for the rest of my life."
"Really?"
"Absolutely," I answered. "I'd never give up my snuggle bunny."
"Soul-mates," Willow said again in a breathless whisper as a smile worked it's way across her face.
"I definitely like the sound of that," I said as our lips came together.
When you know nothing you can see everything. All that was once commonplace and old, boring and tired becomes new again, becomes beautiful and miraculous. You see the world as a new and shiny place to be discovered, like a child, but with an adults ability to reason and understand. You comprehend how Columbus felt on that fateful day centuries ago looking around at the majesty of the new world, both alien and familiar.
Even with my memory returned to me, I still found myself looking around at my surrounding with a touch of reverence and awe. Having it all taken away from me had made me appreciate it all the more once it was returned to me. We all have a tendency to take what we have for granted, we start to think of it all as a right, a constant, rather than a precious gift. When everything is taken away from you, you come to realize how truly special what you possess really is, and you cherish it and hold on to it all the more tightly.
Despite all of the terrible pains which have burned and scarred my soul, if I had it all to do over I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't change a thing, because I know with absolute certainty that it has all been worth to be able to walk where I walk, which is heaven on earth, hell on earth, and everything in between all rolled into one package.
Undoubtedly, undeniably, I have loved and lost, and loved again. I have fought, and been defeated, and come to stand once more. I have not always been perfect, but I have always tried to do my best. I have made a difference in the lives of the people I cherish most, and people whom I've never meet. I have lived and live still.
I looked down at the expanse of red hair spread across my shoulder and smiled happily. No, I wouldn't change one damn thing. Not one damn thing.
The End