AUTHORS NOTE: This part of the story is my first (and possibly last) attempt writing angst. I just wanted to see if I could do it without depressing myself into a coma. However, as it turned out I am glad I did write this as the mental attitude that Tomoyo learns to use to endure her bitter fate is a good one and is currently helping me to endure my own bitter fate. However this may make this part not nearly painful enough to be called real angst. Sorry, but this is the best I can do.
It is not really necessarily to read this part to understand the next part, but I think it is useful to understand my version of Tomoyo's character and to get the full effect of how things go later in the story. You could consider this an extended prologue...
Enka is real and more or less as I described it. It seemed to be a perfect fit for poor suffering Tomoyo. I found most of what I know at Barbara's Enka Site.
http://www.technogirls.org/enka/index.htm
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("I'm sorry Tomoyo, for putting you through all this pain, but just hang on and you will in time be rewarded for all your love and devotion. Rewarded far beyond your wildest dreams...")
Risa (insane dyke who talks to her characters)
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Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, they belong to CLAMP.
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In case you are not familiar with Card Captor Sakura, here is a very brief introduction of the main characters.
Li Syaoran is the heir to the rich and powerful Li Clan of Hong Kong, and is trying his best to fulfill the demands of his position despite his shyness and insecurity. Incidentally he has considerable Magic power on his side.
Li Meiling is Syaoran's strong willed cousin who has loved him since they were children.
Kinomoto Sakura is the sweet and unassuming Japanese girl who has captured the powerful, Clow Cards and used her immense Magic power to remake them as her own..
Daidoji Tomoyo is the daughter of a wealthy mother, and has been Sakura's best friend since they were about nine. She is also very deeply in love with Sakura.
All of the above characters are currently sixteen years old though nearly all of this part of the story happens in flash-back mode.
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Tomoyo's World - Part 0 - Bitter Fate
Chapter 0
Saturday July 22, 3:23pm Hong Kong time.
"Well? Have you asked her yet?" Meiling wanted to know.
"No. But I will." Syaoran replied.
"When? She's going home in a few days. Time is running out."
"Tonight. I'll ask her tonight. I'm taking her out to dinner."
"You don't sound very happy about it. Are you scared?" Syaoran tried to ignore Meiling, but as usual he couldn't. She had a talent for getting under his skin. He looked at her and tried to come up with a casual answer, but she didn't wait. "Are you afraid she will say no?" She hesitated for a moment raising an eyebrow. "Or, afraid she will say yes?" Syaoran twitched at this which completely gave him away to Meiling. "You don't really want to marry her. It's for the family. The all powerful and important Li Clan. So, since you couldn't capture the cards yourself, you have been assigned to marry them." As the young woman laughed her strange laugh, Syaoran just stared at the floor.
"I wish..." He mumbled to himself, but her sensitive ears caught it.
"You wish what?"
"Nothing!"
"Come on, out with it! You know I'll get it out of you eventually." Her words were harsh, but her smile was warm.
*Maybe I should just tell her.* Syaoran thought to himself, *No. That's a terrible idea. It will make it even harder on her when Sakura and I marry. I have responsibilities! I HAVE to marry Sakura...*
Saturday July 22, 7:23pm
"Well! This is certainly a fancy place." Sakura noted uncomfortably.
"Yes, it is. I've never been here before. My mother made the reservations." He sounded uncomfortable and he knew it. He also knew that he wasn't any good at romantic stuff. *I can do this. She loves me and I like her a lot. And she is a beautiful girl. It should be easy...*
The table they were shown to was in a secluded corner nearly surrounded by beautiful flowers. The perfect place to ask The Question.
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*The dinner was too fancy with too much food. An extravagant waste.* he thought to himself, *But I am doing it just like Mother told me to.* After dessert, he checked to make sure the ring box was still in his coat pocket, then he calmed his mind and spirit just as he would do before combat. "Sakura-chan?"
"Yes?"
"We have known each other since we were very young. And we have been through a lot together." Sakura just nodded. "Well... I have fallen in love with you, and will you marry me?" He was sure his tone of voice was wrong, but at least he had gotten the words out right. He took a breath and relaxed just a bit. *Now when she says yes, I will act delighted.* [The minimum age to marry in Japan is sixteen for girls, but for boys it's 18, so they would have to be engaged for two years.]
However Sakura was suddenly not at all relaxed. * I have been dreading this moment. It's just like Tomoyo said it would be. I know she thinks he is the perfect Magic Prince for me and I should jump at the chance to marry him. And I do like him a lot, but to spend the rest of my life with him? It just doesn't feel right! Not with him...* As the silence grew longer, Sakura glanced at him but seeing his puzzled look didn't lend her any strength at all so she looked back at her half empty dessert plate. *I really hate to disappoint Tomoyo, and him, but I'm sixteen now, and I need to make my own decisions.*
*Mother said that she wanted to marry me and was just waiting for me to ask. Why is she hesitating? Is it possible she will turn me down?* After another ten seconds of painful silence Sakura finally spoke.
"Tomoyo said that you were going to ask me. And since she is usually right, I've been thinking about it...a lot...I do like you...really. And I know this is a great honor. But... I guess I'm just not ready to get married. I'm sorry!"
"That's okay. Don't worry about it." If Sakura had been paying attention to him, instead of to her own embarrassment, she might have realized that he sounded a lot more relieved than disappointed.
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Sakura had trouble getting to sleep that night. She kept wondering if she had done the right thing. *Well at least he didn't seem really heartbroken or anything. But I feel really bad disappointing Tomoyo. She wanted me to marry him so much! And now I have to tell her I turned him down! I have to call her Sunday morning- and that's tomorrow! And I can't very well talk to her and not tell her...*
Sunday July 23, 9:29 am Hong Kong time.
Sakura was just finishing up her conversation with Tomoyo when Meiling knocked on her door.
After chatting a bit about small happenings, Meiling brought up the subject that Sakura had been dreading. "So, you turned Syaoran down." she said with a hint of a smile, which Sakura missed completely.
"I'm really sorry. I know everyone expected me to say yes, and I really thought a lot about it, but I just couldn't! I like him; I like him a lot. But, I guess I just don't love him. I hope he isn't too heartbroken." She finished with a pleading look.
"No, Sakura, he's not heartbroken. Not at all. In fact he's relieved."
"Huh?"
"He didn't really want to marry you at all. It was for the good of the Li clan. You and your cards are very powerful and therefor very valuable."
"Why that..." Sakura started, but then made herself stop and think about it. It was something Tomoyo had taught her; "Think before you speak". And after a bit of thought it did make sense. "Okay. I can understand why he would do that. His responsibility as the next head of the Li clan is more important to him than anything. I shouldn't really blame him I guess. But it still seems like a rotten thing to do!" She finished with more than a little anger in it.
"We all do what we have to do. He is no different." Meiling said with a shrug.
"I'm really glad you told me this. Now I don't feel guilty about turning him down." Meiling just nodded in agreement. After a moment Sakura continued, "Do you still love him after all these years?"
"Oh yes, more than ever." she smiled. And I know I will be good for him. He really needs someone to keep him from being so wishy washy. Now all I have to do is convince his mother of that. Don't tell him, but I am fairly certain I've already convinced him. He has let slip more than once how important I am to him. But how about you? How are things between you and Tomoyo?"
"We are the best of friends, same as always."
"Didn't she ever tell her how she felt about you?"
Sakura shrugged with just a hint of sadness in her voice. "What is there to tell? I am her very best friend and she loves me very much."
Meiling raised an eyebrow at that. "Indeed. She certainly seemed to be more than a friend to you when I was in Japan."
"I know. I was thinking that back in middle school, but every time I brought it up, she just insisted that I was her magical princess and she had to treat me properly. But we were only friends." Sakura finished again with a hint of sadness.
Meiling could read this as clearly as if Sakura had held up a sign. "And, you want to be more than just friends with her?" Sakura twitched a bit and turned rather red as she broke eye contact. "It's okay," Meiling continued with a little smile, "I won't tell anyone."
Sakura nodded just slightly before speaking. "Okay. Well... Tomoyo is very very special
to me. And when I was thinking about marrying Syaoran, I tried to imagine spending the rest of my life with him. And it didn't feel right. Not at all. But then I couldn't help thinking that if it was Tomoyo..." She was too embarrassed to finish, but she didn't have to for Meiling.
"I'm not surprised." Meiling said with a little smile. "And I'll bet that no matter what Tomoyo says, she would love to spend the rest of her life with you."
"But then why has she always insisted that I must marry a powerful sorcerer like Syaoran?"
"She wants the best for you. And I guess Syaoran is her idea of "the best"." Meiling smiled before continuing, "In a way, I agree with her, but Syaoran isn't "the best" for you, he's "the best" for me!