Part Five
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"Where is everybody?" Anya asked finally emerging from the back room.
"Buffy's out walking Spike, and Xander and Giles went to the butchers shop," Willow responded looking up from her book. Giles always had the best spell books just lying around his house.
"Oh," Anya said taking a seat on the couch. "Are you doing anything fun?"
"Well, I was looking through Volume III of the Dreger's almanac, and I found this super cool incantation for..." Willow started to say but Anya interrupted her.
"Please, stop," Anya said holding up her hand. "I'm already regretting my inquiry immensely."
"Boy, you must be a joy to be around in the morning," Willow said as Anya yawned.
"Mornings tend to lose their thrill after 2000 years or so," Anya responded. "Let's see how you're doing after your first millennia," she continued.
They sat in silence for a while after that, but Willow found it impossible to concentrate on the text with Anya sitting behind her doing nothing.
"You know," Willow said standing up and moving over to the couch. "It occurs to me that we've never really had the opportunity to just sit down and talk."
"Are we going to bond now?" Anya asked looking over at her.
"We're going try," Willow said building up her resolve. "We are certainly going to try."
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"I don't see why I have to be here," Spike grumbled kicking a pebble along the ground.
"You said you wanted some fresh air, so I'm giving you some fresh air," Buffy responded. "Now be good or I'll put on your leash."
"I don't bloody believe this!" Spike exclaimed kicking a wall. "Oh! God! Bloody hell that hurts!" he said now bouncing on his good foot holding the one he'd hurt. "I'm William the Bloody, the scourge of Europe...and some of Asia. Whole country sides bowed down to my will..."
"One more word out of you Mister and I swear..." Buffy said holding up the leash and clicking the clasp.
"Why don't you just stake me?" Spike muttered under his breath.
"Don't temp me," Buffy retorted. "I'm disliking you more than usual right now...which is saying a lot."
"Oh, this is about Birch again isn't it?" he asked limping slightly.
"That's it," Buffy said reaching out for him. "An important part of functioning in society is learning to respect authority. Without that fundamental respect, chaos ensues...as you well know. You, Spike, have spent too much time on the outskirts of society and it is my duty not only as the Slayer, but as a human being, to re-integrate you," Buffy continued attaching the leach to his collar.
"Were you this mean when you WERE getting some?" Spike asked. Buffy simply yanked in response. "I'll take that as a yes," Spike muttered under his breath.
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"So," Willow started. "How are things going with you and Xander?" She could only hope that her inquiry wouldn't be met with graph descriptions of the sex they were having.
"He's distracted," Anya responded. "I had to make my own orgasm," she added sourly.
Willow visibly paled.
"TMI," Willow said clasping her hands over her ears. "T-M-I," she said again pronouncing each letter distinctly.
"I'm not familiar with that acronym," Anya said completely unfazed. "Explain."
"Too Much Information," Willow responded finally unclasping her hands from the side of her head.
"You shouldn't have asked then," Anya responded. "I don't understand why humans insist on making queries that they don't wish to know the answers to. It's highly illogical."
"Thank you for sharing that diatribe Mr. Spock," Willow responded. Her face was starting to regain colour.
"Mr. Spock? Is that some sort of pop-culture reference?" Anya asked. "Because I don't do those."
"Okay," Willow said shifting her position. "This is not going at all according to plan."
Anya just stared at her.
"Maybe we should just forget about this 'bonding' thing and go back to sitting in silence," Willow suggested. She knew that silence was looking really good to her at the moment.
"Wouldn't a change of topic be more appropriate?" Anya asked. She wasn't really a fan of the silence. Besides she did have something in mind to talk about.
"Yeah," Willow responded eyeing her a bit. "Sure, change of topic, a topic different from the original...a whole new area of discussion, a completely separate..."
"I get it," Anya said interrupting. "It's new."
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"Before I start I'd like to make it clear that I'm not at all interested in seeing you attain any sort of happiness," Spike said as Buffy dragged him along.
"Ditto," she said simply.
"But..."
"There's always a but," Buffy muttered.
"Why don't you just tell her how you feel and get it the hell over with so that I can get some goddamn rest," he continued testily.
"There's nothing to tell," Buffy said yanking him a bit. For someone who was technically dead he sure did talk a lot.
"Yeah, and I'm Martha Stewart," Spike responded.
"Well, that menorah you made for Willow really was very pretty," Buffy said smiling.
"I was bored and Giles had just gotten back from the pottery barn," Spike said defensively.
"Keep telling yourself that," Buffy said turning down the road that would bring them back to Giles'.
"Come on," Spike said. "Talking about it will make you feel better."
Buffy just looked back and glared at him.
"I won't tell anyone, I swear it," Spike continued when Buffy didn't respond.
"Since you seem to be so smart why do you need me to tell you anything?" Buffy asked. She wasn't even really upset at Spike, he was just being...well Spike. She was upset that she was seriously considering talking to him. Besides Claire and her posse, Spike was the only person Buffy knew was hip to her feelings about Willow, and she really needed to talk about it.
"I was just trying to be civil," Spike responded in a slightly wounded tone. "Since I can't kill you and all," he added under his breath.
"I can't tell her," Buffy mumbled.
"Why the hell not?" Spike asked. Humans were so annoying, that's why he ate so many of them.
"I don't want to ruin our friendship," Buffy answered. "Telling someone that you're in love with them and want their body usually tends to have SOME sort of effect on a relationship."
"Yeah," Spike agreed. "You tell her and then you both have sex, and I don't have to watch you pining after her anymore. Everybody wins, but more importantly I'M happy."
"If I tell her, there won't be any sex or anything else to be had since she doesn't feel the same way I do, "Buffy said scuffing her shoes along the ground. "She's probably still not even over Oz."
"Who?" Spike asked staring at Buffy's neck.
She looked back at him.
"The werewolf," Buffy responded.
"Oh him," Spike responded. "She's not in love with him. I'm sure he was very snuggly but they were just passing time."
"Excuse me?" Buffy asked stopping and trying around to face the vampire.
"I'm surrounded by stupidity, utter, ubiquitous stupidity," Spike said exasperated flinging his hands into the air. "I try, and I try, but I'm a demon not a bloody miracle worker."
"Are you finished wallowing in self pity?" Buffy asked. Spike nodded sullenly. "Okay, then do you mind telling me what the hell you were getting at with that 'passing time' comment?"
"Willow's in love with you too!" Spike exclaimed. "Whenever you're in the same room she's gives off as many pheromones as bloody dog in heat."
"You went to the 'Cordelia Chase School of Tact', didn't you?" Buffy asked looking him.
"Honesty's the best policy," Spike respond shrugging.
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Willow somehow got the impression that her conversation with Anya was going to be a trying event, so before they started in with the new conversation she went into the kitchen to get some refreshments.
"So," Anya said once Willow re-joined her in the room. "When are you and Buffy going to become orgasm friends?"
Willow sat in a stunned silence and started at her. The hacker thought that she was alive, she could still see and think, but she felt oddly detached from her body, like she wasn't really in it, let alone in the room.
"Oh god, I think I killed her," Anya said when Willow didn't respond. The ex-vengeance demon moved over and the couch and started poking her. "Are you dead?" she asked. "Because I don't think that the others are going to like that."
"You...I ...you...said...orgasm," was all Willow managed to get out before her oral skills once again deserted her.
"Well?" Anya asked.
"I...me...Buffy...me...and Buffy...not...one with...orgasm," Willow said. She couldn't seem to get past that word.
"I'm beginning to think that the silence probably would have been the better of the two ideas," Anya commented.
"Buffy...Buffy doesn't feel the same way I do," Willow said a few moments later in a soft voice.
"Really?" Anya asked. "What Buffy are you talking about, because the Buffy I know can barely keep her eyes, and hands off of you," she continued.
"No," Willow said. She was sure that there was more to that sentence but "no" was all that came out.
"Ah, yeah," Anya responded.
"No," Willow said again. Her brain refused to engage.
"Yeah," Anya retorted.
"No."
"Yeah."
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