It’s been a week, a long week, without her. She’s here, but not with me. She’s far away, but she’s right next to me. I let my gaze linger to her and I pooch out my lips in a pout. I feel horrible; my stomach almost hurts because of it. It’s like that kind of stomach ache that you actually know nothing going’s on in there, but it aches from some strong bad emotion.
I swiftly take my dull eyes off of her when I realize her cool gaze is looking at me, right through me it feel.
I set both my elbows on the wooden table and rest my chin on the back of my joined hands, looking off into the distance everything looks kind of blurred to me, I know I look pathetic. I know I’m fuming and pouting like an immature child. I can’t help it. She’s sitting in front of me, looking through me, as our friends talk while they at their lunch.
My mind traces back to last week, on a Monday. She had gotten a new hair cut, it wasn’t much shorter, just enough so it wasn’t all in her eyes. I could see those deep cherry eyes so much easier. Her hair, I really admired it. I had gotten up extra earlier that morning, it was the day. The day I had planned to tell her everything. This whole couple of weeks that had past, we were closer then ever. We were doing things that normal friends shouldn't have done.
I had walked all the way to her apartment, instead of meeting her half way to school like usual. I chickened out, I couldn’t tell her. I held off telling her.
We made it to school earlier then usual, it was just us two in the class, the teacher and other students out rooming the halls.
I had stood leaning on her desk while she sat, we were having a light conversation. I don’t know why, but she seemed in quite a good mood, I noticed her eyes seemed to a laminate when they looked at me and she smiles softly.
Out wordily I knew I looked just fine, calm and relaxed. But on the inside I was nervous, my nerves not leaving me relaxed. I’m not usually this nervous around her.
“You know, I really love that can I see your eyes easier, without your hair in the way,” I say a bit overly calmly as I reached my hand out and shakily placed it on her cheek. I held my smile; Rei hadn’t pulled away at the contact.
“I really like…” I leaned forward, I feel sweaty, I want this. My heart pounded so hard it hurt. Our friendship, it seemed as if it was over, something greater just a few centimeters away. I knew my sentence I was saying was uncompleted, but I have a feeling as I pull forward that kissing her will get my point across.
With my hand cupping her cheek, I notice that she’s starting to pull her head closer to mine. Our lips are so close, oh God how I wanted this, that I can almost fill them.
And then, seemingly out of no where, I hear the door open so obnoxiously loud and I jumped back like I was almost caught doing something bad. I see a few classmates stalk into the class and I grumble. Great, those bastards.
I turned back to Rei, she wasn’t looking at me.
And that’s where we are now, she’s been ignoring me all week… ever since we almost kissed. I’ve called, tried to start up conversations that ended with shrugs or one worded sentences, walked her home, walked her to school, and everything else I could think of.
Our friendship… oh God, I’d rather die then lose it. I’m so stupid.
Rain continued to pour from the dreary sky, pounding so hard it was almost enough to bruise tender flesh. But the rain didn’t stop Asuka from walking through it, nor didn’t it stop Rei following close behind. The two girls were both soaking wet, clothes clinging like a second skin.
‘Why is this happening… why won’t these… memories just stop. I can’t take it.’ Asuka thought, not realizing she had slowed her walking pace.
Asuka didn’t know if she could handle anymore of this. These two realities, these memories… those memories couldn’t be hers. They were like watching movies in first person, hearing every touch, every feeling, every breath… but they didn’t feel like hers.
School is getting ready to be out here in a few minutes. I’m watching over her like a hawk, I’m not letting her get away. I’ve had enough of her cold shoulders for this past week and a half.
I told her this morning that I wanted to talk to her after everybody left the class. She had nodded to my request; I really hope she ends up staying.
The school bell rings, almost agonizingly loud, and that’s when I my nervous nerves kick in. I let my dodgy blue hues shift to Rei who was staying put in her seat and putting things into her backpack.
I eye around the room, looking to Rei every now and then, until everyone’s gone… and that’s when she stands.
I was going to talk to her nothing more, that is until I feel my body act as if someone else was controlling it. I lightly shoved her to the wall; my lips touching her in less then a second after her back touched the wall. My hands cupped her face while she remained motionless.
I should probably pull away… I wasn’t supposed to be doing this; I wanted to talk about my feelings to her and about why she’s been avoiding me like the plague.
I was readying to pull back until I feel something, her lips move, her tongue lightly touching my lips. I parted my lips, our pink wet tongues touching. All intentions of wanting to pull back and all intentions of talking fade away into the invisible wind.
We’re like this, kissing, for God knows how long… it felt like forever. But I felt an ache in my lungs as I feel Rei wrap her fingers in my coppery hair. My lungs needed oxygen, but I didn’t want to pull back, I didn’t want to end this.
I squeezed my eyes even tighter shut in an attempt to keep my breath held and to remain in a lip lock I’ve been craving oh so desperately for… but I feel feathery soft lips pull away and feel a cool breath let out down my neck. She is leaning against me and I am leaning against her. I feel as if I can breathe for the first time in my life.
A cold, shaking slightly, slips into Asuka’s hand. The German looked to her side, peering at Rei, not bothering to rip her hand away like she wanted.
Why couldn’t all of this just stop!? Why couldn’t things go back to normal? Asuka didn’t want this, she want didn’t want Rei. She wanted her Unit 02, she wanted her own room. She wanted comfort.
The two had stopped walking, the rain spilling on them like a never ending showering of cold water.
“Asuka, are you okay? What is up?” Rei asked genially concerned for her girlfriend, running her thumb across the back of the German’s hand. Ever since she had been bonked in the head with that stupid baseball things haven’t gone well between the two. Everything was prefect between them before hand.
“I just don’t know what to do anymore…” Asuka uttered in a broken and wavy voice. The kiss in the bus booth was like getting smacked in the face, telling her things weren’t okay.
Asuka turned to her side, facing Ayanami, and collapsing into her arms. Rei felt herself lose balance at the sudden weight being shoved at her, but she managed barely not to fall. Asuka’s cold body felt chilly against her own, but that didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around the wet Germen.
Asuka had a bad feeling in her stomach, she didn’t want Rei as her comfort, but she did want willing arms to reach for her.
Asuka felt Rei lightly rub her lower back in a comforting manner. Her cold body seemed to distant herself away from Asuka and she suddenly felt warmth.
“Hey, Asuka, are you alright? You kinda froze and didn’t move for a while.” Asuka heard a voice enter her ears.
Asuka found herself back in the hospital room. Her drained and saturated blue hues looked to a violet haired woman with a scrawny brunette standing besides her. Misato and Shinji. He was the least injured pilot out of the three, a long bandage wrapped around his forehead, a square piece of gauze taped down to his cheek with medical tape, and his right wrist wrapped in a thick white bandage.
Before Asuka had the chance to answer she heard a sneeze fill her ears and quickly brought her attention to the source. There stood walking the soaking blue haired girl besides her, their hands joined.
Asuka felt her legs walk, water running down them. In sight was their apartment.
The German felt herself take a deep sharp breath and let go of Rei’s hand, that still held her own strongly.
‘What are your memories? What are your fantasies?’ The Second Child heard a familiar voice inside her head say.
Deviant Hearts Archive | Back to main index