Story: Tall, Dark, and Bishoujo (all chapters)
Authors: Monikku
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Chapter 1
[Author's notes: This story is ridiculous. I hope you enjoy its absurdity.]
I yoinked Claudio's idea of Omake. Yoink. This crossover idea tickled me too
much for words, I hope you enjoy what I've written, thus far. I may continue
on, if not, I hope somebody else picks up where I've left off.
"Tall, Dark, and Bishoujo..."
Written by Monikku
Inspired by A Whole Mess O' People
"A bright light appeared, seemingly without origin. Bathed in this light
were two beautiful girls... and a queer looking, what is that thing, Yomi? A
bird? Whatever.
A queer looking biirrrrd.
They had arrived at a seemingly average highschool."
"But at that school, were demons! And zombies! Punpunpunpunpun," Osaka
interrupted.
"Hey, shut up, Osaka! I'm trying to give a suspenseful and meaningful
narative."
"Sorry, Tomo."
"You should be."
"Continue," Yomi prodded, "I want to get this over with."
"Yeah, anyway, two beautiful girls and a weird bird. They had arrived
bathed in light at the school!
Ne, Yomi, doesn't that girl look just like Sakaki?"
"GET ON WITH IT!!" Yomi screeched.
"You should have eaten breakfast, Yomi, you get cranky when you're
hungry!" Tomo poked at the already irritated and easily roused Yomi.
"THAT'S IT! I WON'T FORGIVE YOU!!!" Yomi proceeded to pounce and pummel
Tomo. Tomo squealed, but seemed to enjoy the beating.
Chiyo, who had appeared in the room just after Osaka interjected
originally, heaved a heavy sigh, "Our stories always seem to end up this way
."
Osaka nodded in agreement. Yomi continued to mercilessly beat Tomo.
Kaorin sat at the window, watching as Sakaki crossed the school yard.
Hearts, as usual, were in her love struck eyes over the sight of the
withdrawn, stoic, and stunningly beautiful girl.
Just then, a light appeared, and from it were born two girls, and... a
bird.
"Yeah," Tomo's head popped up from the dizzying fury of her Yomi beating,
"We figured it was a bird."
One of the girls was dressed so peculiarly, "was it Halloween already?"
Kaorin pondered. The companion to the oddly dressed girl looked so familiar,
as her eyes trekked back and forth from Sakaki to the girl, she realised...
they could be twins!
Kaorin's head began to swim in the delight of the thought of two
Sakakis... her eyes quickly turned to triangles of rage. That oddly dressed
girl, "GAAAHHHH! SHE JUST GLOMPED SAKAKI-SAN!!!"
"Maybe she's a friend of Sakaki-san," Chiyo suggested.
Kaorin's face was mashed against the window, her palms pressed flat
against the glass. "She glomped her so easily! NNOOO!!!!"
Osaka, once again, interjected with her peculiar musings, "Maybe they are
lovers."
Kaorin turned her utterly horrified expression in Osaka's direction.
Chiyo sweat dropped.
Tomo continued to be beaten by Yomi.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Ririsu, Ken, and Hatsuki had morphed to a new world. A world that seemed
so much like the one Hatsuki had originally left. The similarities made the
young girl's heart ache, she missed Hatsumi so.
"Oi, we have to be put into this kind of boring atmosphere?" Ririsu
complained.
"Young girls in cute uniforms, it's not so boring," Ken contended.
"Shut up, pervert." Ririsu whacked the small canary on the head.
Ririsu stretched her lithe figure and scanned her surroundings. As she
moved her head from left to right, she noticed a girl approaching. A tall
sinuous body, long black hair, an air of distance all about her, the
loneliness in her was apparent to any looking for it. She was so... so...
cool.
Ririsu gasped in elation. "A book of Hatsukis!! I love this atmosphere!"
She then ran to and glomped a confused looking Sakaki.
Hatsuki, who had already disregarded her bothersome companions, walked
towards the front doors of the building, perhaps Hatsumi would be there.
"Wai! Wai!" Ririsu exclaimed, "you're so cute! Just like Hatsuki! Are
there more of you here?"
Sakaki blushed and nodded in the affirmative, she had not caught on to
Ririsu's meaning at all.
"Aaahhh," Ririsu closed her eyes, allowing her ecstasy to overwhelm her,
"This is heaven!"
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Moments later, on the other side of Tokyo...
Tears streamed down Yumi's face, streaking her usually energetic visage.
"The Rose Mansion! It's burning to the ground! How did this happen?!" Yumi
and Yoshino huddled together, the shock of the situation seeping into both
girls and taking them over.
"How did the fire spread so fast?" Shimako, standing behind the two,
inquired rhetorically, in utter disbelief.
Sei put a hand on Shimako's shoulder, the tiniest gesture comforted
Shimako immeasurably. Sei spoke her next words with a great lack of
confidence, "Minako-san said she saw a canary flying away from the school
with a gasoline can."
"That is completely illogical," Sachiko scoffed at the idea.
"What will we do now, Onee-sama?" Yumi turned teary and questioning eyes
to Sachiko, all of the girls standing close together, watching their beloved
school and rose mansion burn to the ground.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
A small canary flew unsteadily with a gasoline can clasped in his feet.
The expression on his face was of completely sinister glee, his eyes wide and
rolled into his head, "Heeeeee! More beautiful girls in uniforms! Come to me!
COME TO MEEEEE!!!!"
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
In a classroom not far away, sitting in front of his students, a grown
man wept in immense gratitude, fogging his glasses.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
And so begins the insanity...
Chapter 2
[Author's notes: More absurdity...]
"Tall, Dark, and Bishoujo..."
Written by Monikku
Inspired by A Whole Mess O' People
The continuation...
"Oi! Oi!" Yukari stood in front of her home room class, attempting to get
the attention of her students. "We've got a bunch of new students to the
school, though they are all in different grades, they've all been dumped to
this homeroom. I know it seems illogical, but, eh, I stopped asking questions a
long time ago." Yukari waved her hand dismissively.
"Anyway, they all seem pretty snobbish, but they ARE better than the rest
of you. So, show them some respect, as the majority of you have no future...
Chiyo-chan, of course, excluded." Yukari motioned for the plethora of students
to enter the class room.
"Oi, new students," Yukari exclaimed, "wear tags or something, I don't want
to have to remember all of your names."
Sachiko's indigation overwhelmed her. Yumi, frightened by the gruffness of
public school, stood close to her Onee-sama. Yumi whispered to Sachiko, "Is
this what public school is like?"
Youko stood in front of the group of Lillian students and spoke on their
behalf, "We thank you for warmly accepting us into your student body. We shall
do our best to integrate smoothly during our stay, and appreciate your
understanding."
"You see," Yukari stood and clapped, "This is an elegant air. She and her
kind will end up owning all of you; Driving expensive foreign cars, living in
giant mansions, having genius children like Chiyo-chan..." Yukari's eyes
narrowed as she spoke further, "You bunch of over privileged brats, shut up and
sit down!"
Sei looked over her shoulder to find a rather large breasted girl standing
just behind she and Sachiko. The girl stared at Sachiko longingly, her
enormous, oddly shaped hat shaded her features.
Shimako whispered to Sei, having caught the direction of her gaze, "I don't
remember that strange girl going to Lillian... or her friend."
"Mmm," Sei nodded in response.
Yumi walked towards the teacher, and asked timidly, "Tanizaki-sensei,"
Tomo jumped from her seat and pointed at Yumi, "Yukari-chan!"
"Pardon me?" Yumi replied.
"There is no Tanizaki-sensei! There is only Yukari-chan."
"Shut up, Tomo-chan." Yukari shouted. "She's being respectful!"
"But Yukari-chan doesn't deserve respect!" Tomo exclaimed, a giant,
self-satisfied smile upon her face.
Yukari's eyes turned to triangles of rage as she stormed after Tomo, a
rolled textbook in hand, prepared to beat some sense into the girl.
"This is so nostalgic!" Tomo yelled.
"You don't get beaten nearly enough," Yomi stated in a monotone voice.
Rosa Foetida found herself drawn to Ririsu, and began to play with the
dangling tip of her hat. Her eyes glimmered with unrestrained curiosity, "You
are so unusual."
"Oi, Hatsuki-chan," Ririsu clung to Hatsuki's side adoringly, "protect me."
Hatsuki ignored Ririsu, mumbling something about finding Hatsumi.
Ken-chan buzzed around Eriko, "Hey, I am unusual! Play with me!"
Just then, a tall, queer man appeared from no where dressed as a canary and
wearing a large witch-hat similar to Ririsu's, "I am even more unusual! Play
with me! All of you! Play with me!"
"Oi, you aren't unusual," Sei declared, "You are disturbing."
Kaorin's face paled at the sight of Kimura-sensei, "You have no idea."
Kagura slapped Kaorin in the back and laughed, "Yeah, try being his
favourite! Ne, Kaorin?"
"Where did you come from?" Kaorin asked.
"I dunno, the same place you did, I had to get into this chapter somehow."
Kagura responded.
"What about me?" Rei asked.
"Yeah!" Yoshino interjected, "Rei hasn't even been mentioned yet!" she
complained.
"Neither had I!" Kagura hollared.
"Ah," Ririsu exclaimed, as though she had come to a great resolution, "I
see the problem is that there are too many of you to keep track." Ririsu pulled
out a large revolver from her hat, "We can fix that."
Kagura sat wide eyed, "You are even more violent than Yukari, ara, you
know..." Kagura slowly headed for the door, "I don't need to be in this chapter
that badly."
"I didn't think you did," Ririsu smiled smugly.
Osaka leaned in towards a slightly frightened and confused Chiyo, "Things
are going to get more interesting than usual."
"Hai." Chiyo responded, in a voice filled with dread.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
The insanity continues even further (or something)...
Chapter 3
[Author's notes: and even more absurdity...]
"Tall, Dark, and Bishoujo..."
Written by Monikku
Inspired by A Whole Mess O' People
The third continuation...
The Lillian girls had finally settled in and found places to sit within the
class. Though they were unable to find seats together, they had felt much
relief to no longer be standing at the forefront, a spectacle for all eyes to
see.
Sachiko gave a long suffering sigh over the current situation. Usually, she
did her best to fit in and gain the respect and friendship of her peers.
However, she honestly wondered if this group was worth assimilating with at
all.
Sei surveyed the classroom, studying her new classmates. There were two
tall, quiet girls that looked just like Sachiko, she wondered if they had
similar personalities as well.
Yukari, having declared study hall, was blissfully napping at her desk.
OCcasionally, she would mumble something about sake and korean barbeque. Her
mumblings made Rei think of a recipe she had been longing to try. Perhaps this
school would be an excellent platform for Rei to let her more feminine side
emerge.
"No, don't do that. I've read this book in the past," Ken was rudely
interrupted.
"I don't recall you doing much reading," Ririsu accused.
Ken grumbled and continued on, "The fangirls like a strong Rei!"
Yoshino jumped to Rei's defense, whispering as loudly as possible for
study-hall, "Rei can be strong and feminine at once! She is dynamic!"
"Don't ruin it for everyone else, kid" Ken declared. "Nobody wants the
shounen bishoujo to go pansy. Haven't you seen Utena? Stop being so selfish,
Rei has to think of her fans!"
Yoshino seemed furious with the words of the canary. Rei had no obligation
to anyone but herself, Yoshino had tried so hard to make Rei understand that.
"Hit him," Ririsu whispered to Yoshino, forcing upon Yoshino a hand fan
with which to perform the act.
"Oi, whose side are you on?!" Ken yelled, grabbing the attention of the
entire class.
"The side which causes you the most suffering!" Ririsu yelled.
Tears rolled from Ken's eyes, "You say that so bluntly!"
Yomi immediately came to the side of Ririsu, exclaming to Yoshino that she
should hit Ken.
"Hey, who the hell are you?! Don't get so familiar with us!" Ken exclaimed
Ririsu spoke on Yomi's behalf, "I like her, she talks sense."
Ken had an expression of shock and anger, "Traitor!" He yelled to Ririsu.
Just then, the students heard a loud explosion on the first floor of the
school.
"What the hell was that?" Tomo exclaimed.
"This school is so rowdy." Sei declared, "I think I'm going to like it
here."
The Azumanga girls leapt to the windows to see what was going on, the
Lillian following suit at a much more graceful pace.
What they saw astonished them... a long haired girl ran into the school,
she looked like a normal student. "She caused the explosion?"
Kaorin once again had hearts in her eyes, "A fourth." she mumbled to
herself.
All of the girls ran downstairs attempting to find the girl and the source
of the ruckus. "Hatsumi!" Hatsuki yelled.
As they reached the bottom floor, what they saw astonished them. A girl
dressed in miko's clothes was slowly being engulfed by light, as the light grew
brighter, her clothes stripped away.
Kimura, who appeared seemingly from no where, sobbed thankfully. Ken-chen
flew next to him, sobbing along with him.
The girl began prattling on some speech, "Did she say she would punish us?"
Osaka asked to her blockhead mates.
Kagura and Tomo commented idly on the girls transformation. "That was
pretty cool," Kagura declared, "But I've seen cooler." Tomo nodded in
agreement.
As the girl's transformation was complete, she stood firm, and met the gaze
of over a dozen female students ogling her. Kagura and Tomo both held up their
respective score cards.
Kagura yelled, "I give that transformation a 5. It was a great attempt, but
generic and poorly inspired."
Tomo yelled, "I give it a six. I basically agree with Kagura, but there was
nudity, and on behalf of impending fanboys everywhere, I give you the extra
point."
Ken and Kimura nodded gratefully.
Sailor Mars felt indignant, "You people should get to somewhere safe, there
is a youma loose in your school!"
"Youma?" Osaka asked quizically. "Which kind? There are many you know."
"Do you people not fear for your safety?!" Mars yelled.
Ken flew over to Mars and began to rub himself against her leg, breathing
in her scent.
"What the hell?!" Mars pushed the canary off of her.
Kaorin, suddenly filled with, uh, we'll call it fear... yeah... fear...
flung herself on Sailor Mars. "Save me!" She stared up at the raven haired
beauty, her eyes twinkling with admiration.
Ririsu ran up to, and pushed Kaorin off of Mars, "No! Save me!" she then
smothered Mars between her breasts. Kaorin, becoming an image of fury, pushed
Ririsu from Mars. They began to squabble in the corner.
Hatsuki, who had surveyed the situation, left as she realised Hatsumi would
not be found.
Mars approached Sakaki, who had been quiet and stoic during the entire
exchange, "Please, convince your friends to leave at once!"
As Mars spoke, Luna bounded through the doors of the school, she spoke to
Mars before she realised there were civilians to witness her abilities.
"Mars! Did you find the youma?!"
Sakaki blushed, bypassing Mars and attempting to pet Luna.
"Shimatta!" Luna whispered to herself of frustration.
Mars, growing exasperated, threw her hands in the air, "Do none of you
worry for your safety?!"
Sei, seeking a golden opportunity, sashayed her way to Mars, "Don't become
so irritated, 'nee-chan, you'll put wrinkles on your beautiful face." she said
as she caressed Mars' cheek.
"I worry for my safety!" Yumi yelled to the super-hero. "I worry for mine
as well," Chiyo shouted while clinging to Yumi.
Osaka mused to no one in particular, "Perhaps it's an Oni, although, that
would be really scary. Yukari would have to worry for her soul. Maybe a
Sarumawashi, those are kinda cute."
Sei, becoming more bold, ran a finger through Mars' hair, "Come on,
koneko-chan, why don't you come play with us a little while?"
"You know what?!" Rei stomped, batting Sei's hand out of her hair, "Screw
all of you! You deserve youma!"
Rei stomped out of the school in a huff, Luna following closely behind. "I
never thought I'd wish suffering upon anyone, but you're right, Mars-chan.
These girls are hopeless."
Meanwhile, upstairs, a young sensei sleeps soundly.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
The insanity continuously... er... continues... yeah...
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