Story: The Tide (all chapters)

Author's Notes: I do not own the characters within this story.

This is a Shizuru x Natsuki story told from the perspective of Shizuru.

This is, possibly, a prologue. I have not decided yet whether or not to continue it.
Please leave reviews and let me know what you think! All criticisms are welcomed and
encouraged. ^_^

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"I'm a fountain of blood
In the shape of a girl
You're the bird on the brim
Hypnotised by the Whirl

Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream"

"The Tide"
By Monikku

With persons my age there is an innocence, a wayward grasping, a flumbling; there is a
sweet youthful ignorance. The halls I traverse, the eyes that glimmer about me, it is all
but a prismatic tomb. Their hearts bloom vivacious as flowers borne of spring, bright and
full, yet so very delicate.

Flowers. I met her amongst a field of blooming flowers, and she scorned their beauty as
I sometimes jealously scorned those refracting, bursting eyes. I felt magnetised and drawn
to her. Her eyes, they were so very different.

I often find myself speaking hollow, plain platitudes, filling spaces; desperate gaping
voids with my peers. It is all so impersonal, passionless, like a random generic fortune.

I stood before her, captivated by the depth of her eyes. Those orbs of hers did not
shine, shimmer, or shake with exuberance and uncertainty. No, her eyes only bled as if
connected directly to her broken heart. My heart, along with her own, tore its immaturely
sutured stitches... and dripped crimson for the first time in years. The ferociously
guarded vulnerability I saw within her, conjured my painfully, prematurely adult heart to
feel.

I needed to hold her. I needed to feel her arms around me. I needed for us to bleed
together, to aborb that blood, to feel, for once, not entirely isolated. I needed that
girl.

I betray myself within every moment I share in her presence; with every stolen glance,
with all the throbbings of my heart, I have done so since the day I met her. I spoke to her
that day, as I do, in riddles, in half truths. I wear my mask well.

Natsuki. If I could pick a flower for each character of her beauty, the world would
fill generously with luscious petals. The world would fill so easily with my unnatural
desire. My eyes do not shine, for they are sodden with the filth of my longing.

All my life I had known I was different, but it took Natsuki to turn amorhpous ideas
and emotions into tanigilibity. She was both an angel and demon in my heart. She brought my
heart to beat and in that life was profound torment.

I have been a plague, a disease of molestation and murder, all on her behalf, I told
myself. Oh, it was all for her. She has insisted my mind was twisted by the HiME festival,
and I've nodded, always, holding back my tears. She is so sympathic, she is so forgiving.
It is a gift few people know she has to share, that her heart is truly hopelessly filled with love.

A twisted vision of an already distorted love, it seems so bitterly comical. Secretly,
I long to die, but for Natsuki, I will live.

Bachelorette

I'm a fountain of blood
In the shape of a girl
You're the bird on the brim
Hypnotised by the Whirl

Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

Leave me now, return tonight
Tide will show you the way
If you forget my name
You will go astray
Like a killer whale
Trapped in a bay

I'm a path of cinders
Burning under your feet
You're the one who walks me
I'm your one way street

I'm a whisper in water
Secret for you to hear
You are the one who grows distant
When I beckon you near

Leave me now, return tonight
The tide will show you the way
If you forget my name
You will go astray
Like a killer whale
Trapped in a bay

I'm a tree that grows hearts
One for each that you take
You're the intruder hand
I'm the branch that you break

(Bjork)

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Hope you enjoyed it!

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody.

The Tide,
By Monikku

Chapter One;

The sun feels warm on my face. My heart is beating urgently in my chest, a nagging
reminder that I am alive. Sometimes, when I am alone, I become flushed with an over
abundance of thoughts, detached from memories. My death feels more a philosophical
notion at times, than an occurrence. I think I've become an existentialist in my new
life. Or perhaps existence has undeniably penetrated the numb indifference. Perhaps
such lofty ideals are merely penance for a past filled with ire and unaccountable reckoning.

I am not sure what to do with myself anymore. Nightmares pervade my sleep,
as I get less and less. I am comingto find being the admirably perfect student body
president a loathsome burden, and am relieved to know I'll graduatesoon. I won't have
to rely on a flawlessly honed smile. It took me years of practice to get that smile
right, for it to"reach my eyes," as people say. Squinting your eyes, ever so slightly
while smiling indicates enthusiasm and sincerity. Unfortunately, it also creates crow’s
feet, but I have creams and moisturizers for that.

When we all mysteriously poofed back into existence, everyone seemed so happy. They
were grateful to be alive. They were grateful to have one another. But how long could that
really have lasted before old feelings re-emerged? Natsuki and I rarely speak of the HiME
festival, of my unconscionable actions. She needs to believe that I could never do something
like that. I do, too. Quite desperately, I need to believe I couldn't possibly be a beast,
ruthlessly spreading despair. I don't know how much longer I can prevaricate with myself. I
am a wielder of the scythe; I reap the grass of its green, and strip the earth bare.

I robbed the person I loved most of her choice, of her chastity, of her trust, and her
dignity. For what? Desire? Need? Love? Obsession? Maybe Natsuki grants me these vices. Maybe
she believes the HiME star took these emotions and twisted them into something ghastly.
Insecurity. Shame. Rage. Desire. Need. Love. Obsession. If I were to prioritise these words,
what would their sequence be? Would their rank and importance be indicative of my level of
self-responsibility for rape and murder? How shall I quantify my sins? By what right do I
deserve unquestionable absolution?

In my dreams, I beg Natsuki on hands and knees to rip my heart out with her bare hands. I
sob and splutter and plead,but instead she disrobes and kisses me fully, passionately. For
some reason, ripping out my heart feels the greater mercy.
Guilt.

I sigh deeply, with closed eyes, at this thought, and stretch out lithely on the wooden
bench. My greatest retribution may be having to live with myself. Heh, my life feels like
a penalty game gone terribly wrong.

I sense someone walking towards me, but do not move from my resting position. How very
uncharacteristic of me to lean back on a bench, my head resting, exposing the delicate
neck of a proper young Fujino woman. Am I best characterised by being a wealthy Fujino?
Being a traditional young lady from Kyoto? Being an impeccable student? Which is more
laughable today?

Natsuki sits next to me and says nothing. I could tell it was her even without seeing,
be it the measure of her steps or the smell of her hair. She is instantly recognisable even
to a blind woman.

I raise my head and stare at her out of the corners of my eyes, "How is Natsuki this afternoon?"

She sighs and rests her back against the bench, "Irritated and restless."

I smirk at her, "Mah, I don't think I've ever seen Natsuki so forthright."

She stares at me pointedly. As the days pass, she is becoming harder and harder to read,
and that makes me uncomfortable. I give up the game, "Why do you feel so irritated and restless?"

She sighs again, "I don't know."

We sit in silence. These silences used to be dedicated to expectant glances, for I held
all of the answers. I know nothing, however, and I think she has come to realise that. If not
already, she is slowly learning. I don't know what my role should be anymore. I do not know
who I am anymore. I want desperately to grab her and ask her who she wants for me to be. What
persona should I create and affix to myself now? What would make her most comfortable? Lately,
she seems so distant. How long can we keep torturing each other by staying friends?

I long to cry. I haven't since Natsuki kissed me at the conclusion to our chapter of
the HiME Festival. It's so hard to believe that it has been two months since then. I say as
much, "It has been two months. The world has felt so awkward to me since then."

"I don't want to talk about it, Shizuru." she replies, crossing her arms protectively
over her chest. She strikes such a petulant and cute picture when she does that.

"Whether or not Natsuki wishes to talk about it won't change what happened." I stand
up and begin to walk away without looking back, "I have to get to class."

to be continued...

Author's notes:

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2