Author's notes: Sailormoon and characters within said series are the possession of,
erm, other people. Yes, OTHER PEOPLE, not me. *nods*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lessons in Humanity
by Monikku
The ruckus of a void overfilled, you are a path to nothingness and a route to chaos.
We are scavengers pounding against your ribs, yearning for release, do you feel the
wealth of us all? I am meant to guide you, such irony, through destruction is your
divinity.
Death and Rebirth.
There are times I see through your eyes and feel your hurt. These are the times I
wonder what it is worth to be alive. I was created solely for undoing; ruination. I wipe the
canvas clean in order for life to be created anew. I see only fear, only tattered faces
crumbling into nonexistence. I have never felt pain, merely stared into its eyes
apathetically.
I am alive within you, Hotaru. Do you feel me? Always, I feel you. Always, I feel your
hopes and your dreams, your fears and the torment of your sacrifices. I feel the
suffering I cause you. Your sorrow is unbearable to me, how can I understand such a
thing? My powers cause you to hate yourself, the powers bestowed upon you from my
mere existence within you. You hate me. You've cried yourself to sleep begging to be
normal, begging to be rid of me. Me.
What do I do with this ache? I am unaccustomed to it. I feel your misery, I bear your
burdens as deeply as you bear my own, and I hate it. If to be alive means to be feared,
if to be alive means to be misunderstood, if to be alive means only to lose those you
love... If to be alive within you, my precious little Hotaru, means to have the only one I
have ever known in my multimillenia of existence... hate me... I prefer to stay forever in
slumber. I prefer never to know pain, how can I ever look into its eyes the same way
again?
I see you, Hotaru. In a world where none understand, I see you. There are so many
struggles for you ahead, and all of it is my fault. All of it. Do you feel that now? The way
I feel you, can you feel the agony it causes me to acknowledge such a thing? To
acknowledge that the one I have grown to care for, to love even, is the one I will hurt the
most?
Is it shocking? Even the goddess of death can love.
You appreciate my fears well, you have them of yourself for another. You will never
cause her suffering, my precious child. You will love her, and you will protect her, much
the way I will for you. It is more than your duty, it is what is within your heart.
She will understand us. She will understand you.
Thank you, Hotaru. For all that I have experienced with you, for all that I have
learned, for all that I will learn, thank you. You have given me the richness of the
comprehension of what it truly means to exist, and though I am nothing more than a
dream within a dream, I will cherish it. I will cherish you.
Fin.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah, I'd been thinking of doing a Saturn within Hotaru/Saturn having romantic feelings
for Hotaru fic for a while. The song "Little Sister" by Siouxsie and the Banshees finally
kick started this stream of consciousness fic. The song is much goodness, I suggest
you listen to it now. NOW!!
Yes, this fic seems pretty hollow, I admit. It needs much more fleshing out, but the
bare bones of it is here for all to see. I'm off to go rest in mononucleosis induced
delirium now. Buh-bye.
Deviant Hearts Archive | Back to main index