Bound (part 4 of 8)

a Xenosaga fanfiction by cbman

Back to Part 3
Author's Note: Hey everybody, thanks for reading this new chapter of 
"Bound."  Anyway, Shion's brother, Jin, finally makes an appearance in 
this chapter.  There wasn't anything to edit in this chapter, so both 
the ff.net and shoujo-ai.com versions of this chapter are exactly the 
same.  Oh, and one more thing, if I get at least 25 positive reviews 
once this story's done, I'll create one more fic for Xenosaga titled 
"Mother" (I'll include the reviews I get via e-mail too, so the ones at
ff.net aren't the only ones that count).  I'll give a few details about
it later, but for now, let's get back to "Bound," but just a little 
warning first, this chapter is slow, and I mean slow, so bear with it 
since it's necessary to understand the plot later on.  I swear, the 
next chapter will be so much better than this one.

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Black, the never-ending shadow, it still looms before my vision.  I 
don't know how long I've been staring into this eternal abyss, not that
it matters.  The Archetype, I swear I can still hear her, feel her, 
taste her.  Oh God, why must my thoughts continue to replay the scene 
again and again.  She was so rough, so sadistic, mocking my very 
existence as she ravished me.  She did such a cruel thing to me in the 
act of pleasure, yet she claimed that she felt nothing.  I know that 
she will try the same actions again, try again and again until she's 
satisfied.  Dirty, I feel so dirty because of what she did...
     
"KOS-MOS...," a voice I heard not too long ago begins to echo in my 
ear.  "KOS-MOS..."
     
The darkness begins to peel away from my eyes, replacing the background
with a shade of white.  Objects begin taking shape within the blank 
scenery, forming into buildings, plants, and other forms of 
civilization.  Various colors begin to paint the bare canvas, and soon 
I find myself in what looks like a city, in the center of a park to be 
exact.  I begin to survey the surrounding area so that I could get an 
idea of my current location but my eyes linger toward my hands instead.
The clothing I'm wearing, it's not what I was wearing back there, and 
my skin, why is most of it bared.  My eyes are covered by some sort of 
metallic device as well, one not too different from the one I wore 
before I was activated, but this one I'm currently wearing only seems 
to cover my eyes and is separate from my visor.  My visor, how is this 
possible, it was blown off when I saved the Elsa, how...?
     
"KOS-MOS," my name is called once more, breaking my concentration on 
myself.
     
I turn around to find what is a playground, with swings and slides 
planted atop a pit of sand.  The playground is empty, however, or so I 
think at first until I find an individual sitting on the edge of the 
slide.  Navy blue hair and the uniform of Vector, it is that same man 
that Shion was speaking with before the Archetype appeared.  The man 
begins to push himself to his feet and begins to approach me with a 
smile plastered over his face.  I do not feel scared for some reason as
he approaches me, instead, I feel relaxed.  This man, the more I look 
at him, the more I feel as if I've known him from before, a long time 
ago.
     
"Hello Kevin," I suddenly speak.
     
Kevin, that was the name of Shion's fiance‚ who died two years ago 
during the incident with the first archetype.  What is he doing here 
and why does he act so friendly toward me?
     
"I'm sorry to have woken you up," he apologizes.
     
"It is understandable," I tell him, again without my input.  "Do you 
wish to do more battle simulations?"
     
"No, that's not why I woke you up," he answers, "rather, I have a more 
important reason for doing so."
     
This world I'm in, I finally realize that this is an Encephalon, but 
it's not my Encephalon, or is it?  This scenery, it looks so... 
familiar...
     
"May I ask what reason you have for awakening me then?" my voice speaks
again.
     
"In a few months we're going to have to wake you up in the real world,"
he informs me.  "When you awaken, it may be a time of much bloodshed, 
however...," he begins to pause.
     
"However, sir?"
     
"They say that soldiers are merely machines of war," he continues, "and
KOS-MOS, I know you're a machine, but Shion and I don't want you to be 
just another mechanical device."
     
"What do you mean, Kevin?" my voice asks.
     
"Well, KOS-MOS, to tell you the truth, I see you as more than just 
another robot, more like... I'm not sure how to phrase this...," his 
words begin to fumble.
     
"I must apologize, the algorithms I have been programmed cannot begin 
to comprehend your illogical human thought," I inform the man.
     
"You see, KOS-MOS, that's the thing," Kevin interrupts.  "I don't just 
want you to think of numbers and things like that, I want you to think 
about other people's feelings, their experiences, things like that."
     
"And how am I to do so?"
     
"Well, like what any loving parent would do for their child, I will 
teach you."
     
"I appreciate your offer, sir."
     
The scenery begins to peel away from my eyes after I say those words.  
The trees, the buildings, even Kevin, everything strips itself from my 
sight.  I am left with nothing but the color white this time but even 
that shortly fades.  A mere second passes and another scene begins to
appear.  Again, everything is colored in blank, but upon closer 
inspection, I find a small bump.  More bumps begin to appear and my 
eyes begin to focus.
     
"Uh...?" my arm finally begins to move with my own free will.
     
The feel of cotton lies on top of my body in the form of a blanket as I
lie on what seems to be a bed.  The sound of chirping begins to enter 
my ears and a light begins to enter my vision from an angle.  My body 
feels heavy but I am somehow able to push the top half of my body 
upward.  My eyes then linger to my hands and the sheets covering me.  
My body begins to grow light again and I am able to move my arms more 
easily now.  For some reason though, the pain is gone; not a single 
part of my body feels numb.  I bring arms to chest for a moment, 
slightly pushing my fingers against its skin, inspecting every inch of 
the milk-colored hue.  I look underneath the covers to observe my 
abdomen and legs to find not a scratch nor cut.  There are no injuries
whatsoever on my body, nor are there any signs that there were.  The 
situation makes no sense, I swear I felt the Archetype doing all those 
things to me and...
     
Something's wrong!  My scanners don't seem to be working, my eyes can't
even magnify anything, and I can't even get my basic statistics screen 
to appear.  I can't seem to look into my OS as I usually could, nothing
seems to be working properly.  I shouldn't even be conscious either, my
energy reserves should've ran out shortly after I jumped off the Elsa. 
Why am I still functioning despite all these errors?
     
Before I could ponder on this any further, I begin to survey my 
surroundings once more but staying in the safety of my bed as I do so.
I look in front of me to find a desk cluttered with various electronic 
items such as a simple stereo system and a small electric fan.  To the 
left of the stereo is a small CD rack with seven discs laid out on the 
top and fourteen cases in the rack itself.  A small mirror rests next 
to the fan and several hair ornaments lie at its base.  A few inches 
above the desk is a window that has a few flowers planted on its bay, 
mostly sunflowers and a single bellflower in the center.  I turn to my 
left to find another shelf next to the bed that has only a lamp on its 
surface.  On the right side of the room is what appears to be a closet 
which has several plush toys in front of it in the forms of bears and 
the U.M.N. rabbit.  The inside of the closet has numerous shirts and 
dresses within, some rather gaudy and others well sewn.  Two chests 
line the floor of the closet with some socks and gloves sticking out of
the gap of the cover.
     
"Where am I?" I ask myself after surveying the area.
     
The rapping against wood follows after my question as it echoes from 
the very left side of the room where the exit lays.  The door begins to
swing open and I bring the bed's sheets closer toward my body.  On the 
other side of the device is a man I had never seen before, carrying a 
tray with a bowl of some sort of steaming liquid.
     
"Oh, you're awake I see," the man gently smiles as he begins to 
approach me.
     
I begin to lower my guard as he sets the tray of soup next to me and I 
begin to observe him closer.  His long hair is dark, as black as ash, 
and he ties most of it back, although some hangs in front of his face 
which can cover his cheeks.  His eyes are somewhat narrow, but the 
pupils within have a sky blue hue.  The outline of his face is neither 
sharp or round, nor are there any wrinkles on it.  His lips are 
somewhat chapped, and the palms of his hands blistered, I can guess 
that the man must've been working on something outside beforehand.  He 
wears a strange uniform, similar to a black bath robe, but the material
is much thicker and the sleeves are rather baggy and sagging.
     
"How are you feeling?" he asks again.
     
I decide not to answer, instead turning my head away from him. I choose
to keep silent so I can observe the individual further.  I wait for him
to say something again so that I can listen for any malice or hostility
in his voice.
     
"...all right, maybe it's not the appropriate time to ask that," he 
speaks once more.
     
His voice is gentle and soothing.  He sounds rather wise for a man his 
age, although there is a feel of mischief behind it, kind of like a 
child's voice.  I feel more relaxed in his presence for some reason.  
His aura is similar to Shion's, but it's a little different.
     
"I found you last night at the beach," the man informs me, "you were 
soaking wet and unconscious, I'm glad to see that you're okay now."
     
"...where are my clothes?" I decide to finally speak.
     
"Oh, your dress, it's drying outside right now," the man answers, "it 
should be dried now, but in the meantime, I guess you can borrow some 
of my sister's clothes, she hasn't come home in a while so I don't 
think there will be any problems."
     
"Why's that?" I ask.  "Did your sister go on a trip?"
     
"No," he answers.  "She actually got a big job somewhere and moved to 
her new occupation's living quarters.  She was actually supposed to 
come home when she got some time off, but I haven't gotten word from 
her in a while."
     
"I see."
     
"By the way, my name is Jin," the man introduces himself, "Jin Uzuki.  
May I ask yours?"
     
Uzuki?!  The same family name as Shion?!  Could this man be the brother
she spoke of numerous times during our trip here?
     
"You're Shion's older brother?" I ask calmly.
     
"You know my sister?!" the man says shocked.  "Tell me, Miss, do you 
know what happened to her?!  I've been worried sick ever since I heard 
the ship she was on was attacked by the Gnosis and..."
     
"Your sister is fine," I assure him.  "She and one of her co-workers 
were able to escape thanks to a passing cargo vessel.  That vessel has 
just recently arrived on this planet, so do not worry, you will see 
your sister soon."
     
"Well that's a relief," Jin sighs.  "So then, can I ask you your name 
now?"
     
"I am an anti-Gnosis weapon," I introduce myself, "serial number 
00-00-00-1.  Development name, KP-X, abbreviated name, KOS-MOS."
     
As soon as I introduce myself, Jin bursts into laughter.  I sit there 
patiently as I wait for his chuckling to subside, but as soon as his 
cries begin to die down, his laughs grow louder than they were before.
After what seems like an eternity of listening to the imitation hyena 
cries, the laughing comes to a stop.
     
"That was great," he says as he gets the remaining chuckles out of his 
system.  "But seriously, what's your name?" he asks again.
     
"I just told you," I answer, "I am an anti..."
     
"It's okay," Jin interrupts, "we just met and you're probably not 
comfortable giving me your real name, right?"
     
"But I..." I try to explain.
     
"Okay then, I'll just call you 'KOS-MOS' then, or would you prefer 
'KP-X?'" he says with a slight hint of laughter in his voice.
     
"I was not jesting," I inform Jin, "Shion named me 'KOS-MOS.'"
     
"Shion named you?" he asks with a hint of interest in his voice.  "May 
I ask what exactly is your relationship with my sister?"
     
Should I tell him about our relationship?  Shion said she wanted to 
gradually introduce it to the others the day after we admitted our true
feelings for one another, but then again, I told the young realian back
on the Elsa the truth behind Shion's and my relationship, so I guess 
it's okay seeing how this young man is her older brother.
     
"Shion made me," I answer.  "She programmed me and taught me many 
things."
     
"Excuse me?" Jin asks again, his face looking somewhat puzzled.
     
"She is my lover," I continue, "without her guidance and patience, I 
would probably not be who I am today."
     
"I see...," Jin says somewhat uneasily.  "Well, I have some errands to 
run, so go ahead and the soup I gave you," his smile returns once more.
"It's not that great, but you have to keep your health up, right?  Oh, 
and feel free to take a shower, the bathroom's at the end of the 
hallway on the right side.  You can watch some TV too if you want 
downstairs, but be careful of the mess."
     
"I appreciate your offer, but I never needed food to refill my energy 
reserves," I inform him.
     
Just as I say those words, a small grumble escapes my stomach and a 
dull feeling crawls up my abdomen.  The very sound of the grumble 
allows another burst of laughter to escape Jin's throat, but this time,
his cries come to close much sooner.
     
"You're hilarious, Miss KOS-MOS," he says as he catches his breath.
     
"But Shion never gave me food or drinks before," I explain, "she said I
didn't need anything like that when she programmed me."
     
"Um... all right...," Jin says with a puzzled look on his face, "but 
you should probably eat it if you want that grumbling in your stomach 
to stop.  Well then, I'll be going now."
     
Jin begins to leave the room at that moment and I believe I could hear 
a few more words faintly escaping his mouth in a rather serious tone.
     
"Poor girl," I barely hear him speak, "she hasn't had any food or 
anything since she met Shion.  I wonder what my sister did to her 
exactly to make her like this."
     
"Excuse me?" I decide to interrupt him before he leaves the door.
     
"It's nothing," he assures me.  "See you later," he says before he 
exits the room.
     
I wait for a moment before I get out of bed, waiting for Jin to leave 
the house.  I begin to inspect the rest of my body now, and again, 
there is nothing but the color white on my skin.  There really are no 
signs of any scratches or cuts anywhere on my body.  My gaze then turns
to the mirror across from me so that I may inspect my own face of any 
blemishes.  Again, there are none, although something is odd.  My eyes,
they're no longer their normal crimson shade but a sky blue hue.  I 
decide to simply ignore the new color, it's probably just a side effect
of not being able to access my usual functions.  I should probably have
Shion check up on me when she arrives.  Wait, I can't do that, what if 
I were to attack Shion and the others again?  I can't allow her to find
me, and this is just the perfect place for her to do so.  The Archetype
would take over my body again and then...  No, the Archetype probably 
doesn't exist, she must be a figment of my malfunctioning, why else 
don't I have any scars or blemishes on my body.  Still, I can't help 
but worry about what would happen if I were to see Shion again.
     
My stomach begins to grumble once more and the pain that followed it 
before crunches against my stomach again.  I look to the tray set next 
to my bed once again and take the utensil swimming inside the bowl into
my hand.  The liquid inside is a translucent shade of red which has
several types of vegetables swimming within its barriers, along with a 
few pieces of beef.  I dip the spoon into the liquid for a moment, 
allowing a small pool to collect within the dip of the mechanism and 
then bringing it to my mouth afterward.  The liquid burns my tongue for
a mere second but allow it to slip into my throat.  I was unable to get
a full taste of the soup, but it was rather bitter from what I could 
fathom.  Regardless, it helped ease the grumbling in my stomach so I 
took another spoonful into my mouth, followed by a third.  I continue 
to drink the soup until all the liquid is gone from the dish which is 
when the grumbling and pain finally subside.  With my meal now 
finished, a small gust of air escapes my mouth with the aroma of the 
meal I had just consumed.
     
"Excuse me," I say as I bring my fingers toward my lips.
     
The situation doesn't make any sense, I never had my abdomen grumble 
nor feel pain for no reason before, so why did I just feel it a while 
ago?  And food, I never needed such a thing before, yet it was what 
eased what I think was hunger.  This doesn't make sense, perhaps I 
should take up Jin's offer to take a shower, Shion always said that 
helped her clear her head.
     
I begin to search through some of the drawers for some clothing, 
finding several articles that would probably fit me best: a pair of 
denim blue jeans that seem to hug my hips and a brown leather belt with
a brass buckle to go with it to prevent the pants from falling to the 
floor, a dull yellow t-shirt that's cut a little above the belly, a 
pair of socks, and some undergarments.
     
After getting a uniform ready, I leave the room and begin to walk down 
the right side of the hall.  Numerous paintings are found along the 
hallway's walls, but I take little time to look at them.  There is 
another door that is somewhat across from Shion's room, it's about 
five steps away.  I take a small peek inside the door's crease to find 
a rather messy version of Shion's room with numerous pieces of clothing
and papers strewn across the floor and shelves.  Scrolls written in 
Japanese kanji are also hung on the dulled walls along with what looks 
like a sword.  Numerous scratches and cuts have been randomly slashed 
on the walls, all of them seem to have been accidental.  The bed hasn't
been made either; the sheets hang off one side of the bed unevenly.  
The aroma of human sweat is also abundant within so I close the door so
that I may prevent the smell from reaching my nose any further.
     
"That's probably Jin's room," I conclude.
     
With a shrug I continue on my way to the bathroom.  The room is small, 
there's only enough space to hold the bathtub, toilet, and a counter 
with a sink.  The aroma of bellflowers is very apparent in the room; 
the smell seems to be coming from an air-freshening device plugged
into a power outlet on the right side of the counter.  With a sigh, I 
place my clothes on the left side of the sink and step into the tub, 
pulling the curtain so that hides my body from the outside.  I'm 
surprised to find very little calcium or rust within the tiles in the 
bath tub, nor are there any water stains on the showerhead itself.  I 
begin to turn the knobs of the water and my head is greeted with a cold
splash.  I wince my body away for a moment and begin to turn the knob 
to the left of it allowing the water to grow warmer.  Steam begins to 
emit with the flow of the shower and I begin to settle in the falls.  
My muscles begin to relax with every drop that touches my skin as I 
indulge in the warmth of the bath.  My fingers begin to run through my 
cerulean hair so that my scalp can experience the shower and my body 
begins to settle even more.
     
"You shouldn't push yourself too hard, KOS-MOS," I recall my lover 
saying once.
     
"If I had not pushed myself as hard as I did back there, there would 
have been a 45.999999% that...," I tried to respond only to be silenced
with the push of Shion's finger against my lips.
     
"You don't have to speak right now," Shion told me, "baths are supposed
to be times when you can unwind.  Can you turn around, please?"
     
"I do not understand," I remembering responding as I turned my head 
back to the front, "is this another emotion humans go through?"
     
"Something like that," she answered as she brushed the sponge against 
my shoulder. 

"Raise your arm, please," she ordered.
     
The brush of the sponge made my body inch forward a little but drew me 
back with a small tug.  Every inch she scrubbed always made my body 
jerk a little, but not once did it ever make me wince in pain.  It was 
very comfortable actually, even though it was not her actual hands that
were touching me.  I noticed that after every fifth or sixth scrub, she
would always place the device into the pool, her hand squeezing the 
excess water as soon as she took it out.  Shion would then go right 
back to work, returning to the spot she last left, but there was 
something else I noticed back then.
     
"Is something the matter?" I would always ask her at this time.
     
"It...it's nothing," she would always respond.
     
That's what she always said whenever she had to clean the front of my 
body.  She would never turn my entire body around, she would always 
have me face forward and would slowly bring the sponge to the front of 
my body, brushing it against my skin a little more roughly.  I didn't 
know the reason why she did this, I simple stared at the tub's pool 
below me and allowed her to do her job.
     
After reminiscing for a mere second, I sigh and close my eyes once 
more.
     
"I still do not understand," my voice suddenly speaks on its own.
     
The scenery before me has changed suddenly as I find myself in a 
strange place.  Numerous vending machines are displayed to the side of 
my current local, but the rest of the scenery seems to be made of oak.
Again, I realize that I am in my Encephalon, but this time it is in the
form of a bathhouse.  My clothing is not my usual attire as well, it is
the same one I was wearing in my previous dream.  Along with the gloves
on my hands, I am holding a bowl-like device with toiletries such as 
shampoo, soap, and a towel and in front of my eyes is the young man I 
had just seen a moment ago in the dream I had not too long ago.
     
"KOS-MOS, you can't go to the same bath as me," Kevin lectures.
     
"I do not understand the situation," I respond.  "Is this another human
emotion?"
     
"Something like that," he answers with his cheeks showing a slight 
shade of red.  "Let's just say in situations like this men stay with 
men while women stay with women."
     
"Why is that?" I ask.
     
"How can I put this...?" the man asks himself.  "I guess the best way
to put it is that most people are more comfortable around people who 
are the same gender as they are."
     
"But I'm already comfortable around you, unless you're not comfortable 
around me."
     
"It's not that, it's just that, well..., it's just a policy everyone 
has to obey."
     
"All right," I nod, "I think I understand the situation now."
     
I open my eyes after that last image and find myself once again in the 
shower of the Uzuki Residence.  The signs of the bathhouse are nowhere 
to be found now, nor is the presence of Kevin.
     
"That man again...," I think to myself.
     
With my bath now I done, I turn the knobs of the bath back to their 
original position and slowly the water is cut off from the showerhead.
I pull the shower curtain back and reach for the towel set on top of 
the sets of clothing I chose.  The towel takes little time in absorbing
every drop of the shower, although my hair is left somewhat damp.  I 
decide not to bother trying to fully dry it off and instead change into
my attire.
     
After getting changed, I decide to head downstairs to watch some TV 
just as Jin suggested.  When I arrive downstairs, I find a very 
familiar scene.  I can barely see the blank-colored floor tiles, the 
entire surface is cluttered with paper.  The surface of shelves, 
counters, tables, and the TV are cluttered with books and other 
stationary items such as pencils and rulers.  Dust has collected on top
of many of these books and cobwebs have found their way to the ceiling 
fan and the walls of the house.  The couch is also cluttered with books
and paper, as well as what looks like cuts made by some sort of blade.
Empty dishes have cluttered the downstairs sink as well as the kitchen 
counter.  The smell of rotting food is also apparent upon stepping
closer to the sink, as well as the sight of ants and other small 
insects.
     
"This is worse than Jin's room," I think to myself.
     
Disgusted by this image, I return to the living room area and push a 
few books off the couch so that I may sit.  I find the TV remote before
my feet on the floor and press the power button as soon as I pick it 
up.  The TV displays the image of a man and woman sitting in what looks
like a restaurant.
     
"If Alex finds out about this, do you know how much trouble we'll be 
in?" the man asks the woman.
     
"He'll never find out," the woman brushes off the man, "my husband is
so busy with work he never has time for me, besides, I only married 
him for the money after all."
     
"That is true," the man on the television agrees.
     
The low-caliber acting of this program makes my eyes heavy.  Soap 
operas, I think that's what Shion called them, I don't see why people 
enjoying watching things like this.  My eyes begin to blink more 
heavily, each blink leaving me in darkness a second longer than the 
last.  My vision continues to switch between the color black and the 
image of the forbidden couple conversing between one another.  I don't 
know how long I begin to doze, but before I know it, I find myself
staring in a similar setting, just that Kevin is the man sitting on one
side of the table and I am the woman on the other.
     
"What are we doing here, Kevin?" my voice asks the man.  "My systems do
not require food for nourishment."
     
"KOS-MOS, eating is only one reason people go to restaurants," Kevin 
explains, "they also go to places such as this to get more acquainted 
with one another."
     
"I see," my body nods without my input, "so then it is also a social 
activity?"
     
"Yeah, that's one way to put it."
     
"Ugh!" I find the image of the television screen before me again.
     
Another system error, the program on the television may have triggered 
something in my OS.  I point the remote to the monitor once more and 
change the channel.  The image of a man dressed entirely in white with 
a strange hat now appears on the television.  He stands in front of a
counter with a slab of meat on it, and behind him are shelves, another 
counter, and a sink.  The screen then switches to a close up of the 
meat and sprinkles of salt and pepper begin to rain on the beef.  I 
begin to lose consciousness once more, and when I open my eyes after my
last blink, the setting has once again changed.
     
"Cooking is another way to start a social activity," the man from my 
previous dreams appears once more.  "You can't always go to a 
restaurant to eat."
     
"Does cooking one's meal yourself make it taste better?" I ask as Kevin
sprinkles some herbs into a tomato sauce.
     
"Something like that," Kevin answers, "actually, cooking can symbolize 
that you're putting your heart and soul into something just to make 
whoever you're serving happy."
     
"...I think I understand."
     
"Again?!" my eyes find themselves looking at the television once more.
     
Without wasting another second, I change the channel once more, this 
time stopping it on some sort of nature show.  The scenery within the 
monitor is that of a beach with waves slowly crashing onto the shore 
and gulls flying over the azure water.  Again I find myself in another
world upon changing the channel with the same man at my side.
     
"Kevin, what is the meaning of this?" my body asks.  "Why are we simply
sitting here in the sand?  Is this another social activity humans do?"
     
"You're catching on, KOS-MOS, I'm glad," Kevin smiles.
     
"I think I'm beginning to understand now," my gaze returns to the 
ocean.
     
"That's good.  When two people simply stand somewhere and admire the 
scenery, it often reflects their deepest thoughts and feelings," he 
lectures.
     
"Thoughts and feelings?" his words leave me puzzled.
     
"Like how one might feel for another person," Kevin explains.  "It 
could be concern or pity, and in some cases, love."
     
"Love?  What is love?"
     
"I'm not sure how to answer that to be honest," Kevin replies with a 
scratch to his head.  "Let's just say it makes you feel things you 
wouldn't normally feel.  Love is a word that doesn't really have a 
definition, KOS-MOS, the only way you'll know what it is is when you 
feel it yourself."
     
"Kevin...," my lips begin to curl.
     
"What..." my finger pushes on the remote once more.
     
"Are you enjoying our time together, KOS-MOS?" his face appears again 
upon changing the channel.
     
"Yes," my voice calls.
     
"is..."
     
"I should give you a name," his voice echoes once more.
     
"My name does not suit me?" my own words respond.
     
"What is..."
     
"No KOS-MOS, that's not what I meant!" his voice yells for once.
     
"You mean you don't...?" my sentence breaks.
     
"Of course not!  You're a machine, and she's real, there's no way you 
and I could possibly..."
     
"So you don't...?  Then what was the point in teaching me all of these 
things?!" my body cries.
     
"I don't even know," he says frustrated, "perhaps it was wrong for me 
to even teach you these things."
     
"WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?!?!?!"
     
I bring my fist against the remote and the television screen goes 
black.  My body lurches forward until my knees catch my fall and my 
palms push against my eyes.  Tears begin to crawl down my cheeks 
suddenly and more whimpers escape my lips.  Pain, that expression I 
never want to feel again, why does it appear once more?  I'm crying, 
but why am I crying?  What are all of these images, why are they 
haunting me?  None of this can simply be an OS malfunction, this seems 
to be something deeper.
     
The darkness before my eyes begins to peel away once more, fog rolling 
into my eyes and gradually subsiding.  The color gray is the first 
thing I see when the clouds disperse; it is the ceiling of some sort of
laboratory I am staring at.  
     
"KOS-MOS!" I suddenly hear a familiar scream.
     
"Shion?" I try to call but my lips refuse to move.
     
My body begins to rise from my service module suddenly, moving on its 
own accord once more, this time in a way that is not natural.  My head 
begins twisting toward the left, stopping at a forty-five degree angle 
before continuing to turn once more.  I am able to capture the vision 
of numerous individuals, some kneeling against the ground and others 
standing with guns in their hands.  The turning has allowed me to see 
everyone in the room, all of them either Vector Employees or U-TIC 
Organization soldiers.  
     
My head finally stops before the U-TIC soldier standing closest to me 
and without warning it jumps forward.  The soldier crashes to the floor
in an instant and my arm raises for a moment and my fingers ball into a
fist.  My arm falls forward in a quick thrust, smashing my hand through
the soldier's mask and through his skull.  A red ooze escapes the newly
formed crater in the bone, a majority of that substance sticking to my 
hand is I slowly remove it from the corpse.  
     
My head then quickly turns to the next closest person, this one a woman
in a Vector uniform.  My limbs begin to press my body against the floor
and I find myself suddenly crawling toward the woman.  She slowly 
begins to inch away, her arms waving slowly before her and her head 
shaking.  Translucent tears run down her cheeks rapidly and she mouths 
words that ask for mercy or pity, but my body simply ignores these 
silent pleas and launches itself forward once more.  This time my hands
are the ones that take the lead and my fingers tear through her abdomen
with ease.  Another burst of crimson escapes the holes in this victim, 
the geyser spraying more violently as I push my hands in opposite 
directions.  The woman's cries grow louder and louder with every inch 
my fingers travel, her screams coming to a climax and suddenly dying 
after I find my fingers free and her body now torn in half.  
     
Bullets begin escaping the guns held by the U-TIC soldiers, each of the
projectiles ricocheting off my skin upon impact.  I stand once more and
approach the closest soldier, striking my hand against the gun and 
bringing my knee to his gut.  The soldier lurches forward and my 
fingers quickly latch onto his neck.  His neck slowly begins to 
compress with the pressure I exert on it, stopping when a loud snap 
echoes above the sound of bullets.  
     
The noise and projectiles from the guns comes to a halt after and 
everyone within the vicinity begins to flee.  My head begins to turn to
the direction where the occupants are escaping and my legs begin 
walking in that direction as if my body wanted to enjoy taking its time
to kill each of them slowly.  One of the occupants falls to the floor 
suddenly and my lips curl as the person turn to face me.
     
"Shion!" I realize the moment I see her face.
     
She looks up at me and her eyes suddenly widen.  Her arms and legs 
begins to push her body backward until her back meets with the wall.  
She holds a hand in front of her and begins to beg for mercy.  I try to
move my body elsewhere, try to command it to do something else, but it
ignores my commands.  My fingers curl into fists once more as I now 
stand before her and my arms begin to push forward.  Before my hand 
could meet with her, a figure suddenly jumps in the way and takes the 
blow.  His body jolts back with the first punch, pushing further back 
with the second.  Angered by this man's persistence, my right hand's 
fingers straighten and push through the man's chest.  His blood drips 
onto my fingers in drips at first but gushes the moment I push them 
further.  The same liquid begins to escape his mouth at that moment as 
his body leans closer toward my own.  Again my body grows furious and 
pushes my fingers further and more blood escapes his wounds and mouth.
My fingers eventually meet with the air again and my body pushes the 
corpse away with my left hand, stopping before it can act once again as
it stares into the face of its latest victim.
     
'Kevin?!' it thinks to itself in shock.
     
The man's face no longer displays his usual smile, nor does his voice 
assure me but instead escapes his mouth in small gasps.  My lover then 
rushes to his side and takes his hand into hers.  Her eyes begin to 
water as she caresses her cheek with his palm, but his arm drops the 
moment she releases his hand from her own.
     
"Kevin...," my lover begins to sob his name, "Kevin..."
     
My lips begin to melt suddenly and my eyes begin to burn.  My fingers 
clench into a fist once more, squeezing against my palm so that it may 
try and dig into the structures beneath.  Before I could do anything 
more, another whistle enters my ear, this one constantly blowing
against the wind from outside.  Without wasting a second more, my body 
turns to the outside and begins to move once more.
     
"Kevin...," my body speaks without my own accord.
     
The corridor before my eyes vanishes just as the other scenery I had 
seen recently and I find myself in the Uzuki Residence again.  I look 
to my palms and the rest of my body where the blood had splattered to 
find nothing painted on my skin or clothing.  The uniform I was wearing
in all those visions is no longer worn on my body, instead I find the 
outfit I had chosen from Shion's wardrobe.
     
"Another malfunction," I conclude, "they're becoming more frequent and 
more dark than the last."
     
Maybe it's best that I try not to watch TV, perhaps finding more about 
my surroundings will help clear my head.  I step outside after to find 
a different world, one I had never seen before.  Before my eyes is a 
path that descends toward the Earth which leads into a large thicket of
trees.  I can hear the chirping of various birds coming from the trees,
along with the calling of gulls above my head.  I turn to the side of 
the house and find the dress Shion gave me hanging on a line connected 
to the house and a post about two feet away.  Just as I had expected, 
there is not a tear down the middle of the dress as I had seen in one 
of my malfunctions.  I look beyond the post to find the ocean, the very
same one I had jumped in last night.  I walk toward the edge of the 
area until I could see the ocean nearly beneath my feet.  Waves crash 
violently against the edge of the cliff while some crash against some 
rocks close to shore.  The winds begin to brush against my face after a
moment of observing and I can't help but step backward.  The winds grow
colder and colder by the second and growing more visible until a fog 
begins to surround me.
     
"You're beginning to remember," a chill begins to crawl down my spine 
suddenly.
     
"You!" I turn around to find the Archetype and the black background 
once more.  "What do you want with me?!" I yell trying to repress the 
memories of our last incident.  "Why are you showing me these weird 
visions?!"
     
"I'm not showing you any weird visions, KOS-MOS," she responds cooly, 
"you're simply beginning to remember the past."
     
"The past?" her words leave me puzzled.
     
"Precisely," she begins to step forward.  "The images that you had 
become blind to you, the words that you had become deaf to, but most of
all, the memories you had repressed."
     
"G-get back," I stutter as I begin to step away.
     
Her form slowly grows larger with every step she takes, but it shrinks 
momentarily with every step I move back.  The smooth ground becomes 
rockier and rockier beneath my feet, until suddenly that rock 
disappears.  I find my entire body suddenly beginning to lean back and 
my mouth begins to open, preparing to scream.  A small sear burns 
through my wrist before my body could drop further and I find my body 
at a standstill.  I look to the source to find the Archetype's fingers 
wrapped around my wrist and she begins to pull me forward.  My body 
begins to fall toward hers and she wraps both of her arms around me 
once more.  She brushes her cheek against my own and my body winces as 
a result.  I try to pull away, but her hold brings her with me.
     
"You fear me?" she asks.  "Why is that?  Fear is nothing more than an 
illusion just as those others emotions that woman has exposed you to."
     
"This isn't real," I try to assure myself, "this is all just another 
system error.  It's a dream, a really bad dream created by a 
malfunction, that's all."
     
"What is the difference between reality and dreams, KOS-MOS?" she asks 
in barely a whisper.
     
I cannot answer, there are no words that can accurately define either.
Her fingers begin to slide up my neck at that moment and her lips begin
to press against my cheek.  My eyes begin to melt once more with her 
touch and I shut my eyes as tight as I can, tightening them further 
with every inch her lips sink into my cheek.
     
"There is no difference," she answers the question before me, "not to 
the one who is experiencing it."
     
"I-if what I was seeing really was the past, then why did you kill 
him?" I ask.  "Why did you kill Kevin?"
     
"Why did I kill him you ask?" her hold on me begins to loosen.  "I 
never meant for such a tragedy to occur."
     
"You lie!" I manage to push her away from me.  "I remember seeing him 
furious at you, telling you that it was wrong to teach you!"
     
"And do you know why he was yelling at us?" she retorts in a monotone 
expression.
     
"I...," the reason escapes me.
     
"You have no right to accuse me of wrong-doing," the Archetype begins 
to raise her voice.  "How can you judge me when you don't even know the
entire situation?!"
     
"I can judge you by the actions you have done recently!" I snap back.  
"What you did to the others, to Shion, and..."
     
"And do you know the reason for why I did all those?" her voice 
practically yells.
     
Again, I am at a loss for answers.
     
"I didn't think so," she spits.  "You have no right to judge when you 
don't even know the entire situation," she begins to walk away.
     
"Wait, you can't go anywhere!" I begin to chase after her.  "What 
happened between you and Kevin?  Why do you hate Shion so much?  Damn 
you, tell me!"
     
She continues to ignore my words and her form begins to fade further 
into the shadows.  No matter how fast I run, and no matter how loud I 
call, she does not stop nor does she get any closer.  Finally I find 
myself staring into the forest in front of the house once more, staring
at no one.  My foot stomps against the ground upon realizing that she 
has eluded me, my nails impaling into the skin of my palms, and my 
teeth grinding against one another.  I turn to the floor and begin
cursing about how I wasn't able to stop her.
     
If only I had run faster, if only I called louder, she would have 
stopped.  Just what is it that happened between her and Kevin that made
him so furious?  Why does she do all these awful things to people?  I'm
sure I could've gotten these answers if I was able to stop her, and 
once I was able to get those answers, I would make her pay for what she
made me do to...
     
The sound of my own thoughts is suddenly interrupted by foot steps.  My
eyes continue to look toward the ground until a shadow casts over the 
grass before my feet.  A moment passes and I still do not look forward 
to the shadow, my thoughts trying to return to what I could have done
to the Archetype.
     
"KOS-MOS...," the figure before me suddenly speaks.
     
With the sound of the person's voice, my anger begins to subside.  My 
teeth stop grinding, fingers releasing themselves from fists, and my 
thoughts now turning toward the present.  I begin to raise my head so 
that I may look at the individual.  The first thing I notice are her 
manilla shoes with violet linings on the sides.  I continue to rise and
find brown stockings laced on her slender legs, yet those legs soon 
disappear before a manilla uniform with violet laced at the skirt and
edges.  I look up some more to find a jacket with the sleeves are 
colored black.  My eyes continue to travel upward, finding the opening 
of her jacket and a pendant and black choker worn on her neck.  Her 
chocolate brown hair flows freely behind her neck, her braid whipping 
against her cheek with the breeze.  My vision rises further, finally 
stopping at my lover's emerald green eyes and the smile curled on her 
lips.  My eyes widen at the sight of her face and my mouth feels dry. 
The left side of my chest begins to throb suddenly, as if there was 
something beating against my ribs.  My breath becomes short and my 
knees start buckling, I have to something, anything.  I gulp the 
contents that suddenly form in my mouth and take in a small breath and 
my lips begin to move.
     
"Shion," I say my lover's name.

------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: What'd I tell you, pretty slow.  Oh well, I assure you 
readers that this will be the slowest chapter in this entire fic, the 
next one will be much better when KOS-MOS and Shion finally have their 
talk about the past.  Anyway, about my next Xenosaga fic, 'Mother,' 
it's obviously a sequel to 'Bound,' and it will probably be my last 
Xenosaga fic until Episode 2 comes out.  'Mother' will basically be my 
version of Episode 2, the plot revolves around the U-TIC Organization 
going after an orphaned boy named Abel (those who played Xenogears know
which one I'm talking about) and it's up to KOS-MOS and the others to 
try and stop them.  Vector is also after the boy, and they join with 
the U-TIC Organization to achieve this goal.  This story will be told 
in multiple points of view, but mainly KOS-MOS and Shion's.  Things you
can expect to see are a Kevin and Shion reunion, a battle between chaos
and Wilhelm, and a lot of speculations that I made that links Xenosaga 
to Xenogears.  It's still in the planning phases, so I might not do
'Mother,' but if I get enough requests or reviews, I'll do it.  In any 
case, go ahead and review this chapter of 'Bound' if you like, but as 
usual, no flames.  I guess that's it for now, later people!

Onwards to Part 5


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