Choices
A/N: This story takes place during the Weiß Side B manga. The whole
story is from Kurumi's point-of-view, and may include some mild spoilers
for the latest chapters, but nothing too specific. Enjoy!
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I often wonder about the choices I make.
Should I really be here?
Should I have gotten away when I had the chance?
Do I regret my choices?
I really don't know what to think. Lately I've been such a
burden. I'm only known as "Human Interleukin-3" to most others. If not
for my blood, many people would still be sane and alive and Krypton
Brand wouldn't have had to get involved.
So, do I regret my choices?
Living or dying. I still don't know which would have been more
painful. If I was dead, I wouldn't be here right now and I would be
with my parents. But I don't want to see them again, not ever. I can't
seem to forgive them. The idea of sending eternity with them fills my
heart with resentment. I can't stand that horrible feeling; I shouldn't
feel that way toward the two who raised me. Still, if I weren't alive,
others wouldn't be dying needlessly over my blood. Living brings so
much guilt.
But I'm afraid to die. My fear of death makes me want to live.
It could be the only thing that keeps me alive.
Maybe living was the more painful choice, although I'm still not
too sure of that. It's true that every day has brought a new burden
since I chose to live, but dying would have been the coward's way out.
I don't want to be weak. If I had chosen to die, I wouldn't have the
chance to put things right.
But what can I do? Mihirogi told me the Human Interleukin-3 in my
blood could have curative properties if used right, but I can't bring
myself to believe that. I want to, but so many have gone insane or died
because of me.
Ken, Michel, Free, Aya, Yuki, Chloé, and Mihirogi. They're all so
strong. I'm nothing compared to them. I want to help them. I don't
want to be a burden to them anymore. If I could find a way, I would use
my Human Interleukin-3 to benefit them.
I try to keep hope, I really do, but I always fail miserably.
Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to accept myself, but until that day
comes, I'll keep on wondering whether or not I made the right choice.
I still don't know if I regret living. But no matter how much
pain my choices bring me, I'll become stronger. Right now I'm weak, but
until I can stand on my own two feet, stay by me. Even when I'm strong,
I still want you to be there, holding my hand. Maybe I'm just too
scared to carry burdens all by myself. I've been alone for far too
long.
Your arms around me are comforting and your shoulder is strong
enough for me to rest my head on. One day, I'll be as strong as you,
and I will no longer feel like I'm holding you down. I won't be a
burden to you or anyone else.
Mihirogi, I love you. Because of you, I feel I can finally be
strong.
And we share a kiss. Mihirogi, you give me the strength to face
my burdens.
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