The Ohtori Motor and Mecha Club... Keichii nodded firmly as he addressed the members. “OK, we really have to make a spash and get this club recognized in Ohtori! To do that, we need a really spectacular first project. Do you have any suggestions ?” Washu got a frighteningly manic expression on her face, Skuld and Megumi began to confer, Mackie Stingray just grinned, Noa Isumi laughed, Shinji Ikari looked thoughtful, Duo started waving his hand wildly and Miki had a “What have I gotten myself into?” look on his face. Keichii smiled comfortingly at Miki, their newest member. “Don’t worry, they settle down after a while.” he commented. “I hope so!” Miki answered, sweatdropping. Several of the ladies of the club instantly gathered to “comfort” poor Miki. He got a even more worried look on his face, if that’s possible. He slipped free of Noa, Megumi, Skuld and Washu by using the oldest trick in the book: He pointed out the window and said “What’s that?!” They looked, he fled. After a bit of heated debate, an project idea was decided on: to build the Akio-Mecha! A perfect mechanical replica of the chairman! Nobody knew where the idea came from, but it just seemed so appropriate, somehow. The Ohtori Troubled Hearts Club Tuxedo Kamen sighed mounfully, in a tragic hero sort of way. Tenchi just looked depressed. Saionji only leaned on his bokken and cried. Touga Kiryuu took the podium and brought their first meeting to order. “Let’s each first explain our particular problems, shall we?” Touga said smiling. There were resigned nods all around. Tenchi stands first. “I live in a house with,” stops and has to count on his fingers, “seven females, and I’ve been totally unable to chose which one I am in love with.” He sighs sadly. “They’ve gotten tired of waiting for me to make up my mind and turned to each other.” he finishes, and sits down. Ranma reaches over and gently pats him on the back before he stands up. “I feel for you, brother. My idiot father engaged me to several different girls for some of the stupidest reasons you could imagine. To make matters worse, they’re all matrial arts experts.” Noises of sympathy from the membership. Just then the auditorium door slams opens and Akane, Shampoo and Ukyo enter, looking as if they were searching for something. Ranma whispers “Oh, no.” and dives out the nearest window. The girls trample several club members in their hot persuit of Ranma. After they were gone, and some of the damage was repaired, Sonomi Daidouji got up and looked about the room with a suspicious gaze. “Everything said in here stays in this room, right?” she asked firmly. Nods from the crowd. “I’m still in love with my highschool sweetheart, even after she married a man and passed away.” she said with a sad smile. Touga rises and smiles charmingly. “I fooled around alot with the ladies, but it was only meaningless entertainment to me. However, the girl I’m truly in love with thnks I’m a total cad.” shrugs and sits down. Cape swirling around him, Tuxedo Kamen takes his turn, “I’m in love with a girl who has seven best female friends who are all a bit in love with her.” He sighs deeply. “It doesn’t help there all terribly cooler than me as well!” Sylia Stingray goes next as she steps up and speaks firmly. “The woman I’m in love with is completely oblivious to me.” Saionji simply stand up and wails “Anthy! I love you! And why won’t you give me back the exchange diaries?!” sits back down and cries. Everybody sweatdrops. The Akio-Mecha Arises! Akio Ohtori looked up at the giant robot, and broke into a broad smile. “What does this thing do?” he asked in awed tones. The robot, as tall as any of the gundams, was dressed in Akio’s uniform, and even looked a little bit like him. “It is intended to be a perfect visual replica of you, in tribute to your many sterling qualities, and Duo and Washu insisted on installing the two weapon systems.” Miki explained quietly. “Weapon systems?” Akio softly echoed with eyebrow raised and an oddly dangerous twinkle in his eyes. “Duo installed a, what did he call it, oh yes, a beam saber! Because of all the dueling at the academy, of course. And Washu installed something she calls ‘Akio’s Rocket of Love’. We asked her to explain what it is, but she won’t answer, she just cackles at us madly,” Miki said with a shrug. Akio looks up at it with a very sinister smile, and Miki gets that sinking feeling yet again. “How do I pilot it?” Akio asked. With a ‘follow me’ gesture, Miki led him over to one of the Mecha’s boots and activated a concealed switch, opening up a hidden elevator door. “This will take you up to the cockpit,” Miki says, sweatdropping. Speaking softly, but getting louder, Akio exclaims: “If the chick does not crack it’s shell, it will die without being born! We are the chick, the world is our egg, Crack the worlds shell! For the revolution of the world!” “I’ve always wanted to do that!” Akio finished cheerfully, as he rode the elevator up to the top. Taking the command chair, he looks around happily. “This is going to be fun.” he said with a smile, and starts flipping switches. Miki watched the Akio-Mecha start to move with a sinking heart. The beam saber popped out of it’s concealed arm mount, dropped into the mecha’s hand, and ignited in a flare of white-hot energy. “Oh, hell.” he said quietly in despairing tones. About a second later, the serious destruction of nearby buildings began. “Why in the world do - I- have to fight that thing, anyway?” Utena protested loudly, as she was running down the hallway and quickly pulling on a flight suit over her regular duelist’s uniform. Heero Yui follows her at a slightly slower pace, with the other gundam pilots tagging along behind him. “The ongoing battle between you and Akio is a fundamental constant of this world! You must be the one to face him in combat, for it is your role here to do so!” Heero drops out of the pretentious speech for a moment and suddenly gets a sour expression. “Besides, if Duo hadn’t been such a total dumbass and built a beam saber into that monstrosity, we wouldn’t be having this conversation!” “I’m sorry! Really I am! I’m just used to it, you know, when you build a big mecha, you install some cool weapons!” Duo tried to protest. Quatre, Wu-fei and Trowa stopped, pulled him aside and started to beat the living crap out of him. “That is such a load of bullshit!” Utena shoots back. “All right, I’ll tell you!” Heero grimaces and holds up his leg in a cast, hopping as he continues talking, “Look, Duo got a little rough last night, I can’t pilot my gundam like this, and I don’t trust any of these yahoos to do it!” Utena looks over at the four brawling Gundam pilots and even she has to admit, he has a point. They emerge into a giant hanger, and Utena suddenly stops, as she looks up at the Wing Zero Custom, angel wings unfurlled in all it’s glory. “Wow.” she says quietly. “I get to pilot this?” she says, turning to Heero. After a few minutes of hurried instruction, Utena grabbed the cable to pull herself up to the cockpit, when “Take my Revolution” suddenly starts playing. Utena stops the lift, the music stops. “What in the world ?” Utena asked, surprised. Heero shuffled over. “Happens to me, too.” He, somewhat awkwardly with his cast, climbs up and “Just Communication” starts to play. It stops when he comes down. Heero and Utena both look at each other and shrug. “You’ll need this,” Heero says, handing her a small, bright yellow manual. A few moments later, the Wing Zero cleared the hanger doors, clipping one of them on it’s way out. Inside, Utena flipped open her “Gundam Piloting for Dummies” book and checked to see what she’d done wrong, still smiling happily. Akio was also smiling happily as he swung the beam saber forcefully down on another badly designed building. He had already totaled several of the uglier buildings in and around Ohtori, and was actively looking for any other pieces of aesthetically-unappealing architecture to eliminate. He looked over at the bright red button on the control panel, and smiled. ‘Why not try it,’ he thought. He suddenly makes a odd gesture, as if he was in a bad live action mecha series. “Akio’s Rocket of Love, Activate!” he yells dramatically, and hits the switch. Outside, everyone nearby watches in horror as the Akio- Mecha drops it’s trousers and a pair of Akio-car print boxers to fire off a proportionately large missile from around the groin area. Everybody sweatdrops. The robot then pulls it’s pants up. “Mental note: never, ever use that weapons system again.” a sweatdropping Akio said very quietly. Suddenly from out of the sky, a shadow appeared over him, and he looked up to see what looked like an angel. The Wing Zero descended to the ground nearby, it’s unfolded angel wings sweeping around it. “Akio, we don’t have to do this,” Utena said in reasonable tones over the radio. “Just disembark from the mecha and nobody gets hurt.” she said simply. Akio answered by quickly charging her, firing up his beam saber. He swung wildly, the Wing Zero gracefully dodged, and then she smoothly struck once with her own weapon. The Akio-Mecha stood still a moment while the Wing Zero moved away, as if it was frozen in surprise, then, with a noisy grinding of metal on metal, the top half of the machine slowly slid off the body and hit the ground. “Come back here,” Akio yelled over the radio to Utena, “it’s just a flesh wound! I can still fight, damn it!” Utena totally ignored him and brought the Wing Zero to a kneeling position, descending from the cockpit. “Wow, Utena-sama! That was so cool!” Wakaba said happily, bouncing up and down in joy. She looks over Utena’s shoulder at the remnants of the Akio-Mecha. “Why don’t you finish him off, though?” she asked. Utena just shrugged and smiled over at Wakaba. “He’s perfectly welcome to flail around there on the ground until he blows a gasket or his batteries finally run out. He can’t really hurt anything.” As they walked away, Akio kicked in the outside loudspeaker and began to yell loudly. “Get back over here, you coward! It’s just a minor injury!” Utena shook her head mounfully and just kept on walking, ingnoring him. “Baka.” she said quietly. (AN: Yes, that was a Monty Python reference, from Holy Grail.) The Coven of Light... Super Sailor Moon stood in the center of the room and held the brightly shining Silver Imerium Crystal over her head, letting it’s pulsing white light fill the room. “Excuse me, but what is this supposed to do?” she asked quietly, looking around. Washu shrugged, busy. “Nothing. It just looks cool.” she answered, as she and Skuld carefully tinkered with an unidentified machine. Sailor Moon faceplanted. Ryouko snickered loudly, getting a glare from Ayeka. “Don’t tease the moon princess.” Sailor Pluto said dryly, as she, Rei Ayanami, and Sailor Mercury conferred over a three dimentional image of Ohtori. It looked very messy. Asuka was sitting down nearby, waiting and looking bored. Ayeka nodded agreement. “You shouldn’t laugh at other people’s misfortunes,” Ayeka said in haughty tones. “I didn’t see you keeping a straight face,” Ryouko answered with a smirking smile on her face. She lounged sexily against one of the work tables. “I did too!” Ayeka protested. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a loud clearing of the throat. They turned to see Washu glaring at them and tapping her foot. “Why don’t you two just skip the pointless fight, go find a room and start with the make-out session?” Washu asked them wearily. The two gapped at her in surprise. Washu smiles and taps her temple. “Mind link, remember? I can see anything Ryouko sees, and feel anything she feels.” She suddenly grins widely. “I must admit Ayeka, I never knew you were that flexible.” Both girls blushed as Ryouko grabbed Ayeka and they disappeared. Lina Inverse leaned over to reach for something on the work table, accidentally brushing one of Naga’s very impressive breasts. “Oh-ho ho ho ho ho!” Naga the White Serpent laughed, “Watch the hands, my little former sidekick!” “If they,” Lina said, looking down pointedly, “weren’t always in the way, I wouldn’t have that problem.” “You never complained about that before,” Naga said ,smiling seductively. Lina didn’t answer, just blushed brightly. Belldandy looked over at Urd worriedly. “At the rate we’re going, my dear Keichii will be trapped in this terrible place forever!” “And that’s a problem?” Urd answered with a smile. “He’s got a whole gang of people who are as into motors and machines as he is. If not more. Unless you’re worried about some competition?” “I am not!” Belldandy protested, a little too loudly. “Besides, there’s more flirting going on around here than actual working.” she complained, stamping her foot as she looked around. She turned back, only to see Mara pining Urd up against the wall, nibbling at her neck. “What was that?” Urd asked breathlessly, clearly distracted. “Never mind.” Belldandy sighed.
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