Courage to Face the Desire
When two lovers are destined for each other, rules or obstacles only
exists as how the lovers perceive them.
Utena slows her usually brisk pace to let the dainty Anthy keep pace
with her long strides. They are both keeping good pace that morning as
they walk along a private path that runs from their dormitory to their
school. Utena steals surreptitious glances at Anthy. She observes the
soft lavender hue of Anthy's hair as the sun’s morning ray bounces
merrily off the rich copious hair while wondering what sort of girl
Anthy is, to be a willingly participate in the seemingly decadence world
of the Student Council.
Utena notes the curve of Anthy’s downcast eyelashes. "What lies
underneath those demure eyes”, Utena asked herself, "to make her
agreeable to give herself as a Bride to strangers?" She reflected back
on the events that had unfolded the past few weeks. The fated day she
rescued Anthy from the diabolical mistreatments of Saonji-sempai, when
Anthy and Chu-chu moved in to her room, her introduction to the members
of the Student Council and World's End and the strange rules they abide
to, particularly the rule where the winner of the duels is allowed to do
what he or she may to the "Rose Bride". She got jolted out of her
thoughts as she accidentally stumbled on an errant pebble.
"Tenjou Utena-sama?" Anthy inquired in her soft voice as she bends ever
so gracefully to touch Utena's sleeves. Utena blushed profusedly and
batted away Anthy’s hand as she recovered from her fall. "Look Anthy,
you have to stop with this whole Tenjou-sama thing, okay? Call me Utena.
You won't like it if I called you Himemiya Anthy-sama now, would you?"
Utena continues as she sees Anthy about to interject, "And no, do not
start on me about how you are my bride. It is just not right. We are
good friends and best of pals but it should not be anything more." Anthy
looks forlorn as she bowed her head in apology that Utena felt tempted
to take back her words. But straightening with resolve, Utena grabbed
hold of Anthy's shoulders and said, "Anthy, we are both girls. You can
not possible be my bride. By right, we should be dating boys,
concentrating on exams and homework, participate in healthy normal
student activities. Not playing some Bride and Groom games devised by
some perverts in the Student Council or World's End. Nor should we be
risking our lives in some silly duel. This struggle for power is
absolutely silly, don't you think?" Utena looked directly into Anthy's
simmering green eyes and suddenly lost her train of thought.
One could easy drown in those eyes was the thought that runs through
Utena's mind. Shaking her head slightly to clear her mind, Utena pointed
her gaze everywhere but Anthy's face and continued, "I know what! I know
Miki is interested in you. He is cute and smart too. I can set you two
up on a date. That way you can date someone and get help with homework
at the same time too!" Utena laughs nervously at Anthy's serious
expression. "Won't you like that? Two birds with one stone! We can start
leading normal lives and get good grades. Then maybe the Student Council
will leave us alone, don’t you think? Maybe I can date Touga or your
brother," Utena gushes out enthusiastically. Anthy looks at Utena's
earnest face and reach out to tuck a wayward pink lock behind Utena's
ear. Anthy slowly nods. "Yes Tenjou-sama..."
Utena quickly interrupts, "Call me Utena!"
"Yes Tenjou-sa.. Utena, I will like that very much." Anthy continues.
Taking Anthy's little upturned smile as a further sign of agreement,
Utena breathes a sigh of relief and continues to layout her matchmaking
plan. So intent and happy was Utena in Anthy's accord, she did not
notice the brief flash of pained look on Anthy's face.
Utena burst into their private dorm room that night, spots Anthy
drinking tea at their sitting room table and promptly plops herself down
next to Anthy. "Guess who is having a romantic date tomorrow night?"
Utena asked Anthy excitedly. Anthy carefully puts her cup down on the
saucer and deliberates over her tea with her delicate ornate teaspoon as
she quietly listens to Utena's grand plan for her date with Miki. Utena
quickly jots down an itinerary:
6.00pm Mikie to pick Anthy up from the dorm with flowers and
chocolates
7.20pm Dinner reservation at Le Bistro du Romance in
downtown
8.45pm Movie
10.15pm Late coffee at Sundough café
11.00pm Come Home
"Does this not sound like a grand plan, Anthy?" Utena asks as she
proudly holds up the sheet of paper to review her handiwork. Anthy
stops stirring her tea and gave Utena a tiny smile and nods. "Yes
Tenjou-sama" Anthy starts to say. "Utena", Utena reminds Anthy. Anthy
paused, "Yes, Tenjou-sa.. Utena, it sounds like a wonderful idea." Utena
gives a vigorous nod and moves to stick the itinerary on their bunk bed.
She pushes the thumbtack through the sheet of paper with a resolved
stab. That night, Anthy lays awake, staring blankly at the roof of her
bed where Utena is snoring softly.
Next morning, Utena wakes up to the bustle of Anthy doing her daily
morning chores. She peeks at Anthy from her top loft. She follows the
elegant curve of Anthy's exposed nape to the ponytail that tries to
curtail Anthy's abundant mauve hair to the curve of Anthy's ridiculously
long eyelashes. Utena's eyes start to wander the rest of Anthy's body.
Miki is going to be one lucky guy, Utena thought. Utena stretches and
jumps down the bed. On an impulse, she gave the surprised Anthy a peck
on the cheeks. Before Anthy has a chance to react, Utena taps on the
itinerary and makes her way out to the bathroom. "Don’t forget the big
date tonight", Utena says as she closes the door behind her.
The whole day Utena is unable to concentrate on any of her activities.
The teachers keep catching her with a vacant expression on her face.
Gosh, Utena thinks to herself, I must really be excited about this date
for Anthy and Miki since I cannot get it out of my mind. Utena and
Anthy's Friday class and activities schedule do not coincide, so they
could not see each other the whole day. As the day passes by, Utena grew
more and more depressed. She reasoned it to being unable to share her
excitement with Anthy. But when her last sports meet ended and Utena
practically dragged her feet home, she can not explain the cause of her
funk. So depressed she felt, that by the time, she unlocked the door to
their shared room, it was already 6.15pm.
Anthy looked at the opened door, half expecting Miki to be eagerly
early. Soothing out her frown when it turns out to be Utena, she started
when she saw Utena standing by the door looking despondently at her.
Anthy rushes up to Utena "Tenjou-sa.." Anthy stopped at Utena’s flash
look of annoyance "Utena, are you okay? Are you not feeling well? Should
I cancel today’s date?" Anthy asked. Utena shakes her head and reaches
out for Anthy's shoulders to gently push her to arm's length. Utena
caught a whiff of a rose scent. "You look pretty tonight, Anthy." Utena
says without much enthusiasm. Anthy twirls around in her black
one-piece that sports a low plunging v-neck covered by buttons. Anthy
puts a hand on a choker surrounding her dainty neck and strikes a pose
for Utena. "You approve Tenjou-sa.. Utena?" Out of sense of duty, Utena
takes a closer look at her friend. Utena let her eyes travel from the
tip of Anthy’s tumble of luscious hair to the bottom of her cute high
heels, and then lingered at Anthy’s low neckline and the tight fit of
the dress. Unable to say anything constructive, Utena opts to flop
herself face-down onto Anthy's bed.
"You do not like it?" Anthy asked anxiously. Utena mumbled something
into Anthy's pillow. Anthy sits next to Utena. Her hand moved to touch
Utena's head but drops the hand before it touches Utena. "I am sorry,
forgive me Tenjou-sa.. Utena, if my outfit displeases you, I can change
or I should give Miki a call to cancel the date now." As Anthy reaches
for the phone, Utena turns around and grab Anthy's hands and rapidly
says, "You look gorgeous but I am wondering if the dress is TOO much for
a first date." Before any of them could react to Utena’s blushing face
as she tries not to stare at Anthy's barely concealed bosom, the door
bell rang. Utena rushed to open it, glad to escape the unfathomable
look Anthy is giving her. She grabs Miki's hand and pulled him in. In
one swift motion, she rips the itinerary from its display spot, shoves
it into Miki's hand, turns around to grab Anthy with her other hand and
push both of them out the door. Utena quickly slams the door onto the
gaping faces of Miki and Anthy.
12.55am flashed back at Utena's face as she stares at the clock in her
hand. She paces up and down the room already in her pajamas. "The
itinerary clearly indicated that she should be back by 11.00pm. Where
was she?" Utena fumed as she continues to pace the room. At 1.30am, she
hears some noises outside the door and presses her ear against it. She
hears Anthy's muffled laughter and Miki saying something unintelligible.
Utena backs away from the door, sprints across the room and jumps up
into her bed when she heard the door unlock.
Anthy turns to say goodbye to Miki and slowly closes the door and walks
across the room. Noting that Utena had left her night light on, Anthy
move to switch the light off. On her way, she reaches to brush aside a
lock of hair from Utena's face. Anthy lets out of gasp of shock when
Utena suddenly grabbed her hand. "Tenjou-sama, you are awake." Anthy
states the obvious in her surprise.
"Do you know what time it is?" Utena hisses as she catches yet another
enticing whiff of roses. Anthy meekly lowers her eyes and replied, "I
wanted to stick to the schedule but Miki insisted on playing the piano
with me and taking me out to the Lover's Lookout". Utena tighten her
grip on Anthy's arm involuntarily. "And you just let him do that?" Utena
says with clenched teeth. All the feelings Utena had accumulated
surfaces to a boil.
"Do you know how sick with worry I was?! I was feeling anxious, scared,
angry, and guilty. You name it, I felt it! Not to mention, the
frustration of not being able to get a hold of you two at any of the
places I suggested. What if Miki had done something to you?! You could
have at least called me to say you were coming home late!!" Utena
jumped down her bed to better face Anthy while maintaining her death
grip of Anthy's arm. "And how could you let Miki take you to Lover's
Lookout?! You know how the hill got its name right? Only loose women
would go there with guys on their first dates!" Utena huffs. Anthy
lowers her head and whispers, "He insisted we go there to see the view.
He refused to let me say no.."
"Geez, Anthy!! You should have showed some spine LIKE you always should,
and say NO to Miki!!! How difficult is it to express yourself? And how
could you let him take you to Lovers’s Lookout?!!"
Utena rages on "Why are YOU always doing this??!! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO
WEAK?!!!!" Why can you NOT express your true feelings!!? WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO BE SUCH A COWARD?!" Utena pins Anthy to the bed frame unconsciously
as she continues to shout.
Anthy frowns, "Do you think me weak Tenjou-sama? That I am not capable
of making a decision or act on my own?" Anthy’s shoulders starts to
heave at the strain of her breath, matching Utena’s, breathe by breathe.
The air was thick with tension as their pent-up emotions threaten to
burst. "Do you not think it takes courage and strength to waking up
every day to a responsibility one loathes with all her heart?" Anthy
shakes of Utena's grip and takes a step towards to Utena. Utena takes an
involuntary step back.
"Do you not think it takes strength to maintain a façade and hide one's
true self from the world to prevent one’s loved ones from getting hurt?"
"Do you think it is easy to go do something detestable to please the
person one loves?"
"Do you think it is easy to keep one’s feelings bottled up inside ALL
the time?! OR to express one's true feelings?"
Anthy punctuated each question with a firm step towards Utena, until
Utena had no more space to back away any further.
"You certainly SEEM to have no problems expressing yourself Tenjou-sama.
BUT, you and I both know WHO the true coward is. We both know WHO it is
who truly cannot express her feelings." Anthy pauses and leans her body
forward, pressing Utena's further onto the wall. "Do you not think that
making the first move takes the most courage?" Anthy tilts her face
close. Utena's eyes clouds with bewilderment as she gets caught in
Anthy's steady emerald gaze. She notes ever so briefly in her convoluted
mind on how she failed to notice before how strong and stanch those
brilliant eyes are.
"I .. I.. don’t know what to say... or think..." Utena stammered weakly.
Anthy leaned closer until their faces are only a breath apart. "Now is
not the moment to think but act." With that, Anthy resolutely pulls
Utena's face down and plants a kiss on Utena's lips. At first, the kiss
was light and unsure. Then slowly, both sets of lips begin to soften and
seek to make the kiss more intimate. The light furtive kisses gave way
to deeper more passionate kisses. The first cautious meet of the tongues
cause both to shiver. Ever so slowly, Anthy deliberately unbuttons
Utena's pajama top one by one. Once done, Anthy lays a sure hand on
Utena's breast. A tiny whimper escaped from Utena as words failed her
for the first time.
Anthy laughs softly against Utena's lips as she slowly explores the
delicate curves of Utena's body with her inquisitive hands. Anthy
continues her exploration of Utena’s taut athletic body. "How I have
longed to touch you, Tenjou-sama," Anthy whispers hotly, "To feel your
every curve, to savor how your body react as I run my fingers all over
it, feel your warmth and take in your smell." Anthy leans to touch her
nose to the corner of Utena's neck. "You smell like the sun. Healthy and
strong with your confidence in life. But, it takes courage to make the
first move towards what we both want, don't you agree?" Anthy whispers
into Utena's blushing ear. Utena slides down into Anthy’s arms, her legs
unable to support herself or unable to acknowledge the truth of the last
question. Anthy leans Utena to the wall as she pushes the Utena's top
completely out the way. She starts tracing Utena's outline with her
lips, interspersing the kisses with tiny licks and bites. Utena offers
her neck, shoulders, arms, legs, fingers, toes, her life and soul to
make sure Anthy does not stop what she is doing as Utena succumbs to the
web of seduction Anthy is casting over her. Anthy looks into Utena's
eyes briefly before continuing her path to Utena's pert pink nipples.
Slowly without breaking eye contact, Anthy takes the nipples one by one
into her mouth. Utena closes her eyes unable to bear the strength of
Anthy's ardent stare. Chuckling, Anthy continues to nibble, lick, kiss,
caress and squeeze in cadence with Utena's almost inaudible moans.
Utena is barely aware as the last vestige of her clothing is removed and
Anthy's warm full-clothed body covers her naked one. Anthy's hands
moves sometimes roughly and sometimes gently all over her body as Anthy
takes turns between whispering sweet seductive words into her burning
hot ears and paying lavish attention to her body. Utena has never felt
experienced anything so intense. Her body felt like it was on fire. It
was like every pleasure nerve she had or never knew she had is being
switched on one by one by Anthy's administrations.
Utena reaches out for Anthy, unsure if the moans are coming from her or
Anthy. Utena holds Anthy tight to in effort of holding to something more
stable as she is hit by an intense wave of need and desire for something
she can not identify yet. She shudders at each whispered word from
Anthy, claws and moans with increasingly intense lick, kiss or bite.
Yet, nothing prepared her for how she felt when Anthy laid the first
tentative touch at the core of her desire. She buried her burning face
into Anthy's neck, wanting more, however, embarrassed by everything.
May I? whispers Anthy. Utena can do no more but nod in Anthy's warm
crook.
She feels Anthy's gentle touch surely and lovingly lay possession of her
wet warmth. Utena no longer cared how loud her moans are. She had to
let it out, otherwise she would explode. Utena almost died from the
pleasure pain when Anthy gently slipped a finger in her. She felt the
tension in Anthy's shoulder and neck as Anthy held her breath and hands
very still for that moment, waiting. "Please.." was all Utena could
whisper as she hugs Anthy closer to her body, wanting to absorb Anthy
into her person. Utena felt the sudden untauting of Anthy's body like a
arrow sprung a bow. She felt Anthy expel her breath as Anthy's finger
begins to move slowly and rhythmically within her. The finger continued
to stoke and quench, quench and stoke the very nucleus of her desire.
Soon, Utena feels herself lost in the sensation. Spurred on the Anthy's
murmurs and whispers of encouragement, Utena reached for that thing her
body is screaming for. Then, suddenly, just as Anthy's body went rigid
before with fear of hurting her lover, Utena's froze at the height of
her desire. Time, space and her physical being ceased to exist as she
reached the crescendo of her orgasm. Spent, her body went completely
slack, dropping sideways. Anthy tries to catch Utena. But tired by her
own exertions, and forced by the inertia of the sudden fall, Anthy
failed to prevent both of them from tumbling to the floor.
Anthy lays very still, feeling and enjoying the whole weight of Utena on
top of her. She senses that at that moment, Utena could not move even if
she tried. She smiles as she ran her arms soothingly along Utena's back
and arms. After a moment, she feels Utena stirring and struggling to
prop herself up on her arms. Anthy smiles up at Utena. Utena smiles
weakly back at her. Anthy smile grows wider as Utena's face turns bright
red at the memory of what just passed. When Utena starts to turn her
head away in embarrassment, Anthy puts her hands on Utena's face and
gives Utena a gentle kiss. Utena smiles and looks intently into Anthy's
eyes. What Utena found there made her begin to pour sweet soft slow
kisses all over Anthy's face. Utena clumsily moves to one side to try to
unbutton Anthy’s dress when Anthy stopped her hand. "You do not have to
do this", Anthy says. Utena kisses Anthy's hand away and replied "Oh, we
must. Now that someone has proven her courage in making the first move,
this humble novice begs to be allowed to demonstrate her feeble attempt
at courage." Then, it was Anthy's turn to blush and moan as Utena proved
her skill as a very apt and courageous demonstrator.
Later on, their desires overly spent, as they lay in each other arms
slowly and gently caressing and kissing each other, Anthy turned to
Utena and asks cheekily, "Do you still want me to date Miki or any other
boys?" Utena turned to look at Anthy’s face incredulously. "ABSOLUTELY
NOT!" Utena punctuated her answer with a nip at Anthy’s shoulders.
She rolls over so she can look down at the prostrate Anthy while her
pink locks cascade down her shoulders and her face. With an upturned
smile, Anthy meekly lowers her eyes and nods, "Yes, Utena, whatever you
say." Anthy's smile disappeared as she observes that Utena does note
rise to the bait but starts to have an intense look on her face. Anthy
put a hand on Utena's cheek. "What is it, Utena?"
Utena kisses the hand and said, "Nothing.. I am just happy that you
chose to call me Utena instead of Tenjou-sama all on your own." Utena
continues to trail her kisses up Anthy's bare hand. Anthy reaches to
tuck an errant lock away from Utena's face.
"However," Utena continues, "I shall now have to punish you for each
time you pretend to be this meek cow that you are absolutely undeniably
not!" Utena threatened. Anthy laughs throatily. "Oh.. hmm.. what kind
of punishment are we talking about here?" Anthy asks smilingly, arching
her eyebrow as she traces Utena's breasts with both hands. Utena grabs
and pins Anthy’s distracting arms above her head with one hand. "I will
show you what sort of punishment!" Utena reaches down with her other
hand, feeling the spreading wetness of her lover's core. "You little
tart!" Utena says laughingly as she kisses Anthy. "I will punish you
every day for the rest of our lives, I will!"
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