Admirer

a Suikoden fanfiction by La Parka Girl/Take Me New

Her name was Tamra, and she was a simple employee of the local item 
shop. She didn’t have a face that could be easily remembered, nor did 
she make a point of being known to the public. She kept quiet, and she 
kept to herself. She was a shy woman of nearly thirty, and though the 
years had been kind to her she didn’t quite have the perfect form to 
be taken care of. Her hips were slightly wide and her breasts were 
quite small, and though she was far from fat she was a little larger 
than the thin ones that so often ran around and made a spectacle of 
herself.

Perhaps she was so little known because of her appearance, a plain 
face with average brown hair that hung to the middle of her back, dull 
brown eyes and a nose a bit too small for her face. Her normal looks 
combined with her aforementioned body could easily push one into the 
shadows, not taunted but not recognized, not insulted but not revered.

Or perhaps she was so little known because of who she was. She was of 
no real importance to the town or the travelers that would come around 
Greenhill, she had no advice to offer and no wares of her own to 
pedal. At thirty years she was an employee, and for the rest of her 
life she would be the same. The town would not mourn her passing, and 
at times she questioned whether anyone would.

Or maybe her name was unknown because of what she had to say. When she 
met new travelers or simply spoke to old friends, few things laid on 
her lips than the praise of Emelia, the local librarian and a front 
running member of the Greenhill college’s faculty. When asked about 
her Tamra would speak countless admiring words, speaking of her beauty 
and also of her intelligence. It was a local rumor that Tamra was 
enamored with the librarian, and though it was mostly true the effects 
of the rumor caused an unfair stigma in Tamra’s life. Though she 
searched for a lover she found only denial, from the men in the bars 
and the men in the town. She was denied by them all, but she never 
stopped talking the words that gave her the reputation she held.

She lived in a tiny shack on the far edge of town, inaccessible from 
the main roads and a good bit out of the normal paths. It was in this 
one bedroom shack that Tamra felt secure, within the confines of her 
one and only home. It was modestly decorated with the bounties of a 
shop cashier’s wages, with a few long plants and one or two cheap 
tapestries. A single chair sat at a table big enough for one, and a 
small bed was neatly tucked, as if prepared to be seen by visitors 
that never seemed to come. It was a lonely shack, and Tamra was a 
lonely woman.

It was with a soft creek that Tamra sat down upon her chair, its wood 
was near rotted and soon it would be time to buy another. Atop the 
table sat a bowl of crude soup and a tiny glass of liquid, a thick 
brown fluid that was the best Tamra could afford. With her head held 
low and draped in the silence of her home, she ate, sadly, as she did 
every night. Spoon after spoon she fit the soup into her mouth, 
occasionally having to chew an unverifiable piece of meat that had 
found its way into the broth. A few swallows and then a sip of drink, 
and her repetitive eating fashion was then continued.

Before she had reached the middle of her meal; however, a knock was 
heard upon her door. Silently she murmured to herself about traveling 
peddlers or pestering churchgoers, and for a moment sat in wait, 
hoping that the knocks would simply subside. Much to her chagrin they 
continued, and at last Tamra stood up, and began to approach the door. 
With a careless toss she flung it open, and frowned towards the figure 
that stood in the door jam. Her frown fell away; however, as her eyes 
focused in the faint darkness of the outside, and she could make out 
the figure of who she saw.

The librarian of Greenhill stood inside the door, still dressed in the 
attire that she wore to work each and every day. A black skirt fit 
down to right above her knees, and a tight fitting blouse of greens 
and whites was snug against her body. Glasses were perched upon bright 
green eyes, and lightly framed amidst mildly tan hair. The librarian 
smiled at Tamra’s shocked expression, and slowly reached out a hand in 
an effort to shake it.

“Tamra, is it?” Her words were quiet and friendly, and as she spoke 
them a smile beamed upon her lips, baring teeth that were startling 
white. Absently Tamra reached her own hand out, and gripped the thin 
fingers of Emelia within the slightly stronger fingers of her own 
hand.

“Y...Yes.” She spoke, slightly dumbfounded. “What are you...uhm...what 
are you doing here, Emelia?” She blinked, and quickly shook her head 
from side to side, biting down hard on her bottom lip. She had never 
met Emelia before, and though her heart beat hard against her chest, 
she tried as best she could to beat down feelings that made her want 
to cry. She cursed herself for her idiotic tone, and tried immediately 
to correct the statement.

“I...I mean...” She began, though her tone was still less than 
intelligent. “What brings Greenhill’s finest faculty member to my 
simple cottage?” Emelia smiled at the words and the tone, she seemed 
to be mildly entertained by the event. Her eyes closed and a faint 
blush appeared on her milk white cheeks. She let her hands fold down 
to her waist, and she spoke in the same friendly tone.

“Can I come in?” She requested, and to it Tamra could only give a slow 
nod as a response. Emelia walked in with casual ease, and after 
looking around the room briefly reached back to swing the wooden door 
closed. After she had shut it she regarded Tamra, who was garbed in a 
dirt brown tunic, with a white apron covering her waist. Emelia simply 
smiled, and reached up to adjust the frame of her glasses.

“I came to talk to you, actually.” Her words were punctuated 
perfectly, the sign of high intelligence that Tamra found herself 
admiring so much. “You might have heard from around the town, but I’m 
leaving tomorrow to join a war. The Genkakku Army has requested my 
assistance, and I think that for the protection of Greenhill, it would 
be best if I went.”

Tamra had heard the rumors, but it was the first she heard of any 
verifying statements. She stepped towards Emelia swiftly, her own 
hands reaching up, and bearing towards her own chest. She spoke with a 
familiarity that she probably shouldn’t have used to the librarian, 
but she disregarded her mind and let her heart speak as it would.

“You’re not a warrior!” She protested adamantly. “What can they expect 
you to do?” Emelia smiled wide, and gave a long, slow shrug of her 
elegant shoulders.

“Every castle needs a teacher.” She stated quietly. “They have no one 
to teach the children of the soldiers, or to keep a record of the 
army’s accomplishments. I can’t assist them in battle, but my efforts 
may still help them towards victory.” Without a word she reached out, 
and her fingertips were pressed up and into Tamra’s cheek. Tamra 
immediately went stiff and cold, and her fingers were pressed down 
into tight fists. She went tense at Emelia’s touch, even though her 
fingers were warm, and incredibly soft against her cheek. She could 
feel the blush of red fill her face, and her mouth dropped open, 
slightly. Emelia smiled at Tamra’s reaction, and tilted her head as 
she observed it.

“I still haven’t answered the question of why I’m here, though.” She 
spoke the words softly, and as she did so her hands turned, so that 
her palm fit on top of Tamra’s cheek. She held the other woman’s face 
in her hand, and with a slow motion let her thumb cross gently back 
and forth, over the left side of Tamra’s chapped, dry lips.

“I’m here to say goodbye.” Emelia spoke gently, her voice as low a 
whisper as she could manage. “I came to say goodbye...to my secret 
admirer.” Emelia then leaned forward, and without another word, 
pressed her lips upon Tamra’s. The moist pink of Emelia’s flesh 
pressed into the chapped pale of the other woman’s, and she kissed her 
very tenderly. Their lips barely met as they rubbed gently upon one 
another, slowly and sweetly sharing a kiss. Suddenly Emelia’s eyes 
opened wide, and she looked with surprise as she felt Tamra’s cheek 
begin to fall from her palm. She watched the woman begin to slide away 
quickly, and fall back directly to the ground.

Tamra had fainted.

When her mind began to awaken, and her vision slowly returned, Tamra 
could see and feel that she was lying in her bed. Her hand suddenly 
reached up to an object she felt upon her forehead, and with relief 
she felt her fingertips fall atop a warm, wet rag. She pulled it from 
her head and gently tossed it aside, and then proceeded to look around 
her location. Her home looked untouched, save for the single table had 
been cleaned and the silverware put in their proper place. She reached 
down the length of her own body under the covers, and with surprise 
she felt her own flesh on her fingertips. Immediately she looked under 
the covers, and with a mild cry of surprise saw that her body was 
naked. Any stitch of clothing had been removed from her form, and her 
slightly larger body was exposed, save for the protection of the thin 
cotton blanket. She pulled it’s length up tight around her neck, and 
looked around suspiciously while she tried to recall what had 
happened.

She remembered faintly Emelia, but anything past fingertips on her 
cheek had become a blur. Her mind had no recollection of a kiss, nor 
did it have a memory of her faint. Slowly she sat up in her bed, still 
keeping the blanket up around her neck. With another look around, she 
sighed, and bit down on her lip.

“She...she was here.” Her voice whispered, lightly, and suddenly a 
drop of moisture could be felt rolling from her left eye and slowly 
down her cheek. “She...was here. With me. And I...I missed...it.” 
Another trail of moisture was felt rolling down the other side of her 
face, and her teeth bit down harder upon her whitening lip.

“No...no...” She murmured to herself, and pressed her eyes into the 
palms of her hands. “I can’t...I can’t have missed it...”

Before she could break out into a mournful moan, her head was jolted 
upward at the sound of her front door opening. She cowered in mild 
fear for a moment before she saw the figure that emerged, and as she 
did so her mouth dropped wide open and her tears seemed to immediately 
dry up.

“Emelia!” She cried, and the librarian turned around, a smile playing 
on her lips.

“You’re awake.” She observed, and then began to walk more into the 
room. In her hands was a large leather bound book, that seemed to be 
nearly four hundred pages thick. She was dressed just as she was 
before, though she looked a little more tired, and her hair wasn’t as 
neatly done. Slowly she placed the book upon the table, and stepped 
towards the bed where Tamra lay. She dropped gently down onto her 
knees by the head of the bed, and reached out with her right hand to 
press her palm against Tamra’s forehead.

“I’m sorry I left.” She spoke the words quietly. “But I had to get 
some things ready for my departure tomorrow.” Her palm slowly began to 
course back and forth along the length of Tamra’s skin, and Emelia 
slowly leaned forward to press a kiss upon the other woman’s lips once 
more. The kiss was short and more of a pick this time around, and 
Tamra managed to stay conscious for its duration. Emelia’s hand left 
Tamra’s head, and she leaned into the bed’s frame, watching the 
recently awoken woman.

Tamra blinked, and kept the blanket tight around her neck. She watched 
Emelia with a sad, sideways glance, and as she looked at her, a tear 
began to roll down her cheek once more. Her voice was weak and solemn, 
and her tone was that of failure.

“You’re...leaving.” She spoke, gently, and as she said the words she 
could feel goose bumps spring up on her chest. “So why come to me? I’m 
of no importance, Miss Emelia.”

Emelia smiled faintly, and adjusted her glasses on her nose once 
again. Her cheeks could be seen showing a mild blush, and for a second 
her tongue trailed gently over her lips, moistening them.

“You’re of importance to me, Tamra.” Her words were slow and gentle, 
like words that were spoken to a child. She was about to speak more, 
but Tamra quickly cut her off, with words a bit less than tender.

“But why?” Her voice was nearly suspicious. “Why am I important? You 
don’t know me...I don’t know you. I’m just the woman who works at the 
shop. I’m the one all the men call names, because I always talk about 
you.” She frowned deep, and Emelia simply countered with a smile just 
as loving.

“For five years, I’ve heard those rumors of a woman who’s enamored 
with me.” Emelia spoke gently, and her fingers returned to brush up 
and down Tamra’s cheek once again. “But what was left out of the 
rumors was how the librarian of Greenhill is a romantic...and an 
admirer from afar is the kind of person she could see herself loving.” 
Slowly Tamra’s eyes went wide, and Emelia smiled, her voice dropping 
lower.

“I love you, Tamra.” Her voice was gentle, and as the words were 
spoken Tamra felt as if her heart was going to burst. “Do you think 
it’s strange? That I love you...even though I only just met you, no 
more than an hour ago?” Tamra quickly began to shake her head, and 
leaned her cheek into the touch of Emelia’s palm.

“No, no...” She quickly reassured the other woman, as if her words 
were necessary to maintain the moment. “Because...I...” She paused, 
and then her hands flew out, to grab hold of Emelia’s free hand. She 
clutched her fingers tightly in between her palms, and gripped them, 
never wanting to let them go.

“Because I love you.” She spoke in just as gentle a tone as Emelia. 
“I’ve loved you...for...ever.”

Emelia smiled, and rose her head to meet the other woman in the eyes. 
Her finger remained on the cheek of Tamra, and she smiled wide as she 
looked into her face.

“They’re going to make fun of us, you know.” Her words were truthful, 
and Tamra nodded to the acceptance.

“Because we’re going on what we feel.” She finished the taller woman’s 
sentence, and smiled wide at the sound of her words. “But we’ll 
know...we’re the only two true romantics...left in the world.” With 
that Emelia smiled, and pulled Tamra close for a long, slow kiss.

As Tamra kissed Emelia, her heart began to swell with passion. Her 
hands dropped the blanket and her body was exposed, but she cared not 
for the nudity, and simply drew her arms around the librarian she had 
loved for so long. Deep down her mind reeled with the possibilities 
and the denials, and a part of her wanted to make her pull away. Every 
time a doubt entered her mind, her heart beat it back with the promise 
of love, and the meaning of what it was to be soul mates. She loved 
Emelia...and Emelia loved her. They didn’t have a reason, they didn’t 
have a vast knowledge of one another. All they had was a love, a love 
that seemed to burst from within. Before long, Emelia had disrobed 
from the entirety of her outfit, and the two were left under the 
covers together.

Tamra set down the leather bound book that Emelia had brought with 
her, and sighed heavily. The words, the events, they were all that 
were left. Her mind was reeling...all she could remember was the kiss 
from Emelia, and then fainting. She had come to being awake just a few 
hours later, she gathered, and when she did so she was fully clothed 
and laying in her bed, despite what the book had said. When she had 
awoken she saw the book, just as it was described in the story, laying 
upon her table. It was all that remained of Emelia, a leather bound 
book that spoke words of an event that never really happened.

Tamra sighed, and absently fingered through the pages of the book. In 
her mind, it was hard to determine what was real and what never 
happened, but the best she could imagine was that she had fallen 
unconscious after Emelia’s kiss, and simply awoke to a book laid on 
her table. She was confused...her head was nearly pounding, and her 
thoughts were discombobulated. Did Emelia leave the book? Did the love 
they spoke of truly happen? After a while she had decided that nothing 
of it was true, save for the first kiss she remembered first hand.

The book was heavy, but most of its pages were completely empty. Only 
the first two had been filled with the fictional story that took place 
with her awakening, but the rest were vacant, and rather 
disappointing. As she continued to flip through the empty pages, she 
came across a small piece of paper, wedged somewhere in between the 
pages, around the three hundred mark. With a suddenly rising heart 
Tamra reached in and snatched what seemed to be a note, and she let 
the book drop down to the ground with a heavy thud. She pulled its 
pieces apart and regarded it with interest, her heart pounding heavily 
within her chest as she read.

“Dearest Tamra,” The note began. “This book is my gift to you, and I’m 
afraid it is all I have time to leave you. Though I must admit, your 
faint made this all much easier for me to do. The story I wrote on the 
first two pages is just the beginning of a wonderful love novel, the 
story of Emelia and Tamra, a tale of two women separated by fate. I am 
sorry to leave you without acting out what was described in the 
story’s beginning, but my time right now is fleeting and I must be on 
my way. The rest of the story...is up to you, Tamra. These pages are 
blank...fill them with your own legend, the story of how we come 
together. Tell the story correctly, and we’ll truly be able to make 
love with one another. I look forward to that day.” As she read the 
note Tamra could feel her fingers tightening through a mixture of 
pain, and torment, and rage. She bit down hard on her bottom lip, and 
nearly began to tear the letter in half. As she turned it over to make 
the rip, she saw the spread of writing sprawled across the back. With 
a pessimistic heart, she read it, though as she did a smile grew upon 
her lips.

“Make the story come true. We’re both romantics, Tamra. Let this be 
our story of love. I’ll be waiting for you...in the final chapter.”

Tamra sighed, and gently folded the note back up, to replace it within 
the folds of the book. Though she wanted to cry, her heart refused to 
let it. The message was clear, and her resolve had been set.

The next day, Tamra set away from Greenhill. She carried only with her 
the empty book, a small supply of potch, and a tiny backpack carrying 
some mild provisions. Though the woman she loved was in the castle of 
the Genkakku army, her heart led her in the opposite direction. She 
would fill the book up with her story...and when the final chapter 
came, she would come to claim her love.

Emelia wrote the words “soul mates” in the beginning of the tale. 
Tamra was determined to prove the words true. Without a second’s pause 
or a doubting thought, she headed into the direction of the mountains 
to the north. Her own story had just begun, and all that she desired 
as a reward at the end, was the love of the woman she had admired for 
so long. She would prove to Emelia that they were meant to be, as two 
fated characters in the most romantic of fairy tales.

It was her time to make an impact.

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