The One that Loves Me
There are different kinds of waking up. One can ‘wake up' to the
realisation that you are in love with your best friend, or ‘wake up' to
the knowledge that you have been an utter ignorant fool. You can even
wake up to the knowledge that you are the most stinking lucky woman in
the world, or...
...you can just wake up.
I open my eyes to blurry whiteness, something which generally speaking
is not what I am used to when looking straight up at my ceiling.
Reluctantly my eyes clear and focus, and I am better able to tell the
whitewashed surface to be the ceiling of the medical wing. Ah, okay. I
close my eyes again.
Wait, what? The medical wing? Why am I here?
Eyes open again I try to move, only to find that my limbs are sluggish
and largely unresponsive. I ache all over as well, but then again I am a
soldier on the frontlines of the war, I usually ache someplace. What is
more peculiar is this feeling of being completely washed out.
The window is the first thing that draws my attention. There are no
drapes that cover them so I can see the sunlight and the blue skies from
here, though I'm not sure why I feel that this is important. Perhaps
I've just been assigned to night duty for too long.
I listen to the quiet for a moment, feeling peaceful despite the fact
that I am tired as anything and can't recall why I'm here. It takes me a
moment to realise that I hear someone breathing.
Sanya. Of course, that is Sanya's breathing, a sound I am very familiar
with from all the days and nights we tend to sleep together. No wonder I
felt peaceful.
Sanya is sitting next to the hospital bed, for indeed I am lying in one,
resting her head partly on the mattress and partly on me, and she has a
surprisingly firm grip on my arm for someone who is sleeping. I manage
to get my other arm to obey me enough to shakily reach over to brush her
hair out of her lovely face.
The sight of that beloved face ravaged by tears nearly manage to make me
spring to my feet, weakness or no. Only the thought that she will be
jostled awake manage to stop me somewhere between lying down and sitting
up.
What has made my precious Sanya suffer so? I must remember.
Concentrating hard things begin to come back to me, though far slower
than I would have liked.
I remember that we were chatting about going to the sauna after our duty
shift was over, Sanya, myself and the others, when the alarm sounded for
another Neuroi attack. We were launched quickly and caught up to the
Neuroi well over the ocean... there was a thunderstorm on the way, the
skies thick with dark clouds and savage winds, and we were supposed to
dispose of this latest attacker as quickly as possible before the
lightning started. Flying in rain is in some ways similar to flying in
darkness, visibility can go down to nearly nothing, and it is dangerous
for those that aren't accustomed to it. Flying in a thunderstorm however
is darn near suicidal.
We were rearranged into a formation with Sanya at the lead point and me
and Miyafuji flanking her, and then we engaged the enemy. I think I can
pretty much recall every manoeuvre I performed, every charge I made or
assisted in, until Sanya made the kill.
N-no, wait... something happened then, didn't it?
My memories begin to get hazy at around that point. Let's see, we were
high up, driven right into the clouds during the battle with the Neuroi,
and we could barely make out one another when flying took us a bit
further apart. I was right in front of Sanya when she fired the
finishing shot, providing a little extra shielding for her from the
intense barrage of fire the Neuroi kept up right until it disintegrated.
Oh... I think I remember now. Just as Sanya had fired, while everyone
was focused on the soon to be former Neuroi, I heard Sanya make an
alarmed sound. I turned just in time to see Sanya try to bring her
shield around, staring at something in the clouds behind us.
A Neuroi, wasn't it? A strange-looking small one, I wonder how it could
have gotten past Sanya's senses, but either way it was there.
I... released my own shield and dashed in front of Sanya just as the
second Neuroi fired. Yes, I think that's what happened... I somehow got
my shield up in time to take the brunt of the attack but not all of it,
which must mean that I got hit by some stray blasts.
Sanya whimpers in her sleep, and as I carefully stroke her hair hoping
to drive the bad dreams away I realise that I do remember what happened
after that.
There was no pain, just a bit of confusion as I was suddenly in Sanya's
arms, probably thrown there by the force of what hit me, and I wondered
why she was bathed in red. I tried to say something but couldn't, and
the image of horrified emerald eyes became very distant, until I
couldn't see anything at all.
The last thing I remember of that fight is the horrible, terrible sound
of Sanya screaming, first my name and then just screaming, so loud and
heartbreaking that it cut right through me. After that, everything is
darkness.
"N-no... Eila..." Sanya is whimpering in her sleep, tears leaking out
from behind closed lids. I try to gently shake her awake, the sound and
sight of her suffering cutting into me like Major Sakamoto's sword
through Neuroi. "Eila! Don't take Eila away! EILA!"
She screams herself awake, bolting to her feet with a wild yet
heartbroken look on her face while the tears pour down her pale cheeks
like waterfalls.
"Sanya? Sanya calm down, I'm right here." At first it seems like she
doesn't hear me, she just stares into nothingness with that expression
on her face like she has lost everything. "Sanya?"
Finally she must have heard me, for she blinks slowly and turns to me.
Only at this moment do I notice that Sanya is not wearing her usual
uniform but a large white shirt that I'm sure I've never seen in her
wardrobe. Sanya blinks again, several times, and slowly that painful
expression in her eyes melts away and the light I so love returns.
"...E-Eila?"
"EILA!"
Before I can really react to it Sanya has hurled herself at me with such
force that she veritably tackles me flat to the mattress with her
sprawled out on top of me. She grabs onto me rather hard and sobs into
my shoulder, repeating my name over and over.
"...Eila, Eila, Eila, Eila, Eila, my Eila, my brave, wonderful Eila,
Eila, Eila..."
I embrace her back, hold her tight and try my best to comfort, to tell
her that I am alright, even though my thoughts are whirling. ‘My Eila',
is it? I'm hers? Oh my sweet, sweet Sanya, you have no idea how much. I
think I might just be yours forever.
"It's ok Sanya... I'm right here, I've got you." I speak to her softly
and stroke her hair, pushing the other thoughts aside for now. I'll
figure out later what she might mean by that, right now I have to take
care of Sanya.
As she clings to me desperately, saying my name into the shoulder she is
crying on, a few other fragments of memories flicker through my mind.
I'm not sure I can make sense of them as they really are just a few
distorted images, of dark skies rushing by, of Sanya covered in blood,
my blood I suppose, and of... blue light covering the world?
I kiss the top of her head and just hold her, maybe rocking her ever so
slightly while making some kind of comforting noises, but mostly I just
let her get it out. I want to apologise to her for making her so sad and
upset, but this isn't the time for that. I will have to find a way to
make it up to her later.
"Glad to see that you are awake." A quiet and deep-pitched voice speaks
up from the direction of the door, almost making me jump in surprise. I
hadn't heard anyone come in.
"Major Sakamoto..." I greet the woman leaning in the doorway but trail
off as I notice how tired my otherwise so unflappable superior officer
looks.
"She hasn't left your side since they let her in here." Sakamoto
continues in the same tone of voice as she approaches the side of the
bed, gracing my Sanya with a small and surprisingly fond smile. Sanya
herself shows no sign that she has noticed that there is anyone else in
the room with us. "Ah, that's right, Shirley managed to drag her off for
a short bath while Miyafuji and the doctors were working on you, of
course."
She hasn't left my side? Oh Sanya. "How long have I..."
"Four days." I wince at that but Sakamoto does not notice. "Your
roommate woke up yesterday though."
Roommate? Does she mean Sanya? No, wait... blue light... of course.
"Miyafuji. She healed me, didn't she?" Even though her lack of control
over her healing powers can end up killing her if she uses them.
"Probably saved my life, too. How is she?"
"She drained herself badly enough to have slept for most part of three
days," Here Sakamoto's eyes were drawn back towards the door and what
lay beyond it. I guess I can imagine why she looks tired now. "but she
is fine now, and eager to see you now that you're awake."
Whatever else either of us would have said about it was lost as Sanya,
apparently done crying for now, sat up and unceremoniously scrubbed her
face on the oversized shirt she was wearing. Undoubtedly the shirt
belongs to Shirley, I must remember to thank her for taking care of
Sanya in my place.
I opened my mouth to ask if Sanya was alright, but that was as far as I
got. Pale slender hands reached up to cup my face, and briefly I caught
a flash of liquid green.
Suddenly Sanya's lips are pressed firmly and insistently against mine
for a good long moment.
My brain short-circuits, and by the time she releases me I am no longer
breathing, there is a deafening roar in my ears, and the room outside of
Sanya's beautiful blushing face is rippling and buckling.
"Never leave me, Eila."
I never have the chance to reflect over the quiet intensity of her plea
or how it pierces my heart, for as soon as the words are spoken Sanya's
lips find mine again. This time it is even sweeter somehow, filled with
longing and brings with it the faint taste of tears.
The world tilts on its axis and goes dark.
----------------------------------
The next time I open my eyes it is to the sight of Major Sakamoto
towering over me with a wryly amused look on her. I blink at her for a
long moment and do my best to focus. No offence to the Major, but hers
is not a face I particularly want to wake up to, even if she seems to be
in a good mood.
Someone tugs at her arm and the Major steps back to be replaced by a
younger and far more cheerful face. "Eila-san! You're awake!"
Miyafuji isn't using her abilities right now, yet I swear I can see that
tail wagging. I chuckle at her and pat her head though I am still a bit
woozy. "Hey you. Yeah, I'm awake, all thanks to you I hear."
Oh yeah, that tail is wagging alright.
"Oh! I'm glad I could help!" Although Miyafuji is happy and cheerful it
is quite clear that she is still very worn out. I feel a bit guilty for
that, though mostly just grateful. "Anything for my friends."
As she says this Miyafuji looks to the other side of the bed, and when I
follow her gaze I find Sanya sitting there quite demurely, hands in her
lap and her eyes averted. She is wearing her usual uniform again, and
from the way the edges of her bangs seem to be slightly wet I get the
impression that she has recently gone to wash herself up.
This is when I remember what happened before my... unfortunate...
blackout, and Sanya and I both blush profusely.
I need to talk to her. I need to find out if she meant what she did the
way I most desperately hope she did – and oh if she did, whoa, then I
can go out and defeat every single Neuroi all by myself because I will
be invincible!
As anxious and nervous as I feel about what Sanya might be thinking, I
am still overcome with the urge to simply grab the girl and run for it.
The most sparkling and amazing image comes to mind, of Sanya in my arms,
of white clothes and shining Strikers, of bells and blue skies and all
of our friends as cupids, throwing confetti and playing trumpets... the
sugary girly-girlishness of it all embarrasses me, so I shake my head to
get back to reality.
"I'm glad to see that you are doing better." I'm a little startled to
hear Lynette's lilting voice because I had not realised that she was in
the room. Looking for her I find her standing slightly behind Major
Sakamoto, smiling gently as usual, with a frowning Perrine leaning on
the wall behind her. As I thank Lynette I get a somewhat terse nod and a
troubled look from Perrine, conveying her concern for a comrade and her
well-wishes all in one go.
"We should leave you to your other visitors now, so you don't, ahh,
overdo it again." Sakamoto takes a small step forward and puts her hands
on Miyafuji's shoulders. "And you still need to rest, as well." This was
directed at Miyafuji and not me, thankfully distracting me from thinking
too much about what Sakamoto was really talking about.
"C'mere." I tell Miyafuji, holding out my arms while grinning at her.
She giggles and happily accepts my hug. "You saved me." I tell her
quietly. "Thank you."
As we let go and Miyafuji leave the room with Sakamoto and the others I
notice that Sanya is frowning. There's no opportunity to ask what is
wrong since the previously mentioned second group of visitors enter.
I've barely exchanged greetings with Barkhorn before Shirley ambles over
and, after a swift but frankly quite painful jab to my upper arm, grabs
me in a hug.
"Thank you for looking after Sanya for me." I tell my comrade in
mischief quietly as I hug her back. It is good to know that if anything
should happen to me our friends will look out for her.
"No problem. What are friends for? Just... make sure we won't need to do
it again anytime soon." Shirley replies equally quietly so no-one will
overhear. "That girl is crazy about you." She grins and punches my arm
again as she steps back.
I don't get the time to consider what Shirley told me as the instant she
steps back I am fiercely charged by a wild animal. Well, by Lucchini
actually, but she's half cat anyway, and whether she is trying to hug me
or just strangle me is anybody's guess.
"Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid stupidstupidstupid! Never do that again,
stupid!"
I nod a little and agree, what else can I do? "I promise I'll try."
"Good!" Apparently I have appeased her, because the stranglehold lets
up. I pat her head like I did Miyafuji's and she tries to glare at me,
the effect is ruined though by the fact that she is crying a little.
Before I know it she has darted forward and kissed my cheek, then
bounced off the bed and bounded off to cling to Shirley. The two of them
make it out of the room before I've even registered what Lucchini did.
"It seems someone is getting an awful lot of love today." Barkhorn
sounds dry enough, but I can still tell from here that she's laughing
inside. Glaring at her is absolutely ineffective too, so I guess I'll
just have to sulk. A glance at Sanya reveals to my surprise that not
only is she still frowning, Sanya is pouting and look rather... angry.
Lucchini is rapidly replaced by Hartmann, and only my confusion keeps me
from throwing her across the room. I don't like that gleam in her eyes,
what is she up to now?
She throws her arms around me and squeals. "Eeeiilaa, I want hugs and
kisses and snuggles with you tooo!" She tops her performance off with
that gleaming smile she has that makes the civilian girls swoon when she
walks by, and a batting of her lashes that chills me to the bone. Facing
Neuroi is less scary than this.
The world is violently jostled around again, and I dread what new
surreal experience I'll have the next time I open my eyes.
When the room stops moving this time though, the world is by far a
better place. Why? Because I find myself in Sanya's surprisingly
possessive embrace.
Even though she is furious and glaring daggers at Hartmann, my Sanya is
beautiful beyond words.
Hartmann grins unrepentantly though she is yanked out of the room by her
ear by an apologetic and terribly embarrassed Barkhorn, while Sanya is
thoroughly cleaning my apparently offensively dirtied cheek and
frowning. While I don't really care about the former, the latter has me
just about ecstatic.
Finally alone. I smile happily at her.
"You don't like it when other people get too close to me, huh?" Sanya
gives a guilty start, and blushes. Good, while the frowning and pouting
was cute and all, a smile or a blush looks even better on her.
"That's ok Sanya..." I tell her and lean my forehead against hers. "I
don't like it when other people get too close to you either."
Aww, now that was the smile I was hoping to see... no, wait, why are
those gorgeous green eyes tearing up?
"Eila..." Sanya's voice is shaky, tinted with pain. "I almost lost you."
A beat. "Please don't ever go where I can't follow."
"I'm sorry." I hold her closer and press a kiss to her forehead. "I
would never leave you willingly, Sanya."
"I want to be with you always." She whispers, and a small hand sweetly
touches the side of my face. "Only you, Eila."
I want to cry now too, getting all choked up with emotion. Instead I
wipe her tears away and place an adoring kiss on her palm. "San-"
"I love you."
Sanya looks as shocked as I feel; I don't think she intended to say that
out loud. I crush her to me.
"I love you too, Sanya, so very much."
I grab my courage with both hands to muster the strength to run my
fingers through her silky hair and lightly down one faintly blushing
cheek. I touch her chin and she responds by tilting her face towards me,
lips slightly parted and eyes fluttering closed. My lips brush against
hers very lightly at first, and I move back for just a moment before
returning for more. We are surprisingly good at this, Sanya and I, as if
this was something we did often, and we spend a long time delightfully
and unhurriedly moving together before drawing apart enough to look at
one another.
There's so much more I want to say to her, so much more I want to ask,
but my strength has run out and I can feel sleep beckoning me. There
will be other opportunities to speak of everything, to learn anything
Sanya may have to show me and to shower her with all the love I feel for
her.
For right now though I whisper the words in her ear and scoot over to
make some room for her to come lay down beside me. She smiles brightly
at me and eagerly crawls into bed next to me, claiming my shoulder for
her pillow and cuddles as close as she can. I smooth out the edge of the
blanket and hold her contently when a thought occurs to me. When I speak
my voice is quiet and touched by sleep, and hers is the barest murmur
underneath my chin.
"Sanya?"
"Yes?"
"You never really mistook my room for yours, did you?"
A soft giggle is my answer.
"...you sneak." I am grinning like a fool, but that is ok. Sanya loves
me.
I allow sleep to take me, safe in the knowledge that she will still be
here when I wake up. No matter what the world will throw at us from now
on, we will create our own happiness, Sanya and I. Together.
And tomorrow is ours.
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