-Prologue- From The Catholic Catechism, Vatican II edition. "Lesbianism" Lesbianism is a term referring to romantic love shared between two women. This, like male homosexuality, is a grave mortal sin. It is the divine job of the woman to be a wife and mother, providing Holy Mother Church with lots and lots of children (In the case of Irish and Hispanic Catholics, the number of children should preferably be in the double digits). Note: The one exception to this Church teaching is in the case of young girls, between the ages of twelve and nineteen, who are attending Catholic girl's schools. For reasons Church scholars aren't sure of, a Plenary Exception is granted them, and they are allowed romantic liaisons with one another up until graduation, at which time they are expected to set aside their sexual preferences (as well as their hopes and dreams) in order to marry a good Catholic man. -Chapter Five- -Divine Intervention- "Huh?" the Head Sister asked as she looked askance at Chiyo, "What's with her?" "Nagisa-chan?" Tamao asked as the reporters and photographers swarmed around her and the other girls, "What do we do now?" "We failed," Tsubomi moaned bitterly as tears started to run down the youngster's cheeks. "Get back," Kagome said as the press people backed the fearful girl into a corner of the room. She held her teddy bear up in front of her face to shield herself from the bright flash bulbs, "Ohshibaru says you're scaring me." "Lies!" the Bishop shouted again, "All lies!" "You girls are in so much trouble..." the Head Sister growled. "Nagisa-chan," Tamao implored more strongly. "This wasn't Miyuki's fault," Shizuma said elsewhere as she defended the St. Miator council president. "The hell it wasn't!" Kenjou spat back. "Nagisa..." All around Nagisa, there was chaos and fighting. The redhead closed her now tear-filled eyes. This was all her fault. She'd caused this mess. As she began to weep uncontrollably, she joined her hands together. "God," she wept, "Help me. I don't know how to make this right. Tell me what to do." Suddenly Nagisa became aware that all the noise in the room had stopped. She opened her eyes and gasped as she saw everyone in the room seemingly frozen in place, like wax statues in a museum. As she looked around the room at everyone, a bright light shone in the room, almost as bright as the sun. As the light faded, Nagisa saw two young girls roughly her age with golden halos above their head. One was a blonde in a pretty dress, while the other was a dark-haired girl in bellbottoms and a t-shirt. "W... Who are you?" Nagisa asked fearfully, "What do you want?" "My name is Simone," the dark haired girl said, "And this is Resine De Poisson." "Hello," the blonde greeted graciously. "Simone and Resine?" the redhead asked, "I've never heard of you." "Well," Simone began, "We were the stars of a series called Shirio Heya no Futari which first premiered way back in 1971." "You see," Resine added, "We were the very first shoujo-ai couple. We met in a French all-girl's Catholic boarding school." "Right," Simone said as she pulled out a cigarette and lit up, "Before there was Haruka and Michiru or Utena and Anthy, there was us." "We're the Patron Saints of Catholic Lesbians," Resine revealed proudly as her partner took a long drag off her cigarette, "So naturally when it looked like an entire school full of poor Catholic lesbians was about to be closed, we..." "The first," Saint Simone muttered under her breath. Saint Resine gave her a look and continued. "Anyways, when the Big Man Upstairs realized things were looking bleak for you and your friends, he..." "We were the first," the dark haired girl griped as she took another drag off her cigarette, "Us. But do we get any shrines? Or any tribute pages? No, of course not." "Simone," Saint Resine scolded, "I hardly think this is the time to bring up..." "We're forgotten while these Johnny-Come-Latelies get all the press! We were there first! We were the originators! We were the..." "Simone, please!" the blonde saint pleaded. "(sigh) Alright, fine. Look," she said as she addressed Nagisa once again, "The Big Guy wants us to tell you to put your faith in Him, okay. Just calm down; He'll give you the words to say to fix everything. "He'll give me the words?" Nagisa asked wide-eyed, "You mean like... Like a prophet?" "No," Saint Resine answered, "Ohshibaru's His prophet. You're just a cute little lesbian girl whose about to get a lucky break." Before Nagisa could respond, she was blinded by a bright white light, and Saints Simone and Resine disappeared. As her vision returned to her, the room was once again in a sea of chaos as accusations were thrown and camera's rolled. The redhead looked around and saw a small desk up against the wall. She quickly ran over to it, and climbed on top of it. "Everyone," the redhead cried out, "Listen closely; I have something to say..." "A message," Kagome muttered as she clutched Ohshibaru closer to herself and dropped to her knees, "A message from the Lord." "The Bishop is innocent," the redhead began, "Kagome is not his love-child. All we wanted to do was come here and save the Strawberry dorms. You reporters were so anxious to get a story, you didn't care if it was true or not!" There was silence in the room for a few seconds, then one of the reporters stepped forward. "You're right," he admitted, "I'm ashamed of myself." "All those years in journalism classes," a saddened female reporter said, "And I totally lost my credibility in the search for a scoop." "This makes me want to re-evaluate my life," a cameraman muttered, "I mean, what kind of a person have I become?" "A miracle," Tamao said, smiling at Nagisa, "Somehow, Nagisa-chan's speech has given all these reporters their lost journalistic integrity back!" "Little girl, we're sorry," another TV newsman said to Nagisa, "How can we ever make this up to all of you?" "By starting the interview with the Bishop over again," the redhead answered as she got off the desk. "Yes, let's restart the interview," the Bishop said with a smile, "But first, in order to thank this young girl for saving my reputation, I'd like to officially declare that the Strawberry dorms will not be closed down!" "Really?" Hikari asked joyfully as her fellow classmates cheered excitedly at the news. "Thank you Bishop," Amane said as she bowed deeply to the old Churchman, "Thank you very much." "Any time," Bishop Takahashi answered, "I'll just close down the Lilian Catholic School for Girl's instead. So if there's no other pressing business, maybe we can finally get this press conference underway again and..." "No, wait." Everyone turned to the small girl and her teddy bear that'd interrupted Bishop Takahashi. "Kagome," Kenjou growled, "What in the hell's your problem?" "We're getting what we wanted," Momori joined in, "If you ruin this for us, we'll..." "No, no, it's alright," the Bishop said as he came over to the cute little girl, "What's wrong little girl?" "Ohshibaru says she needs an exorcism," the blonde girl said as she used her bear's arm to point at Chiyo. The Bishop raised an eyebrow as he walked over to the girl in the panda suit. "Hello," Bishop Takahashi said with a smile, "Your friend over there thinks you're demon possessed. What do you think?" "Well," cute little Chiyo answered, "I don't want no Jesus freak to tell me what it's all about, no black magician telling me to cut my soul out. Don't believe in violence; I don't even believe in peace. I've opened the door now my mind's been released..." "Dear Lord!" the Bishop said as he crossed himself and turned away from the girl, rushing past the reporters over to the Head Sister, "Sister, quick; get me some holy water!" -One Exorcism Later- As the Bishop wiped the last of the pea soup from his coat and led the press people back into the conference room, the Head Sister turned angrily to her students, "And as for you girls," she warned, "When we get back to the dorms, you're all on punishment duty for a month! We'll take taxis back to the airport, and..." "But wait," Chikaru interrupted, "We still never figured out how we got to this island without a boat or plane." "That's right," Yaya agreed, "How did we get here?" "Ohshibaru says we took a plane." Kagome said, "We flew here after riding the bus to the depot, then got three taxis at the airport." "What?" Miyuki asked. "Wait a second," Kenjou said snidely, "If that's true, how do you explain the fact that none of us remember taking a plane ride?" "Ohshibaru says something really, really bad happened," Kagome answered, "So bad that we all suffered self-induced amnesia to deal with the trauma." "Oh no," Hikari gasped as all the color drained away from her sweet face, "I... I remember!" "Me too!" Tamao cried out as tears suddenly filled her eyes, "Oh, Sweet Mary, I remember..." -Flashback- The frightened passengers huddled together in the first-class section of the plane. Both Shizuma and Tamao set their differences aside as they held the weeping Nagisa between them, while elsewhere Hyuuga and Natsume clung to each other. Miyuki held onto Yaya while Amane and Hikari hugged each other. Even little Tsubomi and Chiyo held hands while Kenjou and Momori, figuring they were all about to die anyways, ran off to the bathroom dragging Toumori with them to have one more quickie before the end. As Chikaru held the frightened Kagome and her teddy bear tightly in her arms, a man strode forward. "That is IT!" the heroic black FBI agent said angrily as he pulled out his semi-automatic hand gun, "I've had it with these mutherfuckin' snakes on this mutherfuckin' plane!" -End Flashback- "No wonder we suppressed those memories," Shizuma muttered. -- -One Week Later- -- "Ugh," Toumori complained as she scrubbed the stairs of the church's bell tower with the others, "My knees are killing me! We've been cleaning these damned steps for the last six days, and we're still only halfway up the tower." "Probably because Head Sister is making us clean the steps with toothbrushes," Natsume answered as she scrubbed along next to Hyuuga. Elsewhere the now cured Chiyo was cleaning alongside Tsubomi, and Kenjou and Momori scrubbed the stairs below everyone else, giving the evil lesbian duo a good view up their classmates' skirts. Meanwhile, a timid Nagisa pulled out a key on a chain hanging from her neck and looked at it for a few seconds. Both Tamao and Shizuma, who were scrubbing the steps next to the redhead, noticed the gesture. Nagisa looked up and met the Etoile's eyes. "Etoile-sama," she began hesitantly, "You never told me the whole story about you and Kaori. I mean, Rokujou-sama told me most of it, but there are some things only you can tell. I mean, you were there 'till the end, you..." "Yes," Shizuma said as a tear formed at the corner of her eye, "I was with her to the bitter end. I'll never forget Kaori's last words to me on her deathbed, 'Shizuma... you're standing... on my... air... hose... Aaaaaaaaargh...'" "Oh, Etoile-sama," Nagisa said as tears now ran down the redhead's cheeks, "That the most poignantly tragic, angst-ridden story of lost lesbian love I've ever heard." Shizuma wiped the tear from her eye, "If... If only there was a cute redhead who could help me over my sadness. If only..." "Hey, wait just one second," Tamao said, "I have lesbian angst too, you know. I was alone in my room for three years, hoping and praying for a cute little roommate to love and hold and kiss and rub my tong along her sensitive..." "I saw her first," Shizuma said as she grabbed Nagisa's left arm, "In the forest!" "So?" Tamao snapped back uncharacteristically as she grabbed the redhead's right arm, "I was there waiting for her to wake up in the nurse's office after she fainted. Where were you?" "That's it!" Miyuki snapped as she looked down at the three from the step she was cleaning with Chikaru and Kagome, "I'm settling this stupid love triangle once and for all! Shizuma, you get Nagisa on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays!" "What?" Shizuma asked as she raised an eyebrow. "And Tamao, you get to have Nagisa Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays!" "You... You mean we're going to share her?" the bluette asked in shock. "Um, president Miyuki-sama?" Nagisa interrupted, "What about Sunday?" "Well Sunday's a day of rest, silly," the president answered with a wink, adding, "And something tells me you're going to need all the rest you can get after those two have their way with you all week long." Up above them, Hikari and Yaya scrubbed side by side, while Amane cleaned a few steps above them. The Head Sister punished them all, but secretly the nun was grateful to the group from Saints Miator, Lulim and Spica for saving the girl's school. And around the campus, the girls were now looked up to as heroes of legendary status. Even the evil lesbians Momori and Kenjou were now looked up to by the other students. A turn of events the two immediately jumped at as a way to take advantage sexually of the underclassmen who idolized them. And they all lived happily ever after... -The End- -Epilogue- "Hi, Chikaru here. The author wanted you to know that this time, the Black Sabbath song referenced was Under the Sun. Also, after such manga and anime series as Shirio Heya no Futari, Maria Sama Ga Miteru and Strawberry Panic, the question naturally arises; why there are so many lesbians in Catholic girl's schools? While current research is inconclusive, some scientists believe that Catholic girls (particularly of Japanese and French ancestry) possess a yuri gene which only seems to be triggered in an all-girl environment." "Before leaving this fanfic behind, let's all give a warm 'thank you' to Simone and Resine. Saints Simone and Resine, Patron Saints of Catholic Lesbians, Pray for us. Amen."
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