If My Word Isn't Enough
The return trip was almost painstakingly quiet. Everybody could sense that there was something bothering Rei, and she wouldn't let Mina in on it, which sent a very overcast message on the emotional radar.
The ship was already there by the time the late Senshi party made it to the lagoon. Everyone else was on board, save for Ami, Makoto, Michiru, and Haruka. The couples were easily definable, and Makoto and Haruka exchanged weary glances when Rei silently passed them without so much as a greeting, and they found that Minako was lumped with Setsuna and Usagi. Awkward and tense, they boarded the smaller ship that was rowed out to the larger vessel, and saw them safely aboard.
When Haruka asked what was bugging Rei, she mumbled that she was fine, and said she was going to grab a bite to eat. Makoto followed her, saying she was going to check on the kitchens. When it came time to discuss the squished rooming, Rei let them all know how things were.
Rei hadn't let Mina room with her. When Usagi asked if she was sure, she nodded, the first spark of life coming to her in the last several hours; she refused to be kept in the same room as Mina. Even while knowing that Makoto and Ami shared one room, and Haruka with Michiru were in another; she forced the arrangement to make it so that Setsuna was with Minako, and she with Usagi. But when Minako spoke with Usagi the following morning, she was told that Rei had ignored her the whole night, and even though her breathing said she wasn't asleep, she didn't respond to her at all.
Minako was beginning to fidget, pace, and even starting to bite her fingernails- there was something about the way that Rei was acting that made her very uneasy... and scared.
Standing in front of Rei's door, she numbly rolled the gift die in her hand. She had lost it's accompanying one somewhere on the island. Goddess of Luck, of Love, guide me today and help me ease Rei's sorrow, from whatever source it may be. Even as she prayed for it, Mina had an unidentifiable sensation that the source was herself, or at least related to her.
She knocked. The deadpan voice of her love, duller than usual, called through the wooden door, “Go away Mina.”
Mina would not give up so easily. Not on Rei. Never on Rei. “Rei-chan, please, can't you tell me what's wrong? I'm worried about you.”
“Don't be. I'll be fine. Now leave me alone.”
She was lying. Mina could sense it with every fiber of her being. “Rei-chan! I won't! Let me in!”
“Leave before I do something both of us will regret, Mina.”
Mina was tempted to barge down the door right there and then, but realizing that wouldn't help matters, she looked around before calling out, “If you don't open this door for me, Rei-chan, I'm going to start singing my-”
The door open and closed faster than Mina could even blink, and Mina suddenly found herself inside, looking at a red-eyed Rei-chan. Mina's hand slowly traveled up to touch her rosy cheeks, but Rei flinched and stepped away.
“What do you want from me, Mina?”
Mina stood there, barely an inch from leaning against the door, and went uncharacteristically silent for a long period. Then, “I just want to know what's bothering you, Rei-chan. And why you're avoiding me.”
At that, Rei's fists began to shake, and she walked towards the bed. Back to Mina, she stated, in a tone that hinted of lowly defeat, “I don't think I can trust you anymore.”
Mina distinctly felt an icy barrel of water cascading down from overhead, chilling her to the bone. A thin crack carved itself on the surface of her heart, and it grew deeper as she listened to Rei's response to her shaky, “Why?”
Rei remained silent for a long while, before she stated, “Just before, just before I... we... gave into lust, I felt something change in the air. I don't think the Stone really activated until that moment. Which... which leads me to believe... the directions were lying. Our love at that moment became false.”
Mina's heart thundered beneath her rib cage, threatening to break out of all restraints in panic. She can't possibly think...
Rei continued, despite the further draining of Mina's blood from her face. “It got me to thinking how much of this whole experience had to do with your actions. We never would have landed on that island if the ships hadn't been destroyed. I... I never would have lit the fire, blowing up the ships, if you hadn't set off that first explosive-”
“I didn't!” Mina suddenly found her voice, though she almost choked trying to get it out fast enough. “I swear I didn't, Rei-chan! I never went anywhere near your room! I kept my promise! Ever since you left me on the Zephyr, I stayed there, waiting for you to return. I didn't do it!”
A light scoff of disbelief came from Rei's direction, but Mina continued. “And for the Lust Stone, I felt the same change, but it's not what you think! The whole air of the island was tainted up to that point, Rei-chan. Our true love is what purified it. That was what deactivated it. Because our own lust, powered by love, was stronger!”
Rei turned her head sideways, and Mina saw the grimace on her face. “Was it really? Were either of us really powered by our love? You've been toying with me from day one, Mina. And I'm sick of it. I want to know the truth.”
Tears were brimming at Mina's eyes, as her heart screamed that it was desperate to clutch at Rei, pleading with her not to leave, as was surely what was being led to be the end result. “Anything! Ask me anything, and I'll tell you my honest truth about it Rei!”
The coldness of Rei's tone revealed nothing of how hearing Mina's voice- along with her heart- start to break affected her. “How long have you known? How long have you known that I loved you?”
Minako bit her lip slightly, hesitating, but soon replied, “At that point, I'd only had my Senshi powers for about a week, so I wasn't one hundred percent sure, but I began to believe it around your thirteenth birthday.”
A mocking sneer appeared on Rei's face as she murmured, “A week after I realized it? Tch. And you? How long have you thought you loved me?”
“I didn't just think it, Rei-chan- ever since I realized it, I've known that I loved you. It... but... “
“You said you'd tell me the truth, Mina. Are you going to go ba-”
“We were five years old.”
That stopped Rei. What had happened when they were only five, to make Mina sure of her love even at that point?
Mina answered her unasked question. “I knew it the moment I first saw you cry. You were in your room, alone- you had just moved into the Kingdom, considering your father as good as kicked you out of the House of Flame...”
Rei flinched at the memory. But then... “You saw me? You were spying on me?”
“I didn't mean to,” there was no guilt in her voice, only the telling of truth as it stood. “I was looking for you, seeing where you'd run off to. I wanted to get to know you better, but when I peeked in, I lost the nerve to go to you. We'd only just met, and I thought you might think that I was invading your space.”
“I would have. Thought that I mean.”
Mina continued. “But I knew I loved you then, because I wanted to comfort you so much... I hated seeing you in pain, in tears. Even now, I know I'd rather take on all of your burdens, if it meant knowing that you were safe and happy.”
A new dawning rose inside Rei as she looked back. “Then that doll you gave me the next day...?”
Mina lowered her head as a light blush appeared on her face. “I didn't tell you then, but it was a voo-doo doll. I didn't see you as a sadist really, especially against a fellow Senshi, but I gave it to you, one day hoping you'd use it, and release your anger on me, and be able to let it go.”
Rei said nothing as she crossed the room, and opened a heavy chest. Slowly, she reached into it, and pulled out a drawstring pouch the rough size of her hand. Mina's heart nearly stopped, as Rei loosened the string, and took out the doll.
Turning it over in her hand, Rei muttered, “I thought you were being vain, giving me a doll of yourself. Giving me a pack of needles to go with it, too. I thought I was supposed to sew something for it. Here.” Rei pitched it across the room, and it floated effortlessly into Mina's hands. “Now that I know what it is, I don't want it anymore.”
Tears dripped down to mar the almost perfectly preserved doll. Whereas when it had been given wearing the sailor fuku passed down in the generations, it now sported an orange sun dress, sleeveless and knee-length. Rei-chan had given her the real thing on her fourteenth birthday.
“Rei-chan...”
Rei ignored it and stood, moving onto the next bit that had been bothering her. “I was supposed to stay in the Kingdom while you went on the shipping trip. Why did the plans change? You must know something about it.”
Now Mina winced, but she responded all the same. “Fine. I personally asked Uncle to convince you to come along with me, all right? I couldn't stand being away from you for that long, and I hoped if we were alone together, I might actually get what I've wanted for nearly sixteen years.”
“And that is...?” Rei had a hunch, but she wanted to be sure. There was no telling where Mina could lie if she didn't check.
“For you to return my love.”
“If I recall, you recently said that you knew how I fe-”
“But you didn't do anything about it. I grew surer of it over the years since then, but neither of us did anything. Love isn't something that will allow itself to sit on the sidelines once it's discovered, Rei. I had to do something. Something drastic enough for you to pay attention to me.”
Rei scoffed softly. “Like seeing you with Setsuna?”
Again, Mina flinched, though, if she had thought back, she would have remembered that Rei had no feelings of malice then. She had understood completely. “I never intended for that to happen.”
“Didn't intend for what to happen? Me seeing you or-”
“I didn't intend to be anywhere near anyone else when we got to the Lust Stone. I wanted to be alone, with you. That's all I wanted.”
“How did you know?”
Mina blinked. “Know what?”
“That it was because of the Lust Stone.”
A soft smile spread on Mina's lips. “I recognized the symptoms the moment I entered the cave; my mother told me the story of the Lust Stone when I was little. Also, I trust you. I know you're loyal. If you love somebody, you'll do everything in your power to make sure you don't hurt them, or cheat on them. That and... I know you never returned Usagi's feelings for you.”
“You don't own me.” Mina was startled by Rei's sudden declaration, but she wasn't finished. “You say that like I'm just a pet, a slave, for you to toy with when you're bored. When you aren't around, you'll let me play with your friends, because you know you own me, and therefore, you'll never have to worry about me leaving you.”
“Rei-chan that's not-”
“Well maybe it's well past time I did.”
If it was possible for Mina's blood to run any colder, that single phrase did it. “Rei-chan you can't mean-”
Rei stalked over towards Mina, roughly moving past her and kicking the door hard. Yelling at the thud that marked several eavesdroppers, she called out, “I'm leaving! And if I see any one of you when I open this door, they'll be caught between my fire and the ocean water. One...”
“REI-CHAN!” Mina clamped her arms around Rei's waist. She stopped counting.
“What? I'm done talking.”
“Don't leave me! Don't say it, don't do that to me! Please!”
“I'll always love you Mina, there's no changing that. But I can't trust you. When we fight... my top priority will be the Princess, as it should be. Now let me go.”
“No!” Mina furiously shook her head, tears staining the back of Rei's shirt. “I love you Rei! I love you so much the thought of losing you kills me inside! Don't leave! I need you!”
“How do you think I felt when you asked me to meet you in an old mansion, only to find that you had hung yourself? On my birthday no less?”
There were muffled gasps from the other side of the door. Mina ignored them, though Rei didn't want to, and whispered, “I'm sorry! But didn't that just go to show? I said as long as it was in my power to, I'd make your wishes come true. If it would make you happy... I'd die for you, Rei-chan.”
Rei let out a derisive snort. “The Princess wouldn't like that. Neither would the Kingdom. You have a duty, Mina. A duty that has nothing to do with me.”
“I can't be an efficient leader of the Senshi, Rei, if my second-in-command isn't there to support me!”
“Wars separate people. You'll find someone else.”
“I refuse to! You're the only one for me, Rei-chan! I'd rather die than take on anyone else.”
“Your suitors wouldn't be pleased with that decision.”
“I don't care! I want you and only you!”
“Mina, let go.”
“No, Rei-”
“I said LET GO!” In a furious show of adrenaline, Rei pulled Mina off, and threw her in an arch through the air so that she landed on the bed. Eyes flashing, she turned back and wrenched open the door. “As soon as this ship docks, I'm leaving.”
Minako, even with her heart fragmenting into worthless shards, forced herself up and rushed to follow Rei out. She looked over the horizon. The Kingdom was within sight. At the top of her lungs, or as high as she could muster at the moment, she shouted, “DROP THE ANCHOR! DROP IT RIGHT NOW!”
The ship came to an abrupt stop as the crew did as they were told. Only ten yards away, Rei stopped and whirled around. “Just what do you think you're doing now?”
Minako vehemently held her ground. “If you're going to leave as soon as we dock, then I'll make sure we don't get there until I change your mind.”
Rei's eyes flashed with anger. “Are you threatening me?”
Mina shook her head. “I love you Rei. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure your love doesn't stay where it is.”
“You're obsessive.”
“Only with you.”
“You're better off locked up.”
“Only if you're my roommate.”
“You're an idiot.”
“I'm a fool in love.”
“I won't associate with fools like you. It might rub off on me.”
“It already has. But don't two wrongs make a right?”
“So you're calling yourself wrong?”
“Only if you are, too.”
“I'm not the same as you.”
“We're too alike for us not to be the same.”
“How can we be alike, if you are of Love, and I am of War?”
“We Fight for Love, and our Passion makes us Beautiful. Is that not War and Love, Passion and Beauty?”
“OR... Love destroys us while we Passionately Fight... And though the War was Beautiful, the Love that was born from it was not.”
“Love needs to be protected. It gives the warriors purpose going in, but the Passion of War makes them forget its Beauty.”
“We're getting nowhere fast with this.”
“Don't say you'll leave me.”
“It doesn't matter what I say, if actions speak louder than words.”
“Don't leave me at all then! I can't live without you Rei.”
“I can't stand being with you if I can't trust you Mina.”
“Give me time to change! Give it time... and I'll never give you reason to suspect me again!”
“And how do you intend to do that?”
“I'll be honest. I'll tell you ev-” Mina stopped, a look of awe in her eyes.
“What?”
Before Rei could object, Mina had closed the distance between them, and with only a whispered, “Hold still for a minute, and close your eyes. I'll show you how much I love you... how utterly incomplete I would find myself without you.”
Mina hurried to trace a very complicated set of symbols upon Rei's forehead, all the while murmuring a spell of sorts under her breath. The crew watched in silence.
Then, upon finishing, Mina took Rei's hand, and placed it in the center of her torso. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the hand through her chest, and it went in as if Mina's body were only a frame of gelatin. Weakly, Mina whispered still, “Take hold of my mirror. My dream mirror. Close your eyes and look at it. Really look at it and tell me if you can find any crevasse inside my thoughts and heart that doesn't love you, need you, and think of you.”
Rei was just about to object that Mina was putting a mind control spell on her, when her hand knocked against said mirror. Taking a deep breath, she plunged through to the 'Dream World'.
Mind Phase
At first, it was dark, and Rei couldn't have possibly seen her hand in front of her face. But then, a chibified Mina appeared in front of her, wearing that orange sundress, and extended a hand to her. Because Mina was lit with an inner glow, Rei had no trouble seeing her, nor herself at that point. When she took Mina's hand, her own body shrunk, and soon they were flying through the empty space together. As Mina turned her back on her, as she was leading, Rei caught sight a chibi-version of herself embroidered into the dress.
Remembering what Mina had said about 'any crevasse that didn't love, need, or think of her', she looked around, still seeing nothing. Mina-chan giggled, and pointed towards the door, hanging in the middle of the space. Was that where everything was? The chibi Mina nodded, and giggled again, pushing Rei-chan towards the door that opened of its own accord.
It was a little girl's room, filled with stuffed animals in huge piles, such as gold tends to be stacked in a Royal Treasury. At least, that was Rei's first impression. When Mina-chan flicked on the light, or pulled some other such switch, the walls positively glowed, and Rei-chan found herself blushing profusely. Indeed, every square inch of the walls, ceiling, and floor were covered by mismatched pictures of Rei. They were all unique from each other, but they were all of Rei, no doubt there.
As Rei-chan floated into the room, she steered towards the nearest clump of stuffed animals- now floating as if in an anti-gravity field- and recognized them. They weren't stuffed animals at all, actually. All of them were miniature dolls of herself, some depicting Sailor Mars, some of Lady Hino (still Rei), some as the child Rei, some still as the “adult” Rei- in chibi form. Each one had a different stance, or a different facial expression, or a different hairstyle, which surprised Rei, considering she didn't even remember looking like half of them at any point in time.
Then Mina-chan took her hand again, and led her to the other side of the room- which was a lot farther than Rei had thought at first- and showed her the largest portrait of all, Adult Rei lying in bed, half covered in silken sheets, wearing a thin, red silk slip. With the light shining down at just the right angle, and the shadows perfectly revealed, Rei was ready to believe it wasn't a portrait, but a window to reality. Then again, she could not ever recall wearing such a... revealing piece, such as it were.
She watched as Mina-chan winked at her, and then floated to the right side of the frame, pulling and tugging- in the process making adorable expressions of exertion- at something behind it, eventually extending an equally tall and twice as long screen into view. She then flew to the top of the ornate frame, halfway pulled inside the pocket dimension herself- which brought on an interesting show of flailing legs for Rei- and proceeded to throw trinket after trinket over her shoulder. Finally, she found what she was looking for- a red sphere- and waddled back through the air to Rei-chan with it.
Calling up a couple of crimson satin beanbags from thin air, Mina-chan and Rei-chan sat down, even as Mina-chan tinkered with the globe. Soon however, its function was made apparent, as words came onto the screen. By rolling the globe in place towards her, Mina-chan scrolled down the text, Rei furiously trying to read it- it was in huge block letters so actually “reading” it wasn't all that hard- while at the same time watching the portrait begin to animate itself.
An equally adult Mina walked into the scene, and crouched next to the bed, watching Rei sleep. She seemed to hesitate a little, before kissing Rei awake. After a long and particularly passionate awakening, Rei tugged Mina into bed.
The Rei-chan with Mina-chan blushed down to her tippy toes as she proceeded to watch the intimate scene play out. Mina-chan was giddily dangling her legs in mid air, no shame in watching it whatsoever. Well, after all, why would she? Even in chibi form, the Senshi of Love was still the Senshi of Love. Especially in her own mind.
But then the portrait began flickering, and both spectators frowned, Rei's from confusion, Mina-chan's from disappointment. Before Rei could realize what had really happened, an invisible hook grabbed Rei by the side of her mouth, and wrenched her back across the room, through the door and up... up out of the mirror... back to the real Mina.
End Phase
When Rei came to, she was startled to find that Mina had collapsed, and they were both lying on the wooden planks now. Concern rose above the confusion, and she shook Mina, calling out, “Mina? Mina! What- Are you all right?”
Mina smiled wanly then, and opened her eyes halfway. “I'm all right, Rei-chan. You actually weren't supposed to stay there as long as you did. But I'll be fine.” She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, before inquiring, “Did you find... anything interesting?”
Rei gave her a soft smile back, and then answered midst an embrace, “You're an idiot, Mina. But I love you for it, despite it, because of it. I... thank you. And I'm sorry about before. I'm willing to try again if you are.”
Mina grinned. “O' course I am. And I'm sorry too, Rei. Even if it's just you, I'll tell you the truth always.” She paused, and then asked, “For future reference, what was it that changed your mind?”
A light tint of red came to Rei's cheeks, and she really realized how not alone they were. With a short, “I'll show you later,” Rei clumsily got to her feet, carrying Mina with her.
Makoto stepped forward from the crowd. “So is that it? Your lover's spat over and done with? We can go home now?”
Rei looked around at the sea of intent faces, and then at her one and only love. A heartwarming smile lit up her face as she replied, “Yes, yes it is. Let's go home.”
Back to Voyage of Love Index - Back to Sailor Moon Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction