Setsuna's Advice

a Sailor Moon fanfiction by Fade

Admin Note: Minor spelling revisions by Lady Meg.

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"So, Makoto's in love with you?" 

Her blue-haired impromptu guest just nodded, too embarassed to add 
anything else. Not long after the snowstorm had ended, she had found 
herself wandering aimlessly in the freezing streets of Tokyo, something 
she usually enjoyed a lot in winter. But for the life of her, she 
couldn't relate how she had finally wound up in front of the Outers's 
house. It wasn't exactly close to her own home, to say the least! 

And that's how Setsuna had found her, standing in the doorway with a 
blank stare and barely responding to any external stimuli. The older 
senshi had gently led her visitor in the living room. The Inners had 
once told her how badly Ami would zone out when she was under deep 
emotional stress, but she hadn't actually witnessed it yet. She had 
wanted to call the others for help, but the young genius had suddenly 
lunged at her, snatched her communicator and phone and refused to give 
them back. That had, of course, worried the senshi of time greatly. And 
when'she' was under deep emotional strain, 'she' lunged at chocolate. 
So, she had silently brought two boiling mugs of cocoa from the kitchen 
and settled on something she was damn good at: waiting. 

Luckily, she didn't have to wait until the next ice age before Ami 
finally relaxed and blurted out the whole story. Now, Setsuna was having 
a very hard time keeping a straight face, for the sake of convenience. 
Had she been alone, she would be rolling on the floor with laughters! 
However, to be a senshi of time required a lot of self-control and... 
mind flexibility. There was nothing such as a straight line with time. 
Everything could or couldn't happen. On the other side, when the train 
was well on it's way, some things WERE BOUND to happen, provided that no 
gangster would try to stop it with a big boulder on the rails, that is. 
Her job was to make sure that she had the monopoly in this business. 
Then, you'll understand that you couldn't live like this during 
millenias without a good sense of humour, or you went insane after the 
first three centuries... She couldn't wait to see the reactions of her 
housemates, particularly Haruka's. She had taken a big, slow breath and 
managed to keep her trade-mark cool and unshakable expression. 

"And Usagi wants to set me up with Seiya-san?" 

Again, the younger girl simply nodded. 

"Interesting..." Was all she added, before she took a sip of her mug and 
nearly burnt her tongue. There were so many timelines, so many alternate 
universes. Sometimes almost similar, sometimes completely different. She 
had seen them all, and in a way, lived them all. Well, at least, in 
those where mankind AND the senshi had arisen. A senshi of time also 
ought to be good at multi-thinking, because of that, precisely (in fact, 
she was just good at following several lines of thoughts at the same 
time, a women's advantage, it is said, according to the last 
compartmental studies). It was a strange thing to be able to remember 
things that had yet to happen or that would happen to another of her 
self. If she didn't pay attention, she could lose herself. But chocolate 
was chocolate. A sure thing to cling to, if nothing else. 

A dreamy look appeared on her face. There were so many... combinations. 
Some choices had to be made before she could determine with timeline 
they would follow, at least during some time. But already, the number of 
possible futures had dramatically reduced. They were... 

"But Setsuna-san, aren't you worried?" Ami shyly interrupted her pompous 
rambling. 

Setsuna allowed herself to smirk and raised an eyebrow. "Why should I 
be? I'm a grown woman, I can handle it." Anyway, there were certainly 
far worse things than to date a gender-changer as cute as Seiya. 
Gender-changer? Now, come to think about it... Yeah... 

Of course, she wouldn't admit that her worst fear was to end up in one 
of those timelines were she was condemned to stay alone until the end. 
She shuddered. She had seen it, it was pretty miserable. She usually 
became a terminal addict to some dangerous substance. She glanced at the 
chocolate box that she had already partially ravaged. It was lying 
seductively on the low table, vulnerably open for her to ravish it. She 
sweatdropped. 

Hum... She didn't want it to happen to anyone else! She tore her gaze 
from the box and focused on the senshi of water. "But maybe I should 
ask: why are YOU so worried?" 

The younger girl froze, and for a moment, Setsuna feared that she had 
reversed back to her zombie-like state. Then, Ami's face went burning 
red and the senshi of time could have sworn she saw steam rising from 
the girl. The thought to use her to heat a sauna complex crossed briefly 
her mind before she filed it for later. 

Back to the real world at hand, Ami was mumbling something, her gaze 
glued to her feet. 

"Sorry? What did you say? I'm afraid that at my age, it's not surprising 
to become a little deaf.." She said good-naturedly. 

Ami's face became even brighter and she was even more incoherent. 
Setsuna had to ventilate herself with a newspaper. Gods it was hot, all 
of a sudden! Actually, it was almost raining in the room by now. 

Setsuna finally took pity on the girl - and on herself - and decided to 
help her friend out a bit more actively. "Look, Ami-chan, if you don't 
love her, you will have to tell her, eventually. Even if you don't want 
to hurt her. You cannot avoid her indefinitly. Of course, it will 
probably break her heart, she's very sensitive, but she's also very 
strong and loyal. She will accept your decision, no matter what. But, 
and this is the most important, don't deny her your friendship and don't 
act as if nothing had happened either. That would probably kill her. 
Take her feelings in account and respect them. Remember that she's your 
best friend, first of all. Be honest with her." 

She was startled to see Ami raise her head with a fierce look on her 
face. 

"But I do love her!" The assurance with which she said that surprised 
Ami herself. "I... I really love her... I guess I was too mixed up to 
admit it..." Imagining her Makoto hurt by her, being denied what she 
herself craved for... That was just too much. Ami knew she would never 
allow that. 

Unnoticed by her, Setsuna was fighting back a scowl. 'So much for the 
good piece of advice!' Instead, she wore her usual neutral mask and 
asked. "Then, what is all the fuss about? You already know that she's in 
love with you..." And with a tone a little bit more edgy, because, 
really! Why were the young people so complicated nowadays? Things were 
much simpler back then. You just knocked down the one you'd selected, 
grabbed him/her by the air and hauled him/her in your cave. That was it! 
"... You don't even have to worry about Usagi's and the others's 
reaction, and I don't think your mother, as I know her, would object to 
that either..." She unconsciously grabbed a piece of chocolate. 

Ami's gaze dropped once again as she clutched her sides nervously. "I... 
I don't know... I'm terrified... I guess... Everything's happening so 
fast! I..." 

It suddenly dawned on Setsuna what Ami's real problem was, what she 
couldn't bring herself to ask. "... And you've never been too 
comfortable with these kind of ur... feelings, have you?" She finished 
tactfully for her. She looked at the young woman and suddenly had an 
awful moment of doubt. Surely she knew how...? She shook her head. Of 
course she did, Ami was a genius, after all. Even Chibi-Usa had figured 
it out a long time ago. Ami just needed someone neutral to help her 
loosen up a bit, gently. It was like walking on eggs, considering Ami's 
reaction to this particular subject. The excitement of a new challenge 
ran through her spine. 

"I know that I'm being completely irrational, but I can't help it. And I 
don't want to mess up everything with a panic attack..." Ami trailed 
off. 

Setsuna snatched another chocolate and chewed it thoughtfully. "Yes, you 
certainly must do something about it, because if you don't, it could 
become quite a problem... Love can strike like a fifty ton hammer, but 
it's also as fleeting and fragile as a feather." She nodded pleasantly 
to herself. That was a good one, she would use it again. "You came to 
the right person, Ami-chan. I happen to have a lot of experience in this 
matter." 

"Oh really?" 

The two women jumped in surprise upon hearing the new voice. 

"And what's with the line? You almost sounded like Mina-chan, except we 
could understand you!" Haruka was leaning against the doorway, a sly 
grin tugging her lips. Behind her, Michiru was gently laughing. Then the 
sandy-haired woman strolled to the couch and flashed her most seductive 
smile to the poor Ami. "I think that if Ami-chan is looking for good 
tips, Michiru and I would be better suited to the job, wouldn't we?" 

Setsuna scoffed, irritated by what she perceived as an invasion on her 
territory. "You? You're just a newbie in this game! I, on the contrary, 
have had millenias of practice. 'I' could teach YOU some valuable 
tricks!" 

The two women were now nose to nose, each one not standing that her 
expertise in the matter could be doubted. 

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see that, granny! Because 'I' certainly didn't see 
YOU practice a lot for the last decades. You certainly need a real 
update." 

Setsuna was about to yell when she suddenly remembered who she was and 
replied with infuriating calmness. "The fact is that I've always favored 
quality to quantity, indeed." 

Harucka's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Are you insinuating that I don't 
know how to please Michiru?" 

By now, Ami was seriously hyperventilating, while Michiru was too 
shocked by the situation to even believe that she had actually heard 
what had just been said. 

Setsuna just smirked. 

But Harucka was a too good poker player. She wouldn't fall in such an 
obvious trap and make a fool of herself by losing her temper. Ha! 
Certainly not! She recovered her usual sexy self and decided to produce 
her ace. She reached in her subspace pocket and brought out a video 
tape. "Ha, ha! I can prove how good I am!" She bent down to be at level 
with her housemate's face. "I could show you much more... directly, but 
Hotaru will be home soon. However, I'm sure..." She handed her the tape. 
*H/M testing Kama Sutra T#1* was written on the cover. "...that this 
will suffice." 

At this, Setsuna's smirk widened. "Maybe, but I still have a great 
advantage on you, dear..." 

This picked Harucka's curiosity. "And that would be?" 

" 'I' wrote the Kama Sutra." 

There was a dead silence in the room. Haruka's lower jaw had hit the 
floor, Michiru's eyes were twitching uncontrollably and she was about to 
strike her lover with a fifty ton hammer. Ami's head had finally blown 
up. 

Setsuna looked around her and frowned. "Now, who finished my chocolate 
box?" 



The end 



That was just too fun to write! And yes, I'm a hopeless Terry 
Pratchett's fan. 

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