The things said in '' are thoughts.
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Yoko stared at her daughter and her daughter's girlfriend. They were
seated at the kitchen table at the motel room she rented. 'So you
wanna know why, huh.' Moving to the counter she picked up an unopened
pack of cigarettes and lit one, then picked up the pack along with
another and sat herself in front of the girls. 'I might as well tell
you.' "it started like this..."
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Flashback :-)
"Goddamn it Yoko," Hideo exclaimed as he looked around the small one
bedroom apartment "can't you clean this place up, it looks like your
face." He took off his coat and threw it at the coat rack. He walked
passed the quiet eighteen month old in the ratty second hand playpen
and made his way to the fridge. After a long day at wherever he's
been, he had one thing on his mind, a cold beer.
"OH FOR KAMI SAKE LOOK AT THIS" he slammed the fridge door and stormed
back into the livingroom. "Have you seen the state of the fridge?" he
asked his wife. She just puffed on her cigarettes and ignore him.
"What do you have to do besides keep this place clean when the day
comes," he said walking close to her.
Now she looked at him, eyes narrowed but said nothing.
He stopped in front of her and stared down at her with a weird look in
his eyes, not anger, but probably regret. He left her without saying a
word and walked over to the baby he barely ever acknowledged. She
stared up at him as he watched down at her.
At one year and a half, Ami was capable of holding conversations. She
usually didn't talk to her father because he hardly ever looked her
way, but her baby mind was reeling when he stopped in front of her and
didn't look angry. She didn't know what his look meant, she had only
ever seen anger and the look he got when he was absorbed with
television. She assumed since this wasn't anger, it must be happy and
said "hello."
Still staring he smiled. She stretched her arms out to him for him to
pick her up. "hi daddy" she said when he did. "hey kid." He said
nothing while Ami played with his face, pulling his hair, nose, lips.
For the girl it was a new experience. He's held her before, but it
was so few and far between that the next time always felt like the
first time.
The father/daughter bonding was broken by Yoko's screaming. She was
so shocked as she looked on, that her cigarette fell out of her mouth
and onto her skirt burning a small hole. When Hideo turned around he
saw her patting herself to smolder the fire. He turned back to his
daughter and looked at her for a long while before putting her into
the play pen and turning to her mother.
"Since there's nothing in the fridge," he started as he walked to the
coatrack he threw his jacket on "I'm gonna go get us some dinner." He
was already out the door when he turned back and said "clean this
place up a little before I get back."
End flashback :-|
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"that was the last time I saw Hideo" Yoko said puffing on her
cigarette. She looked over at her daughter to see her mulling the
things she said over. She left her to do it, and looked at the tall
girl at her daughters side. It was plain her only concern was Ami.
She almost smiled, but she still couldn't fully get over her feeling
that their relationship is wrong. 'I'll just have to get over it" she
thought 'I don't think I can handle fifteen more years of being away
from her.'
Her cogitation was broken when she heard Ami asking "how exactly did I
end up with Okaa-san?" 'that hurts you know Ami,' Yoko thought as she
stared at her daughter and took another puff of her ciggie 'I'm your
Okaa-san.'
"After your father left things were hard," Yoko started. "I never had
a job, I went straight from my father's house to his house."
"Don't you think you've had enough," Ami asked, stopping Yoko as she
opened the other pack of cigarettes.
'I need 'em to keep me calm' she thought as she silently finished
opening the pack and lit one. "There were practically no savings" she
resumed her story, "we had lived from your father's paycheck to
paycheck."
She fell silent still staring at Ami, 'am I making you uncomfortable,
you don't look like I am. If you are sorry, I can't help it.' Taking
another drag. 'should I tell you the rest or just skip to what you
what to know?' Another drag. 'you're the scientific type aren't you?
you wanna know it all.'
"Yoko-san?"
'Hmmm, what the heck you already hate me,' blowing out a long stream
of smoke. "Well after what passed for savings were gone," she started
slowly "I had to naturally get a job." 'how am I gonna do this?' for
the first time she moved her eyes from her daughter and stared at her
cigarette. "It was a night job." 'please Ami, get the idea.' Slowly
raising her head it was obvious by Makoto's large round eyes and Ami's
scowl that both knew what she was talking about. 'So you're not happy
with that huh Ami,' taking a long drag 'I didn't think you would be.
What would you think of the rest?'
"Well, I didn't like that job much" she started again "but I had to do
it, we had to eat." The scowl on Ami's face hadn't gone away 'No
sympathy huh?' "Well a few colleagues of mine introduced me to, umm,
/something/ that would make me not like it more, but tolerate it
waaaay better."
"I'm not a child," Ami stated monotonously "there is no need for
Euphemism."
'shit kid!' "Humor me then."
Ami shrugged her shoulders, "if that's what you want." She took a
quick glace at Makoto and then returned her gaze to Yoko "go on."
'damn it your just like my sister, She's really made you hers hasn't
she? it doesn't matter what I say' "well After a while I my
priorities changed," she leaned back on the chair and crossed her
legs, "Instead of taking care of you, I _needed_ to get that thing
that made life so worth living." Even Makoto's face held a scowl,
'heh, didn't want _your_ pity anyway kid.' "So all my money went to
getting it."
Stubbing out her cigarette, Yoko surprised the girls by just leaning
back and not relighting another. "It was just my luck that one day,
unannounced, my sister came to visit. I don't know how she got in,
but she sure didn't like what she saw."
She paused as her eyes moved to watch Makoto shift in her seat. "I
didn't even realize she had taken you until I came down from my high."
'are you even listening, you face hasn't even so much as twitched in
the last few minutes' she thought looking at Ami. "And even then I
just went back to sleep. The next thing I Know someone was at the
door, a law messenger, with paper telling me that I had to get help
before I could get you back.
Long story short, I took my sis to court they said she was full of
shit and gave you back to me. But in the same minute they took you
back because you weren't receiving the right care, and gave you to my
sister and her husband to care for. There was a stipulation that I
get you back in a year if I clean up and present that I have a stable
and decent life to bring you back to.
Well in all honesty, I did try to straighten out, but I don't know, I
got high again and I just didn't wanna quit. Before I knew it a year
passed and I was in deeper than before they took you. Well obviously,
I lost you and all rights to you."
'there you go, you wanted to know.'
"They said your father could come back and take you from them if he
wanted. But he only had until you were fifteen." 'not that he
would've come to get you anyway.'
Yoko watched as Ami's shoulders slumped and she stared at her hands.
She also watched as Makoto unashamedly put her arm around her
girlfriend's shoulder. 'I wonder what you expected to hear.' Looking
away from the girls she looked at the pack of cigarettes on the table
'I need a drink.'
"I don't know what to say about this," Ami's words broke into her
thoughts. Yoko just stared. "Before I didn't hate you for giving me
away...I still don't." Sitting straight again as Makoto took her arm
away "but I just wanted to know."
'You know now, so where do I stand with you.' "What do you think now?
has anything changed?" Yoko asked.
"The only thing that has changed is that now I know," Ami said
standing up, though she didn't walk away from the table. "Now I know
I'm adopted and the circumstances around it," she paused as she stared
at the woman who brought her into the world.
'I'm just the crap under your shoe, aren't I?'
As if she heard Ami answered "As far I am concerned you are my
mother's sister, and the woman who gave my life, but you're not my
Okaa-san." She paused as Makoto got up and pushed her chair in "and
as long as you despise my relationship as you do, you're not even
family." She took a deep breath as she stood up straighter "I don't
hate you Yoko, but I don't like you very much..." She didn't stop as
Yoko rose from the table. "I'm assuming you kicked your drug habit,
is that right?"
'would I show my face if I didn't?' "yeah!"
"That's great. Well our relationship depends on you attitude." Ami
stopped at the front door and turned to the woman she assumed she
would never see again. "I'm not friends with people I don't like, and
you are family. They say you can't choose your family, they must be
right. You're not my mother anymore, legally or..." She trailed off
as she figured her mother got the point. "Though you are my aunt,"
she stepped out of the door and looked back "its up to you what type
of relationship we have in that respects."
Yoko stared at the closed front door, letting out a hugh calming
breath. 'An aunt is better than nothing, Ami.' A smile tugged at her
lips.
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A/n- hmm...I don't know what to say about this. what do u think?
And take some time to check out my other fics about these two, they
may be better. :-S
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