No, I Have Not Thought of Time
Author's Note: For ages and ages I have been trying to create a decent
tale about Sailor Mars and Sailor Pluto. I have a love for uncannon
couples they add spice to the millions of predictable pairings (which
yes i am also guilty of). So I offer you this, and pray it meets with
someone's approval.
********************************************
It was a color parade as the sun set into orange-red, violet-blue
hues. Flocks of birds scattered amongst the clouds fleeing for warmer
climates. There was the slightest of chills in the air as she stood on
the hill over looking the city. Long evergreen locks of hair caught in
a dance with the wind, lost in the soft pull of the growing darkness.
Maroon eyes wandered across the play of slowly emerging stars. She
looked to the sliver of the moon that smiled casually at the
disappearing sun. And in the moment she tried to find peace. There was
nothing though, nothing but the beauty of the approaching evening and
the lonely tick of time in her heart. Stoic as she was she could no
longer fight the pull she felt growing within. A pull that was leading
her to a lover she had not let herself remember, a lover that she had
shielded the Gates of Time from revealing to her, because there were
some things she knew she did not need to know, at least not right
away. She was growing impatient for the result though. Visions of what
was to come would float to the surface gracing her with scenes that
where perfect and serene. Just as she was to glance the person who was
to make her lonely heart complete her future or past self would step
in the way, slight smile on their knowing faces. They would gently
remind, "You are the one who set the limits in the first place,
Setsuna. You are the one who didn't want to know, didn't want to
remember. So you must wait."
She sighed a bit, sadly amused at the strangeness of her powers. At
her ability to be in so many places at once. If she concentrated hard
enough she could see all the places where her present moment
intersected with the past and future. How she was guarding the Gates
of Time, a sea of emptiness spreading before her. How she was riding
to school on a crowded bus worried about being late. The happiness on
her face as she was celebrating something that looked like a wedding
although she could not see who the happy couple was. The shock of
meeting her self and receiving the Garnet Orb, learning that she was
going die…And yet strangely…oddly… how she never really died at all.
The sky was lost in the dark blue, purple-black of the night as she
was pulled from her wanderings. From the hill she could clearly see
almost every planet in the sky, some more faint than others. She
brushed back her hair, took a deep breath and proceeded to walk home.
Her pace was mildly slow but she was in no real hurry since Haruka and
Michiru had taken Hotaru and Small Lady on an impromptu camping trip.
The house would be empty when she reached it, dark and lifeless.
"Like Time", she whispered. "Like me."
*Before the winter fire
I will still be dreaming
I do not count the time
For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?*
Passing along the streets Setsuna soon found herself in familiar
territory. The lengthy steps up to the Shinto shrine presented
themselves in the most unobtrusive manner the guardian of time had
ever seen. As she looked up she saw the flicker of the eternal flame
creating elegant shadows among the surrounding trees. She questioned
her motives at first as she began the long trek up the steps,
wondering if perhaps she was just giving in to the empty spaces around
her heart and the teasing visions that had been haunting her. Setsuna
convinced her self that she was merely curious as to what, if
anything, the sacred flame could show her. She was not above seeking
help in clarifying her visions. In the past, oh so long ago on the
moon kingdom, she recalled seeking advise from the various senshi for
whatever she needed. Of course every time she did seek guidance the
other senshi looked at her with shock and disbelief. It did not matter
that she could control time, she had to remind them often. Nothing is
ever certain and time was less stable and stolid than people liked to
think. Time was more a liquid thing, bubbling with possibilities, a
puzzle waiting to be solved. Yet, once that puzzle was complete
Setsuna knew, Time would stand still and that would be the end of
everything… Until perhaps someone came along and tore the puzzle apart
and waited for something new to form together out of the broken
pieces. Maroon eyes shut in a briefly amused moment. It was hard for
her not to wander over the possibilities of Time. Not work her mind
around all the scientific wonder of it all.
Reaching the top of the shrine she wandered over to the flame. Getting
closer she noted that she was not alone. Inside the small covering
where the flame sparked a beautiful priestess sat lost in deep
concentration, violet eyes fixed on the dance of the fire. Carefully
Setsuna stepped over to the focused young woman, and placed a graceful
hand on her shoulder.
"Come back from where ever you are Rei", Setsuna said softly, her tone
deep and mysterious.
Rei's amethyst eyes shut for a minute or two, before she slowly tilted
her head to glance at the intruder. She smiled a little when she saw
Setsuna standing over her. And then confused by the senshi of time's
presence became a little worried.
"Nothing's wrong", Setsuna comforted. "I was just passing by. You
looked lost in there."
"I was", Rei replied. "I was looking for an answer. I got one but it
was…Well it was a bit muddled in imagery."
"So the sacred fire is not handing out answers today then", the
mysterious woman asked almost playfully. "Pity… I needed an answer to
something as well."
Rei rose to her feet, brushing back her long dark hair. Still confused
by Setsuna's presence, and still a little lost in the non-answer the
fire had provided her with. "Just because the fire was not totally
open with me does not mean it will not grant you an answer."
The taller woman smiled broadly, something that was usually an
unsettling sight for those who did not know her well. "No I am quite
sure if the fire will not heed you today… it will grant me nothing I
need." The older woman shook her head in slight disappointment then
and sighed.
"That does not seem like you", Rei stated curiously, her eyes suddenly
wide as she realized she may have offended.
Setsuna smiled briefly again, the kind of expression the fire
priestess knew as sadness. She watched as it quickly disappeared under
the distant and sometimes icy expression that she knew the senshi of
time for.
It was odd seeing a different side to someone so seemingly well
defined.
"I suppose it does not", the guardian of time replied after stint of
well-placed silence. "It's just I've been frustrated lately."
"Oh?" Rei wasn't sure how to react to the trust the older woman was
placing in her.
The taller woman shook her head a bit and then stated, "Time is
keeping something from me."
"I didn't-"
"Oh it's nothing to worry over. Just… many, many", Setsuna paused
trying to consider how many 'manys' she should place in the sentence.
The thought made her smirk. "Many years ago I put a limitation on my
power… so not to see all the things that would affect my life. So I
would have surprises to look forward to."
The fire senshi nodded. It seemed an appropriate thing to do.
Otherwise what was to keep Time's guardian from working her life as
she saw fit. Briefly Rei wondered if she had ever made such a pact,
perhaps in her past life… so that the fire would show her only what
was necessary.
"I can see why you would do that", Rei said softly. "Would you like to
at least try for tonight", she motioned to the sacred fire. "You never
know until you try."
The flicker of light from the fire danced in her maroon eyes. There
was something terribly beautiful about them sometimes. Something
dangerously erotic, and combined with Setsuna's light mocha skin and
tall graceful form it was all the more intoxicating. Rei shook herself
from the thought, and remained very interested in the feeling it left
her with. The senshi of time stepped in closer to the priestess, laid
a gentle hand on her shoulder and smiled again. That same sad, nearly
lost smile she had seen briefly before. And Rei wondered why that
smile made her heart ache.
"I should be getting home", Setsuna mentioned. "It's late and I should
attempt sleep. Thank you for your council Rei."
"Oh no problem", she replied with a slight giggle. "Come back sometime
if you're still having trouble."
"I shall consider it."
And Setsuna stepped into the darkness of the night, down the many
steps of the shrine. Reaching the bottom she placed a hand over her
heart and shut her eyes tightly.
"Why is it", she asked her self, fighting uncontrolled tears. "Why is
it I can not lie to her?"
It was a disconcerting experience for her. Normally her outer demeanor
was in check. Normally she would not have said so much. Normally she
would have refrained from showing those sad little smiles and while
the cause was becoming event she questioned it.
*Sad deserted shore
Your fickle friends are leaving
Ah, then you know
It's time for them to go*
"But Reeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiii", Usagi whined and pleaded all at once. "You
have to come with us. It's not the same if you aren't there to pick on
me."
The blonde was practically on her knees. The fire senshi shook her
head and looked to the others in the group for help.
"Please get off the floor Usagi", Rei stated with slight irritation.
"I have things to do right now. Chores to complete and I have a
consultation today too. I can't just run off to the arcade whenever."
Usagi hauled her self off the floor and perked an eyebrow. "You have a
consultation? With whom may I ask?"
"For the love of the gods", Minako suddenly cut in. "Usagi leave her
be. You know she's been busy lately with the temple and you know she
told us to give her advanced warning so she could clear some time on
her calendar."
"Yeah but still", Usagi huffed. The blonde suddenly looked around,
"Hey where are Ami and Makoto?"
Minako rolled her eyes and replied; "Well while you where busy making
a fool of your self groveling on the ground they decided to go on
ahead. " The senshi of love considered what she had just said and a
wicked little grin formed on her face. "Or they ran off into the trees
to have a little 'private time'."
The priestess shook her head, "Speaking of private time… Maybe you two
could use this opportune moment to go to the arcade and drool over who
ever the cute boy of the day happens to be." She gave an impish little
wink in Minako's direction, which made the love goddess blush a
delicate shade of pink.
Minako took hold of Usagi's hand; "Come on time's a wasting."
"But-" Usagi began. She was silenced as the love goddess dragged her
off down the street.
The raven-haired beauty chuckled a little as she watched the two
blondes scamper off together.
"Poor Mina", Rei whispered. "I hope she gets what she wants one of
these lifetimes."
As a priestess Rei Hino was often privy to very sensitive information.
It was part of her work though, to act as a spiritual guide for those
in need. And at the moment there was one bit of information she was
very clear on. Minako was in love with the future queen of the world.
And aside from that little interesting tidbit it was becoming clear
now that as the girls were getting older their powers were growing.
Rei's intuition, the fire of her heart sent out a very clear message
to her: This was the year, the season she was destined to meet the
other half of her soul.
*But I will still be here
I have no thought of leaving
You know I have no thought of time*
The heat of fire was causing tiny beads of sweat to run down her face.
She did not heed them though. Violet eyes focused on the images that
were forming through the light smoke. Soon she was where she wanted to
be, lost in the red and black shadows of a vision. The fire crackled
and the vision gained motion and momentum. A red string was tied to
her wrist. She knew the meaning, grew up on the story of it. Her
focused mind wandered briefly trying to guess if she had grown up in
any other part of the world what the red string would be replaced by.
The vision took her over again. Red string leading the way to her soul
mate, her love…But it suddenly faded before she could follow it to the
end. Instead there was nothing but an empty path before her. It
trailed into a dense forest, a lifeless place, dark with foreboding.
And a voice she had heard before called from the trees, "Go back.
There is nothing for you here."
Her eyes opened with a start. She felt a cool hand on her shoulder.
Glancing up she was met with lonely maroon eyes.
"You were lost again", Setsuna whispered.
The fire senshi smiled a bit, light flush covering her checks. "It was
a bit intense. I suppose I should stop chasing after the answer."
The older woman smiled softly which caused a slight flutter in Rei's
stomach. She had known that feeling before. Felt it deep in her heart.
And she would not tell herself to stop feeling it, or try and make it
stop. Because for Rei telling herself not to fall in love was like
telling herself not to breathe. It was an impossible thing to do.
Violet eyes shut briefly, a silent prayer offered up to whatever gods
would listen. Simple and brief she wished that whatever it was, a
simple crush or true love, she would not be too badly hurt should
things not turn in her favor.
A light hand was resting on the priestess' shoulder. She opened her
eyes and looked over at the guardian of time. Took in the older
woman's expression of slight worry and concern. Those maroon eyes that
seemed to hold something at bay, perhaps something dark, perhaps
something deep.
"I lost you again", Setsuna said softly. "Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm fine. I…", she paused taken back by the older woman's lingering
hand, still resting with the greatest of care on her shoulder. "I
think maybe we should reschedule for another time."
The mysterious and elegant woman nodded. Pulled her hand away slowly,
smiled a moment, and walked away.
*And I am not alone
While my love is near me
I know it will be so
Until it's time to go*
With great care she set out the tea service. Placing two delicate cups
on their saucers, positioning the napkins just so and then pouring out
the tea taking in the scent that seeped through the steam. Dark and
slender hands set out a tiny plate of cucumber sandwiches, with the
crusts cut off. And then she sat patiently in her spot, letting her
maroon eyes drift out into the garden. Hotaru was playing on her
swings, bundled almost too tightly in a thick sweater. Her little
girl…their little girl…such a tightly knit family, (Haruka, Michiru,
Setsuna, Hotaru) Setsuna wondered if there was anything she wouldn't
do to see the people in her life safe and happy. She shook her head
slightly.
The kitchen door swung open softly and without shifting her gaze
Setsuna said, "Have a seat Haruka."
The intruding blonde rolled her eyes and sat down, looked over the
spread but before she could say a word Setsuna spoke again.
"I already put sugar in your tea. Have a sandwich I'm sure you're
starved after chasing Hotaru around the yard all day." Maroon eyes
shut as she heard the small clink of porcelain, and the light sound of
a sandwich being devoured. Again before the blonde could speak the
guardian of time asked, "Why are you worried about me?"
She shifted in her seat to gaze into Haruka's deep blue eyes. The tall
blonde shook her head and then sighed.
"What I can't worry"; Haruka's husky voice breezed.
"Why are you so concerned with how I've been spending my free time",
was the soft and stoic reply. The senshi of time took a sip of her
tea.
"Setsuna." The young woman's tone slipped into commanding and then
softened with a sigh. "It's just you've looked a little…well… You get
lost sometimes. In thought or time, but whatever… Wanna clue me in on
what's going on?"
A dark hand brushed through evergreen locks, sad little smile forming
thinly on plush lips. "It is a matter I must attend to on my own
Haruka. Feelings I need to direct carefully."
Haruka smirked and then chuckled a bit. "You're in love aren't you?"
"Yes."
A cold reply but the blonde waved it off. "Anyone we know?"
"Yes", Setsuna shut her eyes trying to focus her emotions. Trying to
keep her demeanor untarnished, untouched. "Do not pry any further than
that", she stated.
"You aren't trying to fight it are you?"
"No. I am not… I just have to be careful with it"; she paused and then
unleashed the truth. "Because I have no memory of it, nor a vision of
it in the future. I'm flying blind Haruka, and it is not something I
am accustom to."
The blonde laughed then, shook her head and smiled devilishly,
"Welcome to the ways of the mortal world Setsuna."
**Whose to say what lives in the past
Who's to say that love won't last
Time's been standing still
Waiting so patiently until
Until that one day when
I will have you
To love again**
In the pit of her stomach she could barely control the unease she was
feeling. Every time she saw the young woman, every time she heard the
girl's name, caught the whispered glimpse of her shadow Setsuna felt
her steady vainer of quiet mystery breaking. Felt tiny cracks in her
well-plated armor. The empty spaces around her heart begged to be
filled. She was so used to being alone. Used to the empty that was
usually only momentarily filled as she played with Hotaru or taught
the child a lesson. But it was growing now; all ache and pull in one
direction.
She had been visiting Rei for about a month. Stopping by the temple to
see how the priestess was getting along. The visits constantly became
lengthier and the subject matter often veered from visions to less
important things, like fashion, or music. Once Setsuna even managed a
genuine laugh, a truly happy smile and once that happened there was no
way the senshi of time could deny it any longer. There was nothing
left for her to do but fall and perhaps confess.
As always the raven-haired beauty was before the fire, intense glare
shooting through it. And as was becoming customary Setsuna placed a
light hand on the girl's shoulder, calling her out of the trance, away
from the vision.
"Come back Rei", she whispered. "There's nothing there."
She watched as violet eyes shut and then opened, lovely smile
spreading over the fire goddess' face.
"I wasn't lost"; Rei defended as she stood up. "I was just wandering
today. Meditation helps ease the soul you know?"
"I know", was the cool reply. "Rei?"
"Yes." She stretched a bit as she stepped out of the room, then sat on
the little porch happy when Setsuna joined her.
The keeper of the gates of time sighed as she looked into the fire
senshi's eyes. Maroon pools awash in emotion, sparking in the dim
light.
"Did you ever find the answer you were looking for when I originally
approached you?"
A shy grin tugged at the girl's lips, light blush on her cheeks. The
expression was answer enough but Rei confirmed, "Yeah I think I did."
"Do you mind if I ask what the question was?"
"Not at all", the priestess replied softly. "It was a question about
soul mates. The rest of the girls seem to be finding the match to
their souls lately and I asked the fire about mine."
Setsuna smirked. "Interesting… So you know whom the person is that
will make you feel complete?"
"Yes."
"Have you told them?"
"No."
The stoic senshi perked an eyebrow, "Why not?"
Rei sighed and then stared deep into the older woman's eyes. Point
blank she stated, "She's so hard to read I'm not sure she feels the
same way. Mysterious and stoic all around it's hard to tell what she's
thinking sometimes."
"Rei I-"
The priestess rolled her eyes, shook her head and inched a little
closer. "Just shut up and kiss me already will ya… Miss Stoic and
Mysterious."
She was caught off guard by the bold statement, smiled broadly, little
chuckles escaping her lips as she leaned in to take the fire senshi's
hot lips.
***I know you
You're not from here
I've waited for you to appear
To take my breath away and make me weep
No one can hold the hands of Time
But I can hold you in my mind
Over and over
Like a melody***
Lips touched. Brushed softly against each other and in the breathless
pull of the moment there was nothing on the planet that could separate
them. But the brief union was short lived, torn apart by the dark
flooding memories of the past. And the past hit the guardian of time
like a typhoon.
Dark.
She heard the cries from the battlefield but she could not leave her
post.
It's dark.
She felt the senshi slip away one by one into death's waiting arms.
Darkness echoes pain.
Her heart wrenched. Twisted and broke in two as she was certain. Mars
was gone.
Pain touches softness and light. Bringing forth tears…bringing forth
darkness and…
Setsuna listened as her queen informed her that the senshi were not
lost forever. They would be reborn on the Earth. She would see her
love again.
Pain. Deep and cutting…edging in like a knife. Tiny little black
deaths…taking the time… piercing the soul…making it cry out.
Her maroon eyes were dark. She was torn between duty and her heart.
And her heart was breaking because she does not die. She can not die.
She is the guardian of time and she will remain until the world comes
crashing to an end.
Darkness. Slick and black, wet like the rain. Over the body. Over the
mind. Into the heart, creating a hole. Making a spot that needs to be
filled. Begs… pleads…cries.
Broken by her memories Setsuna, the guardian time, senshi of time,
keeper of the gates, Sailor Pluto… stone in her heart asked but one
thing of her queen. One gift for the job she had done.
"Let me forget", Pluto pleaded. "Let my memory be cleared of her."
Serenity looked suddenly grave, "But you two were meant to be
together. It is certain you will find each other again…love again."
"Make me forget Serenity. Rip her from my heart so I can go on. I know
you can this thing for me."
"But Setsuna?"
"If we are destined we are destined Serenity. Let it be that I can not
know. I can not see the one I was meant for… wash the memory of her
love from my heart. I can not bear to live so long with out her near.
To wait forever in hopes of someday.... Not after the way she and I
parted. Not after that...I… I can not be the soldier you need me to be
if I remember her. I'll be too tempted Serenity… too tempted."
Cries in the darkness. Begging for release and an end to pain. An end
to slick, black, wet little deaths that eat away the heart. Wash it
away in one easy motion. Let me forget…let me forget…the dark.
"Have your wish then Setsuna", the queen said softly. "You will
forget, but when the time is right you will have to remember. And as
you well know…remembering will not be easy...For either of you."
The scene faded into darkness, quickly replaced by crueler things.
Cold words spoken in fear. Things that were not meant spoken to push
love away. To help protect her heart, but those things…soft and
chilled only hurt her. And while the other moments, happier times that
were all light and love rushed through her. It was the very end, the
hurt she felt the most. The things she did were not fitting someone of
her post. It was not right.
*So come the storms of winter
And then the birds in spring again
I do not fear the time*
"No", Setsuna gasped as the waves of memories completed their task.
She looked over and saw that slight fear, but still deep love in Rei's
eyes. Saw it and sprang to her feet, backed away slowly. The beautiful
senshi of fire tried to follow her.
"No Rei", a lonely voice begged. "No, don't follow me. Don't love me.
Not after all I did. I refuse to hurt you like that again." And with
that she ran off, a coward's way out perhaps but she couldn't…Couldn't
face the girl not after all she had seen.
*For who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?*
There was nothing in the sky, just endless velvety black, touched here
and there by deep purples, and some blues. The night of a new moon,
cold and dark. She did not harbor hope of glimpsing anything to take
her away from what just happened. Her overly emotional reaction was
evidence enough that she was not meant to have a lover. It was far too
dangerous a thing. She sniffed and sat on the slightly damp grass,
hugging the darkness to her self for comfort.
"Don't you think you're over reacting a bit?" A familiar voice from
the shadows asked softly.
Setsuna closed her eyes and replied coldly, "You're breaking the
rules."
"Ah but you break the rules all time", the voice replied, getting
noticeably closer. "Even without her near you still broke the rules
for those you cared for. You stopped time to save Neptune and Uranus."
"And I paid the price for it. I died."
There was a chuckle, "And yet here you are."
"Serenity bent the rules for me."
"There you go. Rules can be bent and broken if need be."
Setsuna turned to face the advancing intruder and stood. "Go back and
leave me be", she lightly commanded.
"No." The shadowy intruder replied. "It's not your fault, you know."
"How can you say that? The minute I felt her die I went insane.
Screamed my infamous attack and earned a slew of interesting nicknames
because of it."
"You really care about names given to you by the enemy?" The
mysterious figure was easier to see now, long hair caught in the wind
that was a slight reflection of how Setsuna's looked. "What do you
fear most right now Setsuna?"
"Hurting her."
"Then why run, don't you think that will hurt her?"
"Hurting her the way I did on the moon", Setsuna corrected.
"I see", a hint of sadness in the intruder's voice. "You cheated on
her to make her leave you."
"Because I saw the end coming. Saw the battle and I…"
"You knew what it would do to you. Funny how you only made it worse."
Setsuna chuckled sadly, "And then she dates him in this life."
"Cosmic karma…unwitting revenge. Poor Endymion", the intruder
whispered softly.
"Poor Mamoru", Setsuna echoed.
"Does he still love his princess?"
"Yes, but as you know-"
"She loves someone else. But we've gotten off topic."
The guardian of time nodded sadly. "I love her", she whispered.
"I know you do, so stop being foolish and go back to her", the
intruder informed. "Wash away the past, make things bright. You have
rules in place remember…So not to know everything all at once. I will
make sure you do not break them."
The intruder turned slowly, retreating into the darkness, the deeper
shadows from where she had entered. Setsuna watched her go and shook
her head. A little concern taking her heart as she called out.
"Pluto!"
A slightly aged Sailor Pluto stopped in her tracks, the smirk on her
face hidden by the night. "Yes?"
"Are you happy?" Setsuna asked.
Pluto looked over her shoulder, "What do you think?"
And she was gone.
*I have no thought of leaving
You know I have no thought of time*
She kept her self from crying. Refused to shed a tear, because she was
angry. How dare Setsuna run away again? How dare she think that would
make things better? Rei huffed and threw another log on the fire. It
sparked a bit and there was a knock on the door. The fire senshi moved
from her spot by the fireplace, and stomped over to the door. She had
to fight not to slam it shut again once she saw who was standing
outside. With a frown she let the tall woman in, and led her over to
the living room where the fire was. It had been a cold night and since
Rei was not ready to retreat into slumber, she decided to stay up and
brood a little, seethe in her anger. Before Setsuna could muster an
apology Rei spoke.
"I am so mad at you"; she said trying not to shout. "So if you are
going to try and make things better with a lame apology you can just
forget it." She folded her arms across her chest.
"Fine, but you should know", Setsuna whispered sadly. "I was wrong,
and acted immaturely to say the least. I didn't want to hurt you Rei.
I lose all sense when you are hurt, and it scares me." She paused but
after receiving no response she sighed and stood up.
"Sit down", Rei commanded. It was impossible for her to keep her
anger. It had begun to slip away the minute the older woman stepped
into the house.
The guardian of time did as she was told.
"I must confess", the priestess began. "The intensity with which you
love scared me a bit too. But don't you know I'm the same way? I get
overly passionate, lose my temper, love too deeply, and when I get
hurt… well you know the drill."
"Yeah…I guess I do." Maroon eyes looked to the floor. "How do we make
this work?"
"Well…I guess we go slowly", Rei replied. She moved from her spot and
stepped over to were her love sat. Stretched out a pale hand a guided
Setsuna's glance upward. Urged the older woman to stand and as she
did, Rei took Setsuna's lips. Pulled her close for ages. Breaking the
kiss to whisper briefly, "See… slowly."
Setsuna perked an eyebrow and grinned; "If that's slow I never want to
know what fast is."
The fire goddess chuckled. "Neither do I."
The two met again for another kiss long and lasting. The heat of the
room growing as the fire slowly died.
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