My Serenity
For all those familiar only with the English dub:
Usagi=Serena
Ami=Amy
Rei=Raye
Makoto=Lyta
Minako=Mina
Haruka=Amara
Michiru=Michelle
Setsuna=Trista
Mamoru=Darian
Chibi-Usa=Rini
Finally, Haruka and Michiru are NOT cousins!
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The heat in the room seems almost inhuman, and yet I can't say that
I'm uncomfortable. My attention, though, is occupied elsewhere,
namely a ruddy strip of flesh between the legs of my sovereign and my
savior - - and my best friend.
Serenity groans from my ministrations - - that sweet, shy little
groan that she keeps bottled up until she can't stand it any longer.
It's as if she's afraid, even after all these years, that someone
will mock her for feeling pleasure. Her supple body tries to squirm
away, but I hold her thighs with my arms and continue to stroke the
strip of flesh with my tongue. This strip, this pathway to her
passion tufted with gold, parts as I push my tongue inside. Just
enough to tease, just enough to make her wiggle, then withdraw to
make her need more. She groans again, this time in frustration, and
calls me cruel - - and I am. I could never be truly cruel to her - -
never - - but I must confess I love being playfully cruel to her.
The tip of my tongue jabs her clitoris and playfully circles the shy
little nub. Air hisses through Serenity's parted teeth and I feel
every muscle in her body clench. Peeking up at her, I see her arms
fly up to her head and wrap around it. It gives me a grin. I've
been on the receiving end of toe-curlers like this and I'm glad I
could give one to her. She begins to cry out, denying what she felt
in an effort to mitigate it. Her cries get faster and more
high-pitched until it dissolves into one long, loud groan.
When she slumps on the bed, limp and watery, I stop. Devilishly I
considered giving her another, but my good side wins out. Moments
later Serenity pops up to a sitting position, her face energetic and
beaming her patented hypnotic smile.
"OK, Rei," she grins enthusiastically, patting the bed. "Hop up and
I'll do you!"
I hesitate, not because I don't want to, but because I don't like
giving in easily to her. I at least like to put up a pretense of a
fight before I cave in to her, because I know I will. You can't look
into those big blue eyes and not want to give her everything she
wants. My hesitation turns her enthusiasm into consternation. Her
smile dims and her eyes begin to water. She's so unselfish - - if I
don't let her return all the pleasure I gave her and more, she'll
feel terrible for the rest of the day.
"We can't have that," that spot between my legs tells me. Who am I
to argue? Relenting, I hop into bed next to her. Serenity's eyes
light up and she's on me in a heartbeat, and soon I'm soaring as
well.
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Walking down the hall toward the shrine - - the shrine she build for
me in the palace, the shrine that has become my home and my sanctuary
over these many centuries, the shrine I try to thank her for every
moment of every day because it will never ever equal the gratitude I
feel - - I think back to her sleeping alone in her chambers, love in
her heart and a smile on her face. Endymion is away, meeting with
members of the various Asian governments. He's been gone a week and
he'll probably be gone another week, so she'll probably need me
again.
I'll be here.
Ami passes me in the hall and nods, then smiles conspiratorially to
herself. She knows the secret Serenity and I share. She was smart
enough to figure it out, but needed to discuss it with Serenity and
myself before she accepted it. She still tends to get protective of
Endymion from time to time. But even she had to surrender to the
necessity of the situation.
The door to the shrine slides shut behind me. I pad over to a
cabinet on bare feet, the hem of my priest robe brushing along the
floor. Taking out a stick of incense, I light it to remove the dull
sameness of the air in the room. A sigh escapes my lips and once
again I experience the let down that always seems to come after.
I am Rei Hino and I am a surrogate. When my Queen has needs and her
husband is not here to satisfy them, I satisfy them. When she's done
with me, I return to my original position outside. I love her, but I
can never have her, other than in the place of another.
Kneeling on a mat, I offer a small prayer in hopes of dispelling this
vague melancholy. It began when, centuries ago?
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The first hundred years of life are the most varied. The pains seem
the most taxing and the pleasures the most memorable. Soon into the
fight to establish Crystal Tokyo amid the ruins of Tokyo, we all
realized that we weren't aging. Ami and Setsuna soon concluded that
being senshi made us different, that we had a longer life-span than
other people. It meant many things, not all of them good, but it
also meant that Usagi had more time to make her dream of world peace
and harmony a reality. When she ascended to Serenity that magical
day, she took on new challenges and new responsibilities. I don't
think I was ever prouder of her than I was that day. My little
bubblehead was all grown up and a responsible woman.
And she had Mamoru, now ascended to Endymion. She was his spirit
guide and he was her rock of strength. They were the picture perfect
couple, even during the little squabbles the public didn't see. They
came to symbolize love, security and hope for the future for a race
of people desperate for something good to hold onto after a half
century of strife.
I think the year was 2096. Minako had just reminded me that it was
the centennial anniversary of the defeat of Sailor Galaxia - - Minako
keeps track of things like that. I wandered over to Serenity's
chambers, partly to pass along that information and partly to visit.
I was sensing uneasy vibrations from her vicinity and wanted to
check. As I neared her chamber, I could feel her distress. Pushing
politeness aside, I shoved my way in through the door.
"Don't you ever knock?" Serenity said crossly, glancing at me from
the side of her bed. She was sitting there crying and it was like a
knife in my heart.
"It felt like you were in distress," I replied, not backing down.
Serenity turned away. "I could feel you all the way out in the hall.
What's wrong?"
"It's nothing," she whispered, looking down. "I'm just being silly."
"What else is new?" I said with gentle joviality. "Tell me."
"I - - no. I'm sorry I disturbed you."
"You know I won't let it go like that," I warned her.
"And you know how much that irritates me," she shot back, her tears
slowed by her annoyance.
"Then talk," I persisted. "I can outlast you, Your Majesty."
"Stop calling me that!" she huffed. "You know I hate that name!"
"Then spill!" I growled. And then a face flashed in my mind.
"You're lonely, aren't you?"
Serenity's gaze sought the floor. She was caught.
"I can't help it," she replied. "I know I shouldn't. I'm one
hundred and sixteen years old. I should act more mature." Her lower
lip stuck out, one of the old Usagi characteristics I still saw in
her. "But I've never done well when he's away. It's been fourteen
days."
"Doesn't he vid you?" I asked.
"It's not the same. I can't touch him through a vid. I don't feel
his warmth through a vid." She sighed, a deep, condemned, melancholy
heave. I put my arms around her and she clung to me, desperate for
the warmth and compassion of another person. "I'll get through it.
I've done it before. I've just never been caught before."
"I could have done this sooner if I'd known," I gently chided her.
All the while, I was knotted up inside. No one who hasn't been in
Serenity's presence knows what it's like. She radiates such a
powerful aura of - - well, love is the best way to describe it - -
that it can be intoxicating. I've witnessed birds fly into her hand.
I've seen the most demagogue-like politician melt in her presence.
And me - - well, I've only harbored feelings for her that I wouldn't
even admit to myself for the longest time. Our embrace may have
calmed her, but it was having the opposite effect on me.
"Rei," she said gently. "Remember that Sunday we took a bath
together?" I pulled away just enough to face her.
"What made you think of that?" I asked curiously.
"I don't know," she flushed, dropping her gaze. Then she looked up
at me again. "I . . ."
And at that moment, I could think of only one thing: to kiss her.
And I did.
And every nerve in my body sparked. I gathered her chin in my hands
as I kissed her, my lips hungry for every inch of her. And just as
suddenly, I pulled back, contrite and nervous. I have standards that
I expect everyone to live by, especially myself. If I had wronged
her in a moment of weakness . . .
But she just looked up at me with those soulful eyes and silently I
realized how much she needed this and how well she knew how much I
needed this. A thrill passed through my body and I'm not entirely
sure she didn't put it there to lure me on. But on I continued,
plunging back to that soft mouth. Serenity's arms wrapped around me
and her chest squished up against mine.
Time became a blur. I remember her hand loosening my robe. Suddenly
we were naked and I was caressing the flesh along her ribs. One
moment I was reclined on the bed, Serenity playfully nibbling on the
nipple of my right breast while my fingers dug into her hair. The
next, I was draped over her body, my leg pinning her down as I licked
between her legs and she thrashed and moaned. I tasted nearly every
inch of her that afternoon and it all tasted sweet, but the details
blur red in my mind.
We were laying in bed, arm in arm, bodies intertwined. Her face was
pressed against my chest and we were both thinking the same thing.
"I don't think we should have done this," Serenity whispered. "I
feel like I've betrayed Endymion."
"It was a moment of weakness," I told her, for I just can't stand to
see her sad. "It's not like you don't love him anymore. You had a
need."
"I should have been stronger."
"You should have been a lot of things over the years," I replied,
blunt as ever. "We can only be who we are." I rubbed her arm. "Do
you feel better?"
"I feel great," she grinned. "I feel guilty about feeling so great."
"You see? You needed Endymion and he wasn't here. You just made
love to him in absentia."
"No I didn't, Rei," she replied firmly. "I made love to you." She
brushed her curls back. "If I hadn't fallen in love with Endymion,
I'd have fallen in love with you. You mean that much to me and
that's part of why I enjoyed this so much."
"Thank you," I whispered, not wanting to betray the emotion in my
voice.
"But what do we do about this?"
"Who says we do anything? We kept our last encounter secret for a
hundred years."
"He'll find out. He's not stupid. And I don't want to hurt him and
I don't want to drive him away."
"Then think of it this way," I told her. "You needed help. I gave
it to you. You were lonely. I spent time with you. We could have
been talking the afternoon away reminiscing about the good old days;
instead we fucked like two over-sexed minks." Serenity giggled at
that. "That's all it was. It was never a slight of Endymion. If
you treat it like that, you won't feel guilty and he won't find out."
Serenity sighed and then buried her face in my chest again. "You
know best," she moaned.
Me? I was making this up as I went. What did I know?
Our rendezvous got Serenity through the week. Endymion returned and
seemed to notice nothing. And I have to admit, he made her far
happier than I ever could have. As for me, I moped around the shrine
with pangs of despair. I had tasted her again after so long. I
didn't want to go through another hundred years before being with her
again, but I knew I couldn't press for it. That would be selfish of
me and detrimental to the kingdom and to her. So I hid my pain - -
I'm good at that.
Serenity must have noticed, though, or else she was just being her
usual kind self. One evening I walked into my bedroom and found a
red rose on the bed. At first I thought it was from Endymion until I
read the note and recognized Serenity's handwriting. The note said
"thank you".
I still have the rose. I keep it in a stasis jar on the top shelf of
my closet.
Emerging from the shrine, I walk aimlessly down the hall. The taste
of her still lingers on my lips. I must be a pretty lousy priest if
I can't dispel such overpowering memories with all the prayer I just
put myself through. Or else, her presence is just so overpowering
that I never stood a chance. A few of the palace staff walk by and
glance at me with confusion. Let them stare; it's none of their
business anyway.
Over the centuries, Serenity and I have hooked up again. It's never
her idea, I assume. My psychic nature has grown over the years to the
point that I can always sense when she's lonely and in need. Of
course, Endymion being away for extended periods is a pretty good tip
off, too. And I come to her, always on the sly and always when
Serenity's to the point where she just can't stand it any longer.
We're very, very discreet. Serenity's paranoid about hurting
Endymion and I can't say that the thought thrills me, either.
Why does she do it if she loves Endymion so? If you asked her, she
couldn't tell you. Serenity's a creature of impulse and feeling, not
introspection and articulation. She doesn't know why she feels
certain things, only that she does.
If you ask me, though, it's only natural. Serenity gives so much
love to so many people, it's only natural that she'd need more love
than the average person, if only to replenish her supply. Even when
Endymion's here, she needs Ami, Makoto, Minako and myself. Without
Endymion, she needs even more from us - - and I'm only too happy to
give.
Why do I do it? After all, it's not very requiting to make love to a
person once every fifty to one hundred years.
Over the course of my long life, I've been asked more than once why I
never married. I've never answered with anything more than a gruff
"none of your business". Anyone who really knew me already knew the
answer. I'm already pledged. I've been pledged to her for a
thousand years. Sure, so have Ami and Makoto and Minako and they
don't sleep with her - - at least I don't think they do. But my
commitment to her means something a little different than it does to
them. When I love, I love all the way. Oh, I've had dalliances over
the years with men. I'm not celibate. And I'm not homosexual - -
not even bi-sexual. I don't look at other women and see them as bed
partners the way I look at men. I don't even look at her that way.
Our couplings are something more.
Touching her, feeling her, loving her and being loved in return by
her is something so beautiful it transcends mere sex. I do it to
make her happy. Hell, I'd cut off my right arm to make her happy.
Because when you make her happy, it gives you the most satisfied
feeling - - like you've just saved the world. And I do know what
that feels like.
I do it for her smile. I'd do anything for that smile. And if that
explanation isn't enough, well tough.
I pause at the doorway leading to the reception room. Serenity's
holding court, meeting with the people, shaking hands and spreading
the word. She works so easily with other people. It's a skill I
could never learn. I'm too afraid to let someone touch me deep down.
She, on the other hand, revels in it. She need it like we need food
and water. She lets them touch her magical aura and it makes her so
happy to make them happy. A lump forms in my throat. It's nice to
see her renewed. It's a proud moment for me to know that I had a
hand in her renewal.
If Endymion doesn't know what's going on, it's because we're better
at covering this up than I imagined - - more likely it's because he
doesn't want to know. He's like me that way, in that he'll do
anything to see her smile, to make her happy and to feel that
happiness radiate out like a sun and bathe in its warmth. The means
are less important than the end.
Serenity glances over and spots me in the doorway. She gives me a
warm smile and suddenly I don't have a care in the world.
Who wouldn't want to protect that?
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