Makoto sat at her computer drinking tea that Monday morning. She had been away a whole weekend and wanted to check her mail, though she had an omniscient feeling that it was all junk. She disconnected her Instant Messenger, the last thing she wanted was for Azure to come on and talk to her. She didn't want to read those hurtful words again. Makoto gave a harsh sigh, ‘just junk' she thought as she deleted the first page of crap, nothing she even subscribed for. The second page appeared and was similar to the last but one thing on this page put an outright frown on Makoto's face. An email from Azure, subject: why I'm afraid. Sure that it was more Nat bashing Makoto had no motivation to open the letter, but she sat there staring at it nonetheless. Her mind began to argue with itself on the pros and cons of opening it. Only there was one pro and one con that made any difference to Makoto. pro; she might find out that Azure isn't really afraid of her, con; she finds out that Azure is. She figured that the con was much more realistic and likely than the pro. Fed up with thinking about it any longer and deathly sure that the email contained news that won't make her mood any better, Makoto sent all the email on the whole page to be deleted. Makoto used her last ounce of energy to push the gym doors open and just about fell onto the bench a few feet away. She laid on her back and took in gigantic gulps of air, her lungs felt completely empty and her body was heaving. Every muscle she possessed was throbbing, Makoto knew she over did it, but she had to. After deleting that email from Azure she couldn't stop thinking about it or her, and thought some exercise would be the trick. It wasn't, so Makoto increased the level of difficultly and pushed herself harder. That worked for awhile, except somehow Azure made her way into Makoto's mind again. Makoto finally realized it was hopeless when her body was spent and the only prominent thoughts running through her mind was Azure, and how the need for air was overwhelming. It was a whole hour before her body gave her the go-ahead, but the only place Makoto went was to the baths and then a massage therapist. She needed the steaming hot water to soothe her aches and the therapist to ease whatever the water didn't. All the while with thoughts of that woman, and her mail. ‘Why can't I stop thinking about her? Maybe I just need someone new, replace her.' Though Makoto didn't feel any better, she knew it was easier said than done. Once at home she found herself sitting in front of her computer. This time she was staring at the emails she deleted this morning, one in particular. Makoto still didn't have the desire to open it, but she didn't feel so sure about deleting it as she had just that morning. Instead she created a folder for it and left it to be forgotten, hopefully. Acting on impulse she blocked Azure from sending her mail and as a precaution blocked her from sending her IM's. Makoto took a deep breath as the magnitude of what she has done hit her. She had just cut off all communication with the woman she loved. However, she left everything the way it was as Azure's words, as they do very often, came to mind "‘I wanna see you too. But I have to admit I'm afraid.'" ‘How could you be afraid of someone you love?' Makoto didn't want to think about the obvious answer to her question and quickly thought of something else. A smile appeared on her face as she remembered Ami's words "‘you probably thought _you_ could scare me. It'll never happen.'"
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