Memories (part 1 of 7)

a Sailor Moon fanfiction by The Coconut Cyclone

I’m so going to be burnt at the stake for this one. I wrote it and I 
even think that the pairing is odd. I think I ate way too many peeps 
and this is all a result of a sugar coated marshmallow overdose.

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Eventually you will remember and I wonder what you’ll think of me. How 
you will react to our past is a mystery even to me. The threads of 
time won’t reveal this secret. They guard it as closely as I guard the 
gate. Will you be shocked, revolted, or angry? If I were to hazard a 
guess I’d say angry, but the path is clouded over and even I, the 
Guardian of Time, can not discern the way. 

Occasionally, I think that perhaps you won’t remember. Things would be 
easier that way. You could continue your present life as you wished 
without having to be tied down by the past, and I could go on as 
always with my new family. 

My family, I love them so much. Haruka, Michiru, and little Hotaru 
have filled the emptiness that had grown inside me since you left. 
Well, not completely filled. How could they when my heart still aches 
when I think of your strong arms? How could they when I lay awake at 
night thinking of the way you move in battle?

I’ve watched you grow over the years. I’ve relished your triumphs and 
I’ve wept with you at your losses. I am not foolish enough to believe 
that you are the same person as the one I loved all those lifetimes 
ago. While you share the same spirit, you are your own individual. 
Surprisingly enough, I believe that I love you more in this lifetime 
than I did back in the Silver Millenium. There’s a certain fragile 
nature that you carry with you in this life, because of all that 
you’ve been through, that increases your character tenfold over your 
past self.

The time is coming; I feel it, when all of you will remember the past. 
It is essential to the future that you do so. Yet I tremble at the 
thought of having to face you. The others would laugh to see me, the 
unflappable Sailor Pluto, actually afraid of something. Gods, I wish I 
knew how you will react. I do know that in the future that you 
visited, we were not together. I don’t believe that you even knew of 
our past. However, so much has been done to change that future, that 
the need to remember has arisen in everyone, and now that future is 
yet another in an endless line of failed possibilities. Now in 
whatever future arises, good or bad, you will remember.

Haruka and Michiru remember the most. They’re older of course. 
Sometimes I think they remember more than they’re letting on. Too many 
of Haruka’s comments on my sex life have hit too close to home. I know 
Michiru has picked up on my feelings, has caught the glances I’ve 
thrown your way. Nothing escapes that mirror of hers after all. But 
they respect my privacy for the most part and do not intrude.

I know they worry about me, and about you. Haruka may not show it but 
she respects you. The two of you were close in your past lives. The 
bond between you still exists. It makes me more than a little jealous 
at times, the fact that a part of you remembers your friendship with 
Uranus but remains blind to our bond. 

Is it that you don’t want to remember? I wouldn’t blame you if that 
were the case. Your life is probably far easier without me in it. I 
see what Haruka and Michiru go through every day, and I realize how 
difficult a life together would be for us. Perhaps I should simply be 
content with the memories that I have and leave things at that.

I should be content with the ghost of your arms around me as we danced 
in the palace ballroom long after the others had gone home for the 
night. I should be content with the memory of your sleeping form next 
to mine in the cool gray light of dawn. I should be content with the 
last kiss we shared in front of the gate the day you died for our 
princess. I have these memories, and I should be happy with them.

A flash of auburn catches my eye. I watch as you walk past the café 
where I sit. You notice me and wave, before continuing on your way. I 
should be happy with the memory of you… 

But then again the memories only make me want you more…

Onwards to Part 2


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