---Editorial--- "Ladies and gentleman," the announcer's voice said, "in the interest of fairness, we offer a rebuttal to the omake series 'Mamoru Must Die'." An attractive young woman with long dark green hair and sporting a stylish outfit stood in front of some curtains, "Thank you." she says, "My name is Meiou Setsuna, and I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the series, 'Mamoru Must Die.' Chiba Mamoru is a wonderful young man, who volunteers to help on weekends at the local orphanage and donates blood on a regular basis. This series is just another example of male bashing in shoujo-ai fanfiction, and I..." "Pssst." "I for one..." "Psst. Hey! Pssst!" Setsuna was suddenly joined by her roommates Tenoh Haruka and Kaioh Michiru. "Ruka, Michi, do you mind?" Setsuna asked angrily, "I'm trying to..." "Oh please." Haruka interrupted, "Everyone knows you're only upset because you had a thing for Mamo-kun in the manga." "Hey!" the Senshi of Time said angrily, "That's not fair! I..." she was cut off by Michiru coming over and leaning in to her. "Sets-chan." the wavy haired artist cooed, "Everyone's waiting for the new episode. You know; the one Ruka-kun and I have a part in. So tell you what; if you end your rant and let everyone get on with the chapter, me and Ruka will..." she began whispering into the Time Senshi's ear. Suddenly, Setsuna's eyes opened wide, "Menage a trois...? Rope and whipped cream...?" the woman's face began to blush feverishly. Suddenly, she looked puzzled. "Ruka's special talent? What special talent?" As if on cue, Haruka reached into the pocket of the jacket she was wearing and pulled out a jar of cherries. She opened the lid, pulled a cherry out by its stem, and plopped it into her mouth. After a few seconds chewing, she stuck her tongue out at Setsuna. There, on the tip of the tomboy's tongue, was the cherry stem tied into a knot. Setsuna was speechless, "She... She... with her tongue?" Michiru smiled seductively, "Imagine what else she can do." she purred. Setsuna suddenly put her hand up to her face and ran away. Haruka put her arm around Michiru and smiled out at the audience. "While Setsuna is taking care of her nosebleed, here's a spoof of a now infamous episode of the TV classic, 'Happy Days.' Enjoy." ---Omake Three: Mamoru Jumps the Shark--- "Mamo, don't do it!" Minako begged. She was dressed in a fifties ensemble, and was worriedly looking at the young man sitting on the pier wearing a pair of water skis and a leather jacket. Mamoru looked over to the young woman, his greased, slicked back hair glistening under the sun as he grinned. "Heyyyy," he said as he gave his trademark thumbs up sign, "Don't worry about it; I'm the Mamo, remember? Heyyyy." "But Mamo," Ami now said, "What if something goes wrong? I mean, you're actually going to water ski off a ramp over a cage where a captured great white is being kept? Are you nuts?" Just then, the smarmy jerk Ruka-kun came over, her slicked back sandy-blond hair likewise shining under the sun. Standing next to Ruka was Michiru, wearing a tight sweater and skirt that came just above the knees. "So," Ruka began as Michiru chewed her gum, "Ya ready to back out?" "Heyyyy, are you kidding? I'm the Mamo, Heyyyy." He then snapped his fingers, and a bubbly blond with her hair pulled up into long odangos ran over, giving him a long, sensuous kiss, "Heyyyy." he said as he finished the kiss. "Mamo, please!" Ami begged. "Please reconsider." Minako added. "Heyyyy." the Mamo said as he once again gave the thumbs up. Taking the water ski rope in his hand, he motioned for Makoto to start up the engine on the boat. "Mamo, be careful." Usagi, the blond with the odangos begged. "Heyyyy." Mamoru answered as he was suddenly whisked away and toward the water ski jump. "Well, I'll be." Michiru said as she stood next to Ruka, "He really did it." Mamoru held tight to the rope as the jump came up. Up ahead, he could see the shark's dorsal fin sticking up in the water. He hit the jump... And the rope snapped. "Heyyyyyyyooooooooshiiiiiiiiiiit!" he screamed as he went down like a bullet into the cage where the shark was being kept captive. As the stunned onlookers on the pier watched the Mamo being ripped to shreds, a motorcycle sped over. The rider, a young woman wearing a tight pink outfit, dismounted and took her helmet off. The others watched as her long, luxurious raven-colored hair cascaded down her back. "Look guys!" Ami said, "It's Rei 'Pinky' Hino!" Pinky Hino came over to the gang, her helmet held under her right arm, "Hey, what's going on? Where's the Mamo?" "He... He..." Usagi began, but then started crying, "He's been eaten by a shark!" "What?" Pinky Hino asked. Minako nodded her head. "It's true." she said sadly. Pinky looked over at Usagi, who was still crying, and smiled. "Don't cry." she said as she gently cupped the blonde's face in her hand, "I have an extra helmet. Come on, I'll take you to Inspiration Point. And once we're there, I know some ways to... cheer you up." she said suggestively Usagi wiped her eyes, "Really?" she asked as she followed the other girl to the motorcycle, "Gee, thanks Pinky, I..." "Call me Rei." The girl said as she passed Usagi her helmet. The others watched as Pinky Hino and Usagi rode off into the sunset together. ---To Be Continued---
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