Let Me Live (part 11 of 13)

a Sailor Moon fanfiction by akira emiko

Back to Part 10 Untitled Document

Ami waited with the other girls, as they began to feel restless in their chairs. She knew that everyone was anxious to see Usagi. She was piecing things together on why her friend was rushed to the hospital. Ami feared the worst, but forced herself not to think pessimistically. However, it still bothered her from the back of her mind. She knew something was not right, and that Usagi did not just suffer from a simple cold.

“Rei-chan is taking a awfully long time,” she finally said.

Makoto looked up at her friend and nodded, “Hai.” She really wasn’t in the mood to talk. Makoto began to think that maybe, just maybe if she had stayed longer with Usagi that day, perhaps they wouldn’t be waiting in this hospital. She began tap her foot, and looked around the room. Ami realized this, and began to fiddle with her fingers as she turned to Minako.

“Minako. Did you notice anything strange with Usagi these past few weeks?”

The idol shook her head and pursed her lips. She was wearing the usual baseball cap that hid her eyes, and she was grateful that Ami was not looking straight into them, for she would have cracked, “No, other than her drooling over Mamoru.”

She lied. Minako had been keeping an eye on Usagi ever since that day they first rushed her to the hospital. Everyday she saw her friend getting weaker and frailer, and it made her want to cry. Rei was usually the one who would get angry about Usagi’s stubbornness, but Minako was always able to calm her down. She understood the pain Usagi was going through. In fact, Minako recalled the feeling of frustration from when she used to tire easily during concerts.

“Minako-chan, you’re lying,” said Ami.

Minako felt a sweat drop form on her forehead, “What makes you think that?”

“We’ve been friends for a while now Minako-chan. Usually you purse your lips for two reasons. Either when you are angry or hiding something.”

Just when Minako was about to answer Ami, the door to Usagi’s room opened and they saw Rei slowly walk outside. She looked at them, but quickly turned around in an attempt to hide the fact that she had been crying. Minako stood up and approached the miko, looking at her with the utmost care.

“Are you okay?”

Rei, embarrassed by her appearance tried her best to wipe her tears but could no longer hold them in. Minako noticed this and began to guide her towards the restroom. They stood outside the restroom as Rei finally said, “Minako, she didn’t even answer my question. What does that mean?”

Minako held Rei in her arms, and the miko stiffened at first. The idol did not know what to say, but the miko finally let her tears well up, and she held tightly to Minako. It was very unusual for Rei to let her emotions run, but this was their friend who was slipping away from them as the days pass.

Ami looked at Makoto and smiled at her, “You go on first, I need to talk to mama.” Makoto got up and began to walk towards Usagi’s room. Before reached towards the knob she caught a glimpse of Rei and Minako standing outside the restroom. Rei seemed distraught in the idol’s arms. Makoto finally slid the door open and was not surprised to see how weak Usagi looked.

“Usagi?”

The girl opened her eyes to find Makoto standing before her. Usagi smiled weakly, but closed her eyes once more as a slight pain shot up in her brain. Makoto’s eyes widened when she noticed the pained look in Usagi.

“Are you alright? Do you want me to call a nurse?”

Usagi shook her head, “No need, I’m fine.”

“So…you mind telling me what’s going on? I thought you just had a cold Usagi.”

The girl then looked away in an attempt to avoid the feeling of guilt from her friend. She hesitated at first, trying to muster up the courage to start her words right.

“Mako-chan, I don’t know what tell you.”

“Tell me that you’ll be fine. That maybe my doubts are wrong, and that you’ll be out of this wretched hospital by tomorrow afternoon. Tell me that I’m just being paranoid.”

“But then, I would be lying to you.” Usagi tried to picture this moment in so many ways, but they never turn out the way she planned. “Mako-chan…” there was silence in the room, which made Makoto feel queasier, “I…don’t have much time left here.”

Makoto’s eyes look pained when she heard Usagi’s words, but held her composure. She had no words to express how she felt the moment they reached her ears. Her fists tightened from frustration and the attempt to hold her emotions inside.

“Say something.”

Makoto felt a lump in her throat from trying to hold back her tears. A numbing sensation began to overwhelm her, “How long…have you kept this from us?” she finally said. Her face seemed expressionless.

“It was better at the time to just go on and live my life with the amount of time I have left.”

“Usagi…how long…”

“I found out the day I collapsed in the park.”

“Two months Usagi. Why didn’t you tell us about this?”

“I didn’t want you guys to think of me as a burden.”

“A burden?! Usagi, we’re your friends! You are anything but a burden!”

“Mako-chan.”

“I can’t even look at you right now without have to holding my tears back. It hurts knowing that you’ve kept this from us.”

“And what about Minako’s situation? You never told me about her until the day she died!”

“That was a different situation and you know that.”

“No. It was the same. We were friends, comrades, and all those months I never knew that she was dying right before my eyes. Before I knew it, Rei was distraught and all we had left was her album and that letter.”

“Then you should have learned that from the past. We deserved the right to know!”

Usagi sighed. She didn’t want to fight with Makoto. In fact, she wanted everything to go away. She was supposed to live a normal life. Wasn’t that the reason they were all given a second chance? It wasn’t fair. Not for her, and most certainly not for the people she loved. Sure, technically she’s died twice in the past life but never slowly, not like now. She felt tears beginning to form behind her steady eyes and shut them tightly. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She was tired.

“Gomen Mako-chan,” she finally said, “you did deserve that right, but I just didn’t want you guys to feel sorry for me. Nobody wants to tell their friends that their life will be short-lived.”

Makoto was still looking away from Usagi. She finally allowing herself to let all the rage and anger punched the wall. It left a rather large whole in the end, but Makoto didn’t care. “It’s not fair,” she said quietly.


Ami was no longer in the waiting room, but rather knocking on the door of her mother’s office. She heard her mother’s voice calling for the person to come in and she peeked inside.

“Ami. Why aren’t you downstairs with your friends?”

“I had to ask you something.”

“This is about Usagi, right?”

“Hai. You’re her doctor, and you know what’s wrong with her.”

“I think she should be the one to tell you, not me Ami.”

“It’s something really bad. Am I right? She’s… ” Ami could not finish her sentence, for she feared that it was true.

The doctor sighed as she looked at her daughter, who happened to be a genius. She placed her hands on Ami’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Ami…Usagi is… dying.”

The words made Ami’s insides cringe. She didn’t know what to say, and just stood inside her mother’s office quietly. “I’m sorry. I’ve told Usagi many times to tell you girls, but she refused.” Ami was not mentally there and could barely make out what her mother was telling her. Usagi, their Usagi, was dying.

“But there’s a chance right? You can save her!”

“Ami, it’s not that easy. She’s turned down the surgery many times before. It’s her choice and I have not power over that.”

“What is she thinking?!”

Ami found herself walking back towards the waiting room and found Makoto sitting outside. She had one hand wrapped in a bandage, and Ami ran up to her. “What happened? Did you get into a fight?”

Makoto looked up and shook her head, “No, more like anger management.” She looked exhausted, emotionally and physically.

“I see,” said Ami when she finally realized what happened in Usagi’s room, “So she told you.”

“You knew?”

“No. Mama just told me a few minutes ago. Usagi never said anything me.”

“Ah, I was angry at her for not saying anything, but really…I began to think of how it would be if I were in the same situation. My mind came to a blank. It’s hard being in that position. Only Minako would be able to truly understand what Usagi is going through right now.”

“Where are they?”

Before Makoto could answer, Rei came walking inside and spotted Makoto’s bandaged hand. Minako came trailing in a few minutes later. “What happened?” she asked as she eyed Makoto.

“Nothing, I’m less worried about this hand and more worried about that hole in Usagi’s room.

“Mako-chan.”

After much debate with the hospital staff, they were ordered not to go inside the room for the rest of the day. Apparently, they got into trouble from the “damage” Makoto put on the wall.

“I swear, they’re more concerned about that wall,” claimed Makoto as they walked outside the hospital. All the girls were flustered and still a bit affected by the news of Usagi, but decided to visit her as much as they can. It was pointless staying angry. All they could do was to be there for her.


Usagi stayed in bed and listened to one of Aino Minako’s albums. It had already been a few days since she was admitted into the hospital, and Doctor Mizuno was rather hesitant in releasing her so soon. Once they saw that she gained a little bit of her strength, she was moved out of the Intense Care Unit. However, Usagi was still kept on a heart monitor and oxygen tubes. At least now there is no limit to the number to visitors here.

With the help of Rei’s convincing and everyone’s encouragement, she finally decided to go on with the surgery. As Usagi feared, it brought back memories from the past with Minako. Like Rei, everyone was also afraid of losing their friend. However, they were very supportive and kept their promise. She was unable to go through the surgery just yet because Doctor Mizuno wanted to make sure that Usagi had recovered from what recently happened. As Usagi was lost in her thoughts, she saw the door slide open. Minako peeked in.

“Ah, Minako-chan!”

“How are you holding up?” She walked inside. Usagi looked at the idol and then found that Rei followed her in with her arms folded behind her back.

“It gets boring stuck in this bed all day.”

“Well, we can fix that Usa-chan,” said Rei.

“Eh?”

“We come bearing gifts!” exclaimed Minako as she motioned Rei. The miko finally showed what she kept behind her, and it was a collection of manga, along with it was a stuffed bunny.

“Kawaii! Arigato!” exclaimed Usagi as she gratefully accepted the gift and immediately hugged the bunny. Rei couldn’t help but giggle at the way Usagi reacted. Her face was half hidden behind the stuffed animal, that all you could really notice was her odango hair.

“So where are Mako-chan and Ami-chan?” asked Usagi.

“Trying to convince -”

“Ah. They’ll by here soon, they just had to run some errands before coming here,” finished Rei as she nudged Minako. Usagi looked at them oddly, but returned to looking at her new manga. Just then, the door slid open once again and Ami popped in.

“Usagi-chan!” The odango-haired girl looked up at her friend. She winced in pain when she tried her best to wave enthusiastically, but accidentally yanked the I.V. tube that was connected to her hand. Minako grimaced when she saw that, knowing fully well how much it hurt. Rei frowned and was about to lecture Usagi when Ami motioned her mother to walk inside. Realizing then, the idol and miko stood quietly by Usagi’s bedside.

“We have another surprise for you.”

“Eh?”

“Well, we figured that you were getting bored here, so we tried to convince mama,”

“And believe me it took a lot of convincing…”

“Not to mention that we begged your parents as well.”

“And with the help of Minako-chan…” All three girls were talking rather fast that Usagi tried her best effort to understand their rather fast sentences.

“Just tell me already!” she exclaimed.

Doctor Mizuno finally stepped forward, “Usagi-chan. You can go home today!”

“Honto ni? Uso!”

“Of course, I will be coming by your home everyday to check up on you. I still want you to stay in bed and no extra activities. You gave us quite a scare last week. However, Ami was able to point out that it is much better being home rather than in a hospital for the New Year.”

“Hai.” She was excited to be going back in her own room.

“With that said. Your chariot awaits you Princess,” said Minako as Makoto rolled the wheelchair in. “We’ll be driving you home today.”

A few hours later, Makoto slowly helped Usagi into the bedroom. She smiled as she was surrounded by the familiarity. They guided her onto the bed, and she sat there for a few odd moments to close her eyes.

“Something wrong?”

She smiled at her friends, “It’s just nice to be home. That hospital was starting to look rather gloomy.”

“I hate hospitals too,” replied Minako.

“So what shall we do now?” asked Usagi when she tried to get up.

“What do you mean? You need your rest,” answered Rei as forced Usagi to sit back down.

“Yes, but I’ve already done that all week,” whined Usagi.

“Usagi-chan,” said Ami as she walked towards the girl, “if you are that bored, we can stay for a while. Right girls?”

Everyone looked at her.

“Well, I have nothing to do today,” said Makoto.

“My chores are finished.”

“Hai. I can stay for a while.”

“Besides, New Year’s Eve is two days. You’d want to save your energy for that.”

“But first. You need to lie down while we strap some of this equipment on you.”

Usagi whined but agreed. She hated being so dependent on the oxygen tank, and hated the bleeping of the heart monitor.

“Now, I hope your mom does not mind me whipping something up. We need to put more meat on you. You’re getting skinnier by the moment!” Makoto left the room.

“So, what do you want to do?” asked Rei.

“Ummm,” said the Usagi as she thought hard. Finally, she spotted the TV and yelled, “KARAOKE!!” Rei almost fell on the ground when Usagi yelled the word.

Anything but that! she thought.

Onwards to Part 12


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