Lessons in Humanity
The ruckus of a void overfilled, you are a path to nothingness and
a route to chaos. We are scavengers pounding against your ribs, yearning
for release, do you feel the wealth of us all? I am meant to guide you,
such irony, through destruction is your divinity.
Death and Rebirth.
There are times I see through your eyes and feel your hurt. These
are the times I wonder what it is worth to be alive. I was created
solely for undoing; ruination. I wipe the canvas clean in order for life
to be created anew. I see only fear, only tattered faces crumbling into
nonexistence. I have never felt pain, merely stared into its eyes
apathetically.
I am alive within you, Hotaru. Do you feel me? Always, I feel you.
Always, I feel your hopes and your dreams, your fears and the torment of
your sacrifices. I feel the suffering I cause you. Your sorrow is
unbearable to me, how can I understand such a thing? My powers cause you
to hate yourself, the powers bestowed upon you from my mere existence
within you. You hate me. You've cried yourself to sleep begging to be
normal, begging to be rid of me. Me.
What do I do with this ache? I am unaccustomed to it. I feel your
misery, I bear your burdens as deeply as you bear my own, and I hate it.
If to be alive means to be feared, if to be alive means to be
misunderstood, if to be alive means only to lose those you love... If to
be alive within you, my precious little Hotaru, means to have the only
one I have ever known in my multimillenia of existence... hate me... I
prefer to stay forever in slumber. I prefer never to know pain, how can
I ever look into its eyes the same way again?
I see you, Hotaru. In a world where none understand, I see you.
There are so many struggles for you ahead, and all of it is my fault.
All of it. Do you feel that now? The way I feel you, can you feel the
agony it causes me to acknowledge such a thing? To acknowledge that the
one I have grown to care for, to love even, is the one I will hurt the
most?
Is it shocking? Even the goddess of death can love.
You appreciate my fears well, you have them of yourself for
another. You will never cause her suffering, my precious child. You will
love her, and you will protect her, much the way I will for you. It is
more than your duty, it is what is within your heart.
She will understand us. She will understand you.
Thank you, Hotaru. For all that I have experienced with you, for
all that I have learned, for all that I will learn, thank you. You have
given me the richness of the comprehension of what it truly means to
exist, and though I am nothing more than a dream within a dream, I will
cherish it. I will cherish you.
Fin.
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Ah, I'd been thinking of doing a Saturn within Hotaru/Saturn having
romantic feelings for Hotaru fic for a while. The song "Little Sister"
by Siouxsie and the Banshees finally kick started this stream of
consciousness fic. The song is much goodness, I suggest you listen to it
now. NOW!!
Yes, this fic seems pretty hollow, I admit. It needs much more
fleshing out, but the bare bones of it is here for all to see. I'm off
to go rest in mononucleosis induced delirium now. Buh-bye.
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