Darkness and Light "Swallowed, followed Heavy 'bout everything but my love Swallowed, sorrowed I'm with everyone and yet not In the middle of a world on a fishhook You're the wave, you're the wave, you're the wave Gotta get away from here I miss the one that I love a lot I miss the one that I love a lot." -Bush, "Swallowed" Have you ever had a dream that was so wonderful that it made you want to stay asleep forever? A dream that it was painful to wake up from? A dream that made you want to reconsider the world you wanted to live in? I have. ----- The last thing Haruka remembered was a burning, tearing pain in her chest. Her heart crystal, the physical embodiment of her soul, was torn from her body, and without it, her life began to drain away. She wasn't sure if her eyes closed, or if they just stopped working, but it wasn't long before she was swallowed by darkness. When she could see again, she was somewhere she had never been. She wasn't even sure if it could be *called* a place. It was more like a vortex, or a giant bubble underwater. The walls, or barriers, or whatever they were, were a shimmering, boiling, greenish-aqua color. There was nothing under her feet; she seemed to be floating, but she could still walk somehow. "Hello?" she called out. There was no answer. Then it occurred to her that maybe she was dead. The holders of the pure heart crystals had to be sacrificed, after all, and she had been one of them. Strange as that was... "Hello? Is anybody there?" This time there was a response from the void. Somewhere off in the distance, someone was moving. The figure grew larger in her vision, and as it got closer, she could see that it was Sailor Neptune. Then she noticed she was Sailor Uranus. "Haruka!" Neptune cried. "Michiru!" Uranus answered. They ran to each other and embraced. Neptune rested her head on Uranus' shoulder, and Uranus could feel her lover's tears being absorbed into her fuku. She stroked the soft, sea-green hair. "Haruka...what's happening to us?" Neptune asked. "Where are we? What is this place?" "I don't know," Uranus said. "But I have an idea." "What?" Uranus stepped back from her partner's arms and looked her in the eyes. "What I think...what I'm afraid of is...we're dead." "What's going to happen to us now?" "I don't know. I've never been dead before. But I guess we'll be reborn, or something. Whatever's happening to us, I'd guess it doesn't happen to just anybody." Neptune looked at her feet, dangling harmlessly in the vacuum. "I'm scared," she said. Uranus held her lover's chin with her gloved hand, and raised it to look into her eyes. Large, pearly tears were forming in Neptune's eyes. "I'm scared too," Uranus said. "But as long as we're together, I have the strength to face anything." She had a habit of putting on a strong face when things were down. When Michiru was afraid, or sad, or depressed, all she wanted was to make her happy again. And usually, it worked. Haruka's natural confidence and unshakable determination were contagious. But this time, she really had no idea what was going to happen. "My chest feels...empty," Neptune said, rubbing the bow on her fuku. There was a dark spot there, sort of like a burn mark. Uranus had one on herself, too. "Mine too," she said. And this time, she was fighting two battles. One outside, with Neptune, and one inside. Regret. She had been confident that she had been doing what was right, that her way was the only way it could be, and the whole time she had been convinced that Sailor Moon and the Inners were the ones who were wrong and deluded. The ones who had preached love and mercy, who had gone out of their way and put themselves in danger to keep people they didn't even know from being hurt. Uranus and Neptune had been the mercenaries, trying to snatch up the heart crystals before anyone else, and with total disregard for human life. That was the only way it could be, they had thought. But who was dead and who was alive now? "I have a feeling...like maybe Usagi-chan was right all along," Neptune said. Uranus was a little surprised to hear her words come from her partner's mouth, but she nodded. "Maybe," she said. "I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter now. The Holy Grail has been revealed, and...either we live and join them, or we die and it doesn't matter." The words didn't do much for Neptune. If anything, she looked more scared than ever. Uranus silently cursed herself. She was only making things worse. She shook her head. "Sorry," Uranus said. "I don't know what to say. I don't have any answers this time." "That's OK," Neptune replied, tears in her eyes. "You were right. As long as we're together, it doesn't matter if we're dead or alive. Just don't leave me." "I'm not going anywhere." But Fate, it seemed, had chosen that moment to make a liar out of Sailor Uranus. Over Neptune's shoulder, she could see the barriers of the vortex begin to change. They were drawing distinctly closer. "What's going on?" Neptune asked. "I don't know..." The walls were closing in, and for a moment they were afraid they were going to be crushed. But the walls stopped moving, and they were closed inside a sphere. How big it was, and how far away the walls were, they could only guess. It could have been the size of a snow globe or the size of the TokyoDome. "I don't like the looks of this." The ceiling of their prison shot upward, and the floor rocketed down. They found themselves in the center of a giant column. Above them, a light began to shine, and below them, there was only darkness. Both the light and the dark grew stronger and stronger as seconds passed. The two of them looked from one to the other, and into each other's eyes, and all they saw was panic. A curious breeze ruffled their hair and skirts, and strengthened into a storm-force wind. It blew around them in circles, as if it was unsure which way to go. Then it decided, and it took them with it. Uranus felt her feet being pulled upward, her body realigning so that she was upside-down. Neptune felt hers being pulled down. "What's going on?!" Neptune repeated in her panic. "I don't know. Grab my hand!" called Uranus. Their gloved hands held each other tightly, desperate for any purchase they could get in the empty realm. The vortex became a vacuum, pulling them into opposite portals: Neptune into the darkness below, Uranus into the light above. The only thing that kept them from flying apart was their grasp on each other's hand. "Hold on! Don't let go!" Uranus cried. "I can't! It's too strong! It's too-aaaahhhh!!" Neptune's words were cut off as the vacuum intensified, wrenching their hands apart. Uranus groped out in the nothingness for her lover's hand, but they were too far gone to reach each other. She felt herself being pulled upward, while Neptune grew smaller and smaller in her vision. "Michiru!" "Haruka!" Uranus saw Neptune consumed by the darkness just as she was pulled into the light. For a moment the white light was all she could see. Then everything was dark again. ----- There had been three Talismans. When the light cleared, there were still three objects there: the Holy Grail and a pair of heart crystals. They hung in the air above the unconscious bodies of Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus. "The Holy Grail!" said everyone present. "At last it will be mine!" laughed Eudial, the Witch who had come to take the Talismans. "And then your time will be up!" "Not if I can help it!" cried Sailor Moon. The two of them ran forward, and jumped for the grail at the same time. Both hands clasped one of the Grail's handles at the same time, and a blinding light flashed out once again. Good and evil were locked in an eternal and deadly combat as Sailor Moon fought Eudial for control. For a few moments neither seemed to be gaining the advantage; both could feel the power of the sacred cup churning beneath their hands. Then, almost imperceptibly, the floes of power began shifting toward Sailor Moon. Eudial gritted her teeth and fought back, but the tides had turned too far. A massive shockwave erupted from the glowing mass that was the Holy Grail and its two suitors. One of them was taken with it: Eudial was blown out of the sky and tossed several meters back. The shockwave also slammed into the heart crystals, which were still floating in the air. One of them was hit at an angle, and knocked for a loop. The other took the blast head-on, and shattered. No one noticed the shards of the heart crystal fall to the ground. All they could see was a new Sailor Moon, a stronger Sailor Moon, pointing her moon rod dangerously at Eudial. The Witch took the hint, and tore off in her car. As Super Sailor Moon's newfound power took its toll on her body, she cried out and reverted back to Tsukino Usagi. That was when the rest of the Senshi and Tuxedo Kamen, who were all gathered there, noticed the shattered crystal. ----- "She's coming around!" "Thank the kami, I thought we were going to lose them both!" The words belonged to Sailors Mercury and Mars, respectively, but they barely registered with the unconscious Tenoh Haruka. "What are we going to do now?" said Sailor Jupiter. "I don't think there's anything we can do," said Sailor Venus. Haruka's brain throbbed with every word. She was aware of pain in her chest, and her head as well. She opened her eyes a bit, and some blurry forms swam into her line of sight. "What-what happened?" she coughed, barely able to speak. "Your heart crystal was removed from your body," said Sailor Pluto, who had chosen to grace the Senshi with her omnipresent form moments after Haruka had lost consciousness. "It has been returned." Haruka raised a hand to her chest and felt burnt fabric over tender skin. "Where's...Neptune?" Usagi appeared, looking somber. "We...we couldn't save her. I'm sorry, Haruka-san..." "What?!" The words jolted her back to full awareness, and she found herself lying on the ground outside the Marine Cathedral, where she and Neptune had engaged Eudial. She turned her head and found herself staring into Neptune's face, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. The Senshi of the Ocean was not breathing. "Neptune! Michiru! Wake up, Michiru!" Haruka seized her lover's body and shook it firmly. Neptune's eyes rolled back in her head, which rolled hollowly on her shoulders. Pluto grabbed Haruka by her shoulders and lifted her to her knees. "I'm sorry, she's dead. Her heart crystal..." Haruka saw there was a scorch mark on Neptune's fuku, as there had been in...wherever they had just been, and as there was on her shirt now. "What about it?! Why isn't it back in her body where it belongs?!" Usagi moved back into Haruka's vision, holding out her hands. There was some silver dust and rock fragments in her hands. "It was shattered in the explosion," she said. "The Holy Grail released some kind of shockwave, and the crystal broke..." Haruka slumped in the Senshi of Time's grasp. She understood what had happened in the void now: Neptune's spirit had gone on to the great beyond, and hers had returned to her body. Without her heart crystal, Neptune's body was dying. It wasn't fair! She didn't deserve life without Michiru. If they had both perished in the accident, that would be one thing, but life without her was the greatest torture Haruka could imagine. "You should have left me to die..." she trailed off. Though her heart crystal was back in her body, she felt like her heart was still gone. She was seized by a burning rage, and she wrenched herself out of Pluto's arms. She dived at Usagi, and grabbed the throat of the smaller girl she had once flirted with. Usagi's hands flew apart in reflex, and the shards of Neptune's heart crystal fell to the ground. "You should have left me to die!" Haruka screamed. "Without Michiru, I CAN NOT LIVE!" The moon princess tried to pull Haruka's hands off her, but the older woman was too strong. Usagi tried to gasp a response, but her windpipe was closed. Jupiter and Pluto grabbed Haruka and wrenched her off of Usagi, who collapsed and coughed. Haruka thrashed in their arms, but they did release her. "Do you realize what kind of existence you have condemned me to?!" the Senshi of the Sky shouted. "I-I'm sorry," Usagi said. "Sorry won't bring Michiru back! Let go of me!" Jupiter and Pluto pushed Haruka back so that she landed on her rear. She did not lunge for Usagi again, but only held up her henshin stick like some kind of weapon, and gave them a dangerous look. "You killed her," Haruka said. "You killed her! All of you killed her! And maybe she's the only one who died, but you killed both of us today. I'll never forgive you..." With that, she turned and ran into the night. "Haruka!" Usagi cried. "It's no use, odongo-atama," said Sailor Mars, holding Usagi back. "She won't listen. She's gone..." Sailor Pluto half-closed her eyes. She knew that somehow, time and fate had gone astray. ----- "Haruka!" "Michiru!" The last words they had said to each other had been their names. Haruka could still hear the words echoing over and over, even over the roar of her Kawasaki's engine. Faster. Seventy, eighty, ninety kilometers per hour. She was going as fast as she used to when she was a racer. Before she had met Michiru. Michiru. Haruka. "Haruka!" "Michiru!" The names wouldn't leave her alone. Especially the one. "MICHIRUUUUUU!!!" She revved the engine faster. If anyone had been there, they still would have been able to hear her scream over it. The light from the motorcycle's headlight illuminated a once-familiar road, but all the twists and turns looked the same now. Empty, distant, and unfamiliar. The road ahead, which had been so clear in the past, was now only dark. Then she heard Michiru's voice again, but this time it was saying something other than her name. "Isn't it beautiful?" "Michiru?!" She squeezed the brake gear as hard as she could, and the bike slid to a stop. She'd been riding without her helmet, half hoping that she would crash and break her neck. But the voice in her head made her reconsider that hope for just a moment. "Isn't it beautiful?" Michiru's voice repeated. "What's beautiful?" Haruka asked. But there was no answer. No Michiru. It was only her memory...and when she looked around, she knew why. The motorcycle was stopped askew in the middle of a bridge. She walked to the guardrail and looked over the edge. There was water as far as she could see, reflecting the deep blue velvet of the night sky. The silvery orb of the full moon stared at her from the sky, and reflected back in the water. She'd been here before. And so had *she*. When they had first gotten together, Haruka had given Michiru a ride on her bike. They had stopped here, on this very bridge, and watched the sunset. Haruka's mind was torturing her with the memory of that afternoon long ago... "Isn't it beautiful?" Michiru asked. "What?" Haruka asked back. "What I'm looking at...right now..." Michiru said, and turned her head toward her blonde partner. "I thought you wanted to see the sunset...?" "Already seen it." Michiru traced Haruka's chin with her fingers, and gently drew Haruka's face down to hers. They pressed their lips together. When they separated, Haruka could see the most serene love she had ever seen shining in Michiru's eyes. She must have been giving the aqua-haired woman a strange look, because the next thing Michiru said was, "What is it? Never been in love with another woman before?" Haruka blushed a little. "I've never exactly been in love with anyone before." Michiru smiled. "Well, until recently, I would have said I had. But now...whatever I felt before, it just doesn't seem like it mattered." Haruka reached into her pocket and pulled out the yellow wand Michiru had given her a few days earlier, which she had been so reluctant to accept. She still wasn't sure if she wanted the responsibility of being a magical girl defender of the world. Noticing the stick, and the expression on her partner's face, Michiru opened her purse and pulled out her own henshin stick, which was a green color that resembled the color of her hair. "I still don't know what you've gotten me into," Haruka said. "It's what we were born for," Michiru whispered. "I know you've felt like I have...like your life was incomplete. Like you were missing something...or someone." Haruka sighed. Michiru looked out over the water again. "Look at that...see how beautiful the sky is? And the water? It's almost as if they're the same..." The blonde woman smiled. The analogy wasn't lost on her. "So this is only the beginning." "That's right. We've got a lot of time to be together..." They kissed again, and suddenly Haruka found her lips touching nothing. It wasn't the afternoon; it was night. She hadn't just met Michiru; she had just lost her. And it wasn't the beginning. It was the end. But she was here, on the bridge, and she was holding her henshin stick. She hadn't imagined that. And now, just as then, the water was a mirror for the sky. The full moon reflected its light down on her, and she cursed it in her heart. Moon. Usagi. And the rest of them. They had done this to her. Whether their way had been right in the past, she would be damned if she followed it now. And Setsuna...she was the one who had gotten them into this in the first place. They were the ones who had killed the one she loved. All of them. "They robbed me of my right to die with my beloved," she said, or maybe she only thought it. "Dying with her would have been one thing, but living without her...that's a life I can't live. That life doesn't mean anything! Michiru...she's moved on, and I've been left behind. *They* left me behind!" She put her hands on the guardrail and looked down. She was tempted to give everything up and jump into the water. She actually put her foot on the rail to leap off, but Michiru's voice was in her mind again. Haruka. Calling her name. *Haruka*. She put her foot back on the ground. Michiru...she couldn't go out like this. There were still things that needed to be done, love that needed to be avenged, enemies that needed to be punished. Sailor Moon. The Inner Senshi. Setsuna. The Death Busters and Witches 5. And the Tomoes. All of them had played some part in Michiru's death, and all of them would pay for it. "I'll never forgive them. Any of them!" She pulled her arm back, and tossed the henshin stick into the water. It splashed and rippled in the moon's reflection. "I'll never forgive them." She turned and walked back to the Kawasaki. Kicking the starting gear, she ran the bike around in a circle, and rode off the way she had come. Starting tomorrow, Tenoh Haruka lived for revenge. ----- I knew I wouldn't sleep that night. End chapter one. ----- Author's notes: The process of revision is a wonderful thing. The first draft of this chapter, if I say so myself, was a piece of utter crap, and about half as long as the revised version. Of course, I wrote the five-page first version in about seven minutes. If you've read my story "Jupiter's Lament" you might notice a short section I borrowed from it. Yes, that was intentional. Of course, I made some changes to it, since this is yet another AU. Anyway, there are some Senshi that I love writing about, and Haruka is one of them. I also like writing about Setsuna, Ami, Makoto and Hotaru. But this is Haruka's time to shine, so to speak. Don't count Michiru out yet; she might show up a little later. This *is* a shoujo-ai story, after all.
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