I wanted to try a songfic, and this is the result. ^^ I may post my multi-chapter stories here too soon. I hoped to bring out Haruka's more vulnerable side in this piece. Please enjoy. [text] = song lyrics ---------- Haruka glared out the window absent-mindedly. All had seemed far too quiet for her liking since Michiru left. A few weeks prior to the present they had gotten into a heated argument about their priorities, causing the aqua-haired lady to move away from Haruka. the sandy blonde pressed her fingers against the frosty window, watching the raindrops fall down gracefully. She remembered how Michiru often enjoyed gazing out the window at the falling rain. She said it calmed her and made the outside world feel peaceful, though Haruka never exactly understood how lazily staring at water falling from the sky did that. But now that she had nothing to do but sulk around the seemingly unoccupied house, she began to understand what Michiru meant. Her eyes still fixated out the window, Haruka brought a radio closer to her and turned it on. A song softly came out of its speakers. [Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were, but I walked away If only I knew what I know today Ooh, ooh] Despite last seeing her loved one weeks ago, the moment stuck in Haruka's memory as if it happened only yesterday. She took Michiru's love for granted, and she just left. Without really giving warning. The normally strong senshi felt her heart shatter like a mirror when she read a note Michiru left before disappearing. With anger at herself, she had crumpled it into a tight wad and thrown it against the wall. Michiru was one of the few things that made Haruka happy, one of the few that understood her, and loved her just for herself. Now that was gone. Possibly forever. However, she couldn't cry. She wouldn't let herself. The pain would have to be hidden beneath her tough, masculine exterior. Not that it was much of a challenge. Haruka had been doing it nearly her whole life. [I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done Forgive all your mistakes] Being beside the window soon ignited another memory: the moment when Michiru held Haruka's hand tenderly and said she liked her hands. Michiru's hands were heavenly, so soft and gentle. The memory of how they felt was distant in Haruka's mind, but it was indeed there. It felt like the first time they connected, almost became one. Michiru's crystalline eyes, pure, shining, cerulean eyes, had met Haruka's teal pair and for the first time in Haruka's life, it felt as if someone was looking into her soul. Cheesy, yes, it may sound, but that was exactly how Haruka felt that moment. The gorgeous eyes belonging to Michiru held an abundance of love and happiness, the same that was shown in her pearly smile. Now that was gone. Haruka may never get to see that again. Just further proof you don't know what you have until it's gone, she figured. Haruka yawned. Maybe she should sleep some more. At least in her dreams Michiru would still be with her. In her dreams, they would be happy, and Haruka wouldn't have made any mistakes. Why is it that life was so much better when sleeping? Right now in her current mood, Haruka wouldn't mind an eternal sleep if it meant being with Michiru only in her slumber. Certainly it would feel better than sulking with memories of the bitter reality still fresh in her mind. [There's nothing I wouldn't do To hear your voice again Sometimes I wanna call you But I know you won't be there] It seemed ever since Michiru had left to live alone, she had avoided talking on the phone whenever possible. Probably just in case it turned out to be Haruka. How could Haruka apologize for her mistakes if Michiru wouldn't permit her the chance? And surely if Haruka stopped by her new home (given she found out where exactly it was located), Michiru wouldn't allow her to enter, let alone even open the door. Had she really been that bad? Of course, that was a rhetorical question. She sighed sadly. Of all the times, why then. when she had someone who cared about her? [Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you For everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself by hurting you] That's sure how it seemed now. By hurting someone she loved, she ultimately hurt herself. Love. What was the true meaning of the word anyway? Sometimes all it did was cause trouble, lead to jealousy, even destroy people entirely. Haruka sighed with aggravation while drumming her icy fingers against the board in front of the window. She hadn't thought this much for as long as she could remember. Mainly her daily routine consisted of physical labor, but it seemed the gloomy weather made her melancholy today especially. Every time Haruka tried to rid her mind of all thoughts of Michiru, they returned like an unwanted boomerang. The song playing on the radio seemed to drag on for an eternity. [Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss And it's so hard to say goodbye When it comes to this, oooh] Goodbye certainly was a painful word, Haruka had learned. Ironically it particularly hurt when you didn't have the chance to say it. Like with her lover. She left without notice, leaving Haruka speechless for quite some time. All the racer desired lately was to hide in her house where no one could comment on her unusual behavior. Not like she ever liked people asking her what was wrong anyway. If anything she saw it as an unnecessary annoyance. However, one certain person could ask Haruka and not irritate her... [Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?] Michiru would'nt point out Haruka's faults, no matter how bad a mistake was made. That's what made Haruka love her. How forgiving she was. One could say that softened up Haruka a bit, but when you're in love you don't care what others have to say about you. An empty feeling lingered in Haruka's stomach, hungering for the other half of her. Her soul mate. [There's nothing I wouldn't do To have just one more chance To look into your eyes And see you looking back] Despite the way Haruka turned down the opportunity to be one of Michiru's models when they first met, the moment their eyes first met was precious. It rang in Haruka's mind like a harmonious ballad, like one of the songs they would play together. Michiru would play a lovely violin piece, often accompanied with her partner on the piano. Sure, one was good without the other, but together, they could make such beautiful music.Now the sight of a piano only torn Haruka's heart slightly more. [Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you For everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself, ohh If I had just one more day I would tell you how much that I've missed you Since you've been away Ooh, it's dangerous It's so out of line To try and turn back time] Would Haruka turn back time if given the chance? Probably. That is, if she could somehow prevent her foolish faults from reoccurring. Repeating the past would only put the already heart-wretched female deeper in a pool of sorrow. Then again, if turning back time were so easy, she may have never met Michiru. And despite her current emotional state, she'd rather have loved and loss Michiru than have never met her at all. That was how sacred Haruka's memories were. She treasured them like an irreplaceable heirloom. [I'm sorry for blaming you For everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself...] Tired of the lugubrious song, Haruka, with her eyelids partially hiding her exhausted teal eyes, reached over to turn off the radio. Before sleep conquered her and some glistening tears slowly rolled down her face, she softly murmured to herself, "...by hurting you." --- I think it turned out more sad and dramatic than previous stories I've done. Hopefully that's not a bad thing, heh. Please feel free to sned a review or PM me. I'd like that a lot. In any case, thank you for reading!
Back to Hold Me Once Again Index - Back to Sailor Moon Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction