Heartfelt Desires (part 36 of 41)

a Sailor Moon fanfiction by seraphydragon

Back to Part 35

(Makoto)

Ping…

fttz…ft—tz…

ping…

ting! Woosh…woosh…woosh…

A silver coin flew upwards, climbing straight up an invisible path of air; glinting metal, in a slow, monotonous rhythm, replayed its magical disappearing trick between light and dark. One face feels the warmth of glorious, heavenly light, as its partner slept—cradled by darkness. However as the light falls away and the bleak temptation beckons the one in the light, it willingly loses itself, without protest, as the other ascends to its place.

It continued to spin until a force crushed it entirely with its influence, bringing its rhythm to a stop before allowing the metal to fall to the black surface below. A distinct ‘plop’ rang out as the coin submerged beneath the seemingly liquid surface; the source point bobbed up and down, creating calm waves which reached out a gentle hand to the unconscious woman lying nearby.

Makoto stirred and groaned softly as the first waves caressed her fingertips, tickling the stiff flesh there. Her pulse quickened; her heart nearly leapt out of her chest as the delightful splash of warmth spilled down her hands and throughout the rest of her body until colour came back to her face. Unconsciously the young goddess tilted her head into the loving caress, opening her dazed eyes a crack and listened. There was a distinct note in the air. There was a series of them now, merging together into a soothing piece that re-kindled something in her memory. She could see him now, standing in the distance…

Who are you?

“Where are you?”

Makoto blinked and saw that she was standing in an open corridor. However, haziness blocked her otherwise excellent view. So she rubbed her eyes, forcing the dizziness away.

As the cloudiness bordering her vision faded away and her eyes re-focused, she immediately noted the marble wall that curved upwards along the stone pillars to either side of her. Though it effectively sheltered her from the Sun’s view, the wall itself was imperfect and visibly bore cracks. Makoto peered down to her right, by her black booted feet, where a tinge of green briefly won her attention. She strode through the reminder of the corridor until the opaque, white guardian abruptly yielded and finally unveiled the lost Garden of Eden.

Her pulse quickened; the atmosphere was buzzing with energy. Someone was there.

In earnest she dared to step foot on the ground, ignoring the swish of the blue cape upon her back. The moment her foot contacted the lush green grass, Makoto felt herself jolt and fell to her knees in shock.

Tup—fsSh!

Wha---

“What’s…What’s going on here?!” She gasped, and attempted to steady her racing heart. She was speechless; not only was she back to square one, in the white corridor where she had been seconds before, but the place itself--why hadn’t she recognized it before?

This place! I’m-- I’m back home?! She crept close to the nearest wall, pressing herself against the solid support in uncertainty.

But how can that be? We were just on the Sun. Could I be dreaming?

Shakily, as if she were afraid that her knees would buckle beneath her at any second, she rose to her feet and cautiously ventured further into the corridor. It was just as she had left it; every pattern embedded within the marble, every crack, chip and decorative ornament—each and every one belonged in her memory. But despite her mind’s warnings and fears of deception, all of Makoto’s senses were bathing in the welcome sensations. She had been away from home for some time now, and she just never realized how homesick she was until then.

A refreshing breeze lightly brushed against her face, and drew her gaze up to the baby blue sky overhead.

Today will be a good day.”

As if reassured by the distant, kind voice, Makoto ventured further through the palace until she came across a small garden. She paused at the end of the railing. The flowers were scarce amongst the brilliant green; their colors were hardly present at all amongst the grass. Instead, there were white petals that blanketed the area like fallen snow. Their source was a lone tree in the center of the area. It looked to be rather ancient, towering well above the surrounding structures and stretching its branches halfway across the garden.

This place…

Makoto’s eyes swam with emotion. She couldn’t understand it. She had come here often in the past so why was it so hard to do so now? A strong sense of nostalgia had gripped her, so hard that she feared that the tears beginning to blur her vision would fall without resistance. She wanted to be there. No, she needed to be there. Her awkwardness became evident as she staggered clumsily towards the tree in a trance-like state amidst the swirling flowers and sweetly scented wind.

The sound of a flipping coin echoed in the distance.

Woosh!

. . .

She was approaching someone beneath the tree now. Blue armor with Mercury’s insignia flashed momentarily underneath the individual’s cape as short blue hair was brushed by the wind. It was strange but the God who stood there, the one who had created this sanctuary, hardly appeared alarmed or insulted by her presence. He continued to blow soft breaths into the horizontal instrument that he held and it joyfully sang in gratitude.

The blue-haired figure stopped a few steps short from the majestic being before him. A peculiar, nervous anticipation stirred deep within Makoto’s chest, and, without warning, her lips began to move on their own accord. Yet it was not her voice that rang out, nor were they the words she wished to say.

Will you continue to ignore me…Jupiter?”

The other man lowered the flute from his lips and smiled. His long, dark-brown hair, which was tied back into a low ponytail with a blue ribbon, swayed to the side as he turned to face his comrade. Unlike his annoyed friend, the God was garbed within long robes of green cloth patterned with white and gold.

You’re the one who has invited us and yet when I arrive, I find out that I am to find YOU?”

Come now Mercury... I thought you enjoyed listening to my playing. You have stood there for quite some time before choosing to present yourself. Did you think that I would not notice?”

Mercury frowned. “It’s not that and you know it. But that aside, didn’t you call me here because you needed some help with investigating a matter? Well, why haven’t we gone yet?”

Impatient as ever,” Jupiter laughed in a light-hearted voice, his green eyes twinkling in amusement. “Are you so eager to keep yourself busy? Why not take a moment to relax, and enjoy life like we used to?”

Like WE used to? If I recall, it has always been your doing that interrupted me from my work in the past! Even now--!!”

Am I truly a bother to you?”

“…”

Are you saying that you did not enjoy the time we spent together… as we watched the sky together while I played to you in our former home?”

N-No… I…” Mercury shook his head in exasperation. “Look, I was only worried, that’s all. This is one of Apollo’s creations that we are talking about! It must be destroyed immediately! It’s too dangerous! You haven’t forgotten what happened on Neptune, have you? Because of it, Lady Neptune is dead and her young daughter was prematurely forced to ascend to the throne in her stead! She is still a child… yet due to our carelessness, because we had believed that the contraptions would remain dormant without his presence, this tragedy has occurred! You wouldn’t wish for something like that to happen to your own child, would you?”

No, I wouldn’t.”

Then let’s go.” He turned to walk away, and had only taken a few steps when he sensed that his companion was not following.

Mercury sighed. Are you coming or aren’t you? What is the problem now?”

“…Tell me, have you brought young Ami to accompany you today as I had requested?”

Jupiter!”

It would be cruel to leave the child alone in her father’s absence. Especially as she is far from home,” He explained. “However, I am sure that my dear Makoto will always accept Ami with open arms. It is somewhat difficult to believe how fast time goes by... Until Makoto, I had almost forgotten the distinction of months from years,” he chuckled. “Even now, after all this time, she still remains rather withdrawn, even amongst the other children her age… However, it appears that she has taken a liking to Ami.”

Ami’s father sighed a little. “Yes, as with my daughter. The girl is extremely shy. Sometimes it is a wonder that she is mine. She rarely speaks, even at home…”

Perhaps it would do them both good if they saw each other more?”

“…Perhaps…”

On that note of agreement, Jupiter gestured towards the palace. “Come, dear friend. Before we set off, shall we first visit the young ones?”

The other God merely replied with a curt nod.

. . .

Woosh!

“HaH!”

THUD!

Makoto’s forehead crashed against the tree trunk, panting hard as she struggled to gain control over her rampant emotions. Her body shuddered as waves of dizziness and nausea tore through her. It was so bad that her grip upon her sole support was hindered by the same sheen of sweat forming on her brow.

What just happened? She sucked in breath. Before I knew what was happening, I was talking, but—those words weren’t my own! For a second...it almost felt like I was a completely different person.

She took some time to attempt to recall anything significant that stood out from her experience.

I wasn’t by myself. There was another person… A tall figure clad in armor came to mind. Short hair, Mercury’s insignia…

No, it couldn’t be! Was that Ami’s father?! Makoto staggered away from the tree in horror. He was talking to someone, but who was it?

“What were they talking about? Neptune...? Were they talking about Michiru?” The name came to mind and her head began to throb again.

Ami.

“Ami! I-I have to find her!” I’m sure the others can take care of themselves, but I--I’ve got to find Ami! Where could she be? Where do I even start looking? When that thing attacked us...she was right there. She was right beside me, but I...! I couldn’t do anything.

As the thought became so jumbled up, she suddenly realized something: Why was she panicking so much? This wasn’t like her at all—she needed to get a grip on herself, and fast.

“Where am I?”

Makoto tentatively glanced back up at the blue-sky overhead. After that soul-shaking experience, she was no longer certain that it foretold good fortune.

I don’t like this feeling… this, uncertainty in my heart.

As she searched for an answer from above, unknown to her, her shadow took on a different form underneath the rustling branches. The wind picked up and the shadow assumed the form of a short-haired individual in armor.

Woosh!

(Ami)

Tup…tup…tup…

Ami kept her composure despite being terribly perplexed by her unexpected predicament. When she had initially come to, she was horribly startled to realize that she was alone. She initially wondered if she had died and if that was the reason she was separated from the others, but after a few quick tests, to her enormous relief, the young woman quickly determined that she was indeed still alive. The only mystery remaining to be solved was already staring at her in the face. If her memory served her well, she deduced that she was likely wandering into a trap. Their enemy had somehow failed to extinguish her life when they had the chance. Therefore, her life was surely in danger.

Firstly she needed to properly analyze the situation. One could not solve a problem without knowing precisely what the problem was. Yet to her frustration her reliable computer was failing terribly in confirming whether or not its operator was experiencing a dream. Ami knew what she saw: This was Jupiter’s palace. It was as she had last remembered it. The ambience, it the very same, welcoming entity that greeted her time and time again. Could it truly be an illusion? Was there the slightest possibility that there was one powerful enough to elude her machine and sway her heart?

“No, no, that couldn’t be it,” she mumbled to herself. Although her heart and mind were conflicted, logic produced only one answer; as far as the blue-haired woman knew, none of her comrades, as powerful as they were, possessed the power to teleport between planets. Well, she supposed that wasn’t quite true. Setsuna had displayed a curious power in the past when she somehow transported Rei and Hotaru to the Moon without a shuttle, but considering that it was Setsuna the possibility was immediately ruled out.

What I’m seeing must be an illusion of some sort. Oh… but I wish I had some other kind of proof! Ami regarded of the whining machine in the palm of her hand. Error signals continued to pile up in umpteen small windows. I’ve past through this corridor twice already but I’m still not getting any accurate readings. I don’t understand it... Why isn’t this working? I’ve upgraded my computer every night so... it should be update to date but it’s still not enough? What should I do now?

Although she was in a familiar place, the surroundings did nothing to ease the loneliness that she felt inside. She was missed it, the warm smile that raised her spirits whenever she was feeling down, the warm touch gently embracing her about her shoulders even if there was no reason at all. She dared to hope when a voice behind her cried out,

Hey, Ami!”

“Huh? Mako----” She hastily turned towards the direction of the voice. “---to…?”

She stopped when she came face to face with a cold, empty corridor. When she could move again, she slowly brought a hand up to her face and covered her eyes as if to hide herself from the overwhelming shame.

Is my mind playing tricks on me? Did I… really hear what I thought I heard?

Ami!”

Against her wishes, the young woman’s heart skipped a beat.

Ami! I’m over here!”

There was something peculiar about the tone of her voice, a quality that the timid woman could not accurately pinpoint. There was nothing wrong with it per se, yet it wasn’t entirely right either. She couldn’t quite put it into words.

Is it a trap? I better be careful...

Ami swallowed, and cautiously proceeded down the hall. Her eyes gazed straight ahead but her ears fought to distinguish between the calls of her friend and her shaky breaths. She was nearing the opening, ever closer to discover what lay beyond the curtain of white light.

Tup, tup…tup…

Fwoooosh!

The light dimmed, revealing the inner chamber to the surprised young woman. Ami felt her eyes widen. There was a long, rectangular oaken table at the center of the room. It was lined by eight beautifully carved, oak chairs, three along each side and two at the ends, and had a white table cloth on top. A vase of flowers was in the middle.

Ami looked at the walls and noticed the flags draping down from them. She knew where she was.

“This…” This is the dining room.

Ami!”

Ami peered at towards the table once more, and this time she perceived two blurred shapes sitting on the chairs. Quickly, she rubbed her eyes and tried again. She could see them clearly now.

The blood drained from her face. It can’t be…

Woosh!

. . .

Ami. Hey, Ami! You aren’t looking too good… Are you feeling all right?” Makoto leaned over the table, her elbows pressed against the wood as she questioningly regarded the smaller girl across from her. Ami barely nodded in response, her focused eyes never leaving her computer screen. Makoto frowned; the green-eyed teenager wondered whether the other girl nodded because she was sincerely all right or whether it was due to habit.

Ami, are you listening to me? Did you even hear what I just said?”

Tapity—tap, tap, tap, tap! Tap! TAP! Tap, tap! Tap----

“…”

Hey, can you please put that thing down and look at me?”

Ami’s typing came to an abrupt stop when a hand blocked her view of the screen. Blue eyes briefly darted up to see her friend lying across the table, staring at her with that concerned expression until she could bear it any longer and averted her gaze.

Seeing that she had earned the shy girl’s attention, Makoto relinquished her influence over the machine and shuffled back into her seat.

Sorry, it’s just... You’ve been doing it again. You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said! Is there something on your mind? You’ve barely spoken since you’ve got here, and you’ve been working on your computer as though your life depended on it! I mean, if you have work to do, then I think I can understand…but it would nice if you were honest with me…” her voiced trailed.

I hoped that you would come to me if you had a problem…’

She saw her friend about to open her mouth with an unconvinced gloomy expression, and Makoto quickly added, “And don’t you say that you’re a burden! Because you’re not!” she insisted sternly.

Ami leaned back into her seat, softly sighing, and resumed her sudden interest in the floor.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s nothing bothering me…”

But-- there is! There has to be! You haven’t been the same ever since Neptune--”

growl…

“…umm?”

Both girls blushed when they realized that the culprit was Ami’s stomach voicing its discontent.

Oh… so… you’re hungry?” The continual growling encouraged the shorter girl to sink farther into her seat. “Hey, it’s no problem at all! Why didn’t you just say so sooner? Hey, c’mon… let’s go get you something to eat! I know this great recipe that I’ve been meaning to try out!”

As the taller girl proceeded to coax her shy companion towards the kitchen, the pair remained oblivious to the confused young woman nearby.

. . .

Woosh!

. . .

This time… Ami eyed the girls as they disappeared into the kitchen. I came to Jupiter with my Father shortly after Lady Neptune’s passing. I remember. I wasn’t feeling very well that day, but Makoto was there. She was trying to cheer me up…

But why am I seeing this? How is it possible that I can watch myself like this? Is this also part of the illusion? Something just doesn’t add up. How can the enemy know something that intimate?

She brought a hesitant hand up to her chest.

How can he know...my most precious memories?

She followed after the teenagers.

. . .

Woosh!

. . .

Within the empty workplace, Makoto briefly abandoned Ami’s hand to clamber up onto the steel counter and reach for a steel bowl from one of the high cabinets. Within a few seconds she quickly slipped back to the floor with her prize clutched tightly in her hands and began shuffling through various drawers for the cooking utensils. To her right, on the counter, a blue binder was whipped open with a confident sweep of her hand; the pages flapped wildly until they came to rest on a particular recipe that seemed to be satisfactory to her friend. Where Makoto had suddenly acquired this air of confidence mystified her shy guest. In this place, it was as though she was a different person.

Everyone is out preparing tonight’s dinner in one of the larger kitchens. So we have this place all to ourselves! Neat, huh?”

But… are--are you sure this is a good idea?” Ami nervously looked around. “What if someone sees us?”

Oh, it’ll be fine. Trust me. As long as we clean up after ourselves then they won’t mind. I have done this before, you know?” She chuckled. “Besides, I like being in here. It feels like... I belong. I know it probably sounds really weird, but when I’m in here, it feels like I can just be myself. I don’t have to worry about letting others down…” Makoto leaned against the stainless-steel counter and bent over the recipe, touching each word with fondness. There was a calm expression reflecting back at her from the countertop.

Makoto...?” Ami studied the taller girl as she began to gather the ingredients.

Being the only heir to the throne... people are always watching you. They’re always watching every move you make. I used to really feel self-conscious about it and, to be honest, I still kind of do. It’s just—for some reason, I find it difficult to be waited on all the time. I mean, I know everyone means well, but they want to do everything for you, even if it’s something as simple as tying your shoes or brushing your hair. To be honest, it’s kind of frustrating sometimes. They never let me do anything by myself. That’s why... I always look forward to our yearly gatherings. I don’t just get to see everyone, but I also get some time to do what I want to do.”

Makoto pulled over the bag of flour. There was a crinkling sound as the bag opened.

Don’t get me wrong though. I can understand why my father and the staff worry about me so much. It’s just… I don’t think they see that it’s burdening me. Sometimes...it feels like I’m about to suffocate. There are so many expectations that I--I can’t help but wonder sometimes…”

Ami quietly watched as her friend fell silent. It was the first time she had seen Makoto look so sad; she was normally an expert at hiding those kinds of emotions. More than anything in that moment Ami wished for the courage to say the right words. However, speaking to another person was very different than relaying commands to a computer.

I’ve been thinking a lot since Neptune. I can’t stop thinking about it. Heck, I even see it in my dreams! Because of what happened, Michiru is now a ruler... She’s the ruler of Neptune! Can you even imagine how she must be feeling right now?” Makoto set down a flour bag and motioned Ami to sit with her as she proceeded to mix the dry ingredients together. “To have so many people placing their hopes on you... I mean, we’re still only kids! If the people who took care of me my entire life were to suddenly depend on me for everything, I...” she paused. “…I don’t know what I’d do. I wouldn’t know where to start, and... I don’t think Michiru would either. I know she acts like she always knows what to do, or ‘a miss know it all’ according to Rei, but she’s just like us. I think… she’s scared. I know I would be because I still am.”

What do you mean?”

Like, what if… instead of Michiru, that was me? What if my father died that day and I had to become a ruler? Like right now, this second. I don’t think I could handle it. I’m willing to bet that everyone would just give up on me as soon as they see how useless I am…. Just like my old combat teacher… When I couldn’t meet his expectations he told me that I was a lost cause and left. I never saw him ever since. My father took over, but still… maybe he was right. Maybe I’m not fit for this kind of life. I mean, I’m not exceptionally smart. And I’m not much of a fighter either. I’ve already lost count of all the times that I’ve wanted to give up. But then, one day, I accidentally stumbled into this place while the staff was preparing lunch. I asked one of the women what they were making, and it just went from there. Sure, I made a few mistakes at first, but everything turned out okay in the end. It tasted really good, actually. I guess it was then that I realized that I wanted to continue to learn how to cook. So I started to come here more often… Before I knew it, I could prepare a lot of things by myself.”

She turned and smiled at Ami. “Don’t tell anyone, but... if I could choose to become whatever I wanted to be, I think… I would become a chef. I’d become the best there is!”

Makoto...

Makoto carefully measured out the sugar and then poured it onto the batter. She then reached for the salt, but paused when she noticed Ami’s nervous expression. Did her rant make the girl uncomfortable?

What’s wrong?”

H-How much should I...?”

How much chocolate you should add?” Makoto blinked, wondering why the other girl was looking so flustered.

There’s just… there doesn’t seem to be a specified amount called for by the recipe. I thought that perhaps you… Oh, never--never mind, please forget that I asked!” She reflexively whipped out her miniature computer, and hurried to correct her ‘offensive’ error. Perhaps her friend hadn’t written down an amount because she had expected her to figure it out?

But as Ami moved to open the top a hand gently pressed back down. Startled, she looked up questioningly to see Makoto shaking her head.

I didn’t write down the amount because…there isn’t one,” she smiled.

“…I don’t quite understand. What do you mean?”

Well. I find that, for things like this, it’s better to act on how you feel. Why not try putting some in, and then taste it? If you don’t think it’s enough, then try adding a little bit more. Hm...? What’s with that face?”

Are you sure?” Her voice was barley higher than a whisper. “But what if I ruin it? All of your hard work will go to waste…”

It won’t.”

But--”

No buts! Why don’t you try to trust yourself for once? Why not... trust what’s in here?” Makoto gestured to her chest.

Unconsciously Ami felt herself relax a little. ‘Why can’t I?’ She questioned herself. The longer she watched the smile on her friend’s face, the more confidence she gained.

Perhaps… just a little couldn’t hurt...’

Ami tentatively lifted the bag and began tapping it lightly until a glob of the dark-brown, sticky substance fell into the dry batter. No sooner had it fell into the bowl Ami yanked up on the bag, fearing that she had already added too much; she knew that what was added could not be taken back, so with great reluctance she began to mix it into the batter despite her shaky hands. Once the task was finished she dipped in a silver teaspoon and extracted a tiny sample before lifting it up to her uncertain, pink lips. It tasted somewhat sweet, but it was still lacking. The girl gave the bag another tap, and promptly mixed in another small portion. Soon, after gaining some confidence, she realized that her process was unnecessarily time-consuming. Ami then tilted the bag further, mixing in greater amounts at a time and observed the batter becoming increasingly brown as Makoto quietly watched from the side.

Finally Ami slowed, and thought,

I think... it just needs a little bit more…’

She had meant to only tilt the bag for one last quick bit, but to her horror the package slipped in her grasp. Three times the intended amount fell in.

Ah! Oh, no! Makoto! I-I didn’t mean to-- It just--” She whipped her head to apologize, but found the chestnut haired girl already mixing the batter together. Ami sat there stunned as Makoto went to taste her ruined creation. The spoon came up to her lips.

Any minute now she’ll say she hates it…’

Hmmmm? Hey, this is actually pretty good.” Makoto finally said. “Try some Ami!”

It’s good?’

Ami could scarcely believe what she had just heard. It actually tasted good? Anxiously she went to sample the batter again, somewhat doubting of her friend’s comment due to her good nature, and found herself pleasantly surprised. It was a little sweeter than she had intended it to be, but it wasn’t bad.

Like it?” Makoto asked. She saw Ami slowly nod back. “You know, I’ve got a feeling that these cookies will be the best batch I’ve ever made yet! And it’s all thanks to you!”

Ami turned a dark shade of red.

After putting the cooking trays into the oven and cleaning up their mess, many minutes later the batch was finished.

With a pair of protective gloves Makoto carefully removed the hot tray from the machine, and placed it down to cool onto the nearby counter.

Wow… would you look at that.” She wiped her brow with the back of her hand. The dark-brown cookies came out beautifully, appearing soft and puffy. The appetizing aroma quickly wafted throughout their workplace, subtly reminding the two young girls how hungry they really were. “Well, what do you think? I bet they taste as good as they smell!”

Mm.” Ami nodded.

Now then, with the dishes out of the way, why don’t we take these to someplace where we can sit down and eat them? I bet you’re starving!”

growl!

Haha, I guess I should take that as a ‘yes’. C’mon, let’s go to my room.”

. . .

Woosh!

. . .

Ami followed the two girls to the base of a spiral staircase and paused there for a moment, already knowing where they were headed.

Back then… I couldn’t believe in myself at all. I couldn’t believe that there was anything special about me. I could only place my faith in others…

I think that’s why I allowed myself to become absorbed in facts and numbers so often. Before my powers grew strong enough to materialize, computations were the only things that I could really do. In a sense, studying was all I was good for. Looking back on it now... I can see just how pathetic it was. I wanted to rely on those things that didn’t change, but... I was wrong.

With that, she began to climb the staircase after the pair. In no time at all she located where the two girls had come to rest. Makoto’s room; it was a dimly lit area and was surprisingly, plainly furnished for a royal’s chamber. There was a plain wooden dresser tucked against the wall to her right, and the queen-sized bed accompanied by another small table to her left. The neat arrangement of teddy bears on the bed particularly drew her attention, reminding her of Makoto’s meticulous cleaning habits even as a teen. The curtains were drawn across the windows as well.

From the doorway Ami spotted movement and heard some shuffling beside the bed. She found both girls curled up against each other on the floor, her younger self against Makoto and the taller girl against the bed. Her image had snuggled further into the other girl and paused as if she was unsure of what to say.

Woosh!

. . .

“Makoto…?”

“Hm?”

“…I… Well, today… thank you.”

“Do you feel better now?”

Ami nodded and unconscious snuggled into the warmth from the other girl’s body. Both of them had eaten their fill, leaving nothing left but a single cookie on the platter in front of them. However, even though they had finished their snack the two chose to remain on the floor instead of moving to the bed.

“I’m glad,” Makoto whispered. There was relief apparent in her voice. “You know, I meant what I said back there. You... really haven’t been yourself lately. I know all of us are still in shock over what we saw in Neptune, but still… it hurts. It hurts to see you shut us out when it doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t want to see you go back to the way you used to be-- I like you the way you are now. Ami,” Makoto looked her in the eye, “everyone is here for you and I’m here for you too. But… how can I help you when I don’t even know what you’re thinking? You’re my best friend, so I…I don’t want to lose you…”

Ami found herself surprised to feel the taller girl shake. No, it couldn’t be.

Is she going to cry?

“I’m sorry... I guess I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.” Makoto rubbed the tears away, and bit back the oncoming sob.

“…I was scared.” Ami confessed in the quiet voice. It took her friend a moment to understand what she had said.

“Scared?”

“When I first met everyone, I was afraid that no one would like me. Our first gathering was going to be the first time that I was going to meet anyone my age. But, as excited as I was, I began to dread it. I kept asking myself, ‘why would anyone like me?’ I’m just dull and boring Ami… All I can do is study…”

“Ami...”

“But, everyone was so nice to me. I was so relieved. At first, I wasn’t sure how to interact with all of you. I-- I wanted to join in so many times, but I didn’t know how. It was difficult and, very frustrating at times… I hated myself for it. ‘If only I had more courage’ I told myself. Before I knew it, things started to change. I remember thinking about how important my friends were to me. I wanted to protect all of you, no matter what the cost. But on Neptune…”

“…”

“It’s just like you said. Every time I close my eyes, I see nothing but that day... I can still feel the fire burning at my skin... I can still hear screams and the clashing of metal...” Her voice dipped to a whisper. “While you tried to break through the fire barrier, I could only stand there and watch. I was so scared. It was like I couldn’t move.” My mouth felt dry, and it was so hard to breathe. “I never imagined how frightening a God could be, even though I am one…” Ami shivered, and tightly gripped at her shirt sleeves in a desperate attempt to ward off the cold. “I thought I was going to die if I stayed there. I wanted to run away… I’m such a coward!”

Ami…

“I was useless. I was utterly, and hopelessly, useless!” She sobbed.

I thought, ‘now they’re all going to hate me ’. I locked myself in my room. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I was so ashamed with myself...

Ami nearly jumped when Makoto wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close into a tight hug.

“Don’t.”

What?

“Please don’t disappear! I-I would be very sad if you did…”

I don’t hate you.

“For what it’s worth, I didn’t do much either. I couldn’t do anything to help any of them… But it doesn’t have to stay that way. There’s still time! We can both help each other, okay? All right...? Just, please stay…”

You don’t have to do this alone.

A tear fell down Ami’s cheek and she nodded.

. . .

Woosh!

. . .

Plip.

What? Ami hesitantly touched the wetness falling down her cheek. “No. No… I-I can’t cry now. There is still something that I have to do. We’re in the middle of a war!”

She had turned to leave when a strange, but familiar presence slipped into the room. The sheer magnitude of its influence sent chills running down her spine. Was it a trap after all? Ami’s blue eyes darted back to the corner where the two young girls were huddled—they were still there, now asleep in each other’s arms and unaware of the eerie energy tingling in the atmosphere.

It’s…not an illusion? She silently debated with herself whether or not to try and wake the girls. No! It has to be a trap!

Ping!

“Ugh!”

Ami felt her heart racing a hundred miles per hour as the presence suddenly accumulated directly behind her. Her muscles suddenly felt heavy and sluggish; the influence of the presence was undeniably massive. It was right behind her. Despite her fears she slowly turned her head; the desire to know what she was up against quickly overpowered her mind’s thoughts. Her gaze fell to the floor at the sight of the shadow of a pony-tailed figure. Was it human? Maybe she had a chance after all, she hoped.

Her breathing came out in small short gasps. It was now or never. In one impulsive move she whipped her entire body around to face her adversary, only to see…

“Makoto?”

Ami gazed questioningly at the sight of her friend. Her eyes fell to the floor to where she had seen the shadow, and followed the dark shape up to where the other woman’s legs stood.

It was Makoto’s shadow? But that presence…I can still sense it in within this vicinity. It feels like Makoto’s, but it’s different somehow. The same but different...? Is that even possible? Could I just be over-thinking it?

“Ami, is that really you?” Makoto tilted her head at her uncertainly as she tried to get a better look at her; it was too dark. She needed to get closer.

“Stop! Don’t come any closer! Before you take another step, you must first tell me something that only Jupiter Makoto and I, myself would know.”

“…”

“Tell me… Who was it that murdered the first ruler of Jupiter?”

For a split second, she watched green eyes widen in surprise. What she had expected to be asked was very different from this.

Ami analyzed the figure in the doorway, patiently waiting for their response. If they were going to reply using words that is. She sincerely doubted that the enemy would waste their time thinking up of a trivial response when they already had her cornered. Therefore the individual before her had already completed her first test. Now, all she needed was to hear their answer to verify their identity.

That day… was the last day that Makoto saw her father. Both of our fathers’ had come to us, promising that they would return soon, but only my father returned. He had come back with severe wounds, and was hospitalized immediately. However… the following day after he had come to, he had no recollection of his outing with Jupiter. Jupiter was gone... And with his disappearance Makoto was forced to ascend to the throne.

Regardless, the citizens of Jupiter were not satisfied with news of my father’s amnesia. Many demanded an investigation into who was responsible for this treachery. Faced with a possible war, the Planetary Council found no other choice but to declare that Mars Ares responsible for the deed.

Makoto nervously licked her lips. There was only one answer in her mind.

“It was…Apollo.”

Though she had only whispered it, the name nearly manifested as haunting form within the realm of imagination-- a cold, unrelenting darkness that threatened to snuff the life from the very room; for a moment the two Goddesses almost expected the place to be engulfed in darkness and be thrown into the waiting hands of their enemy, who had nearly claimed their lives shortly before. Yet none came to pass. Ami finally nodded her approval and motioned them out to the hallway outside.

As they left the dim room she noticed that their younger selves still remained fast asleep, as if they were frozen in time together. They were like statues now, huddling together for warmth that unknowingly would become something more in the future. Still, despite the fact that the pair was likely a figment of her imagination the woman felt pity for them. The knowledge of what was to come, and what they would never see again… it was not within her power to change one’s fate, even if it were her past self. She could barely hold her own in the ever-changing present. This was the way it was.

“Ami, what are you looking at?”

“…Nothing. It’s nothing.”

With one last look, she finally left the room—leaving the door open in hopes that what little light they had in their lives would continue to protect them from the darkness.

Onwards to Part 37


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