Farewell
We’d like to thank Boco the Chokobo, because without his help, this story would never
have been finished, especially not in time for ChibiUsa’s birthday. ^-^
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ChibiUsa sighed anxiously. It was a beautiful day outside, but that was far from her
mind. A certain dark haired girl was the focus of it, but that wasn't anything new. She
was waiting for Hotaru to finish getting dressed so they could leave for Hotaru's father's
beach house where they'd spend the next few days together. Alone this time. ChibiUsa
couldn't help but smile at the idea of being alone with Hotaru. She'd already had a
birthday party earlier today with the others and now she'd be able to enjoy the rest of it
with the one person she wished to share everything with.
A wailing noise snapped her out of her thoughts. It took her a moment to realize it was
the sound of a child crying. Knowing that both of their twin daughters that had come
back from the future were somewhere in the house, it had to be something wrong for one
of them. Heading down the stairs quickly, she tried to pinpoint where the sobbing was
coming from. Selene looked up teary eyed at ChibiUsa. The future princess kneeled
down worriedly next to the younger girl. “Selene, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Selene just wiped at her eyes tearfully, taking a shuddering breath before
looking up at her the woman that would one day be her mother. “ChibiUsa-mama, do
you really love Hotaru-mama?” she asked in almost a hushed whisper.
ChibiUsa was taken aback. Why did the little girl ask that? Was there any
question? Brushing a hand through her pink hair, she just blinked a few times. “Of
course I do. She’s everything to me.”
Selene sniffled, wiping her eyes shakily with the back of her hand.
“Re…Really?”
The pink haired girl nodded quickly to dispel the younger girl’s fears, wiping a
tear from her cheek. She smiled gently at Selene. “Really. She’s everything to me. I love
your Hotaru-mama with all my heart.” This seemed to appease the younger girl, drawing
forth a small smile from her. ChibiUsa smiled softly, but something still concerned her.
Something felt wrong… “Why did you ask?”
The dark haired odangoed girl rubbed at her eyes with small fists before
looking up at ChibiUsa again. “An angel told me. She was really pretty, with pink hair
kinda like yours, but it was past her shoulders. She was all shimmery and had a white
dress on that was really long and pretty, too. She said that it wasn’t enough.”
“That what wasn’t enough?” ChibiUsa asked encouragingly, wanting to know
what had gotten the younger girl so upset.
“That you didn’t love her enough…” Selene said quietly, looking down.
ChibiUsa shook her head emphatically. “No, that’s absurd. I love Hotaru more
than anything. How could I not love her enough?” she demanded, her heart starting to
ache from the very idea.
“I.. I don’t know…” Selene barely got out, on the verge of tears.
ChibiUsa closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. It was nothing, just a figment of
Selene’s imagination. Sure it was kind of odd, but that was just not even worth worrying
about. Of course she loved Hotaru enough. She slowly smiled again, hugging the
smaller girl. “It’s going to be alright, Selene. Whatever it was, it was wrong. I love
Hotaru with all my heart.” ChibiUsa’s words reassured both herself and Selene. Smiling
a little brighter, ChibiUsa tilted her head to the side. “Want to get some ice cream? We
can forget all about this.”
Selene jumped up and down excitedly. “Hai!! Thanks, ChibiUsa-mama! You’re
the best!” She hugged ChibiUsa tightly, already starting to forget her odd vision.
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They were finally alone. That was the first thought that ran through ChibiUsa’s
head as she walked hand in hand with Hotaru to the beach house. In the distance, the
two could hear Haruka’s car driving off. She’d be there to pick them up in a few days. In
the meantime, that left the lovers alone with each other at the beach house. No children,
no schoolwork, no responsibility. Juts the wonderful feeling of being together. They had
come out here to be alone, a birthday present Hotaru had given her so they could spend
the next few days together without a care in the world. ChibiUsa smiled brightly at the
dark haired girl, squeezing her hand slightly. The pale girl’s hand squeezed back as
Hotaru turned to her with a smile.
As they stood in front of the doors, ChibiUsa felt an almost overwhelming
sense of fear and regret overtake her. As if her whole life would change by walking
through those doors. She leaned against Hotaru, holding her arm tightly.
“ChibiUsa-chan?” Hotaru looked at her worriedly. Her usually cheerful
complexion was now deathly pale. Hotaru’s arm started to ache from the death grip
ChibiUsa had on it. The raven haired girl started to panic, barely holding herself in
check for ChibiUsa’s sake. This was so unlike the vibrant future princess. What could be
so horribly wrong?
Taking a deep, soothing breath, ChibiUsa smiled calmly at Hotaru, suppressing
the wave of emotions that had passed over her. “Its nothing. I just haven’t been getting
much sleep lately because of the twins. And Kousagi’s been keeping me up whenever
I’m at my house, so that’s it.” She giggled at the skeptical look Hotaru threw her.
“Really, its nothing. You worry too much, Hota-chan. Let’s just enjoy ourselves. You
and me.”
Beautiful crimson eyes gazed brightly at her as the future princess’s arm went
around Hotaru’s waist. Hotaru felt herself relaxing in ChibiUsa’s grasp. If ChibiUsa was
okay, then there really wasn’t anything for her to be worrying about. The nervousness
slowly started to ebb away, replaced by a warm feeling her heart as her violet eyes befell
the pink haired goddess before her. Hotaru smiled softly. “Hai, its your birthday, so if
that’s what you want to do, I’m all for it.” Leaning forward, her lips lightly brushed
ChibiUsa’s. “Happy birthday, Odango-chan.”
“I can’t think of a better way to spend my birthday,” ChibiUsa said, grinning.
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ChibiUsa rolled over for what had to be the eighth time that night. No matter
how hard she tried, she couldn't get to sleep. And that usually wasn't a problem for her
whenever she had Hotaru right beside her. Their clothes lay scattered on the floor, their
bodies entangled under the sheets. ChibiUsa held the frail girl close, the feel of her bare
skin reminding her of the passionate moment they'd shared not long ago. The raven
haired girl, who had enough trouble sleeping normally, was fast asleep next to her. She
was tired after what they'd done, but she couldn't get to sleep. Closing her eyes just made
matters worse. She sighed, her hands covering her face in frustration. Why was it
bothering her? She knew she loved Hotaru, that's all that mattered. So why couldn't she
get to sleep? All day, Hotaru had been pretending nothing was wrong, trying to hide her
worry while ChibiUsa had been dancing around the subject and trying to reassure
Hotaru that everything was alright. Neither had been able to enjoy themselves because
of how she was acting. Sitting up in bed, the pink haired girl slowly disentangled herself
from her sleeping lover. She knew she wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight.
Her thoughts in a jumble, ChibiUsa slipped off the bed, her toes moving against
the soft feel of the carpet. Tilting her head to the side, ChibiUsa gazed at the raven
haired girl alone in the bed for a what felt like an eternity. Her fingers gingerly followed
the contours of Hotaru’s beautiful face, brushing past her soft lips, warm cheeks, and
finally through midnight black hair. She leaned down, brushing some of Hotaru’s dark
hair back. Her lips gently pressed against Hotaru’s as her fingers stroked down to the
pale girl’s neck. Something wet rolled down ChibiUsa’s cheek down to Hotaru’s,
startling the pink haired girl. Slowly pulling away, a hand went to her face. Another tear
rolled down her cheek. “I’m crying? Why am I crying?” she asked herself in a daze. The
pink haired girl balled up her fists in frustration, shutting her eyes tightly as a wave of
sadness swept through her body. An icy pit formed in her stomach as more tears started
falling. ‘I’m supposed to be happy. I’ve got everything I could ever want. I have you,
Hota-chan. I love you.” A sob punctuated her declaration of love, her hand wiping at the
still forming tears in her crimson eyes.
Looking down at Hotaru, ChibiUsa’s fingers lightly brushed her cheek again.
Part of her wanted to wake the sleeping angel, to try to tell her the jumble of emotions
going through her. But she couldn’t bring herself to wake the raven haired girl up. Each
time she’d try, she stopped herself just before she could. What would Hotaru think? She
wouldn’t think… ChibiUsa pulled her hand away from Hotaru’s pale skin as if burned.
Selene’s words burst into her mind. ‘That you didn’t love her enough…’ She shook her
head violently, her hands going through her pink hair as a lonely wail escaped her lips.
“That can’t be it. It can’t be….” She desperately wanted to shake Hotaru awake, to tell
her just how much she loved her, to here Hotaru tell her she knows, that she’s always
known. But ChibiUsa still couldn’t bring herself to disturb the raven haired girl’s
peaceful slumber.
So often, Hotaru would look tormented in her sleep. This would just ruin one of
the few restful slumbers that Hotaru’s had. “I’m being selfish, Hota-chan. I’ll be okay. I
can handle this.”
With that, the future princess headed out the door of their bedroom, padding
across the plush carpet. At first she didn’t know where she was going, but she quickly
realized the path she was taking. The Mirror. Of course! How could she have been so
blind? Michiru had lent ChibiUsa her hand mirror for their trip to the beach house,
telling her the talisman would keep them safe. The mirror could show the truth, no
matter how hidden it may be. She could easily look into that to see how deep her
feelings for Hotaru ran. After proving them to her satisfaction, she could be off to bed
and cuddling with her firefly. She grinned happily as she made her way to the mirror,
lying unused on a table in the living room. ChibiUsa felt almost dizzy as she picked up
the mirror. It was cold to the touch. Something in the back of her mind told her to put it
down, that how dare she question their love. After all, it didn’t matter that Hotaru’s hair
wasn’t pink. She wet her parched lips nervously, the icy pit in her stomach returning a
hundred fold. Holding the mirror up, she gazed into it. Rather than a direct reflection,
the image in the mirror was of her as a princess. The truth. Taking a deep breath,
ignoring the warnings in the back of her head, ChibiUsa concentrated on the mirror.
“Show me the depths of my love.”
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She ran, ignoring the sharp pain of rocks scraping against the skin of her bare
feet, ignoring everything as she tried to get further and further away. Her hair, let down
from its normal odango style for the night, trailed behind her past her shoulders. Tears
blinded her, blurring her vision, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.
Nothing. Her frantic thoughts swirled about in her mind like a whirlwind, jumbled
beyond coherency other than the deep pain she felt in her heart.
As she ran along the rocky cliff face, barely even realizing where she was. She
wiped at her eyes desperately, stinging tears dripping wetly down her cheeks. ‘Why?!
Why?’ she thought, over and over again, begging for an answer, any answer to the pain
she felt. Her heart ached deeply, as if she’d been cut open by The Senshi of Death and
Rebirth herself. Was that how she truly felt? Was that what was to happen? She didn’t
return Hotaru’s feelings with half the blaze, half the sheer strength that Hotaru had in
her love for her. ChibiUsa shuddered, feeling cold inside. As if she’d been drowning in a
freezing river for so long and had only now opened her eyes. What could she say to
Hotaru? Anything she could say would only hurt her, ChibiUsa was sure. She hugged
herself tightly, her small body wracked by sobs as she continued her aimless running,
her only thoughts to escape the horror of her thoughts.
So intent was she upon her fleeing that she never noticed where she was
running. The rocky ledge started to give way beneath her bare feet, a breathless scream
trapped forever in her lips as she fell. The princess barely felt the impact, everything
starting to fade out as she hit the shore below. She lay there, tears still running down her
cheeks, not even realizing she was taking her dying breath. “Taru…”
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“ChibiUsa-chan!! ChibiUsa-chan, where are you?! Please, please come back to
me, ChibiUsa-chan….” Hotaru slumped to her knees in defeat, her dark skirt getting
sullied by the wet sand on the beach. Last night, ChibiUsa had seemed so upset about
something. She’d gone out to look for the pink haired future princess in the dark, but
she was nowhere to be found. Hotaru had hoped that she’d gone back to the beach
house, but no such luck. She had finally cried herself to sleep when she had gotten
back to their empty bed. Waking up, she had the false hope that she’d be in ChibiUsa’s
arms and that everything would be alright again. Now she had to wonder if things would
ever be alright from then on.
Her black tights and dark clothes barely kept back the biting cold wind that
blew past her. Icy knives raked her face as she stumbled forward, wiping at her eyes
with her long sleeve. “ChibiUsa-chan…” She wanted to give up, to go back inside the
warm house and cry herself back to sleep. She hadn’t slept much the night before, so
why not? What could she hope to find out here? Something inside her pushed her on,
spurring her forward. Standing up again, the raven haired girl weakly made her way
along the beach. She nearly lost her footing in the wet sand, but kept going after
steadying herself. She trudged on and on, the lapping of the waves and the whistling of
the wind the only sounds around her.
About to collapse from exhaustion, the raven haired girl’s attention was caught
by something up ahead. Something pink. She squinted, trying to make out what it could
be, praying that it was the girl she sought. She’d soon come to regret that as her prayers
were answered. As she ran to the other girl, she quickly noticed that ChibiUsa wasn’t
moving. Her pink hair was moving back and forth as the wind played with it. Her
normally immaculate white nightgown was stained with the brown of the wet sand and
streaks of crimson. Her body was lying in a heap, looking like a rag doll that had been
thrown aside.
Hotaru ran as fast as she could, her heart catching in her chest. In her haste,
her foot caught on a rock, forcing her to tumble to the ground. She got up and pushed
on, despite the intense pain in her twisted ankle. It couldn’t rival the pain in her heart.
“ChibiUsa-chan!!!” she cried out, almost expecting the pink haired girl to sit up. Hot
tears poured down her cheeks as she fell to her knees besides the prone future princess.
“ChibiUsa-chan, get up. Please, get up,” the dark haired girl sobbed as her arms went
around the cold body of her one true love. She held ChibiUsa close, a tear falling onto
ChibiUsa’s cheek. The pink haired girl’s face looked almost the same as it had the night
before. Her large crimson eyes were glassy and looking up at Hotaru, her normally
vibrant cheeks now pale. Hotaru clutched onto ChibiUsa in her grief. She felt as if her
heart had been torn from her chest. As if a piece of her, the most important piece, had
been taken from her. “ChibiUsa-chan… Don’t leave me alone… I’m scared to be
alone..I need you with me, ChibiUsa-chan… I need you…” she barely managed to get
out through heart wrenching sobs. The painful realization that her lover was now dead
kept trying to impose itself on her mind, but she clung to the hope that she’d be okay,
that she would get up in her arms, returning the embrace.
Hotaru stayed that way for a long time, ignoring everything around her as she
held the dead princess tightly against her. “Its like she’s asleep… She’s so pretty when
she’s asleep… Its like you’re taking a nap, ChibiUsa-chan. You sleep well, and I’ll be
here when you wake up… I’ll always be here when you awake. Because…” The dark
haired girl looked intently at the lost love in her arms, tears still streaming down her
cheeks. “I love you.”
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A few hours later, a blue sports car stopped in front of the beach house. A
woman with sandy blonde hair stepped out of the car, holding her jacket tightly around
her as the sea breeze came in. Smiling to herself, she reached back in the car and pulled
out the last of ChibiUsa’s birthday presents, lovingly wrapped in a deep violet wrapping
paper with black lace ribbons. Hotaru had forgotten the present she had been going to
give ChibiUsa in her haste and Haruka hadn't found it in the back of her car until she
was well back to the city. She'd decided to stop by the next day and return it to her
daughter to give to the ChibiUsa. Cinching her jacket around her, the tall woman made
her way to the door of the beach house and knocked on the door. “Hime-chan! Its me,
Haruka-papa,” she said after a few moments. There was no answer. Haruka frowned and
tried the door. She began to worry as the unlocked door opened. What could have
happened to the two girls? She commanded herself to stop worrying. They were
probably at the beach and left the door open for when they’d come back in. Something
out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She instantly recognized it as
Michiru’s mirror. It was lying on the floor near one of the tables in the living room as if
someone had thrown in aside in a hurry. Haruka’s heart started beating faster as she
quickly searched the beach house. Her surrogate daughter and the future princess were
nowhere to be found. Rather than waste time panicking, the blonde woman rushed out of
the house, intent on finding the two girls. Trudging out towards the beach, she couldn’t
help but shiver as the biting wind increased. It was too cold to be swimming. They
couldn’t be out here for that. Then why… Haruka shook her head. She wouldn’t allow
herself to assume the worst yet. First things first. She had to find them.
After what felt like hours of walking, but must have been considerably less,
Haruka thought she heard a faint voice being carried by the wind. A voice filled with
utter despair and hopelessness. A voice that had lost any of the joy and wonder life had
to offer. At first, she thought it was only the wind, but the soft voice continued. Haruka
finally caught sight of a girl dressed entirely in black, her raven hair being whipped
around by the wind as she clutched onto something protectively. The blonde woman ran
to her surrogate daughter, determined to make sure everything was okay. He stopped
dead in her tracks when she saw the lifeless form of a once happy pink haired girl in
Hotaru’s arms. “My God….” She gasped.
Hotaru didn’t even look up, not noticing her Haruka-papa’s arrival. “So pretty
when you sleep like this. And I’ll watch over you forever, my sleeping beauty….”
Hotaru’s fingers gently brushed over ChibiUsa’s cold lips as she continued rambling
semi-coherently. “Forever.”
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"It's so cold..." .
Ever since what had happened, Hotaru kept a nearly steady monologue. The
silence meant she was alone again.. always alone.. forever.. And she didn't want to be
left alone. Not now, not ever. Everything that had happened.. it was like a whole new
person. "It's not me. Silly. I'm watching myself.. like on a screen..."
All around her, the room seemed bare, stripped of everything. Her normally
dark room was even darker without the beautiful shining lamps to soften it. "But the
lamps were too dangerous, ne, Michiru-mama? You wouldn't want me to break one and
use the glass to slit my wrists. You want me to suffer.."
The dark-haired girl, long out of tears, looked over everything she had left.
The bed was bare, so she couldn't strangle herself with the sheets. Her beautiful lamps
had been replaced by three solemn candles. She only had her books.. her only escape for
so many years before was her only option now. Or..
That seemed a lifetime ago to the grief-stricken girl. "Oh, back then, no-one
cared if I lived or I died.. Kaori-baka would've been GLAD to see me go. And.. if I'd
died then... she wouldn't..." Closing her eyes tight and trying to remove the image from
her mind, she thought over her options. Ever since her parents set up this suicide watch,
after that first night alone, she'd had no privacy, not even a chance to mourn in peace.
She'd just been almost locked in her room, from how they treated her outside it, and
even then one of them would check on her every few minutes, even if she was asleep.
All she had left were her books..
"They say history repeats.. I know.. I watched it.. over and over.. An endless
loop. I was alone then.. I'm alone now.. oh, ChibiUsa-chan.. why couldn't I have died
instead?"
The desk was gone. The shelves, the table, the chairs - all taken out. All that
was left were her books and her bed.. and the candles. Near a corner, the remains of her
diary sat. She'd tried to communicate that way, writing everything using the stub of a
pencil Setsuna-mama had finally agreed to give her. After the first hundred pages or so,
she'd realized she wasn't making any sense at all, and questioned the point of it. But,
then again, what were all of her diaries for? All the secrets, every little thing, kept in
meticulous detail... "No-one could understand. I couldn't let them understand. They'd
see and they wouldn't understand.. the only person who could ever understand is dead.
Saturn! Where are you now? If you're truly the Messiah, reigning over Death and
Rebirth, then tell me why!"
But, then, an idea came.. and in her broken mind, with its broken soul, living a
lifeless shell in a grey world without even the comfort of trust, it made perfect sense.
No-one would understand. So why let them try?
She stood, shakily, blinking and wiping her bloodshot eyes. It would still be a
few minutes at least, until someone checked on her. Praying it would be long enough,
she set to work, separating her books from her diaries and journals, her secrets..
Making a pile, she begin to organize it all, bit by bit, working slowly and carefully. It
was almost time.
Her work was interrupted by a knock at her door. "Hime-chan? Is everything
okay?" It was Haruka-papa, come to make sure she hadn't died. Not responding, she
waited for the blonde woman to open the door and check. "Hime-chan?" The door
slowly creaked open, and Haruka stuck her head inside. "I know it's hard for you, Hime-
chan. But we have to be sure." When Hotaru didn't even bother to look up, Haruka just
sighed and shut the door again.
Alone once more, the girl set her plan into motion. Tearing pages out,
shredding some, pulling some into strips, leaving some notebooks whole, she prepared.
All of her work, everything she had left, everything she was.. it was all here. And with
a touch of the candle..
It took a minute or so to catch. Hotaru blew on the small fire, letting it grow at
its own pace. She knew that the smoke alarm's batteries had been dead for weeks, and
since everyone was asleep or downstairs, there'd be no-one to stop her. Page by page,
she fed the fire.. whole years of her life, burning away. "It's warm, ChibiUsa-chan.. can
you feel it? It's not like everything else.. This is how it has to be, now. If I can't die..
I'll make it so I was never around in the first place. Without these for people to
remember me by, I'll just fade away. No-one cares but you, ChibiUsa-chan..no-one....
They want me to live on, forget the past. Find someone to console me and love me. Be
happy. I've never been happy, ChibiUsa-chan. I can't ever remember being happy. Not
without you..."
The flickering flames glittered, reflected in her sad, tired eyes.. so tired, so old..
dead.
The fire spread to the floor, spread through the room. By now, it was quite
obvious that the room was ablaze, if not the whole house. And Haruka, just now
noticing the smell, was quick to run up and check on her dark-haired princess. Sirens
could be heard, off in the distance.. a neighbor saw the flame, the firefighters would
arrive soon.
Haruka arrived just in time to pull the firefly from the heart of the fire before
anything more than her hair and clothes were singed. The girl was unconscious, passed
out from the lack of sleep and the fumes of the books' bindings as they caught.
Two figures watched from the shadows.
Children.
It almost seemed they were part of the background.. a piece that doesn't quite
fit, that everyone overlooks..
One spoke. Her voice quiet, almost detached.
"Shisa?"
"Yes, Selene?"
"Do you think we went too far? I mean.."
They watched, as their mother was revived by her Haruka-papa. As she was
doomed to ever live, lifeless.
"Yes, Selene."
"Oh.. look, Shisa! I can see through us. We're fading.... Shisa?"
"Yes, Selene?"
"I am the wind.. look! Whoosh!"
A gust of wind came, as the window was broken in by a firefighter. The two
figures seemed to dissipate, with the smoke..
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