After they finished lunch, Hotaru and Hikari decided that in order to help Hotaru deal with the situation, shopping was needed. So, six hours, fifteen shopping bags and forty-nine stores later, Hotaru walked tiredly into Rei's apartment. There had been no answer when asked the front desk to ring up, but she had been given the extra key. The room was completely dark when she walked in. The blinds were all open, lighting the room by the silver light of the stars and moon. Hotaru's first thought was that Rei went clubbing. So, she probably won't be home until three in the morning, and it was only eight. Better put the bags away. As she walked across the living room, Hotaru realized something was on the couch. Curious, the young woman put down her bags and approached the motionless bundle. To her surprise, a beautiful head covered by raven hair stuck out from the blankets. The sight of Rei sleeping on the couch, bundled up with blankets struck the college student to the core. She was just so damn beautiful. Especially when completely relaxed like that, curled up and using her arm as a pillow. The collected business woman looked like a kid waiting for Santa Clause. 'Waiting?' Hotaru thought, her eyes widening slightly. 'Was she waiting for me?' Excitement coursed through the young woman, a shiver going down her spine. If she was waiting for her, that means what Hikari said might be right. She does care, obviously, but perhaps in that way? Hope swelled in her heart, all doubts fleeting. "Hotaru?" Violet eyes blinked a few times, clearing her mind of her excited thoughts. Realizing the object of her affections was staring at her with a sleepy but concerned expression, Hotaru smiled softly, "Hey, Rei. Nice nap?" The miko stretched, giving Hotaru the perfect view of her muscles contracting and relaxing as the blanket slipped off her body and onto the floor. The young woman ripped her eyes away from the cat-like grace and the lean muscles of the miko before bending down and picking up the blanket. Lavender eyes blinked a few times, clearing herself of the last remnants of sleep as her guest covered her once more with the fleece. Despite the messy hair and oversized Tee, Hotaru found her to be breath-takingly beautiful. "Hm... yeah, it was good. I tried waiting for you but I guess I fell asleep." Watching Rei rub her eyes tiredly made Hotaru both hot with excitement and guilty. She was overjoyed the miko had waited but hated the fact she was the reason the poor thing fell asleep on the couch. "I'm sorry, I should have called." The miko waved it off with her hand while snuggling deeper into the blankets. "It's fine. No big deal. You're young, you should go out and have fun." "Yeah, but-" Rei grabbed Hotaru's hand, forcing the girl to quiet down. Her lavender eyes were exceptionally soft with understanding. It was rare to see the quick-tempered woman have such a look and Hotaru appreciated every second of it, drinking it in. "If anyone understands the need to cut loose and just do whatever, it's me." Getting a nod, the miko smiled softly and relaxed again. The other woman couldn't help but return the gesture. "Hm... this is comfortable." Hotaru smiled and bent down to brush some hair from the woman's eyes. "You have to get up to go to bed." A dark look passed over the serene features of the business woman. She looked out the window. "I don't want to sleep in my bed." The disgust in her voice shocked Hotaru. Did even Rei herself mind her lifestyle that much? "Oh." The miko brightened, seeing the downcast look on her companion's face. A hand reached up and grasped the other woman's hand. "The couch is comfy. Besides, the stars are pretty tonight." One thing Hotaru loved about this couch was that it faced the wall of the apartment that was completely glass. Even part of the roof was glass, giving them the perfect view of the city and the sky. Hotaru smiled and absentmindedly sat down. "Yes, they are." Hotaru leaned back, using Rei's mid-section as a back rest and the back of the couch as a pillow. She could feel Rei's chest rise and fall with each breath as the miko wrapped an arm over her stomach. The younger girl said nothing, though she was shocked by the gesture. "Have you ever made a wish on the stars?" It became quite clear to Hotaru that she was going to be continuously surprised by the miko tonight. She never expected to hear that question from Rei. Usagi-hime seemed like the type to believe in that kind of stuff. "No, I can't say I have." Rei looked curiously at Hotaru, lifting her head slightly to inspect the odd expression on the younger girl's face. "Well, when I was little, I had everything I wanted, I didn't desire anything." A dark look passed over Hotaru's peaceful features. "When I remembered everything, I realized it's pointless wishing for things. They don't often come true, if ever. It's just wishful thinking." Hotaru fell silent, much to Rei's concern. She never knew just how dark the seemingly normal girl's life was. Fate has given her a terrible destiny. "Besides," Hotaru whispered, looking in Rei's lavender eyes, "everything I would wish for can never come true." The miko was shocked and could only stare dumbly at her friend. She had seen a brief ray of hope that dwelled in the girl's heart. Sure, reality and experience had dampened it greatly, but there was still something there. A shred of humanity, if you will. One who lived without hope lived in complete darkness. And one who lived in complete darkness was as good as dead. Like her. "Well, I wished on the stars many times." Hotaru arched a brow as she turned her eyes to the woman lying beneath her. Rei's eyes, however, were on the stars. "Most of them were trivial. You know, like a bike, a dog and even to grow a few inches." The memories brought a smile to both women's faces. The fiery miko sounded like such an innocent and normal child. "But I wished for many other things too, especially as I grew older." It didn't take a rocket scientist to deduct that the wishes involved two blondes. It was yet another blow to Hotaru's gut. No matter what happened or who stepped into the miko's life, the two blondes would always dominate her heart. And what she wouldn't do to change that. "But there was always one thing I'd always wish for, no matter how old I was." Rei turned her head and Hotaru was met by one of the most intense gazes Rei's ever given her. Considering the miko's sixth sense always managed to inform her of what everyone's deepest feelings and thoughts were, this was no easy accomplishment. "What," Hotaru managed to force out, "was it?" A sad smile replaced the serious and thoughtful grin as the amethyst orbs darkened with pain. Rei sighed, looking tired and defeated. "To get married... and raise a family." Hotaru sat, staring at Rei, completely speechless. The passionate and elusive Rei Hino wanted to settle down? To have a family? To get married? A quiet life did not seem appropriate for the spitfire. But it was what she wanted. It caused more questions to surface in the younger woman's mind. Just who was the woman she thought she knew? "Shocking, isn't it?" Rei asked mirthlessly. "You'd never guess it with what I'm doing." Still, no words came from the senshi of Death. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to think? Nonetheless, she desperate yearned to say something... anything. The self-loathing and bitterness in Rei's voice was almost too much for her bear. "Who would want me now?" That snapped Hotaru from her stupor. Violet eyes bore into the miko's lighter ones, burning with an unusual passion. "Don't ever say that." "But it's true. Who would want me? I'm so tainted. A woman unable to let go of her love for her two best friends. A pathetic idiot who let their rejection crush her spirit and destroy any self-worth." "Stop," Hotaru whispered. She had moved to face Rei, violet eyes dark with anger and sorrow. "Stop saying these things about yourself." Unable to meet her friend's gaze, Rei turned away sadly. "It's true." A slim had reached over and took the miko's chin, forcing her to look back at that serious expression on the beautiful face. For once, Rei felt fear. Not fear of being hurt physically, Hotaru would never do that. No, this was another kind of fear. Fear that someone would destroy the illusion she had created. The illusion that no one loved for her and no one will ever love her. This belief was what made Rei soil herself over and over again. She needed to believe no one would love her so she wouldn't fall again. Fall in love only to have her heart torn out and crushed. No, she feared Hotaru in a way much deeper than physical pain. Hotaru threatened to destroy what she thought of herself, a pitiful creature unworthy of love. She knew her too well, cared for her too much. 'No! She'll leave you too!' Rei squeezed her eyes shut. God, no. She couldn't stand the thought. But it'll come true. Hotaru will leave her soon. She will show her compassion and love only to take it away. That is what Rei feared. Why? Because it's already begun. She's begun to fall for her friend. The one who gave up on love was starting to fall into its dangerous clutches again. And this time, she would not be able to escape with her sanity. She was barely able to last time. "Rei?" Hotaru's voice broke through her thoughts, shattering the darkness in which she was surrounded. Strange wasn't it? A child that dwelled in darkness had become her light. She felt two hands take hold of her face. The voice called her name again, firmer this time. Still, she did not open her eyes. "Rei, listen to me. Open your eyes." Even though she was completely panicked, Hotaru didn't allow her voice to show it. She was too busy being afraid that she'd lost Rei for forever. Before she's ever had her. "Rei, open your eyes. Please." The plea seemed to reach the miko, seeing as how her eyes fluttered open. "Rei." Lavender eyes only stared back, unblinking. The fear returned, stronger than before. But there was no way Hotaru would let it control her. Not at a moment like this. "Rei... how could you?" The desperate question shook Rei was her self-pity. How could she? What was Hotaru asking her? "How could you think so lowly of yourself?" Ruby lips parted to answer the question, but froze at the hurt look in the other's violet eyes. "How can you say I'm beautiful... when you hate yourself so? How dare you lecture me about how my self-disgust is unfounded when you can not do the same for yourself?" Rei had no answer. For once, she was speechless... and guilty. "Was it a lie then?" Hotaru closed her eyes, hiding the tears. No, she wouldn't cry. Self-worth. How can she be worth anything if Rei thought herself worth nothing? How can the miko tell her she was beautiful when she had lost the ability to see her own beauty? Warm arms pulled Hotaru into an even warmer body. The young woman molded perfectly into her companion's form. Unconsciously, she grabbed the front of Rei's shirt, holding onto for dear life. "How can you know what beautiful is if you don't see it within yourself? You liar! How can you honestly say that to me without being able to see it in yourself?" The anger in the younger woman's voice shocked Rei. The small body in her arms trembled. "How dare you? How dare you not see how beautiful you are? How dare you think you're worthless? How dare you?" Tears fell freely from Hotaru's eyes, dampening Rei's shirt. At the realization that the violet eyes shed tears for her, the miko allowed her own to fall, "You have no right. You idiot... you idiot..." The arms around the small frame tightened. Raven locks covered the small body as Rei buried her face in Hotaru's black hair. And they wept, Rei for her own pain and Hotaru for the knowledge that she couldn't help the miko out of this one.
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