Rei sat on her bed, eyes taking in the movement of the people on the TV screen. Taking in but not processing. Hotaru's words from earlier that evening plagued her even now. The girl she has come to know, love and respect was not who she thought she was. No, that's not quite right. She's Hotaru, and she's always been Hotaru. Difference was, Rei now knew that there was far more to her than she'd thought. All the girls hoped that Hotaru's second childhood would dim the pains from her first life, but it would appear that they were mistaken. They knew Hotaru would always be quiet and shy, but perhaps her perceptive of her duty and her purpose would change. It hurt to see Hotaru grow and slowly revert back into her former self: a girl who lived in a world of darkness and isolation. Okay, so she was exaggerating. She was a lot better than before. She had some friends at school, was a bit more active in sports and in clubs and has come to love the arts. Great improvement, actually. It was just that she was a great actress. Or did Rei just not notice? 'Without Death, there is no Rebirth.' Rei squeezed her eyes shut. No, Hotaru had been reborn to give her a second chance at life. A second chance to thrive. But her past wouldn't let her. The miko checked the clock: one in the morning. Hotaru would be asleep by now, or so she hoped. She was much too tired to hit the clubs now. Besides, the younger girl would sense her leave and kick her sick ass to Mars. "But something to drink might help." The miko quietly slipped out of bed and headed for the kitchen. She paused at the guest bedroom. Good, it was completely silent, Hotaru must be sleeping. Rei continued her journey. Should she get a beer or something with more of a punch? 'Without Death, there is no Rebirth.' Vodka it is, easy decision. She opened the door of the cabinet beside the refrigerator, retrieving a bottle and a shot glass. Rei soon entered the living room and situated herself by the fireplace, in front of the coffee table. She was 25 this year. Eleven years since she discovered the existence of monsters trying to take over the world. Six years since she graduated from high school. Two years since she graduated from college and a month since she got her Masters degree in business. Now, she was working for a new but quickly rising company. Actually, she was one of the owners, but that didn't matter too much. Where was her love life? Where was her life, period? She wakes up, goes to work, comes home, goes to a nightclub, have sex and then the routine starts all over again. Some people would have no problem with it. Well, she did. At least, now after five years she did. Rei remembered when she used to care more about getting together with the others and being there for people who needed her than going to a bar. She used to care about life. Now? She was a shadow of who she once was. No, she wasn't even a shadow; she was a completely different person. At the thought of her pathetic existence, she downed her first shot of vodka for the night. Alcohol. Five years ago she barely touched the stuff. Now it was as much a part of her as being a miko was. Anyway, back to the failure she called a life. Rei Hino used to love, wholly and completely. Hell, she's loved two people with all her heart. Neither of them worked out so she closed herself off from the world. Why want love when she could have sex? A bitter smile touched her lips as she downed another glass. Sex. Her drive, her fuel. Men and women came and went. Has she ever been with anyone more than once? Aside from Minako? Probably. Even with Tokyo being as large as it was, there were only so many people. She reached for the shot glass again. Vodka, some of the best stuff in the world, as disgusting as it was. The glass was taken from her hand. Lavender eyes looked up to discover a certain violet-eyed girl polishing her glass. She was both openly shocked and amazed. Hotaru placed the glass back on the table. "I figured I'd stick to the weak stuff, since it is your house, after all. But since you've opened a bottle, mind if I join you?" Rei blinked a few times, confused. It was then she noticed the beer bottle hanging limply from Hotaru's left hand. "Go get another shot glass." Hotaru placed one on the coffee table with her right hand. The miko arched a brow in question, but did not speak. The other girl pulled over a chair and sat down. "So, why are you up?" Rei shrugged and poured her temporary nurse a glass of her favorite colorless liquid. She didn't even bother commenting about how the girl was too young to drink legally. But then again, they were in the privacy of her home, weren't they? "Why are you up?" Hotaru cradled the beer bottle in her hands while Rei eyed her carefully. Violet eyes looked up with a mischievous twinkle. "Would you believe inner turmoil?" "From you," Rei stated dryly, "yes." Her companion frowned slightly but remained silent. Rei understood her silent question and smirked. "Me? I just have too much on my mind." Complete silence. Hotaru picked up the shot glass and stared at the colorless liquid inside with interest. "Any of them have something to do with a blonde?" Rei bit her lip, willing herself not to snap back. She couldn't let Hotaru know the comment struck her hard. The girl clearly said it to get a reaction out of her. No way was she going to give Hotaru the satisfaction. "Which blonde?" Hotaru frowned once more. Mocking herself now, eh? No matter, she could play the game just as well, if not better. "It doesn't matter which one, I didn't specify. Besides, whoever it is, still falls under the 'yes' category. So, either way, I'm right." Rei's eyes closed, trying to hold in her annoyance. What did Hotaru want anyway? "You'd be both right and wrong." Dancing around the subject? Not like Rei Hino at all. Hotaru brought the beer bottle to her lips and sipped. She studied the woman before her, the flames from the fireplace highlighting the streaks of purple in the miko's hair. Captivating. "How can that be?" Gee, the girl was an expert at sounding casual. But Rei already knew that. Question was, how badly did her companion want to know? 'To think,'Rei thought dryly while downing another glass,'Haruka raised her. The blonde knows no tact. Should I be thankful Hotaru didn't pick that up from her?' To say the younger woman was annoyed was an understatement. She put down the beer and reached for the shot glass. Rei found the tense situation strangely comforting. It felt good to be the one in control of a conversation of wits. Not to mention the fact that the other was a master of understatements and keeping her cool. Besides, there was something beautiful about the way Hotaru downed her vodka. The way her hair brushed against her cheek, black against the smoothest ivory. Ah, she has finally ruffled and untouchable. "You know what, Rei? You're full of shit. That was complete bullshit." The fire senshi quirked her lips upwards in a smile. Yes, she was in control this time. The power she held over Hotaru was intoxicating. It almost seemed wrong to hold any power against the quiet and indifferent girl, but the rush she got from it was indescribable. 'She's glaring at me,' Rei thought, staring into the narrowed violet eyes with a hint of amusement. 'Not out of annoyance or embarrassment but out of pure anger and frustration.' She vaguely registered that that was not a good sign at all. The girl sitting across from her was rarely frustrated and never angry. The miko was treading on dangerous ground. And she loved it. "It's true." Hotaru decided against speaking and just stared at Rei. If her words didn't work, her gaze always managed to unnerve a person. Rei smiled smugly and relaxed in her chair. Hotaru was resorting to her ultimate weapon, her eyes. No one can resist those intense violet orbs. She could find the deepest and darkest part of a person's soul. After a few minutes, the short-haired woman realized Rei wasn't going to be the first to speak. With a defeated sigh, though glare still in place, she asked how Rei could give such an answer. The smirk on the miko's face almost caused her to pounce on the woman and strangle her. But, she wouldn't give Rei that much satisfaction. "I'd have to say yes, since there isn't a moment when I'm not thinking of one of them." Hotaru clucked her tongue at the confession and picked up the vodka bottle, pouring herself a glass. After the flustered girl downed the alcohol, Rei continued. "But I'd have to say no since they're not the main things running through my mind and keeping me up." The younger woman shifted and reached for her beer bottle. She paused and eyed the empty shot glass. Deciding against both, she leaned back in her chair. Rei could read her actions. Was she going to stuck with the safe path and not ask, or drink the vodka and go on a limb by asking? Hotaru was clearly dying to know. But the unknown scared her, and she was highly cautious of it. Outwardly, she was always indifferent. But that was how she did everything, staying safe and never venturing too far into the unpredictable. Hotaru always wanted to be in a place where she had control. Rei almost felt guilty for putting the girl through the inner battle that was made clear by the dark look in her eyes. It really was hard for Hotaru to venture out of her safety zone. "What," the college student whispered, allowing her uncertainty to leak into her voice, "is the main thing you're thinking about then?" Rei looked up, her expression grim. Hotaru almost shuddered, but didn't look away. "You." Lavender clashed with violet as the art-lover gaped at Rei's answer. Never, in a million, no, a billion years did she expect that! Rei was thinking about her? "And about what you said this afternoon." Her heart dropped. Wasn't it funny how a person can go from so high to so low in a few seconds? Rei only thought of the brief moment when her inner thoughts and cynicism surfaced. Why think positively of her? No one thought anything well of her. She was only worth their time if she showed her uglier side. Rei saw the emotions tumbling inside Hotaru's eyes, mixing into a chaotic mess. What else did she expect? Hotaru Tomoe would never think anyone's been thinking of her. The miko's heart sank. No. That much was clear from the anger, disappointment and self-loathing in those violet eyes. No one's ever given her anything but fear and disgust in her past life. No one took the time to know her. But they destroyed her, crushing her slowly from the inside out. Even now, with everyone's love, Hotaru still doubted herself. She lived just like before. She felt just like before. And not for the first time, Rei wanted to kill everyone that hurt, including herself. "Hotaru?" The girl only shrank away from the touch when the woman placed her hand on her shoulder. God, how could she even bear to touch her? The miko cursed herself into the next century. Now look at what she's done. Yeah, that's it, destroy the poor girl even more. You've been showing her a great time so far. She'll be dying to sleep over again. "Hotaru-" "I'm sorry." Rei stilled at the sound of the quiet whisper. "I didn't mean to say those things." "It's-" "I was caught up in the moment." Hotaru stepped away from the woman she loved. The miko would've thrown herself out the window, if not for the desire to the comfort her friend. "I-I thought I could tell you." Did she say window? Let's try flying to New York, going to the Empire State Building and throwing herself off of that. No, she'd probably die of shock before she hit the ground. What the hell did she do? "I've never been able to tell anyone." Rei moved over and wrapped an arm around Hotaru's shoulders. To her relief, she didn't pull away this time. "I can't tell Haruka-papa, Michiru-mama or Setsuna-mama. They'd blame themselves for not showing me a better life. That's it, isn't it? You think that I think this way because of my past life?" Rei swallowed, hard. Was she wrong? Even when she was trying to help she does something wrong. Argh. "It is partially that, I suppose. But this life has been much better. I had a much better childhood and friends, friends that I love and adore. But no matter how happy I may be or how much I have, that doesn't change the fact that I am the Goddess of Death and Destruction. Nothing will ever change that. It is my duty, my purpose, my curse. I never ever want to sit down with Usagi and talk to her about it. She'd blame herself, even though it's not her fault that I'm Saturn. It's my destiny." Yes, that did sound like the Princess. Rei found it to be one of the most admirable traits about her. 'Focus,' the miko screamed at herself within the confines of her mind. 'This isn't time to think about how great Usagi is. This is Hotaru's time.' "I can't tell Makoto. She'd panic and get really worried. That and bake me cookies until I swear off all treats. Ami's out of the question too. She'd get all logical on me. I don't need a psychiatrist. And then there's Minako..." Rei didn't have to hear why Hotaru would never tell the blonde. The woman would be concerned, of course. She cared for Hotaru, like she cared for all the girls. But she is the leader of the Princess' Inner court and the leader of the entire court, for the most part. And, as the leader, it was unacceptable that a senshi would rather avenge those hurt than eliminate a threat to their charge as soon as possible. They all know Hotaru loved Usagi, but on the battlefield, only action mattered. "Hotaru-" "But you, you're different." Something in the miko stirred at the statement. She was different. But was she? She was just a person that's lost her way, lost her purpose for believing. "I feel like I can tell you anything." Hotaru unconsciously snuggled closer to her secret love. All right, the miko was only wearing a short silk robe, but she just had to deal with it and keep her mind out of the gutter. If it were under normal circumstances, the college student would never allow herself to get this close to Rei. But nothing about this was normal. Right now, she needed warmth. And the miko was always very warm, she was the scout of fire after all. The smile on the younger girl's face grew when Rei's arm around her shoulders tightened. "Sure, sometimes you're a bit judgmental. You're also really stuck to your own ways, sometimes..." Rei shifted slightly. The girl just hit two of her worse attributes. "But you still care, no matter what you say. If you didn't understand and connect with people on a level, you wouldn't be a very good miko now would you?" Hotaru laughed quietly at that. The other woman, however, did not appear at all amused. 'Well,'she thought dryly.'You tried.' "I'm sorry if my statement from before bothers you." Rei suddenly found herself without a small and seemingly fragile body against her. She missed the sensation, but didn't have time to dwell on it since Hotaru was now walking away from her. "Maybe I should go..." When there was no response, the confused young woman raced out of the room. Of course, did she expect Rei to answer? Did she expect her to tell her to stay? The miko cursed herself and sped after her babysitter. She was such a moron sometimes. "Hotaru." The college student didn't respond and continued stuffing books into her duffle at high speed. Rei reached over and touched her shoulder. The book in the quiet senshi's hand stilled. "Hotaru." No answer. Rei walked over and wrapped her arms around the small body. She was completely still. "I didn't say leave." 'You didn't say stay either.' "I was... shocked. Yes, most definitely shocked." 'Shocked by the real me. Disgusted by the real me.' "You certainly don't give a person a lot of time to process things." 'Time,' Hotaru thought, staring at her bag. 'Even with time the reactions are always the same.' "I didn't know what to say-" "Rei, don't. I know exactly what you'll say. Let me save both of us the time and-" "How can you know when I don't even know myself?" Silence. Finally, Hotaru turned around, Rei's arms still wrapped around her. She ignored the warm feeling she was getting. "They always say the same thing when they see the real me. It's always the same." Hotaru pulled away from Rei's embrace, eyes glazed over with tears. "They are disgusted by me. They wonder how anyone like me can exist. I'm a monster, a blood thirsty monster-" Rei pressed a finger to the moving lips. Her gaze was firm, her own lips pressed into a thin line. "Don't ever think that about yourself." Hotaru looked away from the lavender eyes that now stared at her with a blazing fire. "What am I suppose to think? That I'm a normal, happy girl with a normal past and a normal family? That I have a perfectly normal and dull life? You don't know how many times I wished I did." The tears threatened to fall, but Hotaru wiped her eyes quickly. A tremor passed through Rei as she watched her friend wrap her arms around herself. The girl didn't deserve this. "But I don't. And that will never change. No matter how hard I dream, I hope, I pray... I will still be me. I will still be-" Rei walked over and gathered the shaking girl in her arms once again. "Someone with a bad past, but parents who love her and who will do anything for her. A smart and caring woman whose friends care for her and love her so very much." Hotaru kept her head down as Rei slowly turned her around. 'Don't say these things. Don't make me feel better about myself. Don't make me feel like you care. Don't give me hope that we can be together. Because you will never be mine. You will always just be a friend. Don't hurt me.' Rei took Hotaru's face into her hands. 'She's so small.' The miko closed her eyes slowly. The girl's always been so small. She always seemed to be so fragile and breakable. Now, the usually deceiving appearance was true. "Hotaru." Violet eyes squeezed shut. Why can't Rei just leave her be? "Ru-chan..." Rei's soft whisper almost sent Hotaru off the edge. That voice... so caring, so soft... so loving. "My little Firefly..." Violet eyes slowly opened. That's what Rei used to call her, before they started drifting apart. She was always 'her little Firefly' and none of the other girls dared call her 'theirs.' It was one of those unspoken things really. Though, Rei did glare at Haruka once when the blonde called Hotaru 'her' Firefly. "I'm not your little Firefly anymore. At least, not the one you know." Rei cupped 'her little Firefly's' cheek and met her sad eyes. She only smiled. "Then which one am I talking to?" Hotaru could almost close her eyes and pretend they were back in the old days. The days when everyone forgot about youma and evil. The days when she was just a teenager with a weird but very loving family. The days when she didn't love the woman before her with a passion. "The one who gave up a long time ago. The one that has learned nothing in her life ever goes the way she plans. The one that knows she has only one purpose in life... to protect and to serve." Rei wondered how she could not have noticed how lost Hotaru's become. She blamed herself for not looking carefully enough. She's been so absorbed in her own problems for the past five years that she forgot about one of her best friends. Damn the Fates for giving Hotaru such a life. Damn Destiny for making her the Scout of Death and Destruction. 'And Rebirth.' Rei smiled. Ironic, isn't it? She almost forgot the very thing that started this mess. 'No, not mess. It's another opportunity, another chance to get to know Hotaru. A chance to help her.' "I see someone very different." Hotaru saw herself reflected in Rei's half-closed eyes. The miko looked at her with the tenderest gaze she'd seen from her in years. "I see a Firefly that's turned into a beautiful young woman. You're so deceiving, you know. Your appearance hides your inner strength..." Rei tucked a strand of hair behind the hurting woman's ear. The touch was gentle, causing the college student to lean into it unconsciously. "I see a girl that has discovered a love of photography and writing and is damn good at it. A girl with a not so average family, but one that loves her more than life itself. I see a girl that has survived her past and has become someone much more than anyone predicted. You're..." Hundreds of words passed through the miko's mind, yet nothing seemed to fit. How can she describe Hotaru? Her strengths, admirable. Her faults, nonexistent. Her determination, unwavering. Her dedication, moving. Her past, painful. Her progress, indescribable. Her soul... Hotaru was starting to lose hope. How can anyone think well of her? Rei couldn't even think of anything positive. She thought she couldn't drop any further than where she was before. She was wrong. She was plunging, fast. The pits of despair welcomed her. Nothing worse than listening to the one you love struggle to describe you in a good way. "You're beautiful." Rei watched the shock and surprise play out on the young woman's face. She smiled. Finally, she was getting somewhere. And Hotaru looked so adorable with a look of complete disbelief. "W-wha-what did y-you just s-say?" Did Rei just call her beautiful? No way. No way in hell. She didn't. Damn, not only was she wallowing in self-pity and despair but she was hallucinating now, too. How can anyone call her beautiful? "I just said, 'You're beautiful.'" Hotaru blinked, once, twice. Okay, so, she wasn't hallucinating. But Rei must be delirious. The concussion must have caused more damage than she thought. Yeah, that's the reason. So, she should call Ami immediately. Hotaru placed a hand on Rei's forehead, forgetting their previous conversation. With her free hand, she picked up the phone. Rei blinked as the girl began dialing a familiar phone number. "Who are you calling this late?" A growl of frustration sounded from parted lips. She dialed the number wrong, damn. "Ami." The response earned another blink of confusion from the miko. "Why?" "Because that hit to your head must've been worse than we all thought. You're not burning up, so I can't blame it on a fever." "Blame what on the hit to my head?" Hotaru looked up and held the phone to her ear as a ring came from the other line. "You're delirious." "Oh." Rei understood perfectly. Hotaru just called her delirious- "Hey!" The miko grabbed the phone away from the younger girl's hand. "Hello?" They both blinked once, then twice. Shit! They accidentally pressed the speakerphone button! "Oh my god, Ami, I'm so sorry!" "I didn't mean to call this late!" "Forgive me!" Rei screamed, the both of them sprawled on top of the couch, screaming into the phone. "Rei? Hotaru?" Wait, that wasn't Ami's voice. The young doctor was much quieter, with a soft tone and slight accent. This person had a much deeper and huskier voice. And she sounded pissed off right now. "MAKOTO!" the two women screamed at the same time. "What are you doing at Ami's house this late!" A nervous giggle and shuffling came from the other end. Hotaru and Rei looked at each other, eyes wide. "Honey," came the soft and annoyed voice, "Who the hell is it?" Did Ami just curse? "Er... it's Hotaru and Rei." "Oh. Oh... WHAT!" More shuffling and a sudden crash, like a body hitting the floor. Hotaru was now laughing hysterically, her hands holding her sides. "H-hey, Ami! Aren't... aren't y-you supposed to b-be over at Makoto's! Not the other way around!" By now, the 'delirious' miko was laughing as well. "Um... hi, you two." The two dark-haired women could image the dark blush on Ami's cheeks. "S-sorry for... for disturbing you two!" "Very funny, Rei. I'm glad you're awake." From the tone of Makoto's voice, she was anything but happy. "Rei? How are you feeling? Any headaches or dizziness?" Hotaru could hear Makoto mumble in the background as Ami fell into her 'doctor' mode. She opened her mouth to speak. After all, she did call for a reason. "Ami, I think Rei's-" The woman in question clamped her hand over Hotaru's mouth. "Rei's what, Hotaru?" "Nothing, Ami. I'm just fine." Hotaru pulled Rei's and away from her mouth. "She's delirious." "Oh?" they could see Ami frown, her brows furrowed. "Why do you say that?" "Oh, because she called me-" Hotaru's mouth clamped shut. Because Rei called her beautiful. Ugh, Ami and Makoto are going to kill her. "Yes? Called you what?" Hotaru shifted, glaring at Rei's smirk. Ami sounded really concerned, as she should be. The violet-eyed girl searched for an answer. "Err... Setsuna." "What!" Rei screamed, ignoring the fact that she was probably waking her neighbors. "I did NOT! You little liar, Tomoe!" More shuffling and mumbling came over the line as Rei and Hotaru glared at one another. "You two, it's way too late for this." Ami sounded like she was barely controlling her annoyance and anger, not that they'd blame her. More mumbling in the background. Hotaru could have sworn she's never heard such colorful words used in that order before. "I'm sorry, Ami-chan. But you know how Hotaru-chan can get sometimes." The girl glared at her friend for that comment. They heard some more shuffling and then a giggle. It was Makoto who spoke this time, and Hotaru did NOT like her tone. "Yes, we all know. But she's only like that when you're involved." Rei blinked, lost. Hotaru, on the other hand, was seeing red as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Maybe Ami will scold Makoto for her. A giggle came from the other end, and it was not Makoto. Hotaru groaned. 'Or not.' "All right, we're- I'm hanging up now," Ami said, correcting herself quickly. "Yeah, sorry, Ami. Sorry, Makoto," Hotaru apologized, eyeing the smirk on Rei's face. "Yup, sorry we are, you two. We'll let you return to your NC-17 activities now." "REI HI-" That was all of Makoto's scream that they heard before Rei hung up. The miko and the college student were silent for about half a second before laughter filled the apartment. The raven-haired woman was still sprawled on the couch, her sides aching. Hotaru was laughing softly on the floor, still in disbelief that they caught Ami and Makoto in the act. Rei suddenly paused and looked at the giggling woman. Feeling an intense gaze on her, the girl turned and raised a brow in question. "What are you looking at?" Rei smiled softly and tilted her head to one side. "It's the first time I've really heard you laugh since you were little. I forgot how beautiful it sounds." Hotaru looked at the fireplace, hoping the glow would hide her dark blush. Ah, the word that caused everything top start. Ironic that they'd return to it, no? Meanwhile, the miko tried to imprint the sound into her memory. Hotaru's laugh was soft and breathy, unlike Haruka's throaty laugh and definitely different from Minako and Usagi's insane, almost out of control laughter. Actually, the younger girl's laugh was more like Setsuna's chuckle and Mona Lisa's smile. They were hiding something, something that no one except them knew. Something they will never share with anyone else. But, at the same time, amazingly, it was surprisingly innocent. It was like ChibiUsa's laugh or a newborn baby's first giggle. So pure, unhampered by the world, allowed to laugh to the fullest. 'Okay, you're analyzing your friend's laugh and comparing it to other people's. Maybe Hotaru is right, you are delirious.' For a split second, Rei considered calling Ami. But both the shy girl AND Makoto will be breathing fire and promising a painful death. Especially when she tells them the cause of her deduction. 'I analyzed the way Hotaru laughs,' she imagined herself saying. 'I have determined that it's a mix between secretive and innocent!' Yes, the couple would most definitely kill her. And there she sat, the cause of her insanity, looking so innocent with her legs drawn to her chest, hugging her knees. Her black hair touched her knees as she slouched over, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Rei's eyes moved down her friend's body. Oh, how well she's developed. Hotaru, on the other hand, was starting to fidget. Her love's been staring at her for an awfully long time. What exactly did she find so interesting in a girl like her? "Rei?" The miko turned her attention back to her companion's face. She prayed there was no guilty blush on her cheeks. "Yes, Hotaru?" The girl stood, stretching lazily as she picked up her beer bottle. "We should be going to sleep." "Huh? Oh, yeah, you're right." Rei, completely flustered, stood and gathered the vodka bottle and two shot glasses. As she walked by Hotaru, she paused for a split second. The shorter girl cocked her head in confusion as the miko smiled at her. "Yes, my little Firefly, you are very beautiful."
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