Destiny or Duty (part 1 of 15)

a Sailor Moon fanfiction by kazeko

Time: Immediately after episode 200

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Haruka sipped her cool drink, silently watching the stars dance past 
Tokyo.  Her perch on the roof of the house she shared with her beloved, 
the Guardian of Time, and the little girl with the power to destroy the 
world, overlooked the entire area.  Looking deeper into the city, she 
could see the Juuban District where her princess, prince, and all of the 
Inner Senshi lived.  She knew they were all asleep, dreaming their 
innocent dreams silently, ignorant of the pain their outer partners 
still felt from the earlier battle.  And betrayal.  Wind, her element, 
swirled around her, trying to calm her bruised and battered feelings, 
trying to get her to think of anything else, caressing her, calling to 
her, exciting her, teasing her mercilessly.  Like her Michiru.
 
Haruka laughed at the sudden thought, for the smaller senshi was not the 
wind.  She was most definitely the sea, the waves, crashing and fierce 
when disturbed but calm, peaceful, and loving when so gently touched.  
How was it, then, that they worked so well together; why did Michiru 
stay with her, why did Michiru love her so very much?  Was it fate . . . 
or the fight?
 
Haruka's empty glass shattered in her hand and she blinked as she 
realized how very hard she had been gripping the cup.  She stared at the 
dark blood welling up from the cuts on her palm and slowly, leisurely, 
dripping to the roof.  The tiny pieces of glass embedded in the wound 
sparkled in the faint moonlight, and the magnified light reminded her of 
the Star Seeds she and Michiru had stolen from their friends and fellow 
senshi earlier that day.  She saw Saturn and Pluto fade away; she 
watched as she and Michiru attacked their princess; she touched 
Michiru's hand as both of them died, their efforts and deception utterly 
worthless.  She squeezed her unhurt hand into a fist, tears welling up 
in emerald eyes unused to such moisture.  She and her Michiru had done 
their best, tried everything they could, but Galaxia had been too 
powerful for them.  As she had done so many times in the past, Sailor 
Moon, Tsukino Usagi, Princess Serenity, saved the world alone, by 
herself, with no help from the eight dead Sailor Senshi sworn to protect 
their princess, to die before she fell to the enemy.  When she needed 
them most, her guardians had not been there.  "Then she brought us back 
to life," Ten'ou Haruka whispered to the cold, uncaring winds.  "She 
forgave us, she still loves us, even though we almost killed her.  Even 
Setsuna-san and Hotaru-chan forgave us, but we do not deserve such 
mercy.  I do not deserve such mercy."
 
"Haruka?"
 
The Uranian Senshi looked up at her name, startled.  Michiru had been 
sleeping when she left the comfort of their shared bed for the questions 
posed by the cool night wind.  The aqua-haired beauty walked into the 
pale moonlight, long, loose hair blowing in her partner's gusting wind, 
silky nightdress revealing her long, shapely legs.  "Why are you out 
here, Haruka?"
 
The blonde looked away, her short hair shadowing her deep emerald eyes.  
When her partner didn't answer, Michiru moved closer, gasping when she 
caught sight of her lover's injured hand.  "Oh, Haruka," she whispered, 
tears in her sapphire eyes as she bent down, white handkerchief in hand.  
"You shattered your glass."
 
"It doesn't hurt, Michiru."
 
The Neptunian Senshi looked up at the taller woman, frowning at the 
tears sparkling on Haruka's cheeks.  "Why are you crying?"
 
"I've been thinking," the blonde whispered, looking up at the stars.
 
Michiru knew that her lover would volunteer little else, so she let the 
silence stretch as she carefully removed the shards of glass from the 
senshi's hand.  "Let's go inside so I can wrap this up," Michiru 
whispered.
 
Haruka followed her partner mechanically, her will still lost to the 
swirling winds.  "So tired," she whispered softly, her voice dark and a 
little frightening.  "So very tired."  Kaiou Michiru knew that something 
was dreadfully wrong with her partner, but she waited until Haruka was 
sitting on their bed, in the light, before she dared to ask.
 
"Why are you tired, beloved?"
 
"Why did they forgive us, Michiru?" Haruka countered, eyes still hidden 
by her short hair, her voice choked with unshed tears.  "We killed them, 
we could have killed her, but they forgave us, anyway.  We don't deserve 
it; I don't deserve it."
 
"That's how we fight, Haruka.  Usagi-san understands that."  Michiru 
used a wet cloth to clean Haruka's hand, thankful that there weren't 
many cuts and none of the wounds were serious.
 
"Why does she always forgive us?  I hate this fight, Michiru.  I hate 
this war."
 
"It's our destiny, Haruka."
 
"What if that's the only reason we're together?"
 
Michiru's head shot up, tears in her round blue eyes, tears that her 
lover couldn't see with her head hung.  Fear and pain followed the first 
of the tears, the same emotions that filled Haruka's distant green eyes.  
"What do you mean?  Haruka, I love you.  I really do."  Her tortured 
voice was little louder than a whisper, her hand on Haruka's leg 
clenched into a fist.
 
"I know," Haruka whispered, looking into her lover's eyes, placing her 
uninjured hand on the kneeling woman's soft cheek, wiping away the warm 
tears.  "I love you, too, Michiru, but what if there was no fight?  
Would we still be together?  Would we love each other, Michi?  Would we 
stay together?  Or would you be with some man, never knowing the racer 
you only met because of the approaching silence?"
 
Michiru, searching for something to say, covered Haruka's hand with 
hers.  "I don't know, my love, but I think we would always be together.  
I hope we would."  She felt more tears run over her hand, responding to 
her lover's pain, and she fought them back.  "We're together now, and 
that's all that matters."
 
Haruka leaned back and watched, silent, as Michiru wrapped a bandage 
around her injured hand, pausing often to wipe the obscuring tears away 
from her sapphire eyes.  She wanted to help the young Neptunian 
princess, but the Uranian had no words of comfort or hope to offer.  She 
had no idea how to make her lover stop crying.
 
Michiru finished silently, putting the remaining bandages away and 
slipping into bed beside Haruka, pushing the woman onto their bed and 
covered her up.  "Go to sleep now, Ruka," Michiru whispered.  The blonde 
stared at the ceiling, lost in thought, as her partner princess pulled 
her lover's arm around herself, needing comfort after their midnight 
conversation, no matter how false.  Haruka's long fingers automatically 
began to run through the other woman's aqua hair, a gesture that always 
calmed the younger woman, and Michiru began to relax.  Maybe Haruka 
would be okay.  Sighing, Michiru fell into an uneasy sleep, but Haruka 
was still awake hours later, stroking her girlfriend's hair, lost in 
thought.

Onwards to Part 2


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