ANSWERS
Usagi took a deep breath and let it out
slowly.
"I guess I'll start with when Celeste
transferred her powers to Mamoru. She
transferred powers from both of her parents.
The Earth's powers from King Endymion, and
Pluto's powers of time and order from Setsuna.
While Mamoru's soul readily accepted the
Earth's power, his soul had to change in order
to accept the power of Pluto... or die.
Mamoru's soul did change, along with his
personality... and, his soul bond to me.
The fates have predetermined which two soul
types would be compatible as soul mates,
generally one female and one male. Your soul
and Mamoru's original soul were almost
identical, just as perhaps Jadeite's soul and
my own were nearly exact. Mamoru's soul and my
own aren't compatible anymore, and we are no
longer soul mated."
A lump formed in her throat and she choked it
down.
"We are destined to rule Crystal Tokyo over
the next millennia, both of us soul mated to
someone else. When I spoke with my Mother about
it, she told me that Gaea had predestined, by
oath, that the Moon shall be forever linked with
the Earth. The oath includes our powers. The
ginsuishou and the kinsuishou are linked
similarly.
My mother also helped me to realize that a
destiny link between kingdoms did not
necessarily mean 'rule together by marriage',
although that is the only way Crystal Tokyo can
come about on Earth."
She glanced over at Rei anxiously, and
wondered what her stony silence meant. Rei
stared intently at something across the room.
"My Mother pointed out that I could rule the
Moon Kingdom alone, like she did when her soul
mate, Apollo, was taken from her. I would then
resume the Silver Millennium, and rule as she
did before everything was destroyed. Our
kingdoms would be aligned politically and
defensively by divined law."
Usagi touched Rei's cheek with a long delicate
finger.
"Because I love Mamoru, and I believe everyone
deserves true love and a chance for lasting
happiness, I feel it is in everyone's best
interest if I rule alone. Maybe my soul mate can
find happiness as well."
Rei turned to scrutinize Usagi's face a few
moments, before she turned away and responded
bitterly.
"So, everything is all neat and tidy, hmmm?
Since Mamoru is no longer an option, you felt my
attraction for you, and thought you could come
to me as your own last resort for love? Is that
it? You would actually try to take advantage of
my latest heartbreak with a man, and try to
seduce me? You just thought that in my abject
weakness, you could just waltz in here, and I
would throw myself at your feet in gratitude?
Kami... what a fool you take me for!
What makes you think I could love another
woman anyway... even if she is my soul mate, and
it is you? Kami forbid that I should be regarded
in such a perverted way! Miko-sama indeed! Tell
me again, why it is, I should allow myself to be
someone's second choice."
Rei finished with harsh indignation.
Usagi was stunned. Her lungs and throat seemed
to tighten painfully, and she struggled for air.
She could barely whisper.
"Rei, its not like that! Mamoru has been my
destiny, my duty... and yes, I love him... but
he has always been my second choice for a mate
and lover.
I will not shame myself, or you, another
moment! I never considered for an instant that
love between two people could be construed as
perverse. I can assure you, what has happened
here today, will never be repeated... if that is
your desire.
Please forgive me for my intrusion. I never
intended to insult you! I shouldn't have tried
to kiss you, Rei. I am sorry... I was just so
overcome by happiness. I will understand if you
cannot be one of my senshi anymore... I don't
want you to be uncomfortable. The desire for
fulfillment with my soul mate will be with me
always, however.
You seem to be on the mend, so I... will leave
you now."
Usagi stood up shakily and turned to leave,
but her knees betrayed her and buckled under her
from exhaustion. She crumpled to the floor and
managed to struggle to her knees.
Rei sat up, and silently extended a hand. She
felt hot tears plip onto her arm.
"Wait." She whispered back, in disbelief.
"I have always been first in your heart?"
Usagi answered her with the barest of
whispers... "Always."
Usagi turned on her knees to face the futon so
she could see Rei's beautiful royal amethyst
eyes and sniffled.
Rei felt rebuked when she saw genuine hurt
from spurned love in her friend's eyes.
She took Usagi's hands into her own, and
entwined her fingers to steady them.
"Kami, Usagi... "
Usagi swallowed to clear her tight throat.
"Rei, I came here alone because I felt your
soul draw me here. I felt your pain, not your
attraction. I didn't come to seduce you! I've
been just as confused as you have been. When my
memories of the Silver Millennium came back to
me after my mother left, they served only to
make my torture complete. I felt your attraction
for me only after my memories returned, and then
everything fell into place.
I wanted... needed confirmation from your own
lips, that you were my soul mate and that you
loved me. I never meant to toy with your
affections! That's the truth.
Believe me when I say I need you, indeed, I'm
going to need all of my senshi. I need your
strength, your wisdom, and instincts to help me
rule as Moon Queen. I especially need you, Rei.
I want you to understand that my desire to
love you, care for you, and make you happy, is
real... if you'll have me. I want you as my
beloved, not because you are my last option for
a soul mate, but because I'm truly in love with
you. My love for you never stopped. I loved you
before I was ever introduced to Endymion while
my Mother reigned over the Silver Millennium.
I have remembered the time when I rescued you
off the planet of Mars and brought you to the
Moon Kingdom as my senshi. I remember when and
how I fell in love with you... and I remember
when I made love to you for the first time."
Usagi's voice softened.
"Kami help me, I love you, unconditionally,
with all that I am."
Then softer still she uttered with devotion.
"You were my first love... Diana, and... I
want you back. I want what we had back. I have
gotten over Mamoru many times already, mostly
because my senshi were there for me, but I have
never gotten over you... I can't live without
you.
If in this life, you can not physically love
me as a woman, I'll understand... I do respect
your position, Miko-sama." Usagi's body sagged
wearily.
Rei's eyes swam with unshed tears as she
listened to Usagi's declaration of love in
silent introspection.
Her own memories had begun to unlock and
manifest her old identity, and old wounds.
I am a noble Martian huntress, I am the
princess... Diana! Princess Serenity was my
first love...
She found her voice at last and it sounded
hoarse.
"You have caused my own memories to return,
and I remember what happened to me after you met
Endymion.
I watched as a hunger grew and your desire
blossomed into a passion for... him. I ached for
you, and wished I could trade places with him. I
longed for you to look into my eyes with the
same passion... just as you had before you met
him.
It seemed you had forgotten me, and what we
had. I didn't think there was any hope for a
relationship, so I gave it up and kept you in my
dreams. When I met Jadeite, I let him pursue me,
though my heart still belonged to you. Frankly,
I don't ever want to go through that again."
Usagi forced her head to look up.
"Oh, Rei, I hadn't forgotten about you. I
could never. My mother knew about us and forbade
me to see you as a lover, nor would she grant me
permission to bond with you in any way. So I
served my Kingdom, bowed to destiny, and slept
alone. You became just another one of my honored
senshi... except in my heart and in my dreams.
There, I dreamt of a ship en route to the Moon
Kingdom, and a bed I shared with you.
How I hurt inside when I saw the betrayal in
your beautiful eyes." Usagi interjected as tears
clouded her eyes once more.
She swallowed painfully.
"I was never aware, though, that Endymion and
I were ever observed by anyone. I thought we
were fairly discreet.
I would never knowingly hurt you with a public
display of our affections. I am so sorry if I
did."
"Usagi," Rei began, "as your body guard on
duty, I tailed you and hid in the trees. I
shouldn't have spied on you, but I... had
opportunity, and well, I hurt myself. I got what
I deserved. But that's ancient history, now
isn't it? What matters now is the present."
Rei cleared her dry throat and continued.
"Look, Usagi, I'm a little relationship-shy
right now. I want to believe you, but I can't.
I think if your bond was restored to Mamoru, I
would continue to be as I have always been for
you. I also think you will do as you are
expected, soul mated or not.
I have no future with you... no matter how
much you may love me. Had you come to me at any
time before your bond with Mamoru was broken, I
might have felt more inclined to believe you...
but you didn't.
I'm very sorry I tried to end my life today...
it was weak and it won't happen again. I want to
be your senshi, Usagi. Your friendship has been
one of the few bright spots in my life. Because
we are soul mates shouldn't change anything."
Rei heaved a shuddered sigh.
Usagi fought her fatigue and sat straighter.
"Rei, the discovery of our soul bond does make
a difference for me. I will rule the Moon
Kingdom as Queen Serenity, even if there is a
way for the powers of Pluto to be restored to
Celeste. I needed the truth, not only for my own
happiness, but for the right destiny for all of
us. What conclusions you come to about my love
for you, are your own business. If you can't
trust me, there is no hope for a closer
relationship.
I really need to get some rest, now, Rei. If
there is a way for me to ease your pain, tell
me. I am here for you." Usagi crawled over to
her futon, lay down, and pulled the quilt over
herself as an afterthought. She shivered and
closed her eyes. She felt awful.
The room was pregnant with silence for awhile.
Usagi had bared her soul. Bonds that had
ordered her destiny for millennia had been
shattered, and denied true love exposed. Rei had
crushed her.
Rei spoke softly.
"Usagi, are you asleep?"
"No." She muttered sleepily.
"Do you still love me?" Rei's voice sounded
strained.
Usagi sighed heavily.
"Hai."
"Usa... ?" Rei began again.
"Hmmm?" Usagi could feel Rei's presence move
closer.
"I can scarcely believe you would choose to
rule the Moon Kingdom by yourself. If that
choice was based on my bond and love for you, I
think I ought to consider your future with me.
I have a lot of pride to swallow, and even
more forgiveness to ask for. I've gone out of my
way to alienate you every way I know how in this
lifetime.
There has never been another soul who has
shown me as much unconditional love as you have.
Nor has there been any other who has taught me
more about what true sacrifice is or what real
forgiveness is all about. You have given me far
more joy than I deserve.
I don't deserve you, or your love, Usagi.
Can't you see?"
Rei wiped Usagi's tear filled eyes to clear
them.
"You can't see, can you... your love is
completely blind, isn't it? You don't see
people, you just see souls, don't you? You
truly are an Angel... a Goddess here on Earth.
You'll never understand how different you are!
While I have been busy wallowing in my self
pity over matters of the past that are of no
consequence, you have been wrestling with the
fate of a future kingdom.
You wrestle with how you can personally make
other people's lives better, and then pour out
your entire heart and soul to make it a reality.
You are selfless whereas I am selfish! You came
here to comfort me and see to my happiness. You
put my needs first, and I lashed out at you to
protect myself.
How could I not, how could anyone not love you
or want you!" Rei declared with passion.
"Usagi, I don't know if you can ever forgive
me for today, but if you can find it in your
heart to do so, I'd like to have another
opportunity to be able to express my love for
you... even if it's inadequate.
I do love you. I need you... and I want you
physically. I'm sorry for what I implied
earlier... its self-preservation, Usa. I have
been called strange all my life, and to love
another woman today seems to exacerbate
matters."
Usagi wept.
"You... you know I forgive you... and you
could never be... inadequate! You are my
passion."
Usagi smiled at Rei through her tears, and
sniffles.
"If you knew the things I've thought about
when I look at you, 'Angel' wouldn't exactly be
on your list of descriptions for me!"
Rei's eyes had a glimmer of mirth in them, but
her voice was raw with contained emotion as she
looked back into her princess' dewy eyes.
"I honestly can't comprehend why or how you
can still love me after all these years, Usagi.
You asked me how you could help to ease my
pain, Usagi. Would you consider a bond to join
with me body, mind, and soul? Is your love for
me strong enough to make a commitment? I don't
ever want to lose you again!"
Usagi's tears turned to joy as Rei lay down
next to her on the futon and cradled her close.
Nestled in the embrace of Rei's strong arms, she
found comfort there at long last. After a few
moments, Usagi answered her.
"I love you enough to join with you in the
highest order of oaths outside of marriage...
the blood bond oath. I will need to ask Mamoru's
permission first, though. I don't think he would
ever stand in the way of my happiness... any
more than I would his. We need to ask my Mother
and your Mother's permission as well, because
they are needed to perform the ceremony.
By the way, Rei-chan, you are a Goddess, too!
I think my Mother will consent and give us her
blessing this time. I don't know if your Mother
will, though."
Rei squeezed her princess.
"If we are meant to be, then everything will
work out, Angel." Angel was emphasized with a
twinkle in her eyes.
"Are you sure you want to spend the rest of
your life bound to someone as bizarre and
stubborn as I am?" Rei teased.
Usagi giggled, "Hai, I do, oh aberrant one!"
"Thank you so much for your love, Hime-sama!
You've made me feel a whole lot better about
myself, and life, today. You truly live what
you believe."
Rei kissed each beautiful sapphire eye.
"You know, I have loved you from afar, as
forbidden fruit, for so long... now that I have
you close, I haven't a clue what to do with
you!" Rei laughed.
Usagi smiled. She loved to hear the rich
melodic peal of Rei's seldom heard laughter.
"Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Besides, it doesn't matter, I just want to feel
your nearness." Usagi's eyes sparkled like gems
in the bright moonlight of a now cloudless sky.
Rei, looked intently into them, and she
leaned into her and began to softly kiss those
beautiful lips that smiled so readily... so
generously.
Exhaustion forgotten, Usagi responded with
fervor, and her heart began to fly. As she felt
Rei's tongue flick rhythmically down her throat,
she felt a pulsed throb between her legs in
response and an ache in her loins.
Rei trailed moist butterfly kisses from
Usagi's wet cheeks down to her throat. She
pressed her tongue against the carotid, and felt
its beat strong and rapid.
Then, she noticed the bruises for the first
time. They were much too regular, almost as
if...
Something clicked inside Rei, and she
understood the full scope of her princess' pain.
She kissed each bruise tenderly.
"These aren't bruises from passionate kisses,
are they Usa? Mamoru has been rough with you,
hasn't he?"
Usagi nodded.
"He's has taken his frustrations, and anger
out on me physically... he isn't exactly the
same man he was before. Those are bruises from
his hand while he held me down. It was to keep
me still so I wouldn't thrash or scream as he
entered me while I was still dry."
Rei sat up, and pulled Usagi with her, clearly
angry. She began to gather the sheer nightgown
material together so she could bring it up over
her friend's head.
Usagi swallowed with difficulty as Rei slowly
lifted the gown over her head, she shivered as
she felt Rei's warm breath on her bare shoulder.
When she opened her eyes, she looked into a pair
of amethyst eyes that seethed with anger.
"Kami, Usa, you let him rape you... just
because he was your destined! I gave place to
him and trusted him with you!"
Rei's voice was low and raw, almost a growl.
"I want to have a look at you... all of you. I
can't believe you haven't told me how much he's
hurt you, especially after all we've talked
about!" Her voice cracked, "Why?"
Usagi looked shyly at the furious raven-haired
girl.
"I just did tell you! I don't want you to
confront him, Rei... just let it go. It's over,
now, ok?"
Rei responded stiffly.
"You told me only after I discovered it...
probably after weeks of abuse! You weren't going
to say squat to me, or to anyone else! And you
bet it's over. If he ever touches you like this
again, I'll make him regret it.
Tartarus will seem like a picnic."
Usagi's face turned bright red.
"Promise me, you won't punish him, Rei," she
whispered.
Rei laid the nightgown aside, and tossed the
quilt onto the other futon angrily. Rei sat back
on her heals and took in Usagi's physical
beauty. She sucked her breath in sharply, and
felt her fire build in her own loins and her
face began to flush.
Kami-sama!
Usagi is so breathtakingly gorgeous! She's so
gracefully built... like the ice dancer she
was. Lean and hard.
"You are so incredibly beautiful, so
desirable, Usagi, how could he do this to you?"
Through her tears, Rei could see the bruises
around Usagi's nipples and small firm breasts,
which were smaller than her own, but so round
and perfect! She touched each bruise softly
with her tongue, then, brushed her lips against
the sore nipples.
Usagi thought she had never felt anything so
delicate or so full of love. It thrilled her to
her soul.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you,
especially from someone you loved and trusted. I
need to remove your underwear, and have a look.
I promise I won't hurt you, alright?"
Usagi trembled as Rei's fingers traced a path
down the sides of her ribcage, and barely
touched. Rei's lips continued to lay a train of
delicate butterfly kisses in the valley between
her firm breasts. Then, inch by inch, Rei moved
downward and savored each kiss... she loved her
smell, her taste. Her princess' flesh was so
incredibly smooth and soft... like rose petals
stretched over sculpted musculature. So sinewy,
so sensuous...
Rei ran her tongue around Usagi's navel, and
gently sucked on it as she caressed the firm
hips.
Usagi moaned softly... her desire for Rei
over-rode any thought processes.
She sucked her breath in as Rei's fingers
captured the waistband of the white lace
underwear and drew them slowly down long,
slender, hard legs. Usagi could feel Rei's
breaths as they came harder and faster. They
tickled her and sent goose bumps all over her
body, as Rei paused above the silver-blond curls
between her legs.
Then Usagi's brain engaged. She whimpered and
clutched at Rei's hands, as they sought to part
her legs.
Rei stopped at the small noise and gesture and
looked up to lock her gaze upon Usagi's dark
frightened eyes. She cursed Mamoru under her
breath. Kami, how he must have hurt her angel!
Rei wanted to cry.
"I would rather die than hurt you, my love, I
can promise you I will never ever hurt you
sexually. I know what that feels like, and I
won't ever touch you there if you don't want me
to. But for this once, I do need to see if you
need some help. Your mouth feels hot to me, when
we kiss. You may have more than a cold to fight.
You could have an infection too, sweetie, please
let me see if you are alright?"
Usagi bit her lip hard, and finally nodded her
assent.
Rei parted Usagi's thighs and knelt carefully
between them. She first saw the dark bruises
upon the inner thighs as if they had been held
open in their present position by something.
Rei's fingers roved lightly over the bruised
area and raised more goose bumps.
She lifted her friend's legs up and farther
apart, and wanted to curse some more as she let
her eyes rest on Usagi's femaleness. The area
was red, swollen, and looked painful.
Rei felt sick, and had to fight off a sudden
new wave of nausea. She took some deep breaths,
then bent forward and very softly touched her
lips to the clitoris. She laid a feather-light
kiss there.
Usagi trembled in need and fear all at once,
but Rei gently let Usagi's legs down.
Rei wordlessly replaced the underwear, and
the nightgown. Usagi probably hadn't felt well
for a while and never said anything about it.
She felt angry and betrayed.
Rei lay down alongside Usagi, and gathered
her princess close.
"Before we go to sleep, Usagi, I have a few
requests of my own I'd like to make. First,
tomorrow we go see a gynecologist, no arguments.
Second, I want you to promise me you won't see
Mamoru again until he gets some help. Third, and
most importantly to me, I would like for you to
consider a life here with me. We seem to
suddenly be a little short-handed around here!"
Usagi lifted her head to face Rei.
"Ok, no arguments, I promise, and I thought
you would never ask!"
Rei's eyes widened and she smiled. Rei rolled
on top of Usagi, kissed her lips a few times and
rolled off of her. She flipped off of the bed
and headed for the bathroom on unsteady legs.
When Rei came back, Usagi had fallen asleep,
and a gentle smile graced her lips. She had
managed to take up the entire bed in a tangle of
lanky arms, legs and blanket.
Rei smiled fondly... she wasn't so small
anymore at 5'10". She had finally achieved Queen
Serenity's height. Rei was only an inch taller
now, instead of several.
Rei put on a red silk nightgown, then phoned
Dr. Wakai's office, the OBGYN who had seen her
as a child, and left a brief message on the
answer machine. She glanced at her empty futon
and then turned her gaze back to the unconscious
goddess.
Rei turned the desk lamp out, snatched the
blankets from off the empty futon, re-arranged
Usagi, and curled up next to her. She pulled the
blankets over the both of them, and sighed. It
seemed each of them had their own personal demons
to deal with. But in spite of everything... they
had found love.
That was Rei's last coherent thought as sleep
overwhelmed her.
* * *
Rei was awakened about three hours later when
she felt Usagi shiver next to her, sniffle, and
move restlessly.
Rei got up and drank some water. Then she went
to find a new box of tissues and some aspirin.
She filled a new cup with water, and brought it
all over to the futon.
"Usa!" Rei shook her friend slightly.
Usagi rolled away from her tormenter.
"Mom, need sleep... don't wanna go... throat's
scratchy... "
Rei snickered.
"Usagi, it's Rei, and I thought you might like
a tissue, and some medicine with water."
Usagi stirred.
"Water." She repeated and sneezed. She opened
her eyes sleepily.
"Rei?"
Rei grinned.
"That would be me! Sit up." Rei said and
offered Usagi the tissue.
"It seems your charitable nature has finally
turned against you. I think you officially have
a nasty cold. Or maybe you caught my... flu
bug." Rei laughed. Here take these, they will
help you sleep. Then maybe I can get some
sleep!"
Rei held the pills out to Usagi, then, handed
her the cup of water.
Usagi glared irritably at Rei, but gratefully
took what was offered.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up.
Thank you for your care, Rei. I should probably
go sleep in your guest room so I won't keep you
awake any more, or give my cold to you. Trust
me... you don't want this one!"
Usagi used another tissue, got up and grabbed
one of the quilts, then began to drag the futon
out the door.
Rei stopped her.
"Wait, Usagi! What just happened? I didn't
mean to upset you. I just wanted to tease you a
little! Please stay with me. I'm concerned about
you! I've already gotten well over eight hours
of sleep, thanks to you. You've hardly gotten
any. If I have to stay up the rest of the night
to make sure you are comfortable, it's all
right. I don't want you to get any worse, Usa."
Rei took the futon from Usagi and stuffed it
into her cupboard.
Usagi protested as Rei picked her up and
carried her back to the futon and put her down
gently.
"I'm not worried about a silly cold. I'm
exposed to them all of the time when people want
me to pray for their sick babies. I've had lots
of them, and I'm still here. More than likely,
I've already had this one.
So, if you try to escape again, I'll punish
you in the name of Mars with an evil thermometer
where the sun doesn't shine!"
Usagi's gave Rei a gratuitous shudder in
response.
Rei was satisfied. She tidied the quilts and
cuddled up close to her angel, and once more
drew the quilts up over the both of them. Rei
kissed Usagi's creamy, exposed, shoulder.
"I love you!" She whispered.
Usagi never heard her.
Rei listened to Usagi's heavy breaths for a
while then dropped off to sleep.
The girls slept without incident late into
Monday morning.
Back to Of Demons and Love Index - Back to Sailor Moon Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction