Slowly Michiru woke up. She smelled the fresh coffee and the warm rolls. Her lips curved in a smile as she blinked into the bright sun. Oppressed she yawned and turned her head. She could see Haruka sitting on a chair next to the open window. Thoughtful she studied the crumbled map. The young woman already wore her short blue jeans and her wide black shirt. Her short blonde hairs had been brushed into the right position. The wind played with some wild strands. Unconsciously she stroke them behind her ears. Sunlight reflected soft in her deep green eyes. She didn't wear her sunglasses as she normally did. Her cheeks were redden but Michiru could see that the skin was too pale for her being on holidays. Dark shadows laid under her eyes and the young violinist suddenly asked herself if she didn't get enough sleep. Michiru's eyes grew wide as she remembered the last night. Or had it been a dream? A wonderful dream of a wonderful kiss? The young violinist rose her right hand and touched her lips. It wasn't just a feverish illusion, was it? At that moment Haruka looked up. A smile appeared on her face and suddenly nothing remembered of the weakness Michiru had seen one moment before. "Good morning, Michi-chan. Awake at last?" Haruka put away the map and came over to the bed. "How do you feel?" she asked with concern in her voice. "Fantastic." Answered Michiru and sat up. But she had to cough again. "Maybe not that fantastic. But at least better." She smiled back and looked over to the set table. "Breakfast?" Michiru asked and stood up slowly. A little bit she had to hobble. Her right knee still hurt but she could bear it. She couldn't eat the whole yesterday and now she was really hungry. "Dinner. It's half past twelve." Haruka pulled a bathrobe around her shoulders and leaded the smaller senshi towards a chair. "And you didn't use to chance to sleep the whole day?" mocked Michiru and observed the marmalade. Haruka didn't reply that she couldn't find any sleep the whole night. At dawn she left the bed and took a long shower. Then she sat down on the chair and waited for Michiru to wake up. Watched the smaller woman in silence. Thinking... "I studied our map. Maybe we can go to the peak of the mountain over there. It's called..." Haruka looked at the crumbled map and tried hard to read the tiny letters. "Well, however, the map says that it's got a fantastic view over the whole valley. The way it not too long, maybe two hours. And it's not so steep. What 'cha think?" Michiru made a face as she took her medicine. "Why don't we carry on with our tour?" The young violinist covered her roll with a thick layer of marmalade. Haruka observed her for some moments in silence, then she simply shook her head. "Not until you're recovered. It don't want you to fall off your bike again. A hot bath and another night in a soft bed will be better than a swim in cold melt water in a lake and a night in a sleeping bag on the hard ground." She declared determined and took her coffee into her hands. She stared for some seconds into the black fluid. As she rose her head again a tomboy expression laid on her face. "Besides I've already read the menu and can't wait to try the farmer salad they offer." Her lips curved in a joking smile. "And they have spaghettis, too. With tomato sauce." "Okay, you won." Giggled Michiru and ate her roll. I've been really hungry! "Then let's hurry up!" declared the senshi of the wide ocean and took another roll. Haruka stood up and went quietly over to the open window and looked out to the nature that surrounded the small hotel "You don't have to hurry, Michi-chan. The mountains will wait. We have plenty of time. Here aren't any youmas or victims. Nor talismans. Just enjoy your free time, Michi-chan." Haruka didn't turn around. Michiru looked up but she could just see the shadow of the young car racer against the bright sunlight. Since they had met two years ago they had never have some days free. Her concerts and the Grand Prix's of Japan weren't real free time. Once a youma had interrupted her concert and tried to steal the heart crystal of the conductor of the orchestra where she played the first violin this evening. And on the race track a youma wanted to steal the heart crystal of a mechanic of Haruka's team. But here in the mountain they seemed to be almost free. Independent. "Hai." Whispered the smaller senshi and covered another roll with marmalade. "Guess, you're right." Haruka just watched nature and sighed slightly as she heard the calm voice of the younger woman. I just wish I could talk to you. Honestly. The young car racer clenched her fists and stayed silent. But I am not as strong as you may think. *** It was late in the afternoon as they reached the viewpoint. From there they could overlook the whole valley and the next one on the other side of the mountain. Wide behind the mountains at the edge of the horizon you could see the shimmer of the endless ocean that surrounded the huge isles of Japan. "It's wonderful here!" sighed Michiru happy and winced as she stumbled over a small stone. Haruka who didn't run as always was at the next moment at her side. "Everything okay?" asked the young car racer and looked at the smaller senshi with concern. "Don't worry." Michiru laughed lucky and went over to the flag that stood in the middle of the platform. It crackled quietly in the steady but warm wind. Michiru closed her eyes and spread her arms. The winches played with the long white shirt she was wearing and with her long curly hair. A happy smile appeared on her face, her cheeks were redden. "You were right, Ruka. We should forget all our problems." Said Michiru as she opened her eyes again. "I just wish I could have taken my violin with me." "Then it would be broken and you would be sad the whole time. No, thanks." Haruka passed over and looked to the handrail that was some inches away. It should protect the tourists not to fall from the peak. Michiru just smiled at her and sat down on a bank next to the flag. She closed her eyes again and concentrated on the soft melody that evolved in her mind. The wind played with the leaves of the near trees and the rushes remembered the young violinist of the endless ocean she loved so much. Thoughtful she rocked herself in a rhythm only she could her. Slowly she entered her own world made by music. Leaving all her problems, all her fears behind. Leaving reality behind. Leaving her Ruka behind. The young car racer watched her Michiru for some moments in silence then she turned away with a sigh and leaned herself against the handrail. She knew this expression on the smaller woman's face. But she couldn't quite explain why she always felt so jealous when Michiru only thought of her music. So alone... "This had been a very nice day." Heard Haruka the voice of a young woman. She turned her head a little bit and could see a couple that walked over to the other corner of the viewpoint. "Hai." answered the young man and wrapped his arms around her slim waist. For a long while they just stood there and watched nature or whatever they seemed to see. "I love you." Declared the young woman finally quietly. "I love you too, sweetheart." The young man lowered his head and kissed her gently. The kiss lasted very long. Finally they walked away. Hand in hand. Their fingers entwined. Haruka swallowed hard and her trembling legs could not longer hold her weight. She just went on her knees and stared into nothing. I will never experience such deep love. Will I? Haruka wanted to go over to her Michiru to tell her about her strange feelings. But she couldn't move. She couldn't say a word. She actually couldn't break the silence. Michiru sat silently on the bank. A smile appeared on her face. Her eyes were still closed. She rocked gently to the music only she could hear. To a tender melody that evolved slowly in her mind. That she would never forget, because it was different than all songs she wrote before. Suddenly she could understand all the love songs of those great musicians. The feelings that stood behind every single note. The smaller senshi sighed happily while she stepped deeper into her own world of music, dreaming of a better future. Hoping for a life in peace. *** "Fish and noodles?" asked Haruka and looked critically at the plate of Michiru then at the smaller senshi who ate her dinner with enthusiasm. "Well, I couldn't decide so I took both." Said Michiru simply and giggled as she saw the expression on the taller woman's face. "Don't worry, Ruka. You don't have to eat it. Just eat your farmer salad. Before the snails will run away." Haruka thanked the waitress who brought her a cooled cola. Then she leaned back on her chair and observed the other guests on the big terrace of the hotel were they would stay for the next day. Michiru ate her meal with a lot of appetite. She looked a lot healthier than the evening before. The day of rest was very good for her. The young car racer picked with her fork in her salad and didn't want to think of the next night. This night I won't have a reason to sleep next to her in the huge bed. To hold her tight. Maybe she would never have a simple reason again. Haruka sighed watched how some musicians entered the small stage. They took seat and started to play. It were soft melodies. Waltz as Haruka remembered right. Soon the soft melody filled the air and the first couples danced. The music was quiet enough to eat but at the same time it created a romantic atmosphere. The sun set slowly and soon soft twilight covered the valley. "They certainly can play." Decided Michiru after a while and topped her left foot with the rhythm. Then she stood up with a sudden and reached for Haruka's hand. "Let's dance!" "Nani?" Haruka looked up in surprise and shook her head in disbelieve. "You know I can't dance." "Some days before you told me something different." Michiru just grabbed the hand of the taller woman and realized that it was very cold. "Don't worry about me knee. I am feeling fine." She watched Haruka with a pleading expression on her beautiful face and leaded her towards the dance floor. "Pleeaasseeeeee!" Michiru blinked and made a pout. As always she got her young car racer with that begging look. "All right." Sighed Haruka and took the smaller senshi of the wide ocean in her strong arms and rocked her between the other couples to the soft music. "But you've been warned." "Hai..." replied Michiru thoughtful. Quietly they danced. They world seemed to end. Nothing existed but them. And the sweet melody of a waltz that surrounded them. The two outer senshi just danced as if they had never done anything else. As if they were meant to be together. They steps fitted together and not once they stumbled. Like wild wind that seemed to play with the steady waves of the endless sea. Time didn't play a role anymore. It stopped some seconds ago. Or were it hours? Or years? Or even centuries? The other people faded and as longer they danced they forgot them. Tender they hold each other tight. Finally they could leave their problems behind. For those moments that seemed to last for eternity there were no more borders anymore. No more fears. No more doubts. Michiru looked up at the slightly blushed face of Haruka. Here we can talk about everything. In my world of music. The young violinist rose her right hand and touched the soft skin of Haruka's hot cheek. It's our world now. Here we can do whatever we want to do. Here we can even break the silence... "Ruka...?" The young car racer blinked. She didn't even mention that they stopped dancing. They just stood between the still moving couples and looked each other deep into the eyes. Hell, I love you so much. "Hai?" she whispered with a low voice. Hell, I don't want to hurt you! At that moment the music died away and the mystic spell was broken. The other coupled turned towards the musicians and applauded loudly. The ocean dried immediately and the wind was gone one second later. "Ruka, I wanted to talk to you about last night. I didn't sleep and..." Haruka's eyes grew wide with panic as she realized that Michiru knew about the kiss. She shook her head in disbelieve. Then she turned away and ran as fast as she could. Quickly she left the terrace and disappeared between the trees around the small hotel. She didn't even mention that Michiru looked at her with yearning. And not with disgust. "Ruka, you're such a jerk!" she sighed and paid the now cold food. Then she followed her young car racer. "And I've been such a jerk, too. For such a long time..." *** Haruka raced along the stony way if bloodhounds haunted her. She jumped over roots and took two steps at once as she climbed the old staircase that leaded up to the viewpoint she had been with her Michiru. Michi-chan... The young car racer gasped hard for breathe as she walked slowly over the stony underground. The sun set and set the endless sky on fire. The air shimmered and coloured the peaks of the other mountains around in a golden light. Haruka sat down on the place she had kneeled some hours ago. Watching a happy couple. Knowing that their happiness would never be her. Quietly she stared at the burning heaving and forced herself not think about the future. What should she do now? >You lesbian!< she winced as she heard again and again the rude voice in her mind. I can't simply go back. Haruka sighed and remembered her Michiru how she stood in the small lake and laughed happy. How she woke her young car racer up when the train arrived the station. How she cared for her after she returned late at night from the party. Hurt and in pain. Michiru never asked a lot. She seemed to understood her. How she declared desperate that she would never sacrifice me for this bloody mission... Haruka closed her eyes and bowed her head while she clenched her fists. For the last two years I didn't feel so lonely... "Ruka?" The young car racer looked up in surprise as she heard slow footsteps. They stopped next to her. "Hell, you're really fast. I've almost forgotten during the last afternoon." Said Michiru and ran a steady hand through her sea green hair while she watched the sun set. "It's romantic here, isn't it?" she asked after a while and a smile bloomed on her face. Haruka didn't reply anything. She simply didn't know what. So she kept silent and stared asking at the young violinist. Finally Michiru took a deep breathe and turned towards the sitting woman. "Do you love me?" Her voice was soft and clear. Haruka rose her head and swallowed hard. Then she saw the look of Michiru's deep blue eyes. Saw all the tender feelings that laid in it. All the unconditional love... Haruka wanted to say anything but her voice broke. She watched how Michiru went carefully on her knees and made a face as she felt the sore skin. Then she wrapped her arms around Haruka's waist and pulled her closer. "Do you love me?" repeated the young violinist and her lips curved in a tender smile. Haruka couldn't do anything else than nodding. "Then everything's alright. 'Cause I love you too, Ruka." Michiru leaned forward and kissed her strong senshi of the wild wind. Again the world seemed to end. Everything became less important. Now they were left over. As the only survivors of a heavy storm. Shipwrecked on a abandoned isle. Were no youmas existed. No talismans. No fears... >You lesbian!< Haruka's closed eyes flew open and she interrupted the tender kiss immediately. "We can't do this." Declared the young car racer with a strange ton in her voice. "Why not? Didn't you like it?" Michiru grinned and tried to kiss her again but Haruka held her back. She couldn't break her protecting wall as fast as the young violinist. Michiru just needed a reply of her strong feelings. Haruka needed more. "Hai, but..." The young car racer sighed and looked finally up to the endless sky above. "But I am a girl." "Oh, I didn't realize." Mocked Michiru and touched with her right hand Haruka's breasts. "And I thought they were just inflamed." Haruka winced but she didn't turn away. You jerk! That's all you ever wanted! That Michiru would love you! And now you're running away. As always... >You lesbian!< "I..." The young car racer looked up into the still smiling face of the young violinist and automatically reached her hand to touch it. She feels so good. So right. "I... I love you, too." Whispered Haruka finally. She had never thought that it would be so hard to say these few word. And at the same time so easy. "But..." "Why didn't you tell me before?" wanted Michiru to know while she openly enjoyed the soft touches of the taller senshi. "All this time I thought you were just looking for a good friend." Haruka blushed deeply as the smaller hand of Michiru slipped under her wide black shirt and caressed her skin. Immediately she started to freeze although it was very warm at the dying summer day. The young car racer couldn't oppress a groan and closed her eyes to concentrate on the tender touch. Of feelings she never felt before. She thought she would never experience. This must be a dream... Please, don't let me ever wake up again! "I've always wanted you to be so much more for me, Ruka. But you've been always so reserved. You looked so strong that I thought you wouldn't need me. You were so independent. I thought you would never stay after the mission." Michiru smiled as she saw the reactions of the her taller senshi. "I had been scared of what you would think when I'd told you that I want you to be my lover." Haruka opened her eyes. Then she took the senshi of the wide ocean carefully in her suddenly trembling arms and hold her tight for a long while. She could feel how Michiru returned her embracement. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you so much! But... >You lesbian!< The young car racer swallowed and automatically squeezed the smaller woman a little bit harder. "I..." She took a deep breathe while she looked into the flames of the burning heaven. "I don't want you to be called a lesbian." Haruka finally said in such a quite voice Michiru almost missed the words. She rose her head and took the hot face of the young car racer thoughtful in her hands. Ami had been right... She forced successful Haruka to look into her deep eyes. I want to drown in them. To be lost in this depth. And to be found by my beautiful Michi-chan. "Hey, I've been called worse things. Remember of ignorant rich brat. Or insensible, brutal thief. I have to live with Sailor Moon's worried face after every battle. And I have to live with the fear who will be the next person. Maybe it'll be Ami or Rei. I went through hell as the youma got Usagi's heart and we didn't know if she had a talisman or not." Serious shinning blue eyes looked determined into startled green ones. "And it drives me crazy to know that I could sacrifice you for the mission and to know at the same time that I am not able to. These are real problems, Ruka. Besides them calling a lesbian is not so important. Hey, my sweet tomboy. We have to save the world. Maybe our next day will be our last one. Why should we go waste it?" "I just want you to be happy." Michiru's smile grew wide as she heard the silent declaration of her Ruka. That's the true reason why you didn't tell me, isn't it? And I've been to scared to break the silence. To scared of losing you. At the same time I didn't realize that you've been scared, too. "Don't worry. I am happy as long as you're with me." Haruka sighed but a honest smile appeared on her still blushed face. "It's alike what I say, isn't it? I won't convince you." But Haruka knew that she could never let her Michiru go. Not after she knew the truth. "About what, Ruka? That we have no right to love each other? Forget it! No one has the right to decide about one's life or one's decision. And I've decided to love you a long time ago. Now that I know that you return my feelings I won't just let you get like this!" Michiru leaned forward and gave her young car racer a short kiss on the soft lips. "Accept it, Ruka. Maybe it's karma." Haruka grinned and the evening wind played with her short blonde hair. A tomboy expression returned on her now lucky shinning face. "Hai, Michi-chan. You just don't know what pact you just made. I am not so easy to handle as Mamoru." Michiru looked at her for some seconds than she burst out into laughter. "I am so lucky!" she laughed and covered Haruka's face with small kisses. "Cause I love you the way you are." "But never regret it." Michiru just kissed her senshi of the wind tender. Haruka pulled her young violinist closer and returned the sweet kiss with all her love. >You...< Suddenly Haruka could forget the rude words of the man. The free wind took them away like a light breeze and they died away in the rushes of the leaves that resembled the steady waves of the endless ocean. Never regret it... They both know that they would never. Silently they gave each other this promise. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- epilogue: it doesn't matter Motionless she stood on the empty stage. Her eyes were closed and her fingers seemed to fly weightless over the instrument. They never missed a single note. The melody filled the evening air. The music was as fantastic as it had been on every concert she had given since she had been eight years old. But this time the character changed. Now the melody was more tender. Happier. Really free... Warm summer wind played with her sea green hair and the long blue evening dress she was wearing. Barefoot she stood on the huge stage and didn't seem to realize anything else than her own world of music. Suddenly she opened her blue eyes and searched the lines of the audience in front of her. She smiled tender as she found the person she loved more than anything else. The melody got a little bit dreamy and as she closed her eyes again she took her lover with her into her world. Into their world. "That's been really fantastic." Declared Ami and dried her wet cheeks. Normally she wasn't very touched by music but the last song had been the best love song she had ever heard. It showed so deep feelings. Real love. Unconditional trust. "Hai." Admitted Haruka quietly as the audience applauded delighted. "Arigato, Haruka. It's nice of you to take me with you to her concert. You know I always wanted to hear her play." The young car racer looked into the happy face of the girl and took the bunch of flowers she brought this afternoon. "We have to thank you that you really came." Ami observed the flowers and her lips curved in a happy smile. "Just go, Haruka. I want to risk a look at the music encyclopedia they sell over there." She pointed to the other side of the meadow and quickly disappeared between the busy people. "Just gimme five more minutes." Haruka could hear the girl and smiled because she knew that five minutes would never be enough for the small bookworm. The young car racer turned away and went over behind the stage. Michiru stood next to a table and took her violin carefully into it's case. Haruka waited until the instrument was save then she embraced her lover from behind and swirled around with her. Michiru screamed then she started to laugh. "Let me down. Ruka!" She said and her eyes shimmered happy. "If that's your wish..." Haruka let the smaller senshi down but instead of letting her go she pulled her nearer and gave her a long and loving kiss which Michiru returned immediately. "Michi-chan, you played fantastic!" declared Haruka and blushed deeply. Although they declared their love to each other it was still very hard for the taller woman to show her feelings open. Even to her lover. "Arigato, Ruka. Did you like the last song?" "Like? I love it. It's been so..." Haruka searched helpless for the right words. "It's been so touching. Ami even cried and I..." She sighed and smiled tender on the younger woman in her arms. "I've never heard such a happy melody from you violin." "It's my love song for you." Giggled Michiru but her eyes were very serious. "I love you." Said the young violinist and stared straight into dark green eyes she loved so much. Haruka blushed even more. Then she kissed her Michiru again. It was still very hard for her to say those simple words. But when she kissed her the young violinist knew that her feelings were returned. We don't need much words. Michiru felt how Haruka pulled her closer and kissed her more passionately. Her lips curved in a smile as she pulled her Ruka closer. I love you, Michi-chan. I am so glad we've finally broke the silence. Silently they hold each other tight. Kissing. Loving. Knowing that the other would be there forever. Even if forever would end tomorrow by the attack of a youma or by a victim who really owned one talisman. They returned from her holidays two weeks ago. The few days up in the mountains were the best ones of their lives. And after they went home they realized that every day could be special if they made it so. They were happy with each other. As happy as they had never been before. "May I got an autograph...?" The voice died away as the old man came nearer and saw the kissing couple. "Gomen. I didn't want to..." The man stopped as Haruka stepped back and turned towards the violin. But she hadn't been fast enough. He could see her female outlines, because the shirt of her tuxedo was very narrow. To narrow to hide herself behind it. He first looked at the young car racer than at the young violinist and Michiru could see how Haruka automatically clenched her fists. "Do you want an autograph?" asked Michiru politely but at the same second she knew that the old man didn't want it any loner. He stared at her with the look Haruka hated so much. "You pervert!" he declared and threw the CD he hold in his trembling hands to the ground. It cracked as the cover broke. Haruka spun around and stepped protective before the smaller woman. Her eyes shone angry and she didn't left any doubts that she would beat him if I tried to hurt her Michiru. The man watched Haruka estimate. Then he turned around and went away very quickly. For a while they both kept silent. Finally Michiru took the broken CD in her hands and watched at the crumbled picture of the wide ocean. She made it some years ago when she wanted to explain her feelings with her music. Because she couldn't explain them by words. Until now. "Gomen..." said Haruka finally and ran thoughtfully a trembling hand through her short blonde hair. "It doesn't matter, Ruka. Really." Replied Michiru and took the flowers that laid now on the table. "As long as we're together." Michiru smelled at the flowers and a smile appeared on her face. "As long as we're happy." She rose her head. "White roses. My favourite flowers. They're beautiful, Ruka." Haruka turned around and leaned forward. For some moments she just looked deep into deep blue eyes she loved so much. "You're beautiful." Again she took her smaller senshi into her strong arms. "Where did we stop?" Michiru returned her grin and kissed away all of Haruka's doubts. *** "Can...can we go home? ... now?" Ami stared with a red head down on her shoes. She was really embarrassed. "Be... because it's past ten and my mother is so soon worried when I am too late." Blue and green eyes looked startled at the girl with the school uniform that hold tight a thick book in her hands. What will she think about us? Will we lose her because of our feelings? Will we lose the friendship we've got with her and the other girls? Ami finally rose her head and they watched each other in silence. The senshi of the water could feel the unsafeness of the other two. And she could feel at the same time the happiness. She remembered at the quiet Michiru who sat in her kitchen that rainy night. Ami still saw the sad expression on the young violinist's face. And she remembered to well the reaction of Haruka after the fight with the rude man. Although she tried hard to hide it. Ami still heard the soft melodies of the violin that touched her heart in such a deep way that she had to cry. Because I suddenly felt so happy and didn't know why. The young girl looked from one woman to the other. They're still the same. Good friends. And for the first time I know them they seem to be really happy. Ami grabbed with each hand one of Haruka and one of Michiru and pulled them towards the silver Ferrari that was parked near the huge park or the green oasis as the people of Tokyo called it. "You're enviable." She whispered almost inaudible. Then she turned around and smiled confident in the other's still surprised faces. "Bye the way, I've found a really nice encyclopedia." She declared and giggled as she pointed at the thick book under her right arm. A smile evolved on Michiru's still pale face. "Just one?" she mocked and could see the relieved expression in Haruka's green eyes, could hear her silent voice. "Arigato, Ami." Yes, it didn't matter. As long as they had such understanding friends. Haruka and Michiru looked each other deep into the eyes and smiled confident. Yes, they could live with the ignorant glances and bad shouting of old silly men. They could live with the fear of sacrificing one person for six millions. They could live with the knowledge that every day could be their last one. It didn't matter. As long as we have each other. Both watched how Ami opened the book and showed some nice pictures of old musicians to them. A happy expression laid on her young face and her light blue eyes shone lucky as she explained something laughing. As long as there's a ray of hope. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- finished 21.06.2000 Please, don't blame me that Haruka and Michiru needed two years to find their love. Sometimes it takes more than a few moments to break the silence and some people won't ever be able to break it at all. I know how hard it is to talk about love. Especially when you don't know if your love will be returned. But I have to tell you that it's worth it. If the person loves you too you'll be very happy (maybe for the rest of your live) and if he or she doesn't then your doubts will be over at last. This short story is for Markus. I hope that you'll discover one day that gay people are as normal as the rest of us. Or at least just shut up! If you don't have to say anything nice keep silent. No one wants to hear your big words with no content! This short story is for Sylvia who found her prince. I love you very much, sister. And I hope you'll be happy for the rest of your life. But when I look into your shinning eyes I know you will. And this short story is also for Swen. Don't give up. One day you'll find the right girl!
Back to Break the Silence Index - Back to Sailor Moon Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction