Beauty in the Moonlight
Author's Notes: Based on the Sailor Moon anime, seeing that I have never
laid eyes on the manga. Events portrayed in this fic take place directly
after episode 101 and 102 of Sailor Moon Super (the episodes where
Usagi's pure heart crystal is stolen). There will be Haruka/Michiru - of
course, and Haruka/Usagi - unrequited. Besides that mentions of
Kaorinite and Sailor Jupiter will occur.
Prompt: Quiet, 10lilies on LJ.
Even though Haruka liked giving in to the speed in her blood and letting
the rush of air around her take away her worries, if only for the
moment, she knew there were problems she couldn't solve by letting her
element sweep them away. In the end, the wind was an unpredictable
partner and had the unfortunate tendency of turning against you when you
least expected it, bringing every leaf of trouble with it. Yes, she did
like the roar of her car engine when accelerating and the growl of her
bike when she let it loose in a curve, but there was something about the
quiet of night that had always comforted her when her mind was rustling
with thoughts like it was now.
The living room was left in darkness around her, the faint moon outside
the enormous window the only source of illumination. From where Haruka
was sitting on the windowsill the lights from the city beneath her were
easy to ignore – and if she raised her gaze just so, leaning her head
back against the window frame and pushing herself off the windowsill a
couple of inches, it almost felt as if she was floating among the stars
up there. Sighing, she eased back against the wall, stretching out her
long legs, naked skin gleaming in the moonlight. Her alter ego might be
Mistress of the Winds, but at times like this Haruka longed for the
ability to fly – sprout wings and forget the day Newton discovered
gravity.
More than anything, however, she wished that it wasn't so hard for her
to ignore her emotions and simply do what was her duty. Back when
Michiru had saved her from the monster that should prove to be the key
to her new life, Haruka had been ready to stand up for the boy within
the beast – convinced that the means could never justify the measures.
Murder was murder, no matter what; an excuse good enough for killing
didn't exist. That was what she had believed then... before Michiru had
sacrificed herself in order to keep Haruka out of harm's way.
In the best interest of the majority, a few individuals would have to
pay with their lives. It was that simple, really. Haruka had learned her
lesson by now.
Except... it had got a little – no, a lot – more complicated after
Odango Atama entered the scene....
Gritting her teeth, Haruka turned her head to watch the red and white
lights of the cars moving like fireflies back and forth on the dim roads
below, their glow reflected in the glass of the window like droplets of
radiance. A simple trick of the eye.
She had been so careful to keep her heart out of this; only ever relying
on Neptune because she was bearing the same burden upon her shoulders –
neither of them could lose any more than what they had already given up
on to follow their calling; both aware of the dangers of their mission.
Being with Michiru, loving Michiru, was safe, because their destinies
were already entwined.
Tsukino Usagi was another matter entirely. Tsukino Usagi was everything
Haruka was not supposed to be distracted by at this point in time;
everything she was not supposed to find appealing or attractive. Yet,
there was something in the girl's eyes; in her voice when she had talked
directly to Haruka's heart from the backseat of her car about the people
she was stepping on when trying to complete her task... there was
something about her beaming smiles and her ridiculous buns that had
succeeded in edging its way through all of Haruka's defences.
"Shimatta," Haruka hissed, mentally scolding herself as she pressed her
burning forehead against the cool window, Odango's blushing cheeks
flaming behind her closed eyelids; her shrill voice as she made her
little speech echoing in the silence of Michiru's and hers apartment.
"Get out of my head, kitten..."
The words were merely a whisper, but just saying them out loud was a
crime, Haruka knew. She had to stay focused; she had to remember to whom
she owed her loyalty.... The Talismans. The Grail. The Messiah. She
needed to find the Messiah before she could let anyone but Michiru into
her heart. She couldn't afford to fail.
But she already had....
Today... Today had been her final exam – her graduation project; her
chance of showing herself that she could do this without stumbling in
her pace – and Haruka had failed. Her heart had fought her body too
hard, forcing her to use far too much energy on staying where she was
without blowing the Daimon to pieces for daring to lay hands on Usagi.
That was the true reason why she had ended up hurting her shoulder – she
had faltered, only because Sailor Moon for a second reminded her of
Odango. It was unforgivable, reprehensible and uncalled-for. Haruka had
no excuse for saving those pathetic girls from their demise. None.
Except for the fact that for one fleeting moment, Sailor Moon had looked
just like Tsukino Usagi with her desperate, white face and too brave
eyes....
Uttering an angry sound, Haruka curled her right hand into a fist,
hitting it against the pane underneath her over and over, the dull
sounds of the blows disappearing in the quietness of the room like snow
melting on the spring-warm ground. It hurt, but not as much as knowing
that she had let herself down along with her assignment, Michiru and
everything else she had been entrusted with after awakening as Sailor
Uranus. For the gentle smile of some cute girl, she had forgotten her
true objective. It was intolerable.
"Yamete," a soft voice said; a pair of cool hands grabbing hold of
Haruka's arm as she was about to hit her fist against the windowsill
again. "Sometimes you're too hard on yourself, Haruka." Michiru's tone
was neither scolding as it had been after her clash with Sailor Jupiter
nor did it hold the teasing note it had done as she helped Haruka down
the stairs of Tokyo Tower mere hours ago; after Kaorinite had ended up
as the target of her own attack. Instead it was filled with a calm
understanding that did not make Haruka feel better – if anything it only
made her feel even more blameworthy.
"I would have hated the Messiah if her pure heart's crystal had turned
out to be a Talisman," Haruka told Michiru in a low voice, filled with
shame, careful not to look at her. Living your life by leaving someone
behind – stepping on someone else – didn't feel as heroic as she had
once convinced herself that it was. To be honest, it felt dirty.
Usagi-chan's words about joining forces had spoken to the part of Haruka
who had yelled at Sailor Neptune that the monster she was fighting had
been a normal boy only a few minutes prior to the attack; the part of
Haruka which ached every time the word sacrifice came over her lips.
Groaning almost inaudibly, she hugged her knees to her chest, hiding her
face in the crook of her arm.
Making a tender sound in the back of her throat, much like the sounds
Haruka had heard her producing when one of the children in her art class
fell and bruised a knee – as if she was speaking to a hurt deer or a
kicked puppy – Michiru caressed the side of Haruka's face gently.
Fingers running through Haruka's dirty blonde hair in a soothing manner,
she pressed herself against Haruka's side, the thin fabric of her night
gown making the skin on her arm tickle.
So typically Michiru this was; always accepting, always indulgent of all
Haruka's moods if she could feel that Haruka didn't have the energy for
a discussion. Had it been anyone else, she would have felt annoyed by
it, but with Michiru it was hard staying angry if they weren't exactly
on the brink of one of their rows.
It wasn't because Michiru would take everything from her, Haruka knew –
on the contrary, she hated patronizing just as much as being patronized
and drew the line when she felt it was necessary; with Haruka's
flirting, with Haruka's attitude, with everything Haruka, really.
Nevertheless, Michiru had a good intuition and often seemed to
instinctively know what people around her needed, especially when it
came to her tomboyish lover.
"You would have taken the crystal of her heart, had it been required of
you," Michiru reminded her, "and that's what is important. You would
have ignored your feelings and accomplished your mission, if it had been
necessary." Her fingers never stopped their movement through Haruka's
hair; pushing her bangs away from her face again and again in comforting
little touches of fingertips against her cool skin.
Haruka squeezed her eyes shut and moved her arm to lean her head against
the soft curve of Michiru's breasts. She knew it was true – she knew
Michiru was right, as she so often was, but it didn't make her hate what
she had done any less. Was it supposed to comfort her, the fact that she
would have let Usagi die to get hold of the Grail? Was it supposed to
make her feel justified?
An innocent. That was what Odango Atama was; that was what Haruka was so
attracted to about her... her purity. She would never be able to
understand the difficulties of Sailor Uranus' mission or the conflict of
emotions it led to within Haruka's soul. No, Odango thought everything
could be solved with love and peace and good intentions, but Haruka was
too old – too much of a soldier – to believe in that anymore.
God, how she wanted to believe in it... how she wanted to have that kind
of conviction....
Losing your faith was the hardest part of growing up.
Letting her arms come up to encircle Michiru's waist, she pulled the
other girl closer, feeling Michiru take a tentative step forward as
Haruka twisted her own body to hide her face at her neck; the familiar,
reassuring scent of Michiru embracing her in much the same way as
Michiru's hands resting on her shoulders did, straying from time to time
to stroke her back through the tank-top Haruka normally wore at night.
Odango with all her inexperience and childhood beliefs was a temptation
– an unpolished diamond placed in front of Haruka to blind her when the
sunlight made it shine like crystallized water; Sailor Neptune and
Talismans forgotten in its brightness. Still, she was only a gem. Haruka
could deal with gems.... She had to, because faith alone wouldn't win a
battle. To come out victorious, it would take action and, despite her
unwillingness, sacrifices. These were the unchangeable aspects of war.
Feeling Michiru step back, Haruka finally opened her eyes to face her
partner. Outside, the morning was creeping through the darkness and
silence of night, the pale pink blush of the sunset casting shadows on
Michiru's face and down her body like a puzzle of shadow and light. In
the dim glow of dawn, Michiru's eyes had the same colour as the ocean at
night, so dark blue that they almost seemed blackish, softened by the
small smile curling on her lips.
Michiru was striking in her beauty – more valuable than any gemstone in
the world and Haruka appreciated it, knowing that things around them
could change all they wanted, Michiru would stay by her side, just like
the sea would always stay near the sky in the horizon.
In daylight doubt was easier to close your eyes to. Luckily.
"Gomen," Haruka apologised, sitting up straighter, the glass of the
window clammy and cold against her bare shoulder as she moved. She tried
with her trademark crooked smile, but knew it didn't reach her eyes. "It
was the moonlight..."
Laughing, Michiru crossed her arms over her chest, her nightdress riding
up her thigh just enough for Haruka to ignore any thoughts of Tsukino
Usagi at the moment. "You can't use that excuse twice, Haruka," Michiru
teased in a voice that was no longer softened by the soul of night and
sympathy for Haruka's inner turmoil. Now a new day would begin. After
sunset they could be Tenoh Haruka and Kaioh Michiru – sixteen year old
girls with all the issues an identity like that resulted in – but during
the sunlit hours, they were Senshi.
Pushing herself off the windowsill and stretching her sore back as she
stood up, Haruka took a deep breath. As long as they stayed here in
Tokyo, as long as they attended Mugen Gakuen and kept up the façade of a
normal pair of young Japanese women – to whatever extend they could –
this was the double-life she had to live. Fighting and battling her
conscience every time a struggle ended. Until it was all over.
And maybe when it was, Haruka thought to herself, closing her eyes for a
brief moment... Maybe then she could allow herself to be warmed by the
light she felt surrounding Tsukino Usagi.
Until then, though....
Blinking as she heard the sound of footsteps – bare feet against the
floor, three soft steps before silence indicated a halt – Haruka opened
her eyes to find herself face to face with Michiru, her arms now by her
sides and her eyes the same colour as the sea on a day when it reflected
the colour of the sky above. Cocking her head, Michiru reached out and
took her hand, their fingers interlacing in the easy way that came with
the kind of relationship they shared – long evenings on the couch,
talking; followed by even longer, quiet nights in a bed that was
probably not quite big enough for two people.
Haruka was well aware of the fact that when it came to her partner in
crime, she couldn't hide anything; especially not when Michiru was
seeking answers as she did in this moment, all her attention focused on
Haruka's face – on her uneasy features; forehead creasing in a frown,
lips pressed together in a taut line. Any mask Haruka might have tried
hiding behind wouldn't have survived those eyes.
Michiru pursed her own lips as if she saw something on Haruka's face
that confirmed her thoughts and then nodded, refraining from saying
anything but: "Look out the window, Haruka", making Haruka wonder for a
moment what she felt when it came to Odango. Did she feel the same
warmth about her as Haruka did? After all, between the two of them
Michiru was the one with a streak of psychic powers.... Not Haruka;
however much she was able to vaguely sense and foretell in her frequent,
nightly returns to her castle of the heavens from once upon a peaceful
kingdom.
As Michiru had told her to, Haruka turned around towards the window
again, not entirely sure what she was supposed to see in the scenario
before her, but eyes still following the waves of sunlight that now
began to break against the facades of the skyscrapers and run through
the streets like golden liquid.
"You have a kind heart, koi, I know..." Michiru whispered in her ear,
pressing herself against Haruka's back and leaning up on her toes to
rest her chin on Haruka's shoulder – the left, because her right
shoulder was still swollen and painful from the cut she had received
during her little tête-à-tête with Kaorinite. "Therefore, never forget
that it's a beautiful world you're trying to save, doing what you have
to do – what only you can do."
The words made Haruka recall the first time she met Usagi-chan and that
other girl... Minako-chan, was it? They had asked what her dream was now
when it wasn't becoming a famous racer. "Doing something only I can do,"
she had told them, Michiru having grabbed hold of her hand in empathy –
like Michiru always did, because she had been with Haruka from the
start, recognising the self-control Haruka had to muster not to break
their sacred promise.
Staring unseeingly at the sun rising over the city like a ripe orange,
caught up in the feeling of Michiru's gentle presence and an image
coming to mind; an echo of Usagi as she had opened her eyes to look up
at Sailor Uranus, asking if they had really saved her, Haruka suddenly
remembered that Usagi hadn't been the bearer of a Talisman. She was
still an innocent; still untouched by the war Haruka and Michiru were
trying to win. They hadn't found their sacrifice yet, but it wasn't
Tsukino Usagi and to Haruka that was a relief.
"Something only I can do," she repeated, feeling Michiru's smile rather
then seeing it out the corner of her eye. The sun hung between two
building tops, its glow having turned white instead of golden, heralding
the approaching noon; the shine of the moon a faint silhouette in
comparison. The time of the moon would return, but for now Haruka had to
spend her days on finding a way to rescue everything she had come to
believe in.
For Odango Atama-chan's sake as well, because Usagi possessed the beauty
of the moon and the quiet strength of the night when the wind was lulled
to sleep.
Perhaps faith wasn't completely lost to Haruka after all, because –
indeed – the world before her was beautiful, but this blonde girl with
her blue eyes and cute hairwas as well, and Haruka would keep that in
mind as she searched for the Grail.
"Don't make me feel jealous, Tenoh Haruka," Michiru murmured, her arms
tightening around Haruka's waist as if she was afraid she would run
towards freedom in case she were to let go. Normally Michiru tolerated
Haruka's soft spot for pretty girls, but just as well as Haruka knew
that it was different when it came to Tsukino Usagi, so did Michiru.
Reaching down to cover Michiru's hands with her own, Haruka withheld a
reply to remind the Senshi of the Sea that nothing in this world could
keep the wind prisoner when it decided to blow freely... but even when
it did, even when it ran along foreign coasts and coached the kites of
little girls towards the sky, it still carried the scent of the ocean to
which it would always return. In the end.
Usagi was a brilliant pearl – a priceless diamond, even.... but Haruka
had never used jewellery for other purposes than to feel a short
moment's awe and admiration. The wind was unpredictable, yes, but not
unfaithful.
"If you didn't know me better... ne?" responded Haruka, her smile
returning and this time it felt genuine. Michiru relaxed against her
back, sighing softly.
"Yes, if I didn't know you better..." she said.
The silence that fell between them held promises neither needed to
express.
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