In the meadow of sinful thoughts, Every flower's a perfect one ... Desire within, desire within, Fall in love with your deep dark sin I am the Fallen You are what my sins enclose Lust is not as creative As its discovery. ... God I must confess I do envy the sinners. - "She Is My Sin" by Nightwish "Good job, she looks perfect." Jen resisted the urge to shiver at the husky purr in her ear. She bit her lip, feeling her desire for the woman grow and storm through her veins. She took a deep breath before turning, finding a pair of amused lavender eyes focused on her. "Thanks," the stylist replied, trying to act nonchalant as usual. She knew she was failing miserably. Rei leaned against the table, placing a hand on her hip. She could feel the other woman's eyes on her, raking over her body... taking in every curve and every inch of skin... imagining what it would be like to have her... The publicist smirked, trailing a hand down her side slowly. She watched as Jen swallowed, her green eyes dark with lust. "Well, I can't keep you on as her permanent stylist, I'm afraid." "Pity," Jen said distractedly. Rei forced herself to frown when she realized where the stylist's eyes were, trying to hide her amusement. She cleared her throat. "I take it you like my breasts since you're staring." The stylist coughed, looking up quickly at the woman's face. She tried to come up with an excuse as to why she was intently staring at the publicist's bosom. But screw it, it was time to stop dancing around the subject and just get to it. "They are very nice." Rei felt a smirk stretch her lips. That's it, time for the game to really start. "You think so? "I'd be a fool not to." "Why don't you take me to dinner then?" Jen stared at the woman before smiling smugly. "That, Miss Hino, I can do." Jen felt nervous. It was strange feeling this way before a date. She hadn't felt nervous since... since... well, since Minako. But Rei Hino wasn't Minako. Well, she kind of was... Okay, okay, she was losing it. Rei Hino was just another woman, right? Like the ones she's dated before and taken to bed. She wasn't anyone special. Jen sighed. She must be out of her mind to even think that. Rei Hino was... was... She was something else, was the only thing she could think of to say. She was a lot like Minako, they both defied definition. There was something about the both of them that made her heart race, made her feel like... like she was in the presence of greatness. It was stupid, and she knew it. They were both normal women, charismatic and extremely beautiful, yes, but simple humans. It wasn't like they were goddesses or something, though they looked it. And if anything, she's dated Minako Aino for crying out loud. Rei Hino shouldn't make her anxious like this! With a renewed sense of purpose and confidence, Jen walked out of the hotel room. Utena sighed as she sipped her wine, waiting, ah... "patiently" for her companion to arrive. She idly allowed her mind to wander, Rei wouldn't be there for another ten minutes at the least. This new development between her favorite and the stylist was... troubling. Rei was digging herself a nice little grave and Jen was burying her, though neither of them knew it. Once Minako got wind of it, as surely she will, all Hell was sure to break loose. She vaguely wondered if that's what the miko was going for. Probably not, well, consciously at least. But underneath those lavender eyes... who the hell knew what she wanted to do? "Damnit, can't anything be easy?" "Of course not." Utena looked up to see Rei easing herself into the seat across from her. A waiter took her coat then handed her a menu. "Sorry I'm late." "I'm used to it." The miko smiled sheepishly as she browsed the menu. "I talked to O'Reilly today." "Oh?" Utena placed her order then looked at the younger woman, watching her as she ordered. When the waiter left, the miko looked at her superior and friend with an unreadable look. "She says everything's going smoothly. They're scheduled to head back the day after tomorrow." "Have arrangements been made?" "Everything's ready. A limo's picking them up then taking them to the hotel. Siren won't know a thing." "Good, I don't think I have to tell you how important this is?" Utena watched as the light from the candles made Rei's features soften to suit the darkening of her eyes. It was in that moment that the woman knew what desperation and pain looked like. The miko's voice held none of her usual confidence, just a hint of bitterness. "You have no idea..." Minako ignored the flashes and the microphones being shoved in her face from all directions. Her sunglasses shielded the world from her smoldering blue gaze as she walked into her hotel. The staff rushed out to help with crowd control as she felt her own staff flank her. But even if they didn't, what did she have to fear? She was immortal, or something close to it. Years would pass and those around her right now, from the vibrant Mei to the charming Patrick will grow old and die. But not her, she will remain young and beautiful until the day Fate decides she has paid her dues. Until she can be relieved of her burden. Sometimes she wondered why she bothers. All this fame, money and power, what good will it do her in the long run? She'll still watch as power drains from Babs' eyes and youth leave Jen. And she'll be alone... No, not alone. The others will be there... the ones she had abandoned. Did she even have a place with them anymore? Other than the destiny they shared? The destiny she so desperately tried to escape? Humans are so... how can she even try to put human nature into words? It was a powerful force in itself: flawed, unpredictable and surprisingly resilient. We've evolved past that point of being an animal, so they say, but we are but a more "civilized" shadow of our ancestors and all their "primal" instincts. They had left us with the best inheritance of all... the will to survive. But to survive for what? Everyone had these grandiose ideas of what they live for: family, friends... love. But that's all bullshit. We survive for the sake of survival alone. That primal desire to crawl to the top, and destroy anything and anyone that got in the way. But once you're up there... what's left? You'd abandoned everything and everyone... now it's just you... at the top of this mighty mountain with others constantly trying to bring you down. But you still fight, still desire to preserve what you have. Congratulations, Minako, you've made it. But it's so lonely at the top isn't it? "Well, I think that went well." The blonde turned to Babs, shedding her coat and tossing it onto the couch. She took the glass Patrick offered her and walked over to the windows. "By tomorrow it'll be all over the papers you know, that we broke with Siren. Hell, it'll probably be in the news tonight even. I'm not expecting much backlash... it's all business after all." Minako gave a distracted hum for an answer. Babs frowned, but pressed on. "Our lawyers are meeting with Siren's as we speak, to make sure they don't take any legal action, since we didn't break the contract. What we're doing is perfectly within the stipulations-" "Barbara, I'm on your side remember? I already know all this," Minako said simply. "All right, Minako, what's got you so..." "Gloomy and yucky," Mei supplied. "... gloomy and- Mei!" The hairstylist giggled when Babs glared at her indignantly. The humor seemed lost on the star, who continued her inspection of the city. "I'm fine," was the response. "Bull monkey," Mei protested. "You've been off since we got back here. Do you wanna leave again?" "No," Minako said quickly. She downed her drink, turning and plastering on a smile, one she knew fooled no one. But she had to try. "I'm fine. Just some... well, it's just stress." "We should go out, relax, ya know?" Babs rolled her eyes, giving Mei a look. "That's what we've been doing for the past two weeks." "Not all of us," Pat mumbled, staring at Minako in concern. "No, I just need some time to think... to write, really." "All right... call us if you need anything..." Babs reminded. "Well, except Jen." Minako turned back to the window quickly to hide her white knuckles and her clenched jaw. Not trusting herself to speak, she simply nodded. Barbara sighed softly as she motioned for Patrick and Mei to follow her out. She took one last look at her client before closing the door. But the star didn't notice their departure. She was trying to calm her hammering heart. The blood rushing to her ears was deafening and all she could hear was the roar... from where though? Her heart? Her head? She felt her emotions rise, bubbling in a foaming mess. She couldn't identify them anymore, just feel them as they threatened to overpower and drown her. The thought of Jen's hands on her, her lips on hers, her eyes watching her, her thoughts filled with her... it made her sick to her stomach. Anger stormed to the surface, suppressing everything else she felt. It consumed her, causing each cell to scream... how dare she? How dare that little wretch touch the angel? Minako took a deep breath to calm herself, to push the raging demon back down. It was all about control, all about being in control. Of everything, her feelings and her life. But she had no control over this. She, Minako Aino, had to watch as her former lovers shared a kiss... her Rei... share a kiss... But she had no right to say anything, not a single fucking right. Rei was going out with Jen, fucking her, whatever the hell they were doing. And she could only sit by and listen as her stylist talked on and on about how wonderful the dates were. How good her woman was in bed. When they'd both stumble into the door, the way Rei's hair would be a mess since they came so close to just screwing in the taxi. They'd rip each other's clothes off the second the elevator doors closed. Rei would never appear improper in front of the hotel staff, of course. She was Rei Hino, daughter of Senator Hino, after all. She was the modern day aristocrat, beautiful, polite and well-bred. So to be anything less than... damn perfect in front of the public, even if it was one stinking bellboy, was out of the question. So, she'd wait. Because that's Rei Hino for you. She'd wait until no one was damn looking before she'd push Jen against the wall. She was strong, so much stronger than people thought. All that curve and softness hid the strength, the rage, the passion. A fire, that's what she was, burning like a damn forest fire, consuming everything and leaving behind absolute destruction as she passed through you. You can never forget those lips on you, on your skin. Caressing. Bruising. Your body was her temple, her sacred shrine. The way her eyes raked over you made you feel like a fucking goddess, like you were the only thing she wanted. You were her world, her center, her grace and her damnation. You were her everything for that damns couple of moments, when she'd stop the kisses, when her hands would stay still. And she would look at you, damnit just look at you. And it was like she fucking saw through you. Through the damn masks and the acting and saw you. Whatever you thought you'd hid so well. Whoever you thought you hid so well. Damnit, she saw things you didn't even know existed. She created a new essence inside of you that filled you utterly, invaded every cell and every thought you were having, had ever had and will ever have. She remade you however she damn well wanted, and you fucking love it. It was exciting and down right terrifying. But that was okay. Because she was kissing you again, ripping your clothes off to get closer to you, to get inside of you, under you damn skin and rip every single thought and everything rational and logical from your mind until all that was left was your body and your senses. Your heightened senses that took in her smell, your own smell and the smell of the freshly washed sheets you'd changed just for that night. You were her world and damnit, you both knew she was yours. She was the only thing on your mind, the mind that normally screamed for peace now begging you to give into this woman that treated your body like her temple. Yet she ravaged it like an animal, destroying everything you thought holy and remaking it her own way. You became her puppet, she made you sing and scream and cry. She made you happy and needy and angry. She made you whatever the hell she wanted to make you, the damn things you hated feeling and being. And the fucking woman made you love it. Made you love yourself, your disgusting, pitiful, flawed and fucked up self. She made you her goddess, the center of her passion and her anger and her uncontrolled power. The she gave you power over her because you surrendered yourself to her. Because to have power over that raging beast of a woman was not to control her. Fuck no, no one can control her. The very thought was preposterous. Control that primal, raw force that ravished your body, bruised your skin and ripped out your soul before putting it back in, better than before? No, to control her was to get her to that point, across that ridiculous line she promised she will never cross. You became that line, you made her cross it and become you, become a part of you. Become that raw entity that pinned you against the wall and ripped savagely into your skin with her teeth. Left marks that told you both that she had had you, made you hers and her yours because you made her lose control. That's right, you made that proper, well-raised daddy's girl lose it. Lose herself and her fucking mind with the feel of your skin, with the way your eyes raked down her form, wanting nothing more than to rip off the damn blouse getting in the way as you stumble into your bedroom. Fuck the bedroom, any flat surface will do. All you made her know was the need, the damn need that released that beast that lurked behind those eyes of hers. And then you had her, had the fire and the rage. She burned through you like you were nothing more than food for that unbridled flame, and you liked it. That's right, you liked how she made you feel like nothing at all but her whole fucking world at the same time. Because she wanted- needed- you enough to lose it all and give in. And the more you fed her, the more she tore through your body, bruising, biting and making you bleed like you were nothing more than a toy for her, and the more you needed her. The better you felt, to possess this beautiful woman, this beautiful animal. This primal force that you've feared all your damn life, the curiosity that is as much a part of your humanity as the overwhelming desire to hide it behind the thin veil of "civilization" and "morality." You understand, finally, what it means to love fire. The thrill pyromaniacs feel when they see that first, insignificant spark that transforms into a living, breathing element of utter destruction. It leaves in its wake nothing and rebirth all at the same damn time. And now you had that making its way through your body, your mind- fuck it- your very soul. You had touched something so holy that it's called the evil of society itself. She was your sin, she freed you of all your sins and she left more in her wake. But those sins were okay, because they were the sins that we were all born with. She burned away the real sin, society and the imprints it left on you with its lofty ideas of "righteousness" and "morality." And she left what's always been there, desire, power and ultimately humanity. And now Jen had that. Held that beautiful sin in her hands, that sin burned in her body. And Minako had no right to fucking say anything. No right to fucking sin anymore because she had purified herself of that. Of that... "disgusting" primal power. Yet the only thing she wanted now was to sin again. Her soul depended on it. Rei slipped from the arms that held her, sliding from between those silk sheets that caressed her skin. She pulled on a robe lying on the nightstand. How'd it get there? It was there, that's all that mattered anyway. She stood, wrapping her arms around herself as she walked onto the balcony. Her lungs welcomed the crisp night air, as did her mind. The hold of liquor over her was starting to fade and she grappled with her reality. She had slept with her ex's employee and friend. Did it matter? Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. They were once together, but not anymore. And it was just a friend of hers, an employee really. It didn't break any of the "sacred laws of dating" that's been drilled into her by... by Usagi and her ex actually. 'Looks like something they've told me is finally coming in handy.' She was probably wrong, it probably did break some spoken or unspoken rule or something like that. But she couldn't bring herself to care. The sex was fine. It wasn't the best she's ever had, but it wasn't the worse. The thrill? Well, there was one, she just didn't know where it was coming from. Why it was there at all. Perhaps she was mistaken once again and there was no thrill, just the warmth and musk of another human being in bed with her, fucking her. That's all it was, sex. Not love, not making love. She didn't believe in that anymore. A connection of souls, a transcendence to the next level of love? No, those fantasies and dreams were for the young, for the innocent. She was neither now, though her physical envelope was merely twenty something. She'd long ago stopped counting her years. She's lived far more years than that, both in the sense of her past life and in this one alone. She's seen too much to remain in the realm of that gleeful joy and exuberance that youth offered. No, that youth demanded. It was tiring, to be innocent for so long. The sooner a child opened his or her eyes, to use the old cliché, the better. No more dreams, just a bitter yet needed disillusionment. "Getting philosophical already, Hino?" she chided herself with a chuckle, leaning against the railing. "It's a little too early for that, even for the likes of you." She sighed, wondering once again what she was doing with the woman inside. She was attracted to her, yes, but being honest with herself, as she often forced herself to do, she was attracted to the idea that it might piss off Minako. "Well now you're just perpetuating that damn cycle you always hate so much," she said, chuckling as she shook her head. The second Minako shows up and everything she's learned, everything she's sworn to do flies out the window. Perhaps that's what it means to be under someone's spell. What it means to love someone. To be reduced to an idiot. No, even worse, an innocent child. It wasn't that being a child is bad, no, not at all. But to allow yourself to hope, to dream... to dare to wish... ahh, it should be a sin. Humanity's strength, right. More like humanity's curse. Would be so much simpler to just have the will to survive. But the desire to be happy, the desire that bordered insanity and obsession? Just gets you in trouble every time. Whatever she was doing with Jen, she was with her now. At least, in the most basic sense. Neither women wanted this to go any deeper and to have an actual relationship. It's just an attraction, someone to scratch that itch, so to speak. And it just so happens that it's with a person that's close to Minako. Or perhaps it just so happens that a person close to Minako can scratch that itch, but she was far too tired to think about that now. No, this nice little explanation she's set up for herself worked nicely. Ah, self-delusion, it's very handy, and we're all masters of it. Not healthy, of course, and Rei knew that, even in her current state. But it soothed her nerves and calmed her mind. She told herself she'd think about it tomorrow, when the bed wasn't beckoning her. Just a little more hiding, what can it hurt? If it's weird, I apologize. If it's bad, I apologize. If you don't like it... well, for that I don't apologize. I was in a rather... peculiar state of mind while writing most of this, especially Minako's selection. It wasn't in one sitting either, so that'll explain the different styles of narration. Or maybe it's not different and I'm just worrying too much.
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