Tendo Akane wasn't happy. She wasn't happy one bit. First she had been interrupted in her training session, which was her personal way of venting, by Nabiki and her usual smart aleck remarks. And second she had been interrupted for a boy. Now, Akane had nothing against people of the male persuasion. Not in the least. But she had something against boys. Oh yes, she did. Mainly because boys were the cause of almost all of her problems in life. Men on the other hand, she could deal with. She could deal with men rather nicely. But boys? Oh... she hated boys. She hated them with a passion that bordered on near insanity. Anyway, it was the third thing was the current reason for Akane's not happy status. Well, calling her angry would probably be a bit more fitting. Angry... yes, that would do it. Akane was angry. She was angry because of the third thing. The third thing being her father's recent announcement that one of them was to be engaged to a total stranger. A total stranger that happened to be a BOY. Not a man, but a boy. And we know how Akane feels about boys. This leaves us at where we are right now. Akane's anger and her raging temper that is rising to volcanic levels. If you haven't guessed, this isn't a fun place to be as Tendo Soun knows all too well. "Now Akane..." said Soun nervously. "There's nothing to get so upset about. You haven't even met Ranma." "And I don't want to meet him!" Akane replied hotly. "This whole idea is totally idiotic, Dad! And I..." Everyone in the family gazed at Akane's wide eyed expression and finally Nabiki said, "Akane? What is it?" Not replying, Akane merely pointed towards the doorway to the sitting room and following this line of sight to see what Akane did. A large panda standing in front of them along with two girls wearing Chinese clothes. "Hey," the red haired girl greeted them casually. "One of you know Tendo Soun? My Pop's a friend of his." "I'm Tendo Soun," said Soun slowly. "And you are?" "Who? Me?" said the redhead in nonplused tones before she blinked then formed a rather arrogant smile. "I'm Saotome Ranma." The redhead paused and in afterthought she introduced her friend, "And this is Shampoo." "Nihao," the lavender haired girl said cheerfully. "Her name is what?" asked Nabiki skeptically. "My name is Shampoo," the lavender haired girl, whose name was definitely Shampoo, said sharply. "You have any problem with that? Is good, strong, Amazon name." "Right..." Nabiki said slowly. Before Nabiki could comment more on Shampoo's name, Soun leapt to his feet and cried out, "I'm so glad to see you son!" Soun was about to embrace Ranma when suddenly Shampoo was standing in front of the redhead holding a pair of spherical weapons as she glared at Soun. "No touching, Airen," said Shampoo fiercely. "I not like man what try get free gropes off womens. Is bad." "Free gropes?" Soun repeated dimly. "What in the world are you talking about?" "Daddy," pronounced Nabiki in slight exasperation. "I don't suppose you've noticed that those are both girls." "Oh my," Kasumi said quietly. "I suppose that means the engagement is off. We certainly can't marry a girl, can we now? What a shame," she commented with a soft smile. "Engagement?" Ranma asked. "What do you mean?" "It's nothing you need to worry about," Nabiki said in droll tones. "Since it obviously won't be happening now." At this reply, Ranma and Shampoo appeared more confused and they looked to each other for support. In the meanwhile, Kasumi rose to her feet to exit the sitting room only to be stopped by the panda who was holding up various signs for her to read. Akane watched this for a moment before she looked back to the two girls along with her father who was collapsed on the floor crying. Upon seeing the girls confused expressions all the anger that Akane had melted away. Actually, most of it had already left when she heard the redhead call herself Ranma. Obviously her father had made some sort of mistake. His friend's child was a girl, not a boy, and that meant their so called engagement was now called off. And that meant she didn't have to deal with boys. Which of course meant that now Akane was back to being happy. A state of being that few people saw her in these days being as how she was usually only happy around girls. Why was that? Well the girls never chased her like the boys did and they treated her like a person and not an object. Therefore, Akane liked girls. This was good news for their two visitors. "Dad," Akane chided. "Stop that. It really isn't that big a deal. So what if she's a girl? We still should be treat her with the same hospitality. Isn't that right?" "But all our plans!" Soun wailed helplessly. Noticing the odd expressions the two girls were forming at her father's antics, Akane said, "You two know any martial arts? We have a dojo in the back. I could show you around if you both like." "Yeah," said Ranma quickly. "We'd like that a lot." She shot her companion a pleading look and said, "Wouldn't we, Shampoo?" "Is so," said Shampoo with a nod of agreement. "Great!" Akane beamed before she led them out of the sitting room and towards the dojo. Observing their exit with careful eyes, Nabiki wondered about their new guests. But her wondering only got so far before it was stopped by the incessant sound that was her father's nonstop crying. "Honestly, Daddy," said Nabiki with a sigh. "It's just a silly old engagement. Why are you getting so upset?" For a response, Soun merely wailed again. --- "So you're an Amazon?" asked Akane hesitantly as she tried to figure out a way to strike up a conversation with their odd visitors. Both of the girls seemed nice enough but Akane had never seen anything like them before. Especially their clothes! They were so exotic, like in the kung fu movies and Akane was feeling just a bit overwhelmed by their presence as she led them to the dojo. "Is so," said Shampoo with a nod. "I am Chinese Amazon from mountain village of Joketsuzoku." "Wow," Akane said in slight wonder. "And you met Ranma while she was traveling in China then?" Shampoo blinked then asked, "How you know?" "Just a lucky guess," said Akane as she smiled. "My Dad told me that Ranma and her father just spent some time traveling in China and when you said where you were from..." "Two and two makes four," Ranma supplied with a chuckle. "It's simple logic, Shampoo. Or something like that." "Exactly," Akane returned Ranma's smile. Watching this exchange, Shampoo scowled a bit before she gained a gleam in her scarlet eyes and looking to Ranma she said, "Airen want to spar with girl? It be good way to work out kinks of long day of walking, yes?" "Spar?" asked Akane as she formed an eager expression. "That sounds like fun." She looked to Shampoo then added, "And my name is Akane. Tendo Akane." Shampoo shrugged before she said, "Spar with Tendo Akane then." Turning to Ranma she gave a feline expression that caused the redhead to shiver. "What you say, Airen?" "Uh... I dunno, I'm sorta tired," Ranma said lamely. "Oh, come on," Akane wheedled. "It'll be fun." At this Ranma looked haplessly to Shampoo who merely smiled and asked, "Afraid to fight other girls, Airen?" Giving Shampoo an almost dark look, Ranma muttered, "Fine." She then looked to Akane and offered a weak smile. "I'd love to spar with you." "Great!" exclaimed Akane cheerfully. She turned around and walked to the center of the dojo as she said, "I bet that sparring with you will be a lot of fun, Ranma." "Yeah," Ranma echoed nervously. "A lot of fun." --- Nabiki was confused. She couldn't figure out for the life of her just who the fat man wearing a turban of sorts on his head was. The man was in the sitting room with her father having some kind of quiet conference that seemed utterly solemn. Wandering into the kitchen, Nabiki found Kasumi cleaning and rearranging knick knacks as she always did. "Hey Kasumi," she began. "Who's that man with Daddy?" "I'm not sure," said Kasumi cheerfully as she looked to Nabiki and smiled. "But he used to be a panda." "A panda?" Nabiki repeated dimly. She formed a nervous smile and slowly backed out of the kitchen. "Right. Whatever you say, Kasumi..." "Tell father and panda-san I'll have their sake ready soon, won't you Nabiki?" asked Kasumi pleasantly before she returned to her work. Still backing out of the kitchen, Nabiki murmured to herself, "It's official. Oneechan has finally lost her marbles." Turning around, Nabiki came face to face with Ranma whose face was slightly tinged with sweat and behind her was Shampoo and a smiling Akane. Seeing them all in the hallway left Nabiki more than a little bit surprised. "Akane?" asked Nabiki. "What have you been doing?" "Sparring with Ranma," Akane supplied happily as she wiped her forehead with her sleeve. "And then watching Ranma spar with Shampoo. They're both very good." "Really? Well, you all very smell," said Nabiki drolly while she walked past. "Why don't you all take a bath?" "A bath?" Ranma repeated anxiously. "That sounds like a good idea, Oneechan!" said Akane brightly. She smiled and looked to Ranma. "What do you say? Want to go get cleaned up now?" Giving a rather anxious laugh, Ranma rubbed the back of her head and said, "I dunno... you see... uhmm..." Looking to Shampoo in desperation she mouthed the word 'help'. "Airen is very shy girl," said Shampoo who was wearing an amused smile. "She not used bathe with other girls. Is too timid and meek for such things. Right, Airen?" "Right," Ranma said through gritted teeth as she shot Shampoo a dark look which the Amazon smirked at. "Oh," said Akane as she blinked in confusion. "Well, okay. If you're that shy about it then you can just take a bath when I'm finished." She offered another smile before turning around to bound up the stairs and towards the furo. As soon as Akane left, Ranma whirled around to glare at Shampoo. "Thanks a lot Shampoo," she grumbled. "What?" asked Shampoo innocently. "Airen not want bathe with Shampoo, she think maybe bathe with Akane?" "Shampoo," growled Ranma. "Y'know what would happen if I did that. We haven't even explained things yet." "What need explain?" Shampoo said. "Not even know what we is doing here." She paused to blink before she turned back to Ranma and asked, "What is we doing here?" At this question, Ranma formed a hapless expression before she gave a half hearted shrug and said, "Don't ask me." --- "So that's the story," said Soun solemnly. "You certainly have had a hard time of it, Saotome." "Yes," said Genma, who was the fat man that Nabiki described earlier. Although he thought he had a handkerchief and not a turban on his head. "But what about the Amazon?" asked Soun. "Shampoo," Genma supplied with a sigh. "She's an entirely different story my friend." He paused and formed a grave expression before he said, "Do you recall the village of Joketsuzoku and the Amazons that live there?" For a response, Soun merely paled. Nodding sagely at this, Genma said, "Exactly." --- It had been a long journey. Traveling from China to Japan hadn't been easy. Especially when it involved being stuffed into a pet carrier. Oh, the humiliation. Oh, the horror. Oh, the way the pet carrier smelled of nasty things. And those toys! How moronic were they?! Didn't people know it was more fun to play with discarded pieces of paper than it was to play with a jingle sounding bell? Anyway, it had been a long journey. But it was finally over. He had finally found his way to his beloved and now he would rescue her from her captors. Saotome, your day of reckoning is near. A low disturbing yowl filled the air and on hearing it several citizens of Nerima who were passing by vowed to never come near the Tendo dojo ever again. --- "All finished!" said Akane with a bright smile as she passed Ranma in the hallway who was averting her eyes. "Thanks," Ranma said quietly who ignored the sound of Shampoo's snickering and walked into the now empty furo. Closing the door to the furo, Ranma let loose a sigh as she crossed to the bath and began running the water. As she slowly undressed, she said, "Stupid Shampoo. Laughing it up just because I don't wanna girl to see me naked. What sorta thing is that for her to laugh about, anyway?" Taking a step towards the half filled bath Ranma said, "Amazons with all their crazy rules. I dunno if I--" Ranma couldn't say anything more on the matter because suddenly the wall to the furo crashed in and an all too familiar sound met her ears. "N-N-No!" Ranma stammered as she backed away from the slowly nearing form. "We left you behind in China! The old woman said she'd take care of you! She promised!" The dust finally cleared to reveal the form of a small white tabby cat with green eyes who looked utterly adorable. Upon seeing it, Ranma let loose a horrified scream. The tabby cat released a low hiss before it gave a sudden leap to attach itself onto Ranma's face. Immediately, the pigtailed girl started screaming even more as she attempted to pull the cat off of her and in this attempt she fell backwards into the bath that was now filled with hot water. The tabby cat's green eyes widened as the hot water engulfed them both and but before it did the cat managed to let loose one last disturbing yowl that terrified Ranma to her very soul. This, of course, caused her to pass out. --- Akane blinked on hearing the sound of a very loud crash. Standing up, she pushed her bra strap into place and said, "What in the world was that?" Before Akane could say or think anything else, or even get herself fully dressed for one thing, the door to her room went flying open and two naked boys went barreling past her. The one leading the way was handsome with dark black hair pulled back in a pigtail. And the second? Well, he was also handsome but with long black hair. The thing that caught Akane's attention though, besides the fact that there were two naked boys in her room, was the fact that the second boy was throwing chains with large cannonballs attached to them at the first boy who was dodging them. The naked boys continued with their frenzied battle as the first boy leapt out of, or more precisely he crashed out of, Akane's window and leapt to the ground below. The second boy followed suit and soon Akane was left alone. It took a minute for everything to sink in. The two naked boys. The battle in her room that left it devastated and the fact that the naked boys had just crashed out of her window. But when it finally came together Akane did the one thing that she had always been known for doing. She screamed. She screamed very, very, loudly. She screamed loudly and in outrage. And can anyone really blame her? --- Shampoo was still laughing, inwardly and to herself, about Ranma's problem with nudity and telling people about his affliction when she saw him land in front of her in the yard. Now it wasn't Ranma landing in front of her that caught Shampoo's attention. No, it was more the fact that Ranma was now a boy and he was completely naked. Naked, naked, naked. It was a state that Shampoo didn't get to see Ranma in all that often and she decided that she was going to enjoy the occasion. After all, it was the first time that she'd seen her Airen like this without having to sneak a look for herself. Shampoo was still enjoying the view of Ranma's rather abundant assets when a second figure came bounding down to land next to him. This figure Shampoo wasn't so happy to see whether he was naked or not. Rising to her feet, Shampoo produced her bonbori and shouted, "Mousse! What you doing here?!" Whirling around to face a tree, Mousse said, "I have come for you Shampoo! To free you from your awful bonds of servitude to this wretch, Saotome!" "Mousse," hissed Shampoo as her eyes narrowed. "You is stupid! Shampoo is engaged to Ranma! He is Airen!" "He doesn't deserve you! He won't even make your marriage legal through consummation," Mousse argued his point to the large tree in the yard with wildly gesturing hands. "Aw, enough of this," Ranma muttered sourly before he crossed over to Mousse and lifted his leg to give the boy a strong kick that launched him into the stratosphere. Watching Mousse sail away he said, "Good riddance and don't come back you crazy flea covered menace." He turned back to Shampoo and gave an arrogant smirk. "I showed him, huh?" "Airen?" Shampoo asked with a playful smile. "What is it, Shampoo?" asked Ranma. "You is naked," supplied Shampoo as her smile grew wider on seeing Ranma yelp and hastily cover himself with his hands. "Honestly boy, yelping like that just isn't manly." They both turned to see the forgotten figures of Soun and Genma nearing them. Soun was wide eyed as he looked at Ranma and said, "It is true then... you do have a son!" "Of course I do, Tendo," said Genma proudly. "And now our promise can finally be fulfilled." "Promise?" echoed Shampoo. "What promise?" "Forget about that!" Ranma shouted. "Would someone please get me some clothes?!" "Why the promise to join the Anything Goes schools of course," Genma said as he looked to Shampoo. "How is doing that?" Shampoo asked suspiciously. "I want some clothes!" screamed Ranma. "It's simple," said Genma as he smiled. "Ranma is going to marry one of Tendo's daughters." "What you saying?" Shampoo hissed in dangerous tones as her eyes narrowed. "C'mon! I'm getting cold here!" Ranma pleaded. "Don't get upset," Genma said easily. "You can still marry Ranma. He'll just have two wives, that's all." "What you saying?" Shampoo repeated as a large battle aura began to form around her. "I'm gonna get pneumonia!" whined Ranma. Before Ranma could say anything more on his current naked state, a loud slam sounded and the form of Akane who was breathing heavily appeared. She took one look at Ranma and let loose a monstrous scream before she went barreling forward to pick up the sitting room table then throw it at him. In shock at Akane's entrance and her appearance, Ranma didn't dodge the strange attack and the table hit him square in the face causing him to fall back into the koi pond. Seconds later, Ranma emerged as a red haired pigtailed girl sputtering water as she said, "What'd you do that for, huh? I didn't do nothin' to you!" "Pervert!" Akane yelled. "You broke into my room with your sick friend completely naked while I was getting dressed! You're a pervert, that's what!" Akane paused in her rant to take in the fact that the pervert boy who had broken into her room was now the girl she'd sparred with earlier. A girl that Akane actually liked and was starting to consider a new friend. "What's going on?" asked Akane blankly. "That's what I want to know," Nabiki said as she came into the room. "What's with all the shouting Akane? And why exactly is Ranma naked and in the koi pond?" "I think that this should help to explain it." Everyone turned to see that Kasumi was standing in the doorway to the sitting room wearing a pleasant smile as she held up a steaming teakettle. She then looked to Genma and said smoothly, "Isn't that right, panda-san?" "Yes," said Genma with a slight cough. "That's right." --- Minutes later, they were gathered in the sitting room around where the table should be but it was still floating in the koi pond thanks to Akane who was staring at a now dressed female Ranma. She didn't know exactly what was going on but she figured it had to do with their three new house guests. "It's such a long story," said Genma gravely. "But I think the best way to explain it would be this." Genma reached for the nearby teakettle and abruptly upended it over Ranma's head. The reaction was instant and Ranma turned from a cute red haired pigtailed girl into a cute black haired pigtailed guy. Seeing this change, Akane grimaced. Nabiki in the meantime said, "Neat trick. Care to explain exactly how that happened though?" "You see," began Genma gravely. "It all started when Ranma and I crossed over to China for a training journey. I had wisely chosen to go to the training grounds of Jusenkyo to improve the boy's skill in the art but he--" Genma was abruptly cut off by Shampoo's bonbori hitting him on the top of the head and Ranma's foot kicking him hard in the side. As Genma went toppling over, Ranma muttered, "Stupid old man. You ain't never done anything wise in your entire life." "So what happened then?" asked Kasumi kindly. "Well, it went like this," said Ranma as he scratched his cheek. "Pop's bought booklets about famous training grounds all over the world at this yard sale, right? And he got this one from China that talked about the legendary training ground of Jusenkyo. Problem is Pop can't read Chinese." "You're kidding," said Nabiki dryly. "I wish," Ranma shook his head. "Anyways, Pop decides to drag me to China and spar at Jusenkyo on top of these bamboo poles they got there, right? I beat him easy, like I always do, and he lands in one of the springs that are underneath these high bamboo poles. The suddenly this panda jumps out of the spring and starts attacking. I sorta freaked out, y'know? Because first there was my Pop and then there was this panda. So while I was distracted the old man decides to knock me into a spring too. Except the spring that I fell in changed me into a girl and not a panda." "Panda-san," said Kasumi in scolding tones. "That wasn't very honorable of you at all." "Nah, but it's typical him," Ranma snorted while Genma actually looked chastised at Kasumi's words. "And after that, the Guide took us to Shampoo's village." "And Shampoo meet Airen!" said Shampoo happily as she clung to Ranma's arm tightly. Her eyes narrowed and she gave Genma a nasty look then said, "And I not share him." As Genma gave a nervous laugh, Kasumi looked to Shampoo and asked, "May I ask why you keep calling Ranma your Airen? Are you two really engaged then?" "Engaged?" Akane and Nabiki asked in surprise. "Oh my," said Kasumi as she looked to her younger sisters. "Didn't you know? The word Airen is usually used for someone you're engaged or married to in Mandarin." Mimicking Genma's laugh, Ranma rubbed the back of his head and said, "Yeah... I sorta defeated Shampoo when we were in her village and well..." "Defeated?" Shampoo sniffed. She looked to the Tendos and said, "I telling whole story. Airen Ranma come into village with Guide and stupid panda father during annual fighting tournament. Shampoo had just fought final battle and was about to be declared winner when she saw Ranma and stupid panda father eating all food gathered as first prize. I very upset at seeing this, because villagers work hard to find all delicious foods for many weeks. Was great dishonor to both me and entire tribe for this to be happening." "We didn't know!" Ranma protested lamely. Smiling at this, Shampoo continued, "So I challenge Ranma to fight. We fight and I being foolish, underestimated my opponent, and Ranma win fight. When outsider defeat an Amazon in battle we having two choices. Give kiss of death or kiss of life. If give kiss of death, Amazon hunt outsider down and kill them. If give kiss of life, Amazon engaged to marry strong outsider." "I got the kiss of life," said Ranma sheepishly. "Is so," Shampoo beamed as she clung to Ranma once more. "I not wanting to kill such a cute and strong girl." "So you're already engaged," said Nabiki slowly. She turned to Soun and smirked before she said, "That's too bad for you, Daddy. It looks like the deal is off." "Deal?" Ranma asked. "What deal?" Scowling deeply, Shampoo said, "Am thinking that Airen's stupid panda father promise something dumb again." "Pop," said Ranma in slow dangerous tones. "Is what Shampoo saying true? What did you promise now?" "I didn't do anything!" Genma replied in offense. "This promise is something of honor, boy. You have to uphold it!" "Right," Ranma said skeptically. "So what is it?" "Marriage," said Genma sternly as he folded his arms across his chest. "You will marry one of Tendo's daughters." There was a slight pause as Shampoo bashed Genma on the head with her bonbori while Ranma kicked him in the side again. "What did you say?" Ranma growled. "I said you're going to marry one of them!" said Genma as he pushed Ranma and Shampoo off of him. "It's a promise that Tendo and I made many years ago so we could unite the two Anything Goes schools of martial arts." His eyes gained a strange gleam as he said, "It's a promise that you will keep." "Forget it!" Ranma said fiercely. "I ain't marrying no one and I ain't just going to dump Shampoo. She's my friend." "Now, now, son," said Soun in soothing tones as he finally entered the conversation. "No one said anything about dumping Shampoo. We don't want that at all." "You don't?" said Ranma and Shampoo in disbelief. "Of course not," Soun said with a smile. "Your father and I know something about Amazon culture and because of that we know it's perfectly legal for you to have two wives in their society. That means you can marry both Shampoo and one of my little girls, then everyone will be happy!" There was a long pause before Nabiki shook her head and said lowly, "That's our Daddy. A brilliant strategist." Soun nodded happily at this as he slung an arm around a shocked Ranma's shoulder. "Just pick anyone that you like. There's Kasumi, my oldest, she's nineteen. Then there is Nabiki, my middle child, she's seventeen. And you know Akane, my youngest, who is sixteen like you." "Father," said Kasumi. "This isn't right. Ranma is already engaged to Shampoo. Should we really interfere with his promise to marry her?" "Certainly," said Soun strongly. "Saotome and I made our promise to unite our two schools long before Ranma ever met Shampoo. That means this duty comes first." Looking to Ranma who was frozen he said, "Which one will it be?" While Ranma remained frozen and staring off into space, Nabiki rolled her eyes and said, "Count me out. I don't like sharing a crowded bed at night." "Well, that leaves Kasumi and Akane," said Soun with a smile. "What do you say, Ranma?" Ranma still remained frozen while Kasumi sighed and rose to her feet. "I want nothing at all to do with this father," she murmured. "And I also think that panda-san should talk to the Amazon Elders before you both go through with all of this." "So that leaves Akane!" Soun proclaimed as he slapped Ranma hard on the back. "Good choice son!" "What?!" Akane shouted. "What do you mean that leaves me? I don't want to be engaged to a pervert like him!" "Pervert?" said Ranma as he finally snapped out of his stupor. "Who're you calling a pervert?!" "I'm calling you a pervert!" retorted Akane. "You broke into my room naked with your sicko friend!" "Mousse isn't my friend, he was trying to kill me!" Ranma shouted while his face grew red. "And why would I wanna break in on you? If I really wanna see a naked girl I can just look at myself in the mirror." Ranma paused to study Akane before she smirked and said, "And I'm better built to boot." Twitching in anger, Akane produced a large mallet from out of nowhere and bashed Ranma over the head with it. The entire group stared at Ranma's crumpled form for a moment before Genma said wisely, "Now he deserved that." "What you doing?" Shampoo asked as she neared Akane. "Not be attacking Shampoo's Airen. You not want marry, that is your stupid mistake, but no attack Ranma." "A mistake? Marrying a pervert like him?" Akane scoffed. "Obviously you Amazons have a few screws loose." "Why you," Shampoo began as she started to walk near Akane and produced her bonbori. She was stopped as Ranma grabbed her ankle. Looking down at him she asked, "Airen? What is matter? She hit you harder than I think?" "No," groaned Ranma. "I'm fine. But don't fight with her Shampoo. Y'know that you'd just hurt her. She ain't up to speed with us, even if she is a violent maniac." "What did you just say?" Akane growled. For the fourth time that day, a loud crash sounded at the Tendo dojo and hearing it caused all of their neighbors to worry about just what was going on in there. ------------------------------------------------ Author's note: Yes, I'm nuts. I have just started another Ranma alternate reality series. I'm not really sure if I'm going to be able to write this series a regular pace but I have decided that I will be continuing it. Anyway, I hoped you liked it and laughed. Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 "If anger comes so easily and is used to give identity. A feeling without quality then that makes anger cheap." -Die Cheerleader-
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